Come Alive

by Madelynne Ellis

  ‘Xane.’ Luthor was right in his face again. ‘What are you doing? Calm down. This is not the end of the world. It’ll be OK. The fans will understand. The story will blow over.’

  ‘No,’ he bellowed into Luthor’s face. ‘It is not OK. Nothing about it comes close to being fucking OK. Do you have any concept of what she’s done?’ He shoved Luthor hard, nearly driving him off his feet. Damn, it felt good, because he needed to lash out. He wanted someone to hurt exactly as he was.

  Was that what this pile of pigswill was? Had Elspeth decided he wasn’t fucking suffering nearly as much as she was, so she was going to personally see to his pain?

  ‘This is goddamned shit!’

  ‘I get that. I do.’ Luthor was trying to remain calm, but the agitation he was seeing was obviously getting to him, raising his pulse and making his words sound breathless. ‘Getting mad about it isn’t going to make things better.’

  ‘I’m not mad, Luthor.’ This was way beyond mad. His vision was red with rage. Reason and logic were slipping away from him. He wanted only to rip and rend and tear.

  ‘Xane, the world already knows you’re with Dani. They’re not going to take any notice of this. It’s so obviously shit. Like hell have you done the whole band. Spook’s celibate.’

  ‘Dani’s going to believe it. She pretty much already does. You didn’t see how cranky she got last night over the mere suggestion that I’d slept with Ash, and that happened blinking years ago.’

  His words were tripping over one another in his desperate drive to spit them out. ‘Luthor, she hates the fact I like men. You know it yourself. She was just starting to come round to the idea that maybe it wasn’t such a hideous thing, but that’s going to change as soon as the press get near her and start hounding her in order to ask her if her boyfriend is really a fag, and does she like watching him fuck other men?’

  ‘Dani has more resilience than you’re crediting her with. She knows who you are, Xane. The press aren’t going to scare her off. If they were they’d have done so by now. She loves you. She’s perfectly capable of discerning the truth. She also knows perfectly well that Elspeth’s a cow, and that for some crazy reason she has it in for you.’

  ‘You know crap.’

  ‘And you’re too blinded by your rage to see the facts.’

  ‘I want another drink. Get me the vodka.’

  ‘I’m not getting you another drink. How about you engage the sensible part of your head instead of the animal part? This is bollocks. I agree wholeheartedly that it sucks, but we can weather it. We can.’

  ‘No one is sitting at home right now watching looped gifs of you screwing your dead lover.’

  Luthor’s hazel eye turned dark. ‘No, they’re probably watching me being screwed by my very much alive one. You’re not the only person she’s just outed, Xane. The ink on my contract is still wet and she’s turned me into rock’s gayest drummer.’

  If that was supposed to soothe him, it missed the mark by a mile. Elspeth screwing him was one thing, but involving the other guys, and singling out Luthor … If he wasn’t already going to wring her scrawny neck, that would have been the deciding factor. He turned away from Luthor and took a swipe at the nearest object, a large stone garden ornament.

  The troll statuary won. Pain blazed through his knuckles and wrist and fired upwards into his shoulder. He drew his fist back to take another swing, but Luthor grabbed hold of his arm. ‘No,’ he insisted, covering Xane’s bruised and bleeding knuckles with his palm. ‘Not like this, Xane. Stop, please.’

  ‘Got an alternative?’ he growled through gritted teeth.

  Luthor continued to hold his damaged knuckles, but with his free hand he gently touched Xane’s face, and swiped his little finger over Xane’s lips so that it came to rest on his piercing.

  Oh hell, yes! He’d take that option to let off steam any time or place over any other method. Fucking had always been his preferred opt-out from reality. He slapped Luthor’s hand aside and jammed his mouth down hard over the other man’s. Instant arousal suffused his body, and a roar of triumph gathered in his chest. He held Luthor’s head, locking him into the position he desired, while he ravaged his mouth.

  He was an animal when he was like this, but he didn’t fucking care. Xane had Luthor’s shorts off him again in seconds; his cotton budgie-smugglers too. Not that Luthor was sporting anything as small as a budgie. The man had a cock that was built entirely for pleasure, long like the rest of him and just as delicious. Xane palmed him and squeezed. The groan he got in response told him all he needed to know – that this was a solution they didn’t have to argue about. Less than thirty seconds later, he turned around, dropped his jeans and bent over the nearby garden table.

  ‘What about your promise?’ Luthor gasped.

  He didn’t even know what promise they were talking about. In any case, there was nothing more important in the world right now than getting laid, because only that was going to provide the sure-fire passage to oblivion that he craved.

  Chapter 19

  Luthor’s body tingled from head to foot. He was as hard as he’d ever been, and the man of his dreams was bent before him, offering himself up. He stared at the tight muscles of Xane’s arse, the pink pucker of his hole, and he wanted what was offered so badly it physically hurt. His insides were in knots, and his cock was beating an urgent tattoo against his own abs.

  Dammit, yes. Oh, God, yes. He wanted this.

  No witnesses. No restraints.

  Except that somewhere in his addled brain there still remained a conscience. If they did this, it would hurt Dani and set everything between the three of them back to square one, just when they were finally making progress. She’d given them permission to be together with one proviso, that they didn’t take this particular step. Xane seemed to have utterly forgotten that. Even if he reminded him, Luthor wasn’t sure the man writhing against the table before him would care. Elspeth had struck him with such precision that Xane was so knotted in rage and hurt, there wasn’t space for anything else in his head.

  He watched, paralysed by indecision as Xane wetted his fingers and slicked his own arsehole.

  ‘Luthor,’ Xane growled, turning his head to peer at him. ‘Where the fuck are you?’

  Xane’s eyes were wide open and wild, the grey of them shiny and chilling. His mouth was a kiss-reddened slash of anger. Luthor wanted to ravage it, exactly as Xane had ravaged his mouth moments before. The thought kicked his heart-rate into a gallop.

  One little step. One indiscretion and for at least a few moments Xane could be utterly his.

  Dani was completely absent in this moment. She only existed inside his head, as a voice of reason and conscience that was fast slipping away from him as desire roared with a far louder voice.

  ‘Stop stalling and fuck me.’

  Yeah. His cock certainly liked that idea. He was leaking copiously. He rubbed some of that precome over his crown. That touch was more than enough to make him lurch forward and butt up against Xane’s arse. He slid himself back and forth, getting them both high and impossibly hard. This man was like a drug. One taste was all it took and you got hooked.

  He’d been hooked a long time.

  He fucking wanted this so badly.

  ‘Screw me.’

  ‘We need protection.’ He had at least one or two brain cells still functioning.

  ‘We don’t fucking need anything. Do you think I’d be doing Dani naked if there was an issue? Unless you’re telling me you have a problem.’

  No way. He was clean. ‘There’s no problem.’

  ‘Good. Then let’s do this.’ Xane spat against his fingers again and rubbed them across his hole. That wasn’t really enough lube to make things smooth, but, with nothing else to hand, it looked as if this was the only option.

  Luthor added a gob of his own, and slicked the saliva around Xane’s entrance. He was tight. It was going to hurt like hell. ‘We need lube.’

  ‘Quit stalling and just fucking
fuck me. Do it now, Luthor. Do you think I care if it hurts?’

  A little pain could sometimes make things sweeter, but still.

  He rubbed the head of his cock up against Xane’s crack, still unsure. He’d never done this raw before, and didn’t quite know what to expect, other than it likely being a whole lot more sensitive. Xane pressed back against him eagerly.

  ‘Are you sure?’ he asked, giving Xane a final opt-out.

  ‘You damn bloody well know I am. Now stop with the tease and get inside me.’

  Luthor pressed forward with everything lined up. He was over-eager and too excited, still fighting his better judgement too. He tried to take it slow, ease in gently, but Xane was having none of it. He pressed back hard and met Luthor’s forward thrust, which sunk him deep and pried bone-deep cries from both of them.

  Yeah, it was raw.

  But, hell, it was good.

  Wrong on every damned level, of course, but who the fuck cared?

  Their bodies slapped together. It was a race. It was hard. This was sex in its purest, most animalistic form. Luthor’s muscles screamed, begging for relief, but he couldn’t slow down. Nor did he actually want to.

  Luthor grabbed hold of Xane’s shoulder and used the leverage to quicken their pace. The table rocked beneath them, almost threatening to topple. ‘Yeah,’ he cried out. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Get your hands on me,’ Xane demanded.

  He obeyed at once, pressing his torso to Xane’s back so that he could reach around him and palm his lover’s cock.

  This was going to be over fast. There were simple mechanical limits to what they could take without making that final swan-dive into oblivion, and from the way Xane was shaking beneath him they were almost there.

  ‘Oh, fucking hell!’ Xane jerked beneath him, snarling as his release squeezed him tight and emptied him of come. The silky fluid covered Luthor’s hand. He held still, the intense squeeze of Xane’s muscles around him almost too much to bear.

  His eyes were tightly closed by the time Xane’s climax had run its course. And the pulsing grip on his body abated.

  ‘Finish off.’

  He drew back, intending to pull out and spill himself all over Xane’s arse, but Xane turned his head again and pinned him with those molten silver eyes. ‘Where you are? I want to feel it, Luthor. I want you to leave that bit of yourself inside me.’

  Oh, Jesus! His stomach did a somersault. This was madness, and utterly delicious. How could he possibly say no?

  He gave a tentative buck, and Xane met his assault.

  ‘You can fuck me as hard and long as you like.’

  Eternity, his head screamed, but his body was already preparing for release. He spent in thick jets deep inside his lover’s arse, while Xane swore his head off.

  Chapter 20

  In the moments of stillness that followed, Luthor rested against Xane’s back, his head between Xane’s shoulder blades. Xane’s skin was covered in sweat, which he tasted as he kissed him. He was burbling incoherent endearments, but he wasn’t sure Xane was really listening. As his head cleared a little, he realised Xane’s ragged gasps were now soul-destroying gulps for air, and that the other man was twisting his jet-black hair into knots and clawing at his own skin.

  Luthor covered Xane’s hand with his own and squeezed it hard. ‘I’m here. Still here.’ His breathing was almost as ragged as Xane. ‘Whatever you need. However I can help you. I’m here. Just tell me what you need, Xane.’

  ‘More,’ came the reply. Or perhaps it was ‘No more’. Whether that meant no more fucking, or no more of putting up with Elspeth’s shit, he couldn’t be sure.

  Luthor wasn’t sure how long they stayed clamped together – long enough for the sweat to dry on his skin and the nip of the night air to become uncomfortable. Only when he raised his head did he realise they weren’t alone any more. The rest of his new Black Halo band-mates – minus the woman who’d screwed them, of course – were lined up on the grass staring at them.

  Spook had his arm around Dani’s middle, holding her back. She was fighting him, flailing her arms, and, as if the soundtrack to reality had just been turned up, Luthor realised she was screaming too. In slow motion, he watched her break free and come hurtling towards him. Time caught up as she skidded to a stop, hitting the table with enough force to break him and Xane apart.

  ‘Sorry,’ he mouthed. They were the only words he could think to offer her.

  ‘Sorry! Sorry! You think an apology can make this right? I trusted you. I gave you a chance. Let you convince me it would be all right. This isn’t all right.’ She thumped her fist against the table again. Luthor felt the ricochet through Xane’s body, where their legs still touched. ‘You promised. You fucking promised!’ She lashed out again, striking him hard across the ear, so that his whole jaw ached and bells tolled inside his skull. ‘Get off him. Get away from him, and get away from me.’ She kept on shrieking and flapping at him. He raised his hands to block her attacks, but made no attempt to retreat.

  Xane was way too still. He ought to have moved, reacted to Dani’s wrath, but it was as if he’d been frozen. His face was turned away from the crowd, but covered by his hair. Ignoring Dani’s angry blows, Luthor leaned over and stroked Xane’s hair. ‘Xane, are you OK?’

  Most likely he couldn’t hear him over Dani’s screams.

  ‘Xane, are you all right?’

  Suddenly the guys were around him. Ash and Ginny grasped hold of Dani between them, and dragged her away. ‘Help them,’ Spook said, sending Rock Giant to assist. That left the two of them. Spook paid him no attention. He circled the garden table, crouched down so that he was on a level with Xane’s head and gently brushed his hair away from his face. ‘You still in there with us, buddy?’

  There was no response.

  ‘Is he all right?’ Luthor shivered. He peeled his body away from Xane’s and looked for a means of securing some warmth. His shorts were several yards away, along with a strip of condoms he ought to have had the presence of mind to insist on using. He pulled the piece of clothing on and picked up the picnic blanket too. ‘I don’t understand. What’s going on? Why isn’t he moving?’

  ‘Because he’s checked out for a while, that’s why. Emotional overload, I guess you might call it.’

  ‘He looks stoned.’

  Spook straightened to his full height again. ‘That’s not so far off. He fucks to take the pain away, Luthor. I trust you realise that what just happened had nothing to do with you? You were simply the closest, most convenient way of checking out, and what you see now is him wallowing in post-orgasmic oblivion. People say I’m weird, but at least I don’t feel obliged to fuck myself into a stupor.’

  He swallowed, stung by Spook’s explanation, but still concerned for his lover. ‘Have you seen him like this before?’

  Spook blinked, slowly, tellingly. ‘More than once, but I’ll be honest and say it normally takes a whole string of partners to get him there. The last time I saw him like this would be the day before I checked him into rehab. I assume you know he has a problem.’

  He did. He’d heard it from the roadies. They nattered about it like it was a joke, not anything serious.

  ‘Help me get him inside. It’s too cold to leave him here.’

  ‘Sure.’

  Xane’s jeans were coiled around his calves. It was easier to pull them up than to try and take them off. Luthor didn’t bother to fasten them. This wasn’t about covering up, more ease of movement.

  They went into the house by the back door, supporting Xane between them. It was a quicker and likely quieter route than attempting to walk in through the lounge and risking another confrontation with Dani. He hoped Ash and Ginny were managing to calm her down a little.

  In the bedroom, they managed to get Xane onto the bed and divest him of his jeans. He remained exactly where they left him, face turned to the sheet, his breaths forcing their way out of him as juddery little gasps.

  ‘What happened to his hand?�
�� Spook asked.

  Luthor figured they all knew what had caused Xane’s meltdown by now. Why else would they have gathered outside? Clearly they’d all run to find him. ‘He took a bash at your troll, since Elspeth wasn’t on hand. I did try to stop him.’

  He scratched the back of his neck.

  ‘Luthor, I don’t blame you for this, if that’s what you’re thinking. I know him too well. Obviously, Dani’s seriously pissed off at you, but the rest of the stony faces, they’re because we don’t know what this is going to mean for the band. If all she’d done was let slip the fact Xane’s bi, then it would have been a minor thing, but she didn’t. She’s made public things that were never meant for anyone else, and made it all about Steve too. Xane’s already walked once this year because of Elspeth’s actions. This time, I’m not seeing him stick around unless she goes. We’re going to be forced to take sides.’

  ‘I can’t believe any of you would stand against him when he’s clearly the victim here.’

  Spook’s gaze wandered away from Luthor’s face, and he cleared his throat. ‘Rock Giant’s trying to get hold of Elspeth so we can hear her side of it, but even he’s pissed, and normally he’s her sworn defender.’

  ‘There’s no way she’s going to turn up tomorrow, is there?’

  Spook’s lips formed a tight straight line. He shrugged. ‘I’ll get the first-aid kit. Do you need some ice for your cheek?’

  ‘Do I?’ He’d stopped noticing the ringing in his ears a little while ago, but his skin did feel hot.

  ‘That was a pretty hard smack she gave you.’

  ‘I’m sure she’s not done yet.’

  The remark earned him a pat on the shoulder. ‘She’ll calm down.’

  Luthor didn’t feel quite so sure. ‘We did what she asked us not to. Somehow I don’t see her being anything other than seriously pissed at me for some time to come.’