I finish up with the kids a couple of hours later, and as the parents are picking them up, I make my way to Kathrine’s office to use her restroom. I take care of business, wash my hands, and when I emerge, I’m hit in the face with the rotating news on her home page. I think have an out-of-body experience because this can’t be real. I don’t know what to do or say. In big bold print the headline reads: JAGGER CARLYLE CAUGHT RED-HANDED LAST NIGHT WITH STRIPPER IN SEATTLE.
This can’t be happening. Jagger wouldn’t do that to me. Is the distance too much? It’s only been a month, but we talk all day long. We text, Skype, email, and phone. He is constantly letting me know he is thinking of me. I finally got brave enough to click on the headline. The article stated he was at Toy Box, a gentleman’s club, after his show last night in Seattle. Patrons of the club state he spent all evening with one girl. She is either at his table, on his lap, or in a VIP booth with him. He showers her with attention, alcohol, and money. The pictures embedded in the article clearly show it is indeed Jagger. The tattoos give him away. She is on his lap or her chest is in his face, and it makes me physically ill. He smiles at her the way he does at me. Or is it “did”? The last two pictures open the dam on my tears, and my heart shatters into a million pieces. The first shows Jag leaving the club, and she is on his arm. The second is taken down at eye level, and Jag is climbing into a black BMW. She is in the passenger seat smiling for the camera.
Kathrine walks into the office as I sit staring at the photographs that just tore my world apart.
“No. It’s not what it looks like Hen. Don’t you close down on me!” I hear her, but I can’t respond.
There is no way it can be anything else. It looks just like what it is. It hurts so badly. Kathrine begs me to talk to her, and honestly, I barely hear a word she says.
Her cell phone rings. “Now is not a good time Jagger.”
No, it certainly is not. I wonder if he feels guilty. Has he done this before now? Why? Why does he say the things he does to me when he clearly doesn’t really feel that way at all? Am I some kind of prize for him? Did he finally get his hooks in the Guitar Goddess and get bored? I feel like such a damn fool.
“Because she’s not fucking talking at all! She is not speaking at all Jagger! She shut down! I don’t even know if she can hear half of what I’m saying to her!” she screams at him. “Fine!”
She throws her phone on the table. She looks at me and smiles a sweet smile. She doesn’t even try to talk to me. She picks up her phone she just discarded on the desk and speaks to someone.
“Phone isn’t going to work. You are going to have to come here.” Pause. “No, she is in shock.” Pause. “See you then. Hurry.” She makes a second call. “Can you get your ass down here? I need help. No it isn’t that. Call Samantha on your way over here.”
I grab my car keys and slip out the door while Kathrine is in the restroom. I just need some air. I can’t breathe in here. Once I turn the ignition over, I realize I don’t know where in the hell I’m going, so I drive with no destination in mind. I try to rationalize all the scenarios that can be one thing, but look like another. I can’t come up with anything that makes sense. My heart aches in my chest. A broken heart is a bitch. There isn’t a damn thing you can do to make it better. There are no medications and no therapies. Only time heals the wounds. Hopefully, with enough time, you don’t end up with a bunch of fucked up scars. I don’t think I can ever be okay after this. How am I supposed to trust anyone after this? I have known Jagger most of my life and look what he has done to me. I drive around Macon for about an hour before I realize I left my purse in Kathrine’s office. I need something strong to drink and a carton of cigarettes.
Kathrine’s car is still in the lot when I return, so I let myself in. I immediately see her pacing.
“You are okay,” she says with a big sigh.
I simply nod because I don't trust myself to speak. I might start crying, and once that dam opens, all hell might break loose.
“I would’ve taken you wherever you wanted to go. You didn’t have to be alone,” she says with genuine concern.
I nod again, and she closes the distance between us and wraps me in her arms. I can’t cry though. I won’t let the world watch me fall apart. I hug Kathrine back and wonder if Cam would ever do this to her. Cam is such a kind person. I can’t imagine him hurting a fly, much less sweet Kathrine.
Kathrine talks me into a cup of coffee, and I sit at her desk and try to take my mind off of my broken heart. I’m still sitting at Kathrine’s desk when Stephanie walks through the office door. I look up at her and right back down to the pictures of Jagger on the computer screen. I’m trying to talk myself into believing they had been photo shopped, but I don’t have much luck. I gaze out of the office window, my eyes tired of looking at the screen. The images are burned into my brain by now.
Stephanie hands me a bottle of Crown with the cap already screwed off. “Drink, bitch.”
I follow her orders and turn the bottle up. “Come on, let’s go smoke.”
I follow her and Kathrine outside. The back door leads to a concrete stoop in an alleyway.
I sit down on the stoop and light a cigarette. Stephanie and Kathrine follow suit.
“Jagger wouldn’t do that to you. That man is infatuated with you. Of course most of the male population on earth is, but that man loves the shit out of you,” Stephanie says.
I don’t know what to say to her, the pictures are contradictory to what she says.
The back door opens, and Samantha strides through in all her grace. She has these big beautiful eyes that can look straight through you. She wastes no time.
“I crushed that story a year ago, Hen,” Samantha says.
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“I’m saying it didn't happen last night. It happened over a year ago when they played Seattle.”
“Why is the story coming out now?” I ask.
I’m not entirely sure my brain can stop, turn around, and head in another direction so quickly. I want to believe, and Samantha has never lied to me before, but my heart is still checked in Heartbreak Hotel.
“I don’t know. I know those photos aren’t easy to see. The article isn’t easy to read even if it happened a year ago. I would never lie to you. I do work for the band, but I wouldn’t lie to you about this. The next headline you would’ve seen is: PUBLICIST KILLS JAGGER CARLYLE.”
“It… I don’t know.” Words escape me.
“Look babe, you read the article, you saw the pictures, your heart broke, and you are trying to figure out how to wrap your head around what you thought was the truth. Look at me please.” I meet her eyes.
“Jagger did not cheat on you. When the story broke, Kathrine and I attempted to shelter you from it until Jagger could get here. He and I are going to sit down and explain to you what happened a year ago and show you proof that it was indeed over a year ago. We didn't mean for you to find out this way.”
“Why didn't you tell me over the phone?” I ask.
“If he told you over the phone, you would’ve seen them and not known that I buried it last year. You would have doubted him, and anybody would have in your shoes. Look, you need to call your brother. I think that will make you feel better. He’s been blowing up your phone for two hours,” Samantha says.
“I think I left my phone in the car,” I say.
“I will get it,” Kathrine says.
I sit in an alley in downtown Macon drinking whiskey and trying to figure out what in the hell is going on. Kathrine returns with my phone, and when I click the home screen, I see that I have 56 missed calls, 33 text messages, and 14 voice mails. Samantha, Koi, Jagger, Kip, and Rhys have all called. I scroll through the messages.
Koi:
Henley, please pick up your phone.
I need you to pick up the phone.
Look, I know this looks bad, but it isn’t exactly accurate.
Shit, that
sounded bad. I need you to call me so I can tell you it isn’t true.
Jagger loves you Hen. He didn’t do this to you.
Henley, I’m begging you, please call me back.
At least let me know you are ok.
Jag is coming to MAC. I will be there too if you need me. I love you baby girl.
Samantha:
Please pick up your phone.
This is not what it looks like.
I’m on my way from Atlanta. Everything will be okay.
Kip:
Henley, please call Koi.
If you don’t want to talk to anyone, please call me.
Hen, Jagger is flying to Georgia. Please call me.
Jagger has booked a private flight straight into Macon. Please call us and tell us everything is ok.
Rhys:
You ok?
Jagger called hysterical. I need to know you are ok.
Look, Hen, I’m here if you need me. I called Samantha, and she says she is straightening this shit out. She swore to me Jag didn’t cheat on you.
Jagger:
Baby, I love you. Please call me back.
I know this looks bad Henley, but I did not cheat on you.
Henley, I’m begging you to call me.
I love you. You have to know that. I would never do this to you.
Henley, I’m flying to Georgia if you don’t call me back in the next 15 minutes.
Henley, please.
I’m booking a flight. I will be there as soon as I can. I love you.
If you won’t talk to me, please talk to Koi. I need to know you are okay.
Please call Samantha. She knows what’s going on.
Henley, I love you so much. I can’t bear to live without you. Please don’t leave me.
I’m so worried baby. Please let someone know you are okay.
I’m on my way to the airport. My flight leaves in an hour. I love you Henley.
I’m waiting to board. I just wanted you to know I’m really coming. I will be there soon. I love you so much.
I can’t imagine what you are going through right now. I imagine the heartache you feel is crushing. I don’t know if I could stomach seeing you with another man. It would crush me. I wasn’t at a strip club last night. I didn't cheat on you baby. I’m dying here. I need to hear your voice. I need to hear you are okay. I need to hear you believe me.
The plane is taking off in a few. I will see you in Georgia. I hope Sam has time to get this sorted out. I want to spend what little time I have, showing you how much I love you. I love you so much. I always have. It’s only ever been you.
I call Koi after I read through the text messages. “You okay?” he asks full of worry.
“I don’t know. Samantha just got here and told me this happened over a year ago. She buried the story then.”
“It’s the truth. Jagger was with me all night. We hit the bus right after the show. We were tired as hell. We didn’t even sign autographs last night. The bus pulled out of Seattle at one this morning. That’s only an hour after we came off stage. We played Xbox until six this morning. We lost track of time and went to bed exhausted. Jag and I didn’t wake until five your time. The story broke as soon as we turned on the TV.”
I sigh. My nerves are starting to calm, and my heart is returning to a normal rate.
“Hen, we haven’t been out one night since you were hurt in St. Louis. We usually stay on the bus. We don’t even stay in hotels much anymore.”
“I don’t care if you guys go out,” I say defensively.
“I know you don’t. We just haven’t felt like it. All I’m saying is nobody on this bus has been anywhere to meet any women this entire leg of the tour,” Koi explains.
“Okay. Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry I didn’t answer my phone. I’m at the foundation, and I left the damn thing in my car.”
“S’okay. You and Jag will be fine, Hen. He really does love you. He wasted little time booking a flight when you wouldn’t answer his texts and calls. He cares. Go pick him up from the airport. If this was me, my girl’s face would be the first damn thing I would want to see when I stepped off that plane.”
“Yeah. I will go get him. Thank you Bubba. Love you.”
Samantha and Kathrine wait. “Koi told me everything.”
“Do you want to see the proof?” Samantha asks.
“What proof?”
“I have letters, emails, monetary demands, and the whole attempted black mail thing if you want to see,” she says.
“Nah. I’m good.” I smile.
I hug them both and thank them for sticking by my side. Kathrine offers to drive my car to the airport on the South side of the county since I’ve been drinking, and Stephanie will follow to bring her back to her own car. Kathrine and I don’t talk much. She turns the music up, and I keep drinking. My heart had a scare, and it’s still raw.
Sam says Jag’s flight left Portland over three hours ago. I would have to wait an hour or so for him. I hug them, and they left me to my own devices. I decide to listen to the voice mails. Surprisingly, most of them are from Koi and Samantha. They beg me to call them over and over again.
Jagger left one. “I don’t even know where to begin. Since you won’t answer my texts or calls, I’m assuming you’ve seen the story. I hoped to get Samantha to you before you found out. It wasn’t the way you should’ve found out. The stripper broke the story fourteen months ago. I was with her that night, but I didn’t sleep with her. I told you Hen, I could always find something wrong with them. I wasn’t nearly drunk enough to go through with it that night. I had a hotel limo take her home. She was so angry at me because she felt rejected. I told her that my heart belonged to someone else, so she slapped me in the face and took off in the limo. Two days later, Sam calls and says the girl has pictures of us in the club and then of us leaving together. She wanted money. Sam did what only she can do and buried the story. I spoke to Samantha off and on all afternoon today. She still doesn’t know why the story was dug up after all this time, but she is trying to get to the bottom of it. Anyhow, my plane is about to take off. I’m coming to you Henley. I’m dying right now, not knowing if you are okay, if we are okay…” He sighs and remains silent for a while, only his breath audible. “I don’t know how to live without you. Please don’t leave me. I love you,” he chokes out and hangs up the phone.
Tears stream down my face. I love Jagger. I hate this happened. There is no one to blame, it just happened. It is a price the rich and famous have to pay for being on top of the world. When you sign up for the R&F club, they take a piece of your soul away. It’s almost as if signing on the dotted line makes you a demigod. We are no longer looked at as mortal humans. We are toys, and so people play with our lives.
***
Jagger’s jet finally lands, and my heart kicks into high gear again. My car is parked at the hangar on the private runway. I open the passenger door and walk to the hood to sit. Once the small jet comes to a complete stop, the steps are lowered. I see Jagger take the steps with his shoulders slouching as if he carried the entire world on them at this moment. He looks in my direction, but doesn’t see me. He looks so defeated. I start walking towards him, but he doesn’t see me for a few minutes. I finally call out his name, and he looks up, startled. He has tears in his eyes, so I run to him, jump, and wrap my arms around his neck and legs around his waist. He holds me so tight, and I squeeze back. I begin to cry, and I can hear him sniffle. Today, we both almost lost each other. That isn’t taken lightly, and the fear doesn’t subside with the truth. Today, we are reminded that we are indeed mortal, but we are also toys and people can fuck with our lives whenever they wish, with no regard for our wellbeing.
“I thought I would never see you again,” he says with a raspy voice.
“I thought I would never see you again,” I say back.
“Please don’t ever leave me Henley,” he says.
“Please don’t eve
r hurt me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. You have always been the woman I wanted to fall in love with and marry. I want to live my entire life with you. I would never hurt you,” he says.
***
When we arrive at my house, we hold each other tight. We don’t speak, we just hold each other. We don’t even make love. I’m so afraid to let him go.
When I wake this morning, he is leaning up on one arm, watching me.
“What?” I groan.
“You are not a morning person.”
“You just now getting that?” I ask.
“I think it’s cute.”
“Cute?”
“Yup. I have missed you so much Hen. I miss waking up with you in the mornings. I miss hearing Kip hit on you. I miss your brother rolling his eyes at us. Life on tour has been shit without you there. Please come back with me today,” he pleads.
“Okay.”
I immediately agree because I miss all of those things too. I miss the smell of Jagger and his morning coffee and cigarette, but I miss our connection. The world seems to be a bit off its axis when I can’t breathe the same air as he does.
I pack quickly as Jag makes plans to take a private jet back to Portland. I call my parents and text my friends to let them know where I’m headed. We are at the airport by twelve, and we will land in plenty of time for him to make the gig. We cuddle on the plane and watch a movie. As soon as we land, I turn my phone on, and a text from Jessica waits for me.
“Look at Sam’s statement over the stripper scandal,” she says. I have to be honest, it still stings a bit.
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 18
