I kiss him with everything I have in me. At that moment, I stop looking at myself as broken. I’m strong, and I made it through losing the person who understood me on every level.
“Are you going to let me hear my song?” I ask. He smiles and turns the iPod on.
A piano opens up, and it is a sweet, gentle sound. Then an electric guitar vibrates and adds a sound quite contradicting to the piano. Jagger begins to sing, and the drums pick up pace after the first stanza. When the bass enters, the piano is almost drowned out. It’s a ballad with dark undertones, and it conveys a man who struggles with a longing in his heart so deep, it consumes him. It also offers insight into a man’s heart, a heart that beats for the chance to love one woman.
You are standing there all alone
And they are screaming your name
But, they don’t know the girl from home
They only know the fame.
The first time I saw you, your eyes shined so bright
I never wanted to look away
I watched you grow and rise
Wonder if you know I wait.
I wonder if you know
You own the heart in my chest
I wonder if you know
I was yours from the time we met.
I wonder what you would do
If I kissed your lips.
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I wanted more than this friendship.
They only know the fame,
But I know it’s not the same.
Your heart beats for the song,
I hope it beats for me erelong.
I want to give you the world,
And protect you from it too.
Let me love you for everything I’m worth.
We can live the dream, just us two.
I wonder if you know
You own the heart in my chest
I wonder if you know
I was yours from the time we met.
I wonder what you would do
If I kissed your lips.
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I wanted more than this friendship.
One day I’ll tell how I feel
I will lay my heart out for you to see.
You will see my love is real.
I need you to set me free.
Free my heart from this longing.
Kiss my lips, so I can finally breathe.
Let me hold your heart, I will so carefully.
All I need is for you to love me.
I wonder if you know
You own the heart in my chest
I wonder if you know
I was yours from the time we met.
I wonder what you would do
If I kissed your lips.
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I wanted more than this friendship.
Tears run down my face as I listen to him pour his heart out, and Jagger wipes them away.
“I love you. You have my heart, Jagger. You always have.” He climbs on top of me and shows me how much he loves me.
***
Broken Access plays Little Rock, and then St. Louis. When we arrive in St. Louis, fans are outside the hotel. Sweet Baby Jesus, there are so many of them. Randy calls security, but there are only so many staff members that can get us in. The bus parks as close to the hotel door as physically possible, and we quickly tear through the crowd. I almost made it to the door when someone grabs me by my hair. The guys don’t notice right away since their security is between most of us.
A girl launches into a scream, “He’s mine you stupid bitch. You can’t have him. Jagger loves me! You wait and see. Once he lays eyes on me, you will be old news.”
She tugs and tugs, but I can’t turn around to get my hands on her. The guys rush back out of the lobby, and the crowd erupts in screams, pushing and pushing. The girl who has me by the hair must have been pushed because she throws her body into mine, and her weight causes me to fall. She lands on top of me, and when she realizes it is me beneath her, she rears back to throw a punch. Security grabs her fist before she can connect, though, and hauls the crazy bitch off me.
I can hear Koi and Jagger screaming for me, and once security helps me up, they wave the guys over. Jagger rushes to me, scoops me up, and runs into the lobby with me. He places me in a chair and begins to frantically look me over.
“I’m fine. Just tell me she didn’t actually pull my hair out because it hurts like a bitch.”
Koi checks my hair, “No, baby girl, it’s all there. But your scalp is bright red.”
“Go get a medic,” Kip orders to someone I can’t see.
“It’s fine,” I say. I’m just a little beat up.
“Henley, you aren’t fine,” Jagger says, and he looks at me as though I’ve been shot.
The guys are giving each other worried looks. I look back and forth between them and decide to show them how fine I really am. They really are being overdramatic. I stand, but the room spins. I try to sit back down, but everything goes dark.
***
I heard a beeping sound, and the damn thing is screaming. What the hell is that noise, and would somebody shut it the fuck up? I can hear people shouting, and the urgency in their voices is clear. Jagger is shouting my name. I wish he would stop. My head is killing me. Koi is screaming at someone, but I can’t make it out. It all goes black again. Along with the black comes quiet.
The next thing I hear is a man yelling. He is asking for someone to pass him something. I open my eyes, but all I can see is a blurry white light. I hear voices that I don’t recognize shouting my name. Jagger starts shouting my name, and a woman yells at him to get back. Jagger? Where are you? Blackness comes again.
I can hear people whispering. Thank fuck they stopped shouting. I can’t make out who it is or what they are saying. I pry my eyes open and can’t register the surrounding things. My vision is blurry.
“Welcome back, Ms. Hendrix. You gave us quite a scare,” a chipper female voice says.
“I can’t see well.”
“That’s normal sweetheart. You took a pretty nasty hit to the back of your head, and a small bruise formed on your brain. It’s called a cerebral contusion. It’s not causing a great deal of swelling, but you will need to be monitored closely until the bruise subsides.”
“How long have I been out?” I ask.
“You have been in and out of consciousness for about eight hours,” she says.
“Is that bad?” I ask.
“It’s pretty normal with the impact you took. I’m Mary, your nurse. I’m going to let the doctor know you are awake. Do you need anything?” she asks.
“Is there a group of men here anywhere? They may have come in with me.”
“You mean those tattooed, mouth-watering rock stars who we forced to go find food about twenty minutes ago?” she giggles.
“That would be my boys.”
“Henley, they haven’t left your side until I set Nurse Sally on them. She is about sixty, and she pulled Kip out by his ear for some inappropriate language. She threatened to take him over her knee.”
I laugh the smallest laugh I can muster, “Please tell me someone captured that on video.
Mary leaves me, and a doctor returns with her shortly.
“Ms. Hendrix, I’m Doctor Vaughn. It’s good to see your eyes open.”
He performs a few tests with lights in my eyes and asks me to push and pull with my limbs.
“You have a small bruise on the back of your brain. We need to watch the swelling on your brain since that can cause all sorts of life-threatening issues. I would like to keep you for at least a couple of days for observation.”
“I understand.”
“Are you in any pain?”
“My head is pounding,” I confess.
“That is pretty par for the course with a head injury. I’m going to write an order
for pain meds, and you let the nurse know if they aren’t working. I want to keep you as comfortable as possible,” he says.
Shortly after the doctor exits, Jagger, Kip, Cam, and Koi enter my room. Their eyes are full of concern.
“I’m all right,” I assure them.
They surround my bed, and my assurance did nothing to alleviate the concern in their eyes.
“How are you feeling?” Jagger asks.
“My head hurts, and my vision is blurry, but I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would. What I want to know is how is Kip’s ear feeling?”
The group chuckles and recounts the entire incident with vivid detail. Mary returns with pain medication and gives me something for my headache. She asks my friends to let me rest, and they all settle in on the couch and chairs in my room. Jagger remains by my side and holds my hand.
It isn’t long before Koi and my friends are lightly snoring. Jagger is holding my hand, and I look down at him when he rubs his facial scruff on top of my hand.
“I was so scared, Hen. You were talking and not making any sense. Your eyes were unfocused, and breathing was crazy. When you passed out and didn’t wake up for so long, I was terrified. I’m so sorry I let them hurt you baby.”
“Jag, it wasn’t your fault. I know as well as anyone how crazy fans can get. The security team pushed us apart by accident, and I got lost in the crowd. I’m going to be fine, love.”
He lightly brushes his lips against mine, smoothes my hair down, and watches my eyes get a little heavier by the second.
He laughs. “Your eyes are the size of a pinhole right now, and you have this glazy look in your eyes. You must feel pretty damn good.”
“Mmm,” is all I can muster before I can no longer fight impending sleep.
When I wake several hours later, my head is throbbing, and my boys are all fast asleep sporadically around the room. My vision is a bit better, but I still can’t see one hundred percent. I fumble for a button on the rail of my bed, just hoping a call button is somewhere on the damn thing. Jagger shifts beside me and notices I’m awake.
“What do you need baby?”
“My head hurts really bad. I need medicine. Please, find my nurse.” I feel the tears in my eyes about to spill over. The pain is dreadful.
Jagger must’ve found a call button because a voice comes over an intercom, and he informs the voice that I’m awake and in a great deal of pain. After the call, he crawls onto my bed and envelopes me in his arms. He runs his hand through my hair and kisses my forehead. He doesn’t know how else to help me so he showers me with affection and love. The nurse looks disapprovingly at Jagger when she enters the room until she sees the tears in my eyes, and she smiles a sympathetic smile. She inserts a syringe into my IV line, and within moments, I feel the numbness wash over me.
When I wake again, my parents are sitting beside my bed, and I see instant relief when my eyes open. I’m told throughout the day that touring is not an option for the next thirty days. I will need to consult with a local Georgia doctor as soon as I arrive home so that he may keep an eye on the bruise and swelling. I’m also ordered to stay with my parents or someone who can observe me for the first week. As long as my brain continues to show no swelling, I will be released tomorrow and board the first flight back to Atlanta.
Broken Access must board the bus tonight in order to reach their next show by tomorrow. Koi and Jagger attempt to cancel a few shows and follow me home, but I won’t have it. I’m hugging each of them goodbye, and Jagger pouts as they each exit the room to give us a few moments alone.
“It doesn’t feel right to leave you and tour,” he says.
“I would feel the same way if it was you, but you would also tell me to go. Cancelled shows mean angry fans, and potential lawsuits from the venues. I will stay home for a month and then meet up with you on the road. We will talk every day. We can text, Facetime, email, and talk on the phone. I will be fine, love.”
He crawls into the bed with me, scoops me into his big arms, and holds me tightly.
“I just got you back, baby.”
“And you still have me Jagger. The doctor just wants me to be close to a hospital at all times, and I can’t do that on tour,” I run my fingers through his short hair in an attempt to comfort him.
He pulls back and kisses me softly on my lips, and then on my cheek.
“I love you. Promise me you will get better fast,” he says.
“I love you too, and I will heal quickly and be back before you know it.”
He kisses me softly again and manages to force himself to exit the room.
I sleep most of the evening and wake to a text at midnight.
Jagger: I miss you already. The bus is boring without you, and the guys are all depressed too. I love you.
Me: I love you too baby. Tell the boys I will be back soon. Enjoy the music, and it will fly by before you know it.
Chapter 17
Rhys is waiting for me at my parent’s home when I arrive.
“I’m going to be the hottest nurse you have ever had!” he says.
“You as a nurse, frankly, scares me,” I say.
“Fo’ sho.”
Rhys stays with me almost every day during my recovery. He takes me out to eat several times a week for lunch. We often hit the Rookery in downtown Macon, which is one of our favorite places to eat. Anyone who lives in Macon, Georgia, has a favorite Rookery burger. My personal favorite is the Johnny Jenkins burger. It’s smeared with pimento cheese and topped with bread and butter pickles. It’s served with battered fries that are to die for. We also often eat at Roasted or Ingleside Village Pizza when we visit Redemption Ink Tattoo Parlour, also in downtown Macon. Chris, Stephanie, and Trey have the most amazing courtyard behind their shop. We often shoot the shit while lounging under the Christmas lights.
After a few weeks home, I decide it is finally time to get another tattoo. This one will be for Caleb. For many years, I have thought about the perfect tattoo to remember him with. I finally decide on a Pikorua. It is a fern found in New Zealand and has a twist that entangles itself so tightly, there is no way to decipher a beginning or an end in the twist. It symbolizes friendship and two interwoven lives, much like mine and Caleb’s lives. Chris draws the Pikorua and lays it on my rib cage under my heart. I decide to include the last part of Jagger’s Hands Down song under the Pikorua so that it runs the length of my right side and stomach.
I will wipe your tears away.
We still keep our hands down.
I wish you could've stayed.
Your music is the only sound.
I miss you every day.
You were so full of life.
I will never forget that day in May.
Friend, I will see you on the other side.
Chris does not hide the fact that he does not care to tattoo all those words on me. “Why don’t you just carry a damn book around with you?”
“Because it has to go with the tattoo.”
“Why don’t we just tattoo the entire fucking Library of Congress down your side?” he asks.
“Aren’t you a ray of sunshine on this lovely day?”
“Aren’t you an overachiever?” he retorts. “Why don’t I write it out really pretty for you on a piece of paper, then you can just tape it to your side when you really want it there?”
I sigh at Chris. Fucking artists. “Because I would like it to permanently be on my body, hence my body sitting in your chair in your tattoo shop.”
I catch a slight hint of a smile as he turns his head to dip the needle into ink. He runs the ink through and then presses the needle into my skin. The first few moments of a tattoo are always the worst. After a while, the incessant burn becomes more of an aggravation than pain. As he scripts the words closer to my stomach, and away from my ribs, I regret the long ass verse for a little while. Fuck that really hurts! Stephanie shows up to work and sits to talk with me. It takes my mind off the needle
a little, and I watch Rhys watch her. I think my boy has it bad. Stephanie hasn’t made much eye contact or engaged in much conversation with him, and I know her all too well to know her end game. She is playing coy because she is normally a social butterfly. I quickly wonder if these two have done the nasty.
After my tattoo is done, Rhys takes a picture and sends it to our friends. I purposely leave my wallet in Stephanie’s station out of sight, so Rhys will have to retrieve it for me later. I know, I know, I’m playing matchmaker, but I’m curious how long it will take Rhys to return. I will wait until close to the end of Stephanie’s shift to discover I left it.
I have been home a little over three weeks and am seriously itching to go on tour. I want to stop by my Grandfather’s foundation to work with some kids before I leave again. Kathrine does amazing things here, and I’ve made a point to spend more time with the children she supports.
The after school kids greet me as soon as I walk in. Kathrine waves from across the room, and I settle right into playing with the kids. I show them some chords on one of my acoustic guitars, and we practice those for over an hour. Kathrine’s phone rings, and her smile drops when she answers the phone, which makes me worry. I hope things are alright with her and Cam. She and my grandfather have recently worked on her schedule. So she works seven days one week and then takes the next seven off. Red knows what the lifestyle is like and is so supportive of their relationship. She pulls so many hours in a week. My grandfather has asked her to take more time for herself for the last two years, and I think he is happy to see her finally doing just that. She flies out to see Cam often, and they are doing so well.
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 17
