Come Together

by Jessica Hawkins

  David took a deep breath. “Get over here.”

  I blinked a moment and then stood. Cautiously, I rounded the desk until I was standing in front of him.

  “I’m not happy,” he said.

  “I can tell.”

  “I don’t like you canceling on me and then turning off your phone.”

  “Okay.”

  “And I told you, if he’s near you, I want to be there.”

  “I didn’t know – ”

  “But for all the times I stood in this office and couldn’t touch you, I’m going to kiss you anyway.”

  With a small smile, I took a step closer and placed my hands on his chest. His arms came around the middle of my back, and he held me for a slow kiss.

  I felt his love in that kiss. He believed he loved me, but a small part of me wondered if he knew the difference between lust and love, now and someday. Bill asked what makes me different. I don’t know that David doesn’t say these things to everyone. He said himself that he didn’t know Maria expected more of him. That she one day thought he would come around. What did he give her that she clung to for so long?

  “Hey.”

  I opened my eyes. “Hey,” I repeated.

  “You’re not with me.”

  I searched his eyes for a moment, wondering how he could tell the moment my mind began to wander.

  “Now, I want to know what he said to you.”

  I sighed and dropped my eyes to his chest. His pecs tightened under my hands when I said, “He kissed me.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “It didn’t mean anything. If anything, it reminded me how much – ”

  “Don’t bullshit me,” he clipped.

  “I’m not,” I said defensively.

  “What’d he say to you?”

  “We talked about a lot,” I said.

  “Yeah?”

  My gaze dropped down again, and I tried to keep my fingers from curling into his chest. “Can we talk about this later?”

  His arms around me gave me a light shake. “No.”

  “It just happened,” I told his tie. “I need a little time to process it.”

  “Fuck,” he muttered, his body vibrating under my hands. “You’re letting him get in your head, honeybee.”

  I smiled barely, a reflex to the endearment.

  “And here I let myself think I had you,” he said.

  My smile fell, and I looked at him finally. “You do,” I stated.

  “This weekend, you gave. I saw it, and it was everything I had hoped for. But I can feel you taking it away. Shut me out and this won’t work.”

  I continued staring at him as his words sank in.

  “I know you didn’t have that with him,” he continued, “so I get that it’s scary. But we aren’t going to be like that. There’s no reason to keep things from me, and I won’t tolerate it.”

  “I’m not keeping anything. I told you he kissed me.”

  “And you told me it didn’t mean anything. I believe you. I’m more worried about what he put in your head.”

  “He’s not in – ”

  “Because I can feel you shutting down.”

  “I’m not,” I rushed out. “But things are moving so fast, and I need a minute. We had a perfect weekend, but maybe I should take a step back and stay at Gretchen’s tonight.”

  He looked away and shook his head. “He has you so fucked, you don’t even realize that this is how it’s supposed to be.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Bill, or maybe your mom, I don’t know, they have you believing that you’re supposed to do this on your own. That if you let me in, I’ll take that trust and turn it on you. You’ve gotta let me help you deal with whatever’s going on.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just bit my lip.

  He looked at me, eyebrows raised, waiting for me to speak. I turned my head to look out the window. I’m not like your other girls. Not like Maria. If you break me, I won’t recover. I’m too weak.

  His arms dropped from around me. “Go to Gretchen’s.”

  “What?” I asked as I stepped back.

  He crossed his arms. “Go. Just know that I can’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t talk to me. I can’t always be the one doing all the work. So you go to Gretchen’s to figure out if that’s the life you want. A life without me – maybe it’s being single, maybe it’s with Bill. But it’s without me.”

  I felt my chin quiver. Suddenly I didn’t want to go to Gretchen’s. I knew I’d fucked up, but I didn’t know exactly how. I was trying to spare him from seeing the weakness in me. I was trying to spare both of us from the heartache that could be. “I – I’m sorry. You’re right. Tonight, we can talk – ”

  “No,” he said. “I already gave you the chance to talk, but instead you want to keep it all inside so you can make decisions without me. So you can believe him over me. You’re supposed to be on my side, Olivia. Not his. So go and decide if you want what we had this weekend, or if you prefer the type of life where nobody gets in, and it’s just you, and you have no pain, but you don’t have real love either. Not the kind I’m handing you.”

  My mouth had fallen open while he spoke. His tone was firm, but there was sadness in his voice that burrowed into my heart and made me sad too. He stepped around me toward the door.

  “I’m not doing this to hurt you,” I pleaded. “I am on your side – ”

  “Spare me, babe,” he said as he turned back to me. “Take the time you need, and let me know what you decide. This isn’t an ultimatum; I just need to know that we’re on the same page, because by protecting yourself, you’re fucking me over. And I put it all out there for you. I don’t hold anything back. Now I’m the one who’s fucked.”

  Those words sent stabbing pain through my chest. Hurting David was the last thing I wanted to do, and I had done it too many times. I wondered at the look on my face, because he walked back over and gently took my chin in his hand.

  “Did you eat?” he demanded softly.

  “What?”

  “You promised, when I tried to make you breakfast, that you would have a big lunch.”

  I sighed. This was his concern? “I will eat now.”

  He placed a kiss on my lips and then pulled back. “I love you. Okay?”

  I bit my lower lip painfully hard to hold in tears. “Okay, baby.”

  He nodded and left.

  CHAPTER 13

  HEELS CLICKING AGAINST THE CONCRETE perforated my thoughts. I glanced down the hallway to see Gretchen approaching. “Aren’t my roommates home?” she asked when she spotted me sitting outside her apartment.

  “Oh, maybe. I didn’t knock.”

  “Come on,” she said, unlocking the door. “You look homeless.”

  I smiled unwillingly and followed her inside. She immediately disappeared to make tea. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked from the kitchen. When I didn’t answer, she reappeared and handed me a mug. “What happened, Liv?”

  “Bill came by my office today.”

  “And?”

  “He kissed me.”

  Her eyes became unusually large for someone discovering that a husband had kissed his wife. I looked down and continued. “It was different. We were both very . . . present. But still, nothing like kissing David.”

  She snorted. “I bet not. Pretty sure kissing someone as smoking hot as David burns the best way possible.”

  I looked back at her because she was right. There was nothing like it in the world. “Bill said some things I can’t ignore.”

  She fell onto the couch next to me, and her eyebrows met. “Like what?”

  “Basically that David is doing what he does best, playing me. And when he’s done, he’ll toss me aside and I’ll have no one.”

  “What did David say to that?”

  I looked into my mug. “We didn’t talk about it. I need to figure out how I feel before we do.”

  “Jesus, girl. You have to talk to
him. Don’t make the same mistakes with him that you did with Bill.”

  “You don’t understand. I eat up everything David says because I want so badly to believe it. But what if Bill is right? What if David is only doing what he knows?”

  “You’re being too hard on him. Do you think he buys every woman a house?”

  “I know he loves me,” I conceded. “But for how long? Until someone else catches his eye?”

  “Why not give it a chance?” Her tone was exasperated. “What harm can come from trying?”

  I looked at her sadly. “I’m in so deep, Gretchen. What I’ve done to Bill will pale in comparison to what David does to me when he leaves.”

  “First, you don’t know he’s leaving, so don’t talk like that. Second, that’s what love is. Risk. Faith. It’s fucking scary.” When I didn’t answer, she continued. “You already made the leap. What’s holding you back from David, sweetie?”

  “It’s just that Bill made some reasonable points. Is it really smart to give up a life with him, only to have this thing with David end when he decides it’s finished?”

  “You really can’t know that. That’s where the faith comes in.”

  “He called me heartless. Bill did. Like, he literally thinks I am cold and heartless.”

  “Do you think you’re cold?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe.”

  “Does David think so?”

  I shook my head. “He thinks I’m warm. He gets me. But at the end of the day, I don’t think David really knows what he’s getting into. He’s a bachelor one day and the next he’s asking me to divorce my husband and move in with him? He doesn’t realize what a commitment that is.”

  “He asked you to move in?”

  “Yes.”

  “If that’s what scares you, why don’t you try dating a while before moving in together? Slow things down?”

  “Have you met him?” I asked. “It’s like all or nothing with him.”

  She smiled. “I think it’s romantic.”

  I blushed, thinking that I agreed. “Bill wants me to come back. He said he’ll try harder.”

  She blinked at me and shook her head, seemingly in awe. “Let me ask you something,” she started, “could you really go back to Bill after this weekend with David? Do you even want to?”

  Counseling, Bill had suggested. It was a viable option. No, it was a great option. But I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would never reach the level of intimacy with Bill that I had during my short time with David. Just in one bath, I’d opened more to David than I maybe ever had to Bill.

  The doorbell jarred me from my thoughts. Gretchen was still staring at me, but she blinked. “I’ll be right back,” she said, standing.

  I settled into the couch and warmed my hands with the mug until she returned.

  “That was a delivery service. They dropped this off,” she said, handing me a heavy brown paper bag. I peered inside and pulled out my duffel bag. There was an unsigned note with David’s handwriting scrawled across it.

  To get you through the next few days

  I found three work outfits inside, along with fresh undergarments and some toiletries. I hugged the note to my chest and smiled sadly.

  “Did David send this stuff?” Gretchen asked, looking into my bag. “Um, that is so thoughtful.”

  My smile fell when I thought about him gathering and packing everything for me.

  “Who’s here?” someone called from the hallway. Ava appeared, spotted me on the couch and smiled. “Hey, Livs! Staying with us tonight?” she asked, eyeing my bag. It was evident that Gretchen hadn’t told her anything, otherwise I knew she’d be prying me with questions.

  “Is that all right?” I asked.

  “Duh,” she said. “I was just about to open a bottle of Pinot Noir.”

  “Sounds excellent,” Gretchen said.

  Wine and girl talk was the perfect distraction. Bethany, Gretchen’s other roommate, appeared when she heard the clinking of glasses. She talked for an hour straight and had only covered half of her weekend when the doorbell rang again.

  This time it was Greg, who sauntered in the room behind Gretchen after she let him in. “Ladies,” he greeted.

  “Hey, you,” I said, pleasantly surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

  He sat on one side of me as Gretchen sat on the other end of the couch. “Gretchen said you were having a girls’ night, so I’m here to crash. Like old times.”

  “Just without Lucy,” I said, frowning.

  “Lucy’ll come around,” he said. “You know her, loyal to a fault. So what’s tonight’s meeting about? Taking a break from all the sex, Livvy?”

  I rolled my eyes, but not before I saw Ava’s and Bethany’s eyebrows shoot up in unison.

  “Can I tell them?” Gretchen asked. “Please. I am dying to see their reaction.”

  I sighed irritably, even though I was also a little curious. “Fine,” I relented.

  “Olivia is fucking David Dylan. Remember – ”

  Bethany sprung onto the couch in one motion. “Get out!” she cried, repeating it as she jumped up and down.

  “It’s . . . I’m . . .” Words failed me as embarrassment set in.

  “Bethany!” Ava screamed. “Shut up and pause!” Her eyes cut to me, and I braced myself for the next words out of her mouth. “But you’re married,” she said.

  I glanced down at my hand by habit and said, “We’re taking a break.” A break? Why did I say that?

  “Shit, I do not blame you, girlfriend,” Bethany said. “That hunk of a man is worth taking a break for.”

  I nodded and smiled. He most definitely was. For the first time since I’d seen Bill, I let my mind wander back to my morning in the shower. To the command David had over his body and mine. To the way he worked me, pushing me to the edge and then further, fucking me to climax like it was his job.

  “Hello? Liv?”

  “Hmm?”

  “She’s obviously picturing him naked right now,” Bethany decided. “And now I am too. Is he hung?”

  “Gross,” Greg wailed.

  I laughed. “Yes. Seriously hung. Can you fucking believe it?”

  “I can!” Ava squealed, apparently pacified by my explanation that Bill and I were on a break. “He’s like six-foot-three – ”

  “Four,” I cut in.

  “And no guy is that confident if he ain’t packing,” she finished. “It must be good, right? The sex?”

  I rolled my head onto the back of the couch. “Ava,” I said seriously and up to the ceiling. “You have no idea.”

  The three of them broke into a mixture of giggles, squeals and I even heard an ‘Amen.’ Greg, I noticed, had buried his head between two pillows.

  “That’s so unfair,” Ava whined. “You get two men, and I’ve got nobody.”

  “It’s harder than you’d think,” I said.

  “Explain yourself,” she demanded.

  “David and I are more than just fucking. We’re, I guess . . .”

  “He asked her to move in,” Gretchen supplied.

  “No!” Bethany said with eyes as wide as saucers. “What’s stopping you?”

  “Well, for one, she’s still married,” Ava pointed out.

  “Yes, there’s that,” I agreed.

  “Are you guys, like, in love?” Ava asked.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “So you don’t love him?”

  “I . . . I haven’t . . . I think I do.”

  “Olivia,” Gretchen scolded. “You love him. I know you do.”

  “I do, I just,” I said, looking around nervously. “Like I said – ”

  “It’s complicated, we know,” Gretchen said, rolling her eyes. “Liv, if you love Bill and want to make it work with him, that’s one thing. But don’t ruin things with David because you’re scared. That’s not fair to either of you.”

  “And if he dumps me for someone else in six months? I would be devastated. I cou
ldn’t handle it,” I said, acutely aware of all the eyes on me.

  “You could,” Gretchen said. “You’re stronger than you think. If he breaks your heart, then you’ll deal with it. But you owe it to yourself to try.” She glanced at Greg, who leaned forward and winked at her.

  “Get a room,” Bethany teased.

  “We will, when my lady is ready.”

  Still? I mouthed at Gretchen, and she nodded proudly. I held my glass up to her and took a sip, shocked that she of all people had refrained from sleeping with him for so long.

  “So, hold up,” Bethany said. “Not that I care because I like you a lot more, but isn’t Lucy’s sister dating that gorgeous piece of ass?”

  I choked on my wine and started coughing. Everyone stared at me again. “They went on a few dates,” I said. “But he says it didn’t mean anything.”

  “It didn’t,” Gretchen said. “You told me he didn’t even do anything with her.”

  I wavered, not exactly thrilled at the idea of sharing all this with a roomful of people. “Bill said something about it this afternoon.”

  “What?” Ava asked, riveted.

  I looked at Gretchen when I spoke. “Dani told Bill that she and David slept together. David told me otherwise.”

  “You think he lied to you?” Gretchen asked.

  “No,” I said. “But I don’t know why she would lie.”

  Gretchen pursed her lips. “They didn’t,” she said, waving her hand. “I’m sure Lucy would’ve mentioned that. She’s not happy that you moved in on Dani’s man, but she’d be irate if it was that serious.”

  I nodded. “You’re probably right.”

  “Let’s ask her,” Bethany suggested.

  “Now?” Ava asked.

  “Why not? Call her up, Gretch.”

  “No,” I protested. “I don’t want to cause trouble.”

  “Girl, you need answers, stat,” Bethany said. “Call her.”

  “I think we should,” Gretchen agreed.

  I shifted uncomfortably. “If anyone’s going to call, it’s going to be me,” I said, holding my hand out for Gretchen’s phone.

  “Go on, girl,” Bethany cheered.

  I copied the number into my phone and hit ‘Send.’ My heart raced as it rang, no idea what I would say, and I was relieved when I got her voicemail. I left a brief, stumbling message asking her to call me and hung up. I was met with four pairs of eyes when I looked up. “You guys are intense,” I said and laughed nervously.