West For Love (A Mail Order Romance Novel) (1) (Anna & Thomas)

by Claire Charlins

  Chapter Fifteen

  When the moment came, Jo sensed it and moved from the table, wanting to take Thomas Jr. with her. Anna looked at Jo and casually shook her head. Anna decided she wanted Thomas Jr. to be there for the news. Not that the infant could actually understand what was happening (not to mention he had to endure the conversation Anna had with Jo on the way to town), but Anna wanted to make a family announcement. And that’s what they were.

  A family.

  Anna touched her stomach with her right hand and thought to herself, We’re now going to be a bigger family...

  She looked at Thomas, her husband, her love, and smiled.

  “Something is different,” he said.

  “How so?”

  “I can see it in your eyes, my Anna,” he said.

  “Oh?”

  “I can look into your eyes for the rest of my life,” Thomas said, “and live in there. I’d know the weather, the seasons, the happiness surrounding you, the pain, I’d know it all. Because I can read your eyes, my Anna. That’s something I’ve never been able to do before.”

  “Is it because my eyes are blue?” Anna asked. “They can’t hide.”

  “Perhaps. Or maybe my love is that great.”

  “I’m glad,” Anna said. “There is something different. Something is changing, Thomas...”

  “Okay,” Thomas said with inquisition in his voice.

  Anna pushed back on her chair and put both hands to her stomach. She held the sides of her stomach, thinking about how it was going to feel in a little while when her belly was so much bigger, with a baby kicking and moving.

  She looked at Thomas and his eyebrows raised.

  “Not sure if you’ve noticed yet,” she whispered.

  Anna pulled at her dress, allowing her small stomach to show against the dress.

  “What are you saying?” Thomas asked.

  “I’m... I’m pregnant, Thomas.”

  Thomas hurried and stood up, his chair falling back and crashing to the floor. He stared at Anna, stuck between fear and anger. The mood changed so suddenly, Anna gasped for air.

  “Thomas...”

  “You said you couldn’t,” Thomas said.

  “I said that I didn’t in that year I was with William,” Anna said. “And when you and I were together for a while nothing happened. But now... that’s why I was sick each morning. I can feel my stomach growing already.”

  “No,” Thomas bellowed. He pointed a finger at Anna, shaking like a frightened child. “No. You can’t do this to me.”

  “We did this together,” Anna said. “Thomas, I’m healthy. We can go to Dr. Hibert and make sure...”

  “Healthy?” Thomas cut in. “It’s not about being healthy, Anna. She was healthy too. Right up until she gave birth. And then...” Thomas’s face turned red. “No. I can’t do this again. I can’t, Anna.”

  Thomas turned and to Anna’s complete shock he kicked the chair out of the way, sending it into the air and crashing against the wall. Anna thought the chair was going to break but it didn’t. When Thomas was gone, Anna slowly stood and reminded herself to breathe. The worst thing she could do now was get upset. For her sake. For Thomas’s sake. For the baby’s sake. She slowly cleaned up from dinner, starting with the chair Thomas kicked. As she stood in the kitchen washing dishes Jo came in to join her.

  “I heard,” Jo said. “I...”

  Anna looked at Jo and saw the pain in Jo’s eyes. Anna couldn’t be sure if she saw tears in Jo’s eyes because a second later, the tears flowed from her own eyes. She couldn’t control it. Jo hugged Anna and held her tight. Anna silently thanked God for having Jo there more than ever before. Anna couldn’t imagine being alone at such a delicate time. She felt lost and confused, just like she had back at home only now she carried life in her womb. It wasn’t that easy to just leave and certainly not easy to survive. Not that the thoughts entered her mind at all; the commitment to Thomas, as horribly ironic as it felt was until death came between them. She would never leave Thomas unless it was by God’s own design.

  “It will be okay,” Jo said, comforting Anna. “He’s scared, sweet Anna, that’s all.”

  “Of course he is,” Anna said. “I’m afraid I’ve let him down. That’s why I’m crying. I never thought I could carry a child. An entire year...”

  “Well, you are with child,” Jo said, cutting Anna off. “No use in talking about the past. Right now you have a husband in the bedroom scared half to death.”

  “What can I say to him?” Anna asked. “Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of my pregnancy?”

  “It’s not,” Jo said. “Follow your heart, Anna. That’s what brought you here in the first place. I’m always here to comfort you, but we both know there’s only person in the world who can truly comfort you.”

  “Thomas,” Anna whispered.

  “Thomas,” Jo repeated.

  Anna stepped back from Jo and touched her stomach. She wiped her eyes and went back to cleaning from dinner. She still had a house to take care of. Chores to complete. To ensure the house would be settled by the time everyone retired for the night. Once that was completed, Anna found Thomas standing in the bedroom, hands in his pockets, looking like a statue.

  “Thomas,” Anna said, “I... if I knew...”

  “I asked God for this,” Thomas said.

  The words caught Anna off guard, causing her to touch her stomach with one hand and reach for Thomas with the other.

  “You asked God?”

  “I did,” Thomas admitted. “I did.”

  “If so, why are you... like this?”

  “I said it in a moment of passion,” Thomas said. “To myself. When we were together, my Anna. Our bodies, our eyes, just everything. I thought to myself how great would it make our family if we had a baby of our own. Not that Thomas Jr. isn’t your son, but for a moment, I saw myself with you, with you carrying a child. If God heard me and did this, it’s a cruel punishment to my mending soul.”

  “You shouldn’t talk like that,” Anna snapped. “You can’t question God or His actions.”

  Thomas looked at Anna like he wanted to explode. “Anna... you’ve never...”

  “I am now,” Anna cut in. She rubbed her stomach. “This should be a joyous time for us! Instead, I’m worried, scared for myself and for you. For Thomas Jr. and even Jo. If anything...”

  Anna felt her lips quivering. She was going to lose it again. She didn’t want to do this in front of Thomas but her emotions were so intense at the moment. Between the thoughts in her mind and the changes in her body she was quite literally at the mercy of herself.

  She began to cry and turned, not wanting Thomas to see her. She lowered her head and wept, praying silently to God and speaking to her unborn child. She loved the life in her womb, as much as she loved the life in the next room.

  After a few seconds ticked by, Anna felt Thomas’s strong hands touch her shoulders.

  “Oh, Anna,” Thomas whispered. “This isn’t right. For you. I’m sorry.”

  “No,” Anna shook her head. “No. I should have known. My body...”

  “No,” Thomas said. “This is a miracle. This is a gift, my Anna, from God to us. We are a family already but this... this just brings it all together.”

  “Thomas, are you afraid?” Anna asked.

  “Yes,” Thomas said.

  “I’ll go see Dr. Hibert,” Anna said. “Every single day if I have to.”

  “I know you would,” Thomas said. “Anything can happen though...”

  Anna took a breath and got her emotions finally under control.

  “I’m sorry to cry like that,” Anna said. “I think that’s going to happen a lot.”

  “It’s fine,” Thomas said. “Now... I need you to relax.”

  Thomas’s right hand left Anna’s right shoulder. A second later it appeared at her stomach. His big hand held Anna’s stomach with a warmth and protection that made her cry again.

  “You’re carry
ing our child, my Anna,” Thomas said. “Our family.”

  Anna nodded.

  Our family.

  Sleep that night was restless as Anna kept having terrible nightmares, playing out scenes that only Thomas had lived through. Each time she woke, she touched next to her to make sure that Thomas was there. After the third nightmare, she found the bed empty. It made Anna panic because in the nightmare she had a baby but couldn’t find Thomas. It was her holding a newborn baby as it cried. She ran down a long hall, it was black as night hall, and she searched for Thomas.

  And that’s how she felt walking through the house only to find Thomas in the same spot she had found him the first time the bed was empty all that time ago. Sometimes it felt like a lifetime had gone by and that both she and Thomas had changed so much.

  But there he stood, a candle burning behind him. His eyes fixated on the window in front of him.

  “I had a terrible dream,” Anna said.

  Thomas put his arm out and Anna felt better instantly. It was a real touch from a real man.

  “Why are you awake?” Anna asked.

  “Thinking,” Thomas said.

  “Can I think with you?”

  “Yes.”

  Anna stood, battling her weary eyes. They felt like boulders as her muscles were sore, her private areas tender. But Anna just looked at Thomas, wishing she could protect him forever.

  “Is there enough room?” Thomas asked, his voice soothing but so out of the blue.

  “I’m sorry?”

  “The house. You, me, Thomas Jr., and the new baby...”

  “What about Jo?” Anna blurted out.

  She couldn’t imagine a day without Jo in the house.

  “Well, you know Josephine has a job here,” Thomas said. “Thomas Jr. won’t be needing her soon.”

  “Then she’ll leave?” Anna asked.

  “Yeah,” Thomas said, turning his head, looking down at Anna. “She’ll need to go work elsewhere. You understand that, right?”

  “I guess,” Anna said. “She’s just been here since I’ve been here...”

  Anna closed her eyes, forcing the emotions and hormones to calm down.

  “Oh, Anna,” Thomas said. “I didn’t even think of it that way. But, yes, Josephine will leave. She will find other families to help. Some in my position and some who are wealthy and prefer to have a wet nurse.”

  “I just can’t imagine a day without her,” Anna whispered.

  Thomas nodded. “Without her, I hope the house will provide for us, my Anna.”

  “It will,” Anna said. “There’s never a place too small to house our family. I’d sleep on the table if I had to!”

  Thomas laughed.

  It was good to hear him laugh.

  “Come, let’s sleep,” Thomas said.

  He walked Anna back to the bedroom and once there, he touched her shoulder, his hand spreading open. His fingers grazed down and when he touched Anna’s chest, she shuddered and moaned.

  “Does anything hurt?” Thomas asked.

  “A little,” Anna whispered. “But it’s okay... if you want...”

  “Let’s wait for a bit,” Thomas said. “I want to know. For sure. Not that I doubt you.”

  “Okay,” Anna said.

  Thomas then touched Anna’s stomach and his hand remained there until Anna fell asleep.

  The next passing weeks brought more changes to Anna’s body. Her small stomach started to grow. Thomas Jr. got more teeth and poor Jo looked wounded and worn out. Anna joined her in Jo’s room for a feeding and watched her reaction as Thomas Jr. fed. What once had been a tender moment between woman and baby, the gift of nourishment, was now a time of discomfort for Jo.

  “This is the tough part sometimes,” Jo said. “When they get their teeth early.”

  For a week now Thomas had been offering Thomas Jr. food, mashing up vegetables and other foods. The baby took to some. Others he completely rejected. The only thing he would actually take was Jo’s breast milk. And Jo, fulfilling all her duties, stuck it out with Thomas Jr., making sure the baby was fed and happy.

  After one of the feedings, Anna caught a glimpse of Jo’s poor breast and nipple. It looked so sore and tender, red, showing the obvious effects of Thomas Jr.’s new teeth.

  “Will I have to go through that?” Anna asked, worrying about her own body and breasts.

  “Maybe,” Jo said. “But it’s worth it. And it’s not forever.”

  That same day when Thomas came in from the fields he announced they would be traveling into town to see Dr. Hibert. To ensure Anna’s health, to celebrate the creation of life, and to purchase new clothes for Anna. Anna hated the idea of buying new clothes when she could make her own, but Thomas demanded he buy new clothing for her. She agreed to purchase only a few pieces and nothing more. When it came time to leave, Anna didn’t feel comfortable leaving Jo behind. After her conversation with Thomas about Jo’s eventual departure, it felt like time ticked away faster than ever with a growing sadness that matched the growing anticipation of the coming baby.

  Jo argued and stayed behind, something that Anna wept for as they left the house. Thomas had grown accustomed to Anna’s emotions, always offering a hand or a few kind words.

  This ride was no different.

  “Anna, I’ve been thinking,” Thomas said.

  “About?” Anna asked, drying her eyes with her free hand.

  She held Thomas Jr. in the other arm, the baby sitting on her lap. He loved rides in the carriage and always looked around, snapping his head side to side, not wanting to miss a thing.

  “Josephine,” Thomas said.

  “I can’t handle the thought of her leaving,” Anna said. “My heart aches, Thomas.”

  “She won’t leave then,” Thomas said.

  “How so?”

  “I can’t chase her away,” Thomas said. “I can’t see you upset. And you were right when you said that Josephine has been with you since you came to meet me. She even picked you up at the train depot!”

  “I know.”

  “Well, I’m going to have her stay. Even if Thomas Jr. no longer needs her, she’ll stay with us. To see you through the birth. To see you through nursing our child. Just in case...”

  “If I can’t feed our baby?” Anna asked.

  “That won’t happen,” Thomas said. “But I’d like to have Josephine with us during that time. Until she’s ready to leave.”

  Anna swallowed and wanted to hug Thomas. She wanted to kiss him, hold him – thank him for everything.

  “That means so much to me,” Anna said. “More than money. Dresses. Thoughts of a bigger house. I hope you know that.”

  “I do,” Thomas said. “I see it in your eyes, my Anna. I see how much Josephine means to you.”

  “To everyone in our house,” Anna said.

  “Yes,” Thomas agreed.

  Jo would stay and Anna knew the kind woman would argue with a smile. She felt it in her heart that Jo didn’t want to leave. But she also felt Jo would know when it was time to leave. Jo couldn’t be there forever. She wasn’t much older than Anna... in her mid-twenties, suffering in a way Anna wish she knew how to help, and working as a wet nurse to provide happiness for other families. Jo deserved the happiness, as much as Abigail did.

  Once they were in town, Thomas took Thomas Jr. from Anna and helped her down. There was no way to hide her belly now and Anna took pride in it. She wasn’t large but she wasn’t her normal small figure. And the moment Dr. Hibert saw Anna and Thomas, holding hands, Thomas holding Thomas Jr., Anna with a hand on her stomach, the doctor came rushing to greet them. His arms were open, his eyes wide, and he looked like he was debating on who to hug first.

  “Dr. Hibert,” Thomas said.

  “Oh, look at this,” Dr. Hibert said. “Just look at this. “I can’t... you know, I must say, Anna, you play it off very well...”

  “I’m sorry?” Anna asked.

  “Don’t think I didn’t sense something when you w
ere in town and I saw you before. You weren’t showing like this, if at all. Your eyes...”

  “I always tell her that her eyes speak volumes,” Thomas said.

  “Can you imagine how beautiful that baby is going to be with her eyes?” Dr. Hilbert asked. “Not that our little Thomas Jr. here isn’t a catch himself.”

  Dr. Hibert lowered himself and allowed Thomas Jr. to grip his finger. The baby smiled and Dr. Hibert laughed.

  “Getting more teeth,” Dr. Hibert said. “Wonderful.”

  “No for Josephine,” Thomas said.

  Dr. Hilbert looked up. “That won’t last forever. Now, Anna, come with me, tell me how you’re feeling.”

  Anna found herself a minute later, sitting in a chair, staring at the doctor.

  “Shouldn’t I have a midwife?” Anna asked, looking between Dr. Hibert and Thomas. “I mean no harm to you, Dr. Hibert.”

  “None taken!” the doctor said. “We have an amazing midwife, Elinore, if you care to meet her. I, uh, would like to help you, Anna, and Thomas...”

  Anna watched the doctor’s mouth dry up. She looked to Thomas, who swallowed once and nodded. “Go ahead, Dr. Hibert, it’s perfectly fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. Please.”

  Dr. Hibert touched Anna’s knees. He was gentle but his eyes were stern.

  “You see, Anna, when Rachel went into labor, it was just wrong from the moment it began. And Elinore did all she could. An amazing woman. Honestly. I hope you do meet her, and if it would make you more comfortable, you can call on both of us. But any pain has to come to me, Anna. I can’t turn back time, but I know that if I wasn’t there during the birth of Thomas Jr., two lives would have been lost. Do you understand?”

  Anna nodded. She touched her stomach. The thought of losing her baby was something she never wanted to think or believe in. Of course, the risk of her baby not seeing its first year was very high, but the way Dr. Hibert looked at her, showed her she would be in great hands.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” Anna said, “I was curious.”

  “Nobody is hurt,” Dr. Hibert said. “I just want to make sure that when the time comes, we have a healthy baby, a healthy mother, and a healthy family. You both deserve it.”

  Dr. Hibert stood and walked to Thomas, gripping his shoulder.

  “Thank you, Dr. Hibert,” Thomas said.

  “Now, Thomas, I’m going to speak with Anna privately. Exam her briefly. I want to get a plan together for this baby.”

  “Of course.”

  Thomas leaned down and kissed Anna. The kiss was perfect, turning Anna’s cheeks red and her spirits high.

  Dr. Hibert asked Anna, enough questions to make her mind spin. She explained her sickness in the morning. She explained how tender certain areas of her body felt, how sometimes she felt extremely tired, and how poor Thomas had to deal with her constant need to cry. And Dr. Hibert explained that nothing she had described was out of the ordinary. All normal during pregnancy. He touched her stomach, his hands rubbing the sides and the top. They made a plan to keep in touch at all times - day or night - if there was any discomfort, pain, or even a question. Then Dr. Hibert brought Thomas back into the room and made both he and Anna promise on their faith in God and the miracle he had given them that it didn’t matter if it was the middle of the night, if they needed the doctor, they would come seek him out.

  Anna smiled and couldn’t stop smiling when she left Dr. Hibert’s. Thomas took her hand and as they walked, a few people stopped to congratulate them on their expected baby. Everyone seemed happy, maybe even satisfying their own grief for Thomas.

  On the ride back to the house, Thomas Jr. fell asleep after whining a little. It had been a while since he was fed last. Thankfully the nap lasted most of the way home. Once there, Anna saw Jo standing on the porch, smiling. That’s when Anna realized she, Thomas, and Thomas Jr. just had their first real family time alone. And it hit her again that someday - maybe not soon but someday - Jo would have to leave.

  Anna hugged Thomas Jr. as she began to feel the emotions overtake her. She gave a crying Thomas Jr. to Jo to feed and stood in the doorway to watch. When Jo looked at Anna, there was no need for words.

  Everything was going to keep changing.

  In Anna’s body.

  In the house.

  And that was something far out of anyone’s control.