Undone

by Brook Wilder

  Besides, my hope was starting to wane the more the adrenaline faded.

  I was still in my own thoughts when I went back into my bedroom, pink-faced and clean, wrapped in my dressing gown, only to find Khloe sitting on my bed reading one of my many novels. Most of her clients had found it amusing that I wanted to read such soppy stories, but I ignored them. I loved the escapism. My books were the only thing that took me to a place where I wasn’t being used.

  And seeing my boss reading something that was private to me made my hackles rise. I swallowed back my annoyance and walked into the room, putting my things in the hamper by the door.

  Khloe looked up and put the book aside. Her expression was pleasantly blank. “How are you holding up?”

  I didn’t want to talk to her. I still had my doubts that Khloe was involved. In spite of her initial reaction earlier before the raid, Khloe was not to be trusted.

  “Okay, I guess.” I went to the dresser and opened one of the drawers and fished out my pajamas. “That is something I don’t want to go through again in a hurry.”

  “Did you tell him about the baby?”

  I spun around. Khloe was watching me closely. I swallowed. “Of course I did. And Diesel wants to be around.”

  Khloe snorted. “He says that now, but you don’t know if he’ll stick to it.”

  She was right. I didn’t know. But I wasn’t about to openly admit it; that was what Khloe was looking for. I shucked off my robes and slipped on my pajamas. After years of working naked, it didn’t bother me to have women staring at me.

  “Diesel is more honorable than you make him out to be, Khloe.”

  “Maybe he is.” Khloe leant back and stretched out her legs. She looked like a cat about to pounce. “Well, don’t hold out on people keeping their promises, Amber. Especially in our business. You know damn well that nobody keeps their promises to whores.” She gave me a pointed look. “And don’t forget, your life is controlled by me. Whatever Diesel wants has to go through me, no matter what he tells you.”

  This was the Khloe everyone knew. The ruthless, dangerous woman. She made herself out to be something else, but I had seen the dangerous side one too many times. I would trust Khloe when she was in her softer moods, and then that would be turned around on me. I had no idea how to treat my boss anymore. The madam was unpredictable.

  And more dangerous than the cartel. I squared my shoulders. “You can’t make me get rid of this child, Khloe,” I said evenly. “I won’t do it. Abortion is out of the question for me.”

  “I didn’t realize you were religious.”

  “I’m not. I just don’t want to abort. My choice.”

  We stared at each other. Then Khloe sighed and shrugged.

  “Fine. But you’ll get rid of it eventually. Whether it’s before or after the birth, you’ll get rid of it.”

  “I would never do that.”

  “Oh, really?” Khloe stood, looking like she was unfolding herself. She made it look so fluid. “Well, you can’t have the baby here. Clients will be turned off it they see a crib in the corner, and I don’t cater for those types of fetishes.”

  That was when I caught the sad tone. It was barely there, but I heard it. And it resonated within me. Something wasn’t right with Khloe. Had she…?

  The realization settled in with me. For the first time since meeting the older woman, I felt a pang of compassion for her.

  “How many have you had to give up?”

  Khloe started as if she had been slapped. Her face paled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “How many babies have you had to personally give up?”

  I watched as Khloe’s face turned even whiter, and then darkened with rage. Her eyes narrowed, and she advanced on me, who managed to stay still instead of backing away.

  Khloe stopped close to me and jabbed a finger into my face.

  “That is none of your business, girl,” she hissed. “And I’ll remind you of who you’re speaking to.”

  She was looking angrier than I had ever seen her. But I wasn’t backing down. “Just because you lost your children doesn’t mean I’m going to lose mine.”

  Khloe snorted. “You won’t have any choice. You can’t walk out of here.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  Khloe arched an eyebrow. Then she threw her head back in a harsh laugh. “Who’s going to take you away? Diesel? He only comes here to fuck you. And he pays you handsomely for it, from what I’ve heard.”

  My face started getting warm. But I didn’t look away. My hands clenched at my sides.

  “I didn’t say Diesel would take me away.”

  “But you want him to, don’t you?” Khloe sneered. She shook her head. “You’re not the first person to go through this, Amber.”

  “Go through what?”

  “Get pregnant and think the father in question is going to whisk you away, get married to you, and live happily ever after with your child. That doesn’t happen. Have you forgotten what you are? You’re just a whore, Amber. A pair of tits to grab and a set of warm holes for men to dump their cum in.

  “All of them will leave. They always do, and then you’ll be on your own. You won’t have the money to properly look after a baby, and when that happens, you’ll come crawling back to me.” Khloe gave my still flat stomach a dark look. “And I don’t feed mouths that don’t work.”

  I felt sick. Khloe was beginning to scare me. More than anything else, her saying that the baby wouldn’t live. It had only been a few short hours, but I was already looking forward to becoming a mother. Every part of me wanted this child. Whether or not Diesel was in our lives.

  I took a deep breath. “I’m not in love with Diesel.”

  Khloe snorted. She clearly didn’t believe me. “Tell that to someone who might actually be convinced.”

  “I honestly don’t. I don’t even know what love is, you know that. But I will do what I can for my baby.”

  Instinctively, my hand went to my belly. Khloe saw the movement. Her nostrils flared, and she scowled.

  “You won’t be saying that soon, Amber. And neither will Diesel. He’ll throw your love back in your face, just like every man.”

  “I don’t love Diesel!” I shouted. That didn’t sound convincing, even to myself. But I didn’t. Really. “This is my decision, no one else’s.”

  Khloe sniggered. “You really think that?”

  Then she spun away, so fast that I swayed, and sauntered from the room, closing the door behind her.

  It was only then that I collapsed to my knees, feeling like I could breathe properly again.

  Chapter Nine

  Diesel

  Getting rid of the truck wasn’t difficult. I had grown up in the west all my life. Nevada was my home. I knew all the nooks and crannies where I could hide a vehicle without any questions being raised. So, I took the truck to a small canyon an hour outside of Eden. We had dumped many cars here in the past. Even now, the remains of the frames, burnt to a crisp, were still visible among the scattered sand.

  A fire to get rid of the evidence and a sandstorm to bury it. Perfect.

  My hands were still shaking as I poured the gasoline and lit it up, almost catching myself alight. The adrenaline was starting to kick in, which made me sick and dizzy. Knowing I could have lost another chance to be a father was still weighing heavily on my mind.

  Freya hadn’t truly understood. She had wanted a child as much as me, but I hadn’t realized that Freya wanted a child with the man she was having an affair with. All while we were in high school, Freya would go with another boy. I had thought the bastard had got the message after I dealt him a beating, but then he made the mistake of signing up for the navy and going onto a ship. At the time, I thought this would be a way to provide for me and Freya, so I could propose and we could have a comfortable life. Neither of us had grown up with much, and I wanted more.

  And Freya had to take that all away from me. A chance to be a father, a husband, everyt
hing. I would never forget the letter I had received from her, telling me everything. The bit about getting rid of my child had stuck out the most.

  Because of her, I had shut myself off. The military had soaked up everything. My whole devotion was to the navy. When I left after five years, I had been lost. It had only been when Mason suggested joining the Ghost Riders that I felt a strange semblance of home, of being wanted.

  But, even then, that was never enough. A part was missing. I knew what it was, and I hated it even more.

  Noah gave me a lift back to Eden, and then I went to congregate with the men Mason had rounded up to protect Khloe and the girls. Mason was still grumbling about it, but he stepped back and said nothing as I gave the five men our instructions. I knew that my friend and boss wanted to say so much more, to tell me I was being a fool, but Mason wisely shut up.

  I knew I was being foolish. All this for a chit of a girl. But I didn’t care. There were other things more important than what Mason thought.

  The five bikers followed me and Noah back to the brothel. Noah bade his farewells, keeping his distance from Khloe as she stood on the threshold with a scowl on her face, while the rest of the bikers entered the brothel or spread themselves out across the street. Khloe bared her teeth at me. She did not look impressed.

  “This is your protection?” she demanded. “Five men?”

  “It’s the best Mason can do.” I didn’t know why I was explaining myself. “They’re ex-military, so they know what they’re doing.”

  Khloe still didn’t look convinced. Her eyes narrowed.

  “Just make sure they don’t start shooting. I won’t have a gunfight inside.”

  “You had the cartel charging through here earlier,” I snorted. I could see the lobby wasn’t back to scratch, even with Lorraine and another girl I recognized as Chelsea sweeping up. “I think bullets will be the least of your troubles.”

  Khloe narrowed her eyes. I sighed. I wasn’t in the mood to fight with her.

  “Fine. I’ll make sure it won’t come to that. Where’s Amber?”

  “Amber?” Khloe’s nostrils flared. “I don’t think she’s in the mood to be fucked right now, Diesel. She just got rescued from a container truck.”

  “Did I say I was going to fuck her?” I started towards the stairs. “Don’t bother, I’ll find her myself.”

  I was still itching to slap the madam. I had never hit a woman in my life, although I had been tempted in the past. Freya had been one after betraying me. Khloe was now firmly on the list.

  Amber’s room was halfway along the hallway on the second floor. The door, compared to the variety of colors on the other doors, was a pale pink. It was very girly. Almost childlike. I felt sick of what Amber had been subjected to over the last two years, and even before then. She hadn’t had a great upbringing at all.

  There was something about her that made me want to take hold of her and not let go. And that would be asking for trouble.

  I gently rapped on the door.

  “Amber? It’s me.”

  There was silence. Then the soft padding of feet, following by the bolt being thrown back. Amber looked out, her eyes widening when she saw me. But she didn’t go into my arms, as I had been expecting. She held herself back, pale and watery-eyed, giving me a small smile.

  “Hey.”

  She looked even worse than before. I saw the tear tracks on her cheeks.

  “You’ve been crying.” I reached out. “What’s wrong?”

  Amber jerked her head away as my thumb brushed across her skin.

  “Nothing’s wrong,” she snapped.

  “Nothing?” I snorted. “Fuck that. Come on, Amber, it’s me. What is it?”

  Amber floundered. Then she huffed and spun away, stomping into her room. I followed, closing the door behind me. Amber wrapped her arms around her middle. Her hair was freshly washed, loose about her shoulders, and she wore a baby pink sweater that looked a little too big on her, with grey sweat pants. She looked so much younger than nineteen.

  My chest tightened. I really wanted to hold onto her. But I held myself back.

  “I…” Amber closed her eyes and sighed. “I guess it’s just the pregnancy hormones. It’s making me a little emotional. The day has been rather tough, after all.”

  I knew that much. But Amber was trying to hold onto something. Anything could make her snap. Then Amber was looking up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers.

  “Can you just hold me for a bit?” She chewed her lip and backtracked a little. “I mean… nothing like that. Just so I know this is real. That I’m not alone. Or do you have to go back?”

  “I have men keeping an eye on the place.” I put my gun and my rifle on the dresser before kicking off my shoes and walking to her. “I can spare some time.”

  Honestly, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. Amber was all I could think about. It was dangerous thinking, but I didn’t care. I climbed onto the bed and held out my hand. Amber hesitated, and then she slipped her small hand into my. She allowed him to tug her onto the bed and into my arms.

  I lied back, Amber tucked into my side with her arms around my waist, her head on my chest. She was trembling.

  Or was that me?

  “I’m sorry.”

  Amber said it so quietly, I barely heard her. I looked at the top of her head.

  “What are you sorry about?”

  “I’m asking too much of you lately.”

  I chuckled drily.

  “You wouldn’t be the first one to do that. But with you?” I stroked her hair. “I don’t mind.”

  And I meant it. Really meant it. Amber could ask me to flay myself alive, and I would happily do it.

  Shit. I was getting in far too deep. I needed to get away from Amber. Now.

  Just another moment. One more moment.

  “I’m so used to being on my own, being in charge of everything.” Amber snorted. “Within reason, in here.”

  “I know what you mean.” I grunted. “But you do need to lean on someone on occasions. I don’t mind being that person.”

  I was now beginning to wish Amber would lean on something else other than my chest. The close contact was stirring my arousal again, my cock now pressing against my zipper. Just being in the same room as Amber had me aroused, but like this… I was rock-hard.

  Amber lifted her head and stared at me.

  “Why would you want to be a whore’s rock?” she asked.

  I knew I shouldn’t. Despite what my body wanted, I should get up and leave. I was in far too deep already. Amber was going to suck me in even more.

  But I couldn’t. I wanted to stay. Amber needed someone, and I wanted it to be me.

  I stroked Amber’s jaw, watching as her eyes fluttered closed with a sigh.

  “You’re more than that, Amber,” I growled. “And you know it.”

  I shifted, rolling over until Amber was underneath me. Amber didn’t push me away as I lowered my head. If she had, I would have got off her. But she eagerly accepted my kiss, biting down hard on my lip.

  I had only meant to give her some comfort. Be gentle for the first time. Amber made me lose control.

  “Diesel…” Amber moaned, moving her lips across my stubbled jaw.

  Then she bit down on the flesh of my neck.

  I growled. She was going to make me lose it. But I had to make sure. I pulled back, rising up onto my knees. Amber lay on the bed watching me with confused eyes.

  “What’s wrong? I… Did I do something wrong?”

  “Never.” I had never seen a more beautiful sight. My heart was pounding. “Are you sure about this? You’ve been through enough today. I don’t want to…”

  Amber sat up and laid a finger over my lips. She gave me a sweet smile.

  “I want to,” she whispered. “And I want you. Now.”

  I couldn’t argue with that. I kissed her, sweeping her into my arms. Amber went willingly, her fingers digging into my shoulders. Then she was scratching, trying to tu
g my jacket and t-shirt off. I winced as I felt her nails through my clothes.

  Amber pulled back.

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.” I grinned and rose up, tossing my jacket aside and shucking my t-shirt. I flexed my muscles. “I like a bit of fight.” Then I gestured at Amber’s sweater. “Fair’s fair, Amber, if you’re making me strip.”