Humpty Dumpty: The killer wants us to put him back together again (Book 1 of the Nursery Rhyme Murders Series)

by Carolyn McCray

Sariah winced. Based off of what had gone on so far today, this was not going to end well. And while Joshua might have been the cream of the crop back when he was an agent, he was a shadow of that former man. And still drunk for the most part.

  But Joshua responded in a tone that was calm and civil. “Agent Salazar. A pleasure to meet you. I apologize for my… appearance. Traveling doesn’t suit me, I’m afraid to say.”

  “Whatever, man. As long as you don’t touch my threads.” Salazar chuckled to himself, clearly pleased with his witty repartee.

  “Of course not. Wouldn’t dream of it.” Joshua began moving again, then stopped and motioned to Sariah. “Agent Cooper. Shall we?”

  They moved down the hall past Salazar’s earshot before Sariah whispered to her companion. “What the hell was that?”

  “What?” he replied, his tone innocent.

  “You all the sudden became the Duke of Salisbury or something? 'I apologize for my appearance'? 'Traveling doesn’t suit me, I’m afraid'?”

  “Look, Salazar’s an ass. But rising to his bait’ll just make our lives more miserable.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Coop,” Joshua cut her off. “Guys like that eat themselves alive. He’ll end up wallowing in middle management until he screws up enough that he either gets demoted or fired. Insulting him is like picking on the handicapped kid at recess.”

  Joshua’s statement hit Sariah like a sledgehammer to the chest. Salazar had been her nemesis since she’d gotten here. Abusing her without stop, doing what he could to get her in trouble, basically making her life a living hell. And she was the bully?

  “But—”

  “Come on. Time to meet this forward-thinking idiot boss of yours that wants to resurrect the devil.”

  Sariah followed behind him, trying to sort through what had just happened. No matter what she thought Joshua was going to do next, he surprised her at every turn. Just when she thought he was dodging left, he’d leap over her. Every time she was sure he’d stand his ground and fight, he bent over backward.

  If he could get his life in order, he would be unstoppable.

  For a moment, Sariah almost felt sorry for Humpty. Then she realized that she should be much more worried about herself. And Had. And anyone else here at Quantico who ran into the former agent.

  God help them all.

  * * *

  Joshua stepped through the door of Special-Agent-in-Charge Nicholas Tanner’s office right behind Agent Cooper. Right at the last minute he’d slowed down and allowed her to pass in front of him. He was aware of how he looked, and as much as he wasn’t sure he wanted to be here, he didn’t relish getting escorted off the premises by security.

  Not yet, anyway.

  Agent Nick Tanner was a squat, built-like-a-brick wedge of a man. Even his very large brow added to that image. His thrusting blade of a forehead was emphasized by the fact that his blond hair was receding away from it at what appeared to be an alarming rate. The entire impression was of a linebacker in the slow process of going soft.

  Until Joshua looked in his eyes. There he saw titanium. All the strength that Agent Tanner’s body had once possessed was reflected there.

  Joshua hated him.

  “Agent Cooper,” Tanner addressed her, coming out from behind his desk to shake her hand. “And Joshua Wright, I’m guessing?”

  For some reason, the fact that Agent Tanner had neglected to call him agent or even former agent rankled him. Under normal circumstances, Joshua had no desire to have his former title linked with the man he had become. But now it felt like an insult.

  “Special-Agent-in-Charge Nicholas Tanner,” Joshua said, turning the title into something unsavory with his tone. “The asshole who decided to open back up the Humpty Case.” He made no move to cross toward the agent’s outstretched hand.

  Joshua heard a sharp intake of breath. Coop’s. Yeah, she probably hadn’t expected this. To be honest, neither had Joshua. But he was in it now and wasn’t about to take it back. This was a case that should have slept forever. Agent Tanner held his hand out for a moment longer, then dropped it, shaking his head.

  “You’re probably correct, Mr. Wright.” He moved back around behind his desk and took a seat. “I’ve had the same thoughts bouncing around in my head since I put Agent Cooper on this.”

  “You think you know—”

  “Here’s something you need to know.” Agent Tanner cut him off, his voice sharp and direct, almost menacing. “I will tolerate your opinion, unsavory as it may have been coming out of your mouth.” He held up his hand to forestall Joshua’s next outburst. “But you will not come into my office and bark at me.”

  Joshua found that he had nothing to say. No quips. No bon mots. No pithy comebacks. Agent Tanner had completely stepped out of the box that Joshua had tried to analyze him into, without apparent effort. No one had ever done that to him. He sat down in an empty chair.

  “Now,” the agent said, his tone back to a more normal energy. “We have some work to do. Agent Cooper, where’s that cop of yours?”

  Coop glanced at her wristwatch. “I told him ten. It’s still five ‘til.”

  “Well, we’ll give him another few minutes to get here. Traffic from DC can be brutal. In the meantime—”

  A knock at the door interrupted the agent. Coop turned to open the door, and in hustled a young man with tousled brown hair, wearing a blue button-down shirt, slacks, and… cowboy boots?

  “Hello, everybody,” the man gushed, the Michigan flattened vowels prominent in his speech. “I’m not late, am I?”

  “Officer Hadderly, come in and have a seat,” Tanner said, motioning toward another empty chair on the far side of Agent Cooper. “And no, you’re not late.”

  “Great, great. Hate to make a bad first…” Hadderly caught sight of Coop. “Hey! Great to see you, Coop!” He glanced over at Agent Tanner and cleared his throat. “I mean, Agent Cooper.”

  Tanner chuckled. “Don’t stress about the formalities, Officer. You three are going to be working very closely with each other. If nicknames are the worst you end up calling each other, I think we’re doing great.”

  Hadderly made a motion like he was wiping sweat off of his brow. “Whew. Thought I’d stepped in it first thing.” He then caught sight of Joshua. “Are you…?”

  Joshua could hear the beginnings of hero-worship in the kid’s tone. Time to disabuse him of that notion right off the bat.

  “The washed-up drunk that for some reason has been dragged into a whirlwind of insanity?” He clucked his tongue and winked at the officer. “Yep. That’s me.”

  “Holy cow. He’s just like I imagined him,” Hadderly gushed to Coop. She peered over at Joshua, apparently to see how he was taking that comment.

  And how was he taking that comment? Joshua glanced down at his rumpled clothing, still torn and bloody from yesterday. He knew he reeked of booze and far worse. He hadn’t shaved in at least a week, and a good portion of the dirt and grime in Manhattan seemed to have made their way onto his skin.

  All in all, Joshua was feeling insulted.

  “I aim to please,” is all he said out loud.

  This was turning out to be so much worse than what he had expected. And what he had expected had been pretty bad. An ice queen agent, a goofy farm boy cop, and a hard-assed boss to put the cherry on the top of this colorful sundae of a team. Thrilling. Suicide was starting to go up on his list of possible options.

  And then music began playing. As far as Joshua could tell, it was emanating from the kid. Was that the theme music from Psycho?

  The young officer pulled his phone out, his face red. “It’s my mama. I am so sorry.” And then he proceeded to take the call. In the middle of Special-Agent-in-Charge Tanner’s office.

  “Mama, I really can’t talk now… No, don’t get my favorite soda, I’m not going to be there. Mama… Mama, I have to go. Uh-huh… No. Seriously gotta go now. Love you.” He pressed the button to end the call and slid the phone back into hi
s pocket.

  Joshua changed his mind. This was going to be awesome.

  “I’m so, so sorry,” the kid gushed. “She doesn’t believe I’m here. Thinks she’s setting me up on a date tonight.”

  “Well,” the special-agent-in-charge said, doing a remarkable job of keeping his patience, as far as Joshua could tell. “Now that we’ve all met Officer Hadderly…”

  “Please. Call me Had. Everyone does.”

  “Had,” Tanner said, nodding. “Will do. Now. While you were in New York, we got a call in from South Carolina. Woman in a park with her kids found a hand partially buried in the sand pit.”

  “Did it show signs of being frozen?” Coop asked.

  “Yes, according to the ME down there. It’s Charleston, so they aren’t completely backwoods…”

  Joshua noticed that Had squirmed a bit in his chair at that. Probably felt like that’s how everyone saw him. Joshua couldn’t say he was wrong.

  “But we should head down there to see if there’s anything they might have overlooked,” Agent Cooper finished for him.

  “That’s it. I’ve got flights booked for you later tonight.” Tanner looked down at Joshua, then away. “Go get yourselves showered and changed—”

  “Hold on,” Joshua interrupted. “That wasn’t part of the arrangement.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “No one said anything about personal hygiene. That just might be a deal breaker.”

  The special-agent-in-charge just stared at him. Where Joshua’s earlier insubordination hadn’t seemed to cause the agent any undue stress, Joshua’s refusal to shower appeared to have him flummoxed. Perfect.

  “Um,” Coop interrupted. “Joshua was robbed while we were there in New York. This is all he has right now in the way of personal effects.”

  “Right,” the agent replied, turning his attention to her with apparent relief. “Use your card. Get him what he needs. We’ll cover it.” He faced Joshua again. “And we’ll make sure you’re compensated appropriately for your time here as a consultant.”

  “Yeah, here’s the thing…” Joshua drawled. “I’m gonna need that in cash.”

  Tanner seemed taken aback by that. “I’m not sure—”

  “Non-negotiable. I don’t have a checking account. Live off the grid.”

  “I see,” the agent said, frowning. “We’ll see what we can get worked out for you.”

  “That’d be great.” Joshua stretched out the word great, his own little homage to Office Space. No one else would get it, of course…

  Had started laughing. “Office Space, right? Love that movie.”

  Okay. Maybe the kid wasn’t so bad. Joshua’s lips even started to curl into what felt like it might be a smile.

  But then he recalled when he had seen that movie. It was one of the last times he’d gone out on a date with his wife. Right before the year when he’d stepped into hell and rented out space there.

  And here he was, going right back into that fiery furnace.

  What the hell was wrong with him?

  CHAPTER 6

  That meeting had gone well.

  Had was on time, he’d met with the big kahuna and a living legend and so everything had been just about perfect. Well, expect for the call. And then the comment he’d made about Joshua. And… Okay, maybe things hadn’t gone quite so great. Matter of fact, now that he was thinking about it… No, things hadn’t gone well at all. The more he pondered on it, the more he realized that things were downright terrible.

  Well, that was it. Had’s time playing with the big boys was over. He could pretend there wasn’t an issue here, but having your mother call in the middle of a meeting, and then deciding to take the call, seemed like it might be a career-killer. It had been inevitable. There was something wrong with Had on a profound level. What on earth had possessed him to pick up the phone?

  “Hey, guys—” he began.

  “Don’t worry about it, Had,” Coop cut him off.

  “But—”

  “The lady said not to worry about it,” Joshua chimed in. “So maybe you should listen to her.” He stopped speaking for a moment, then made a sound that was somewhere between a grunt and a laugh. “I, on the other hand, think you’re a total mama’s boy.”

  “I’m not a mama’s boy,” he shot back.

  “Please. You’ve probably never had a relationship with a girl that’s lasted longer than two weeks.”

  He was right, but it had nothing to do with Mama. Had was just picky. He had a whole list of things that made up the perfect girl, and so far he hadn’t found her. And he wasn’t willing to settle. A beautiful woman, red hair optional, must love animals and Latin dancing. An appreciation for the indie music scene was vital. Oh, and excellent math skills, of course. That too.

  But that was beside the point. Somehow, right now, the combination of Coop being willing to overlook the call and Joshua mocking him for it was perfect. Was Had still embarrassed? Sure. But was he going to obsess over it? Well, yes, but with a little less shame around it than he’d have felt a few minutes before.

  They walked through the drab halls of the FBI Academy building, passing by individuals running around, busy with their work. What was amazing to Had was that each person there was a vital part of what made up the FBI, whether they were there as part of one of the units of the actual force, or just in training to get there.

  Had was forced to admit to himself that he was jealous. He’d wanted to be an FBI agent since he was in the second grade. The teacher had asked everyone what he or she wanted to be. Most of the guys had said astronauts or video game programmers, but Had had written down FBI agent. Where he’d gotten that at eight years old, he wasn’t sure, but it hadn’t varied since then.

  And here all the people were, doing what he had dreamed of almost his whole life. It was possible they didn’t even appreciate it for what it was.

  Then a thought struck Had like a tree landing on his head. He was in this building. He was now a vital part of what made up the FBI, at least for the moment. He didn’t have to be jealous. These were all his people.

  He started smiling and waving to everyone he passed. Most looked at him like he was nuts, but a few gave him a wave and a grin back. Well, once they recovered from their shock. Had got the feeling that this wasn’t a warm environment most of the time.

  “So, here’s the plan,” Coop spoke as they continued through the complex. “We’ll catch a cab into D.C., grab an early lunch and take Joshua shopping.”

  “Ooo,” Had added. “I’ve got the perfect guy. Hold on.” He pulled Bilal’s card out of his wallet and started dialing. “He’s awesome; you’ll love him. And he knows D.C. really well.”

  “Fantastic,” Joshua muttered. “Sounds like a real winner.”

  After contacting Bilal and convincing him to turn around and come back to Quantico… turned out he hadn’t gone all that far yet… Had swiveled around to his companions. These were the people he would be with twenty-four-seven for however long this was going to take. He grinned.

  “I am so excited about this.”

  Joshua thrust out a hand and stopped Had in his tracks. “Listen. You need to know something. There’s nothing exciting about any of this.”

  “I—” Had started. Joshua cut him off.

  “You’re about to step into your worst nightmare, and no one’s going to be able to help you get out of it.” He pointed at himself and then at Coop. “Not me, not her, not anyone. Got it?”

  Had looked into Joshua’s bloodshot eyes. Those eyes had seen a lot, more than Had’s by a long ways. Underneath all of Joshua’s sarcasm and bite, there was a lot of pain. Had wasn’t unfamiliar with hurt, but here was someone who had taken up residence with that damage and held it to himself as a life-partner.

  “Yeah, I got it,” he answered. Joshua turned back around and started walking. Had spoke at his retreating back. “I’m still excited, though. I’m going to be working with you.”

  The only acknowledgment from J
oshua was a slight tensing of his shoulder muscles. But Had knew that Joshua had heard him.

  He had a feeling that the two of them were going to be great friends.

  * * *

  Sariah was surprised, but at least it was a pleasant experience for once.

  Turned out that Had’s friend Bilal surpassed his description. In the forty-five minute ride out to D.C., the Pakistani driver had regaled them with tales from his fifteen years of taxicab service, given them three recommendations for lunch… one cheap, one middle-of-the-road, one expensive… and had almost made Joshua smile. Twice.

  “So, we are to be thinking cheap for eating, yes, my friends?” The man’s smile lit up the length of the rear view mirror.

  “Hey, I’m not paying for it. I say expensive,” Joshua grumbled from the other side of the seat, where he was pressed up against the passenger side window. “Plus, I’d love to see how the political elite react to the presence of the unwashed homeless in their midst.”

  Sariah smiled in spite of herself. No matter what the former agent wanted everyone to believe, she was confident he was just as uncomfortable in his unshowered and tattered condition as anyone else he would meet today.

  “We don’t have time for a serious sit-down meal,” Sariah called out. “Not if we’re going to get you some new threads.”

  “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing, you elitist pig?” Joshua shot back.

  “Had, what do you think?” she asked.

  Had thought about it for a second before responding. “I want to go where Bilal goes to eat when he’s grabbing lunch.”

  “Ah. That is being a definite treating,” Bilal called back over his shoulder. “I am taking for you to my favorite place.”

  “Can’t wait,” grumbled Joshua. “Curried dog and naan.”

  “Oh no, my friend.” The driver waved his hands back and forth with energy. “There is not the eating of dogs here. It is forbidden by Allah.”

  “Whatever.” He looked out of the window. It seemed clear he was done with the conversation.

  “This you will be enjoying,” Bilal assured them.

  Sariah watched as Joshua retreated back into his sullen shell. This seemed to be his go-to state. Well that, or pissing everyone around him off. There didn’t seem to be much in between.