Lonely Girl

by Lynne Vincent McCarthy

  ‘Hey, boy, did the big noise scare you? Me too.’

  No!

  Ana hurls herself down the hallway and into the kitchen, horrified to see the door into the garage hanging open.

  FORTY

  ‘Good dog, good boy, River.’

  Luke is leaning back in his spot against the pillar. River sits calmly by his side, enjoying a gentle scratch behind the ears.

  Luke looks particularly pleased with himself as he smiles across at Ana, who stands poised on the bottom step, her whole body rigid. There’s no threat in the smile but he has River held firmly by the collar. Even if the dog wanted to get up he couldn’t.

  It’s excruciating for Ana to be separated from River in this way, to not be able to go to him, and she can’t hide that. She knows it’s written all too clearly on her face.

  ‘What happened up there?’

  ‘It was nothing.’

  ‘Didn’t sound like nothing.’

  Ana keeps her eyes trained on River while trying to keep her voice as calm as possible. For now he seems happy enough and she wants to make sure he stays that way.

  ‘It was just a friend but he’s gone now.’

  ‘Friend?’

  Ana nods, on the verge of completely losing it.

  ‘Do you shoot at all your friends?’

  ‘It was a stupid accident. He’s gone now.’

  ‘Good.’

  Luke returns his focus to River.

  ‘That’s good, isn’t it, mate?’

  ‘Please. Don’t hurt him.’

  River picks up on the distress in her voice and tries to go to her.

  ‘It’s okay, boy,’ Luke says quietly as he strokes River’s head. ‘You’re okay.’ He’s genuinely tender but his grip remains tight. ‘Tell him he’s okay, Ana.’

  ‘It’s okay, River.’

  ‘You got a bad leg, mate?’ Luke croons.

  Ana notes the change in his tone as something she recognises in herself whenever she speaks to animals. It doesn’t sound forced. She’s not surprised to see River licking his hand but he looks straight at Ana after he does so, checking her response. He senses something is wrong and is confused, she can see that, but he’s not yet distressed.

  ‘This dog … he means a lot to you, doesn’t he?’

  If he’s so innocent, why does he keep behaving like he’s guilty?

  ‘He shouldn’t be sitting on cold concrete.’

  ‘Okay … let’s get you more comfortable, shall we mate?’

  Luke looks back up at Ana, gesturing to his hiding place in the shadows.

  ‘Can you manage to push the mattress over on your own?’ He laughs at his own question. ‘Of course you can, what am I thinking?’

  Ana looks at the mattress and then back at Luke. It’ll mean stepping into the danger zone.

  ‘Don’t worry, we’ll stay where we are, won’t we, boy?’

  Ana is aware of River’s eyes following her movements as she edges her way along the wall and comes up on the mattress from behind, using it as a barrier between them.

  Luke is true to his word. He doesn’t move. His focus is completely on River.

  Ana glances at the pillow on the far side of the mattress where she last saw the plastic shiv but before she can move Luke’s eyes find her. She’s beyond the direct reach of the light and she can’t tell how much he can see but the pillow is right between them, impossible to get to.

  In a quick movement she leans in and pushes the mattress along the concrete until it reaches them. Then she quickly circles back to her original position. She watches Luke guide River onto it before settling himself next to him.

  ‘I’ve always thought you can judge a person by how they behave around animals. You can see the true weight of someone, don’t you think?’

  What is he doing? What does he want?

  He’s waiting, clearly wanting some sort of response from her. She could kill him right now. She knows without a doubt that she could kill him.

  ‘When I was a kid,’ she starts, ‘I spent a lot of time on my own down by the river.’

  She glances quickly at Luke, just enough to know he’s listening.

  ‘One day there was this man. Someone I’d never seen before. He was carrying a bag over his shoulder. He smiled as he walked past, not even trying to hide it. There was something alive in there. I heard whimpering and at first I thought it was a baby. I knew he was going to drown it.’

  She keeps her eyes on Luke’s hand as he calmly strokes River while he listens to her story.

  ‘I followed him all the way to the edge of the water. He knew I was there, watching him, knowing exactly what he was about to do. He didn’t seem to care. Didn’t even look at me. I was just a kid. What could I do about it?’

  Her eyes drift now to Luke’s face, seeing she has his full attention.

  ‘There was a sharp rock just lying there on the ground. All I had to do was pick it up … He never saw it coming.’

  Luke raises his eyebrows but doesn’t comment.

  ‘A body washed up a few weeks later but no one ever connected it to my new puppy. Why would they? Everyone just assumed the man had fallen and hit his head. Accidents happen all the time when you live near a river.’

  Luke suddenly smiles. Broadly.

  ‘I like the sound of that little girl. Is that the kind of kid you wished you’d been?’

  ‘How do you know it didn’t happen?’

  ‘Because you’re all I’ve had to study while I’ve been down here.’

  Again, that smile that even now disarms her.

  ‘You don’t say much but you do like your stories.’

  ‘Please, Luke, let him go.’

  Luke studies her for a moment.

  ‘I’ll let him go, if you let me go.’

  He glances down at his leg. He wants the key to the chain.

  ‘I don’t have them on me. They’re upstairs, in the door.’

  Luke waits.

  Ana doesn’t move.

  ‘Go on, River will be okay,’ Luke says, his voice as gentle as she’s ever heard it. ‘I promise you, this is almost over now.’

  In a flash Ana is climbing the stairs.

  ‘Be quick,’ he calls after her. ‘No detours.’

  Ana moves fast, pulling the keys from the padlock and then grabbing the first thing she can lay her hands on. The screwdriver she used to make her peephole. Much better than a bit of plastic, no matter how much of an edge he’s given it. She tucks it into the back of her jeans and once again descends.

  She keeps her eye on Luke who doesn’t move, making it clear he expects her to come to him. She looks him right in the eye as she closes in on the mattress and holds out the keys.

  He doesn’t even look at them. He keeps his eyes on her face as he pats the mattress on his other side.

  ‘Sit.’

  Ana refuses to move.

  ‘I’m not letting him go until you sit down with me.’

  She sits and straight away he releases River as promised but River just stays there.

  Luke laughs, clearly delighted with how all this is going.

  ‘I think he likes me.’

  ‘River, up. Now!’

  River just looks at her. He’s still confused but he’s comfortable and doesn’t get why he has to move. She points to the door and musters up a firmer tone.

  ‘Go to bed. Now!’

  Luke and Ana both watch as River reluctantly hoists himself up and off the mattress. Ana can see his limp is more pronounced since his trip down the stairs. There’s no way he’s getting back up there on his own.

  Ana shifts but Luke anticipates her and grabs hold of her wrist.

  ‘You stay.’

  With the hand that holds the keys clamped to Luke, Ana responds in the only way she can, snaking her other hand around to the weapon concealed behind her.

  ‘I wouldn’t have hurt him, you know.’

  She stays absolutely still, not daring to struggle, the handle of the screwdriv
er now firmly within her grasp.

  ‘Unlock it.’

  Ana looks down at her hand, still grasped in his, still holding the keys.

  ‘The other hand.’

  Still she doesn’t move.

  ‘I’m not letting you near that door until I’m on the other side. Although I must admit it’s tempting to let you experience just how it feels to have this fucking thing padlocked to your ankle.’

  Ana has been so still that when she makes her move he’s taken by surprise. He doesn’t see the weapon until it’s too late. She stabs it down onto the hand that has her wrist entrapped, feeling the crunch of bone when it connects. He cries out in pain and releases her but yanks her back in with his other arm, rolling himself on top of her, trapping her with his body. The screwdriver clatters onto the concrete as they struggle and Luke kicks it away. Ana hears River barking somewhere behind her.

  ‘No! Stay!’

  She struggles for all she’s worth but he has her in a headlock now. Then suddenly there it is. The screwdriver is out of her reach but the shiv is right there, in front of her eyes, freed from its hiding place under the pillow. Like a gift. Like a sharp rock lying on a riverbank. All she has to do is get one hand free and grab it.

  Ana slashes wildly at him, a violent spray of blood hitting her body.

  Luke recoils in shock and Ana takes the opportunity to put distance between them, pulling River with her until they’re both beyond his reach.

  Only then does she look back.

  Luke is still, his hand clamped over his wrist. Blood seeps through his fingers, falling in big drops onto the concrete. His face is white with shock.

  ‘Ana, this is bad. There’s too much blood.’

  He’s right, it’s a lot of blood.

  She still has the shiv clutched in her hand, pointed straight at him, when she spots the keys lying on the floor between them. Despite his injury Luke is one step ahead of her. Ana leaves him to it, hefting River up in both arms and charging for the door as Luke scrambles to free himself. It’s heavy going and Ana just manages to put River down, pull the door shut and lock it when Luke hits it with a hard thud behind her. She staggers back, her momentum crashing her into the mountain of furniture and boxes. She grabs hold of a table leg to steady herself but all she does is bring the whole thing undone. She has no time to avoid it collapsing on top of her.

  *

  ‘Ana, are you there?’

  Ana lies where she fell, having taken a bad blow to the head. Behind her one side of her car is buried. Slowly she becomes aware of River hovering over her. The scrape of his tongue on her face. Luke’s voice calling to her. His panic.

  ‘I can’t stop the fucking bleeding … I need a doctor.’

  He’s close. Just on the other side of the door.

  He’ll be okay, the police are coming.

  Ana can feel it now. Everything closing in on her, slowly but surely. They’ll be here soon. They’ll take care of him.

  They’ll take care of you too.

  She sits up carefully. She doesn’t feel so good.

  ‘Ana, open the door, please … You’re making a big mistake. I know I scared you but I’m not the monster you think I am.’

  Ana staggers up and makes her way to the kitchen, his voice following.

  ‘Please come back, I promise I won’t hurt you.’

  What do his promises mean? Does she even know who the man doing the promising is? Does he? A few minutes ago he was threatening to swap places with her. She would have ended up chained and locked in her own basement. She picks up the monitor from the kitchen bench and stares down at it, trying to focus.

  Drops of blood fall onto the plastic.

  Ana puts her hand to her head and it comes away wet. Luke is not the only one bleeding.

  ‘Ana, I know you’re there. I can hear you. I think you hit an artery. If we don’t stop it I could die. You don’t want that, do you? All you have to do is get me to emergency. Dump me out the front. No one has to know what you’ve done here.’

  Ana knows she has to do something but everything is swimming around in her head. She can’t think straight. It doesn’t help that River is frantic, following at her heels, nudging the monitor out of her hands. Knocking it to the floor.

  ‘Please, Ana, can we just give each other another chance? I don’t want to die all alone down here.’

  He doesn’t sound like a monster. He sounds scared. As scared as she is.

  Leaving the monitor where it fell Ana bolts for the first-aid kit in the bathroom but stops dead when confronted by herself in the mirror. Hair matted, blood running into her eyes. She tries to wash it out in the basin but only makes it worse. She can still hear Luke behind her. He’s screaming now.

  ‘What are you gonna do, Ana, you sick twisted bitch?! Let me bleed out? Then what? Fuck my corpse?!’

  It’s too much. She lurches into the shower stall, turning the water on hard. She needs to make the blood stop, make his voice stop, just for a moment. She crouches there under the cascade, a pool of red swirling around her. She can still hear him screaming but can no longer make out the words.

  As steam fills the room, she looks to the doorway where River stands, watching her. Behind him she can just make out the shadowy form of a woman.

  She’s wanted to see her for such a long time.

  What have you done, Rabbit? What have you done?

  Then everything goes black.

  FORTY-ONE

  She remembers turning the water off.

  She remembers the silence. Her head swimming. The cold.

  She remembers River watching over her from the doorway. The stretch of hall leading to her room.

  She remembers reaching for the blankets. And then the fall.

  She remembers falling.

  *

  Morning light seeps through the curtains, illuminating the house in a soft glow. The monitor rests on its side on the kitchen floor where Ana dropped it, the green light flickering as the quiet sound of whistling fills the air. It beckons as it moves through the dim spaces of the house, filling the emptiness, slowly closing in on the bedroom where Ana lies facedown across the sheets. As the sound reaches her ear she rises, limp like a rag doll. Still half asleep, she feels herself pulled into the hallway, drifting towards the kitchen, feet barely skimming the floorboards.

  On the threshold she comes to a sudden stop, feet jolting hard on the cold floor.

  There’s dried blood on the monitor.

  There was blood. A lot of blood.

  ‘Luke?’ she calls, her voice a shaky croak.

  Nothing comes back to her. Nothing but silence.

  Ana looks at the window. Even with the blind and all of the curtains drawn she can tell it’s now light outside. How long has it been?

  How long does it take for a person to bleed out?

  Ana crosses the kitchen and snatches up the monitor. The green light shows it’s working but she flicks the power off and back on again to make sure.

  Still nothing.

  Ana sets it back onto the bench and moves to the sink. She turns on the tap but the sound of the water hitting the hard metal is too loud and she shuts it off. She picks up a glass and tries again, letting out just a small stream, watching, thirsty, as the glass slowly fills. As she turns the water off she hears the first footfall on the porch. And then another.

  They’re all going to find out now. Everyone will know who you are. What you’ve done.

  When the knock comes Ana drinks until the glass is empty. Only then does she head for the front door.

  A second louder knock bounces towards her and she feels herself flinch back.

  River will die on his own, with strangers. All of this because you didn’t have the courage to put him and yourself down when you should have.

  ‘Ana?’

  She immediately recognises the voice calling to her through the door. From deeper within the house she feels her younger self running for it, passing right through her, desperate to
get there first, to spend a few minutes with him on her own.

  Ana lets herself feel it. That small moment of elation. Of relief. She’s glad it’s him. It seems somehow fitting. She rests her palm on the door, preparing herself. Then she pulls in a deep breath and opens up.

  Officer Lynch looks back at her, his face grim. He’s speaking but she doesn’t take in the words. She’s looking past him but can’t see anyone else.

  ‘Ana?’

  He throws a glance back at the road.

  ‘Can I come in?’

  It has to be a ruse – the police know they have history and are sending him in first to distract her. To check the lay of the land.

  Maybe he wants to keep you safe. There’s a suspected killer inside. Remember? He doesn’t know who you are yet. What you’ve become.

  Ana steps back, giving him room to enter. She takes a last look around before closing the door and following him back down the hallway to the kitchen. No need to show him the way, even in the dimness. He’s been here many times before.

  Ana stops at the kitchen table, hands gripping onto the back of a chair, holding herself upright. She glances at Lynch who is hovering uncomfortably having stopped just inside the doorway. She sees him scope out the room before he casts his eyes back the way they came, to the hallway and the rest of the house beyond.

  Her mother’s room is back there but he wouldn’t recognise it now. It’s just an empty space, not a single thing in it. Soon this whole house will be empty, the last traces of Ana and what happened here gone.

  ‘Do you mind?’

  His hand is already on the light switch and Ana shields her eyes against the interrogating glare.

  He sees her properly now. The state of her. It throws him. River sits up in his bed and Ana watches as Lynch follows the diversion, offering his hand to be sniffed before hunkering down to give the sleepy dog a pat. He checks his name tag, making a sound much like the one Luke made when she told him his name.

  ‘Hey River.’ He looks up at Ana. ‘Kelpie?’

  Ana nods.

  ‘Smart breed,’ he says. ‘How’s he been?’

  Why doesn’t he just get on with it? Why stop to pat the dog?

  ‘You said he was sick,’ Lynch prompts.

  ‘He has cancer. He’s dying.’