Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4

by Sasha Marshall

  “You okay?” he asks.

  I don’t open my eyes, “Yeah.”

  “We okay, Hen?”

  “Yeah.”

  His right thumb brushes against my cheek, down my jaw, to my lips where he pulls my bottom lip down a hair. I let out a breath that would probably be a moan, but my throat forgot to manufacture sound.

  “Look at me,” he commands softly.

  My eyes flutter open to his beautiful green eyes. They move back and forth between my lips and eyes.

  “All I can smell is you. You’re all over me. I couldn’t sleep,” he confesses.

  “Kip,” I plead.

  I’m not sure what I’m begging for. Part of me wants him to stop before we go too far, but the larger part of me wants him to kiss me. Please just kiss me.

  He answers my prayer. His gently pulls my bottom lip between his and my eyes close not wanting to forget what this feels like. He kisses me full on, and then his tongue slips in my mouth as one hand holds onto me with everything he has, and the other cups my face like I’m fucking precious to him. His tongue dances with mine, painfully slow and with expertise. I move my hands up to his face, pulling him because I can’t get close enough. He deepens the kiss causing something inside my chest to hurt. My heart, it hurts. Is this what people mean when they say something feels so good it hurts?

  His hands lower to my bottom and pulls me up where I wrap my legs around him. He presses me into the wall, pulls my hand from his face, laces his fingers through mine and raises our arms above my head. He presses his dick into me, but never stops kissing me. His tongue leaves my mouth, his lips touch mine one more time, and then he kisses my cheek before he pulls his face back and looks into my eyes.

  Our breaths are ragged. Every few seconds he leans down to kiss me with just his lips, but our eyes remain open and on each other.

  “I couldn’t sleep either,” I finally say.

  He nods in understanding, then places me on my feet, smoothes my hair like a lover would, peers down into my eyes again, presses his lips softly to mine, and steps back just a hair. He kisses me one last time, then turns around and taps Cory on the shoulder. Cory pulls the headphones out, turns his head briefly to the side and nods.

  “We’re good,” Kip says.

  “Unloading,” Cory calls out through the elevator doors.

  Kip turns around and says, “I’m still waiting.”

  The three seconds it takes for him to vacate the car leaving me there alone is how long it took for me to realize where I’d heard that recently.

  ***

  I didn’t see Kip but for brief moments in time for the last half of the week. I caught brief glimpses of him but we were never alone. Sometimes I could feel his eyes on me and I’d look for him only to discover him in the shadows or edge of a room watching me. He didn’t text or call. I was beginning to think it never happened. Maybe I was dreaming, but considering the ache in my chest hadn’t yet subsided I’m pretty sure it had happened.

  No one seemed to know what had transpired between us. I didn’t understand how they could be so blind. What I was feeling inside had to be written all over my face. Kip’s all I can think about. I get so lost in him and the few intimate memories I have of us together that it seems people are pulling me out of daydreams all day long.

  I fall asleep each night to I’m Waiting because it seems to be the closest I can get to him. I’m going fucking crazy. I don’t know what is right and wrong where he’s concerned. Am I supposed to stop feeling the way I am? Is it wrong? Was it always this way, and I was too caught up in the surrounding chaos to see? How could I be so blind for this long?

  How could he stand by and watch me with Jagger and Ian? He called Ian to Cam’s wedding. He called him to be with me, but it should’ve been him all along. How could he do that? He watched me with other men. He was always there with a smile on his face… always there as my best friend and protector. He’s always put me back together when other people broke me.

  He and Jagger were both there when Caleb died. I think back to that night. For so long I concentrated on the loss of Caleb, and then it became how Jagger took care of me when my world was shattered. But Kip was there. Kip was there too when Caleb died, never leaving my side even when I was in a coma fighting for my life. Koi once told me he never left the hospital. He slept at the hospital and ate in the waiting room, refusing to leave it in case there was news. He was there when Jagger shredded me into pieces and when I lost my child. He was the only one who didn’t betray me. He’s never betrayed me and has always been by my side with honesty and integrity. Always. He’s just always been there. He brought Cash into my life when I needed something to love and for it to love me in return unconditionally, but I already had it and was so fucking blind.

  I’m suffocating in Kip Paxton. If you’d have told me even years ago, or even six months ago that Kip would be the one I’d be drowning in today I would’ve laughed. And yet when I wasn’t paying attention, when I wasn’t drowning in my own self-imposed misery anymore, Kip happened. Or maybe it’s that I finally opened my fucking eyes and saw him, really saw him like I was seeing him for the first time.

  I grab my guitar from the corner of my hotel room and find Cory. Fuck the label, I’m going to my own house. I need the sand beneath my feet, the cool ocean breeze on my face, and distance from this mess in my head.

  I knock on his door, and Cory answers a few moments later.

  “I want to go home to the Palisades,” I vomit out.

  “You okay?” he eyes me suspiciously.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know. Need space,” I mumble.

  “I got you, doll,” he smiles. “Come in and let me get a few things.”

  I sit in a chair in the corner as Cory packs his bags, arranges a car, and coordinates with Joe on security for the remaining band members.

  “If anyone asks, she’s with me. She’ll be at each of her commitments, but no one is to contact her and tell no one where she is,” Cory orders through the phone.

  “Thank you,” I say.

  He smiles, “Life is full of surprises, Hen. Sometimes it’s the unexpected that makes life worth living.”

  “Are you referring to Kip?” I ask.

  “Yes,” he says, kisses me on the forehead and gets us the hell out of the hotel.

  ***

  Cory and I load into a black Escalade with Marquez and some other guy following, so they can bring the car back to the hotel. I sit in the front with him, which is a rarity these days.

  “Iris and Apollo… you said it the other day in the elevator.”

  “You each have a code name. I always like to read mythology stories so I’ve often used them as code names both in private security and when I was in the military,” he explains.

  “Why Iris and Apollo?” I wonder knowing next to nothing about mythology.

  “Iris is a goddess in Greek mythology. She’s not one of the more well-known goddesses, but she’s complex like you. She is the goddess of the rainbow, which I associate with what you give people with your music. She’s also messenger to the gods, feeding them nectar. You do that, with the rock gods. She connects the gods to humanity, your role as rock star. She travels between the underworld and back to the gods with ease and the force of the wind. You’re a fucking whirlwind Henley, and you’ve been through hell and back. She’s fiercely loyal and immensely protective, qualities I don’t really need to say you possess. The coolest part about her is her ability to shapeshift. You shift between human, rock star, and goddess in this life. That can’t be easy,” Cory explains.

  “Wow. You aren’t just a pretty face are you?” I chuckle.

  He smiles, “Nope, but don’t tell anyone. They might start asking for advice and shit.”

  “Kip is Apollo?” I ask.

  “Yes. I associate him with Apollo because he is the god of music, but mainly for his other characteristics. He is the god of healing and medicine. Kip heals you
when no one else can reach you. Apollo is also the god of light and truth, and Kip is your light in darkness and is one of the few people in your life that has not ever betrayed your trust. He’s always stood steadfast by your side, even when you weren’t paying attention. I see a lot of shit in this business, Hen. I’m awake when you’re asleep. I interact with everyone on this tour. Kip is your light. He makes you laugh and has the glue that puts you back together. I’m not saying he is the only one in your life who has helped put you back together, or even loves you. Kip is the constant though. Apollo would take his four-horse chariot each day and move the sun from the sky so the moon could shine in the darkness. Do I need to explain that analogy to you?” Cory asks.

  “No. I get it. Kip makes sure there’s still light in my world even when the sun isn’t shining. He moves fucking mountains for me, or in your analogy the sun,” I croak as the tears fall.

  Cory pulls into my driveway and turns to me, “Hey, why the tears?”

  “I’m so fucking stupid. I wasted my time with Jagger, and I don’t even know what I was doing with Ian. It doesn’t matter because I was never supposed to be with them. I’ve been so oblivious to the way he feels for me and even worse the way I feel for him. My grandmother always told me you don’t want someone you can’t live without because that isn’t true love. You want someone you don’t want to live without. That’s love. He’s always been there and the thought of him not being there hurts more than I can explain. What I had with Jagger… I felt like I couldn’t live without him because I was just starting to feel alive again and I was so afraid of not feeling ever again. I was vulnerable with Ian for a minute, but it wasn’t what my grandmother was talking about either. I thought I couldn’t live without him beside me when the scandal broke, but I was wrong. I made it through the storm without him, but you know who was there? Kip. Kip has always been there. Kip makes me laugh and knows me better than he knows himself. He’s so strong. How did he stand by and watch me with Jagger and Ian? He fucking pushed me towards Ian, Cory!”

  “He did. He put his own feelings aside to move the sun across the sky for you. He couldn’t be there for you in the way that Ian could, and in that time of your life you needed someone to play the role Ian did. The question is are you going to make sure it’s him that fulfills all the roles he’s already playing next time?” Cory asks.

  I sigh not knowing how to answer the question. I didn’t see Kip coming from a mile away, but that stupid ache in my chest won’t go away. When I’m in the same vicinity as him it only aches more.

  “Why did you guys surround us at the club that night?” I ask.

  “Because of the way he was looking at you. My job is to protect you, Hen, and you needed your privacy protected so that’s what I gave you two. You needed to see him look at you that way without a club full of cell phones in your face. You needed to see him look at you that way because many people have seen it before, but you hadn’t. I wasn’t playing cupid, I swear, I simply afforded you the privacy from your friends, brothers, and the public to see the way he looks at you. What you chose to do with it was completely up to you.”

  “Did y’all… I guess see anything?” I ask.

  “No. When I protect your privacy that means from me and my men as well. Our backs were turned the entire time. I would never invade your privacy unless I had to protect your life. That comes first.”

  “And the elevator? You would’ve normally reacted with quickness and gruffness, yet you let a man you didn’t know was there stop the elevator. That isn’t something you would’ve normally done. And when you radioed your men, it was almost like they knew why you were giving those orders. You cleared the hall and had the men face away from us so if the elevator doors opened they wouldn’t see.”

  “I’m a man, Henley. I know when a man wants to be alone with a woman. Kip wanted you in that elevator alone. He watched you the entire time we were waiting in the coffee shop. He watched us walk across the lobby and wait for the elevator and I took my time getting myself loaded in because I thought the man was going to pussy out on me. I watched him watch you the entire time. He wanted to be alone with you, so I afforded him that luxury the only way I could while I could still protect you,” Cory explains.

  “Thank you. Did you hear or see anything?” I ask embarrassed.

  He laughs, “I didn’t see or hear anything. I had his headphones in. And just so you know he made me listen to Taylor Swift the entire time. I felt the temperature skyrocket in that small space though. All that damn passion!” Cory teases.

  “Shut up,” I smile.

  “Use your music to work it out. I’ll unload everything here, go do what you need to do,” he commands.

  “Yes, sir,” I salute him and exit the vehicle.

  I walk through the house, through the back French doors, kick my shoes off on the patio, cross it, and takes the steps to the beach. The salty air hits my skin which makes me smile. My second home had to be the ocean. I get closer to the water and lie down in the sand, closing my eyes while I listen to the waves crashing into one another and the seagulls talking to each other. There’s no one else here during an October weekday, just me and the air that surrounds me.

  I’m afforded half an hour alone before Cory stands over me with my guitar.

  “I said work it out with music, not lay on the beach like a bum,” Cory teases.

  I sit and take the guitar, and he plops down a notebook and pen beside me. He hands me a beer, pops the top on his on and sits next to me.

  “Mind if I stay?” he asks.

  “No, you’re so quiet sometimes I forget you’re there.”

  “Then I’m doing my job.”

  I play with the chords until they sound like what I feel inside. It takes forever to get them right, not perfect.

  “Sounds really good, Hen,” Cory offers.

  He replenishes my beer as we sit on the beach for hours. He comments here and there reminding me he’s there, but he lets me work through… Kip. I work through all the feelings and emotions that are overwhelming me. I need to make sense of almost two decades of friendship. I write a few lines and scratch them out with frustration.

  “Talk to me,” Cory says as I throw the pen down and let out a growl.

  “I guess I’m trying to sort out how I felt for Jagger and how this feels with Kip. I mean I’ve barely explored this with Kip, but it’s different.”

  “My opinion is you were in lust with Jagger. All these chemicals overload your brain when you’re physically attracted to someone, and sometimes they confuse us, or we confuse them. We confuse one feeling for another. You and Jagger were attracted to each other for a long time, you could finally act on it and I think you both mistook lust for something entirely different. I’m not saying there wasn’t genuine love involved, just a different kind of love. It’s like when you want a car for so long. You’re young and you eye a car far out of your reach until one day it isn’t anymore. When you are finally able to buy the car, like you did the Audi R8, it’s exhilarating and every time you drive it your adrenaline pumps and you feel like you couldn’t be any happier. The newness always wears off, and while that R8 is still a badass car, it is now within your reach. You’ve experienced the first emotions that come with any large purchase, you have something you’ve always wanted, and then comfort sets in. You get familiar with the car and learn what it’s capable of. Most times, people find they aren’t as happy with the car as they thought they would be. It doesn’t drive as well as they first thought it did, the seats aren’t comfortable, the engine keeps giving them mechanical issues, or the cost is too high. It’s the same way with relationships. It’s exciting to be with someone you’ve always been attracted to. You’re happy to spend time with them, figuring out what makes them tick and all the happy-go-lucky feelings that go along with it. As the newness wears off and reality sets in, you realize the emotional cost of the relationship can be too high. You aren’t as happy with the person as you thou
ght you would be. You learn what the person is capable of and that can make you nervous and fearful. The person may not fit into your life comfortably and you may need to sacrifice other relationships or a part of who you are to continue the course. Arguments happen most times and you find that more things about the person aggravates you rather than pleases you. You still love the R8?”

  “Yeah, I do,” I answer.

  “Jagger wasn’t your R8, make sense?” he asks.

  “Why didn’t you just fucking say that to begin with? I would have totally got it without that long ass sermon?” I say and playfully punch him in the arm.

  “I gotta dance around you sometimes and make sure you can relate your problems to something else in the world. Helps our minds come full circle.”

  “You saying Kip is my R8?” I ask.

  “Only you and Kip know that, darlin’, but I’d put money on it. Now, write the damn song and finish exorcising the demons,” he demands.

  “Who else would put money on it?”

  “Red, Samantha, Meghan, Koi, and Memphis… maybe Rhys. Definitely Cam, he doesn’t miss shit. Especially when it comes to you and Kip as individuals. Pure observation though.”

  It takes four more hours to finish writing the song. Cory eventually builds a fire while I work. I only stop for bathroom breaks and for food. Cory keeps my beer cold and full. I write about all the things I’ve been oblivious too in the past, and the things I now know I feel even if I can’t fully explain them. I pen about how Kip has always been by my side and been my protector in every way.

  You move the sun across the sky for me,

  All for love.

  A love I didn’t see.

  And yet you stood in the shadows of other men,

  Who never lit up my world or drug me back from sea.

  You simply waited to set me free.