Undone

by Brook Wilder

  Khloe was right. I needed to get out of there. Even if I didn’t take Khloe’s offer, I needed to get away from Diesel. He would never be able to love me, and being in a relationship with a man who couldn’t love and wouldn’t be able to love me back would be agonizing. I wanted to be a partner and mother, be worthy for once in my life. Diesel wouldn’t be able to completely give that to me. And the bikers would more than likely get me killed.

  I had to leave. For my baby’s sake more than my own.

  Once I was sure Diesel was well and truly asleep, I slipped out of bed and dressed again. Gathering the few belongings I brought, I packed my backpack again and tiptoed out. I didn’t put my shoes on until I got outside, shutting the door quietly behind me. By the time Diesel knew I was gone, I would be well away from him.

  It was best for both of us.

  I took a glance at my phone. The time was almost up. I called Khloe, taking a deep breath before putting the phone to my ear.

  Khloe answered on the second ring.

  “I was beginning to think you were going to turn down my offer.”

  I sighed heavily. “There’s a lot to think about. You’re not one to give me anything with no strings attached.”

  “You don’t trust me?”

  “No.”

  Khloe chuckled. “That’s the most honest thing I’ve ever heard from you.”

  “What do I need to do now?”

  “I’ll have Kayla come and pick you up. You’re at Diesel’s place, yes?”

  “Yes.” I glanced at the yard. “I’ll meet me at the gate. Diesel’s got tripwires and alarms if anyone tries to get in. I think I can get out.”

  “Good. I’ll tell Kayla to come and get you now.” Khloe paused. “You won’t regret this, Amber. You’re doing the right thing.”

  I didn’t say anything. I had nothing to say to that, so I just hung up. Part of me was telling me this was a bad idea, and another part said this had to be done.

  I didn’t know what to think anymore. But I knew I couldn’t stay with Diesel right now. Not after what I had seen. How could I forgive Diesel for that?

  At least he hadn’t done it in front of our child. But if he could do that in front of me, it would only be a matter of time before our child witnessed something. I wanted nothing of that in my kid’s life.

  I set off up the track. The sun was starting to creep down the sky, an orange glow starting to appear across the fields. The views out here were stunning. But it left a bittersweet taste in my mouth.

  My cell phone started ringing again. I was expecting to see Kayla’s name flash up, but it wasn’t. It was Cassie.

  I debated ignoring it, but Cassie can be just as insistent as Khloe. She would call until I answered. And I couldn’t bring myself to be rude to Mason’s wife. The nurse was a lovely woman, and I found myself often gravitating towards her.

  Bracing myself, I answered. “Hello?”

  “Hey, you okay?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I heard about the ambush and how it went wrong. Mason said Diesel was the only one left alive.” Cassie paused. “You’re okay, are you?”

  I wanted to lie. But I couldn’t. I choked back a sob. “Cassie… Diesel, he… He murdered Carlos Herrera. Shot him in the face. I saw it all.”

  “What?” Cassie gasped. “Oh, Amber.”

  “I’m a prisoner here, just like Carlos was.” I felt myself walking faster, almost tripping over in my sneakers. “Who knows if Diesel’s going to turn on me?”

  “He wouldn’t.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Amber, Diesel loves you. He would never do that to you.”

  That had me laughing in disbelief. “Love? Diesel doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘love.’”

  “That’s because he’s a fucking big lump, with mush for a brain. He loves you, and everything he’s been doing lately has been to protect you. That’s saying something.”

  “He’s just controlling me, Cassie,” I shot back. “Just like everyone else in my life. I can’t do what I want for myself. And I need to look out for me now.”

  Before, that had felt like an enlightening moment. Now it was daunting. I was shocked to realize I was more scared than I was willing to admit.

  “Are you that scared of happiness that you’re willing to throw it all away?” Cassie asked.

  I snorted. “Where’s happiness in a life when you’re on the run from the cartel?”

  “Diesel hasn’t opened up to anyone like this before. Not since I’ve known him, and certainly not in all the years Mason has known him. Whoever hurt him in the past ruined a chance of happiness for him long ago, but it doesn’t mean he can’t have it with you or you with him.”

  I felt like everyone was trying to force me into something. Everyone had a say in my life except me.

  “Why is everyone so intent on having me be with Diesel?”

  “Because he’s the man who wants you for you, whether he willingly admits it or not,” Cassie pointed out, “And he’s the only one out of him, the cartel, the Russians, and Khloe who won’t kill your baby.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Don’t I?”

  This was going nowhere. In a moment, Cassie would have talked me back around again. I wasn’t having it. I was making a choice for myself, and I was sticking to it.

  “I have to go.” I swallowed hard. “Bye, Cassie.”

  “Amber, wait…”

  But I was already hanging up. Then I threw my cell phone as hard as I could into a field.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  Diesel

  It was dark when I opened my eyes. The curtains were still open, casting the moonlight across the carpet and onto the bed. Everything looked like it was in black-and-white.

  I was still angry, but I was sated for now. Amber had witnessed something she shouldn’t have seen, which was now going to be a difficult conversation to finish later on. I knew what I had done was not the best way to go about it. I never committed murder like that in my home. Those people were dragged elsewhere, but now…

  Carlos Herrera… I couldn’t believe Amber had actually managed to create a friendship with the bastard. She was not a trusting person. The fact I had managed to get past some of her barriers was nothing short of a miracle. Why would she think it was a good idea to be in the same room as a member of the Cartel, never mind try to be friends with him? I would need to talk to her about that.

  If she would talk to me. Amber’s side was the bed was feeling decidedly cold and empty. There was no sign of her clothes, either. She was more than likely up and in the kitchen. Pregnancy tended to make women hungry.

  Now I thought of it, Freya had been pregnant before I left for my tour. All the signs had been there. I couldn’t believe I had missed it.

  And I couldn’t believe what she did to the baby. She might as well have ripped my heart out.

  Somehow, Amber had managed to put it back together, but now I was beginning to wish she hadn’t touched it in the first place.

  Slipping out of bed, I dressed in jeans and shoved my feet into my shoes. As a precaution, I brought out my gun from the bedside cabinet. With everything going on right now, I couldn’t afford to be unarmed. If the Cartel was coming for me, I wasn’t about to be caught with my pants down.

  Not again.

  Had Amber fallen asleep downstairs? I padded downstairs and searched the rooms. Everything was extremely quiet, which didn’t sit well with me.

  I couldn’t find her. There was no evidence that she was even in the house. I even checked the basement. The blood from Herrera’s body was still there, and his body was still wrapped in a body-bag in the corner. I still needed to dispose of that damn corpse. But Amber wasn’t there.

  As I checked the last of the rooms, finishing in the kitchen, I could feel my heart sinking. Amber was gone. She was nowhere to be found. Everything of hers was gone. Somehow, she had managed to get out without me realizing it. God only knew
where she was now.

  I cursed and kicked the fridge-freezer, causing it to rock and rattle. “Fuck! You stupid girl!”

  This was the last thing I needed. Running around after a hormonal pregnant girl. Amber drew out things in me that I wished weren’t possible. She was a drug to me and I should have figured that out pretty quickly. Maybe I had, but I couldn’t keep away. I liked danger, and there was no way detox myself from Amber.

  Now she was going to get me killed while I scoured the surrounding area looking for her.

  Still cursing under my breath, I hurried back upstairs, tugged on a t-shirt, and slipped another layer on an afterthought. It was colder than I had expected out there. Then I went back to the basement and into the armory.

  I strapped a short-barrel shotgun to my back and was grabbing ammo when his cell phone started ringing. My heart jumped. Was it Amber?

  I didn’t check the caller ID when I answered, my heart in my mouth.

  “Amber?”

  “No, it’s Noah.”

  I growled, resisting the urge to throw my phone across the room. “Goddammit, Noah!”

  “What’s the matter with you? And why did you think I was Amber? I thought she was with you.”

  “So did I.” I put the call on loudspeaker and loaded one of my handguns clips. “She’s gone. So have her things.”

  “She’s done a runner? Shit!” Noah growled. “You need to get her back, Diesel.”

  “What for? Noah, she doesn’t want to be with me. She wouldn’t have left me if she wanted to stay. I’m not going to force her.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to,” Noah said grimly. “I just got intel from some of the guys. The Cartel is coming for us, and some are heading your way.”

  My heart sank. That was all I needed. And Amber was going to get caught right in the crossfire. I slid the clip into the handgun. “How far out?”

  “About five minutes.”

  “Five minutes? And you’re telling me now?”

  “I only just got the intel in,” Noah snapped. “Mason’s getting everyone at the clubhouse ready for a fight. He told me to notify you as I left.”

  “Left?” I reached for another gun. “What do you mean, ‘left’?”

  “I’m getting Cassie, Liz, and Hunter out to Sam’s ranch. They’ll be safe there. The Cartel doesn’t know about Sam.”

  I hoped not. The two ladies and the little boy didn’t need to be mixed in more than they already were.

  “Why aren’t you getting ready to fight?”

  Noah snorted. “You think I want to go the other way? My wife and son and our unborn child are my priority now. Just as Amber and your baby should be yours.”

  “Well, Amber doesn’t want to be my priority.”

  “Diesel, the Cartel knows about Amber’s pregnancy. They know it’s yours. She’ll be seen as leverage in their eyes. They might even kill her or the baby or both just to get to you.”

  I knew that, but I wished I Ididn’t. Amber needed to be far away from this. Whether I wanted to or not, Amber needed to be kept safe. I loaded up my guns and shoved them into their respective holsters.

  “Sam, the same guy who helped us stop the container?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll get Amber out there to them.” I looked up at the ceiling as he heard a loud bang and lots of shouting. “I gotta go. I’ve got company.”

  “Stay safe. Meet you at Sam’s ranch.”

  I hung up, snatched up my cell phone up and shoved it into my pocket. Hurrying to the door, I nudged it open and looked out into the hallway. The basement door was still closed, but there were lots of footsteps on the other side. I home was being raided.

  It wouldn’t be long before they came through the door. I had only seconds.

  I ducked back into the room and hurried over to a huge trunk in the corner. I opened it up and grabbed at two hand grenades and a flashbang. The flashbang might not kill everyone, but it would divert their attention and slow them down while I make my getaway.

  I knew I was in a losing situation. I needed to get to higher ground, where things were in my favor. That wasn’t happening, even on my own turf.

  I was back at the door when the basement door into the hall shattered and started to disintegrate. I could see Cartel men on the other side, fighting with the heavy-duty door. Taking a pin out of one of the grenades, I took aim and flung it hard. It bounced off the ceiling, hit the remains of the door, and landed on the stairs, tottering back down. It exploded at the bottom, sending wood splinters everywhere.

  “Fuck!”

  That was when the door came tumbling down in shards, footsteps following it close behind. A burst of gunfire went over my head, and I ducked, the doorframe exploding where my head had been. I primed a flashbang and tossed it into the hall, sliding it along the floor. Then I counted to four.

  The flashbang blew up, catching the first two Cartel members in the face. There was screaming and a lot of smoke. I primed the second grenade and tossed it into the rising smoke, sprinting the other way. I heard the explosion go off as I jammed my shoulder against the cellar doors.

  It was even darker outside, the yard illuminated by silver light. Cars were all around the house, and I counted four that I could see. There was also an armored van.

  They had come with a lot of firepower, just for me. I should feel honored.

  Chances were they would have secured the garage with both my truck and my bike now. I pushed myself to my feet and ran towards a grove of trees that lined one of the fences. I could hear a lot of shouting, but there didn’t seem to be anyone coming after me.

  When I first bought the place, I had found a tumbledown shed in the middle of the grove. It looked out of place, but it was perfect for an idea. I rebuilt it and put my back-up Harley inside, ready to go if I ever needed it. My gut told me there would be a time where it would be needed, and this was as good a time as any.

  Kicking the door down, I threw the dust sheet off my bike and climbed on. My ears were still ringing as I pressed the automatic starter and revved it up. The doors were still shut, but they were no match for me as I plowed through them. They scattered across the grass, and I accelerated towards the track.

  Gunfire thundered off behind me, and I felt the bullets whizzing past my face, but I kept going. As I reached the turn towards the main road, I found myself laughing and throwing the finger at the shooters behind me.

  “Fuck you, you bastards!”

  Chapter Thirty Four

  Amber

  The longer I waited on the main road, the more I was beginning to regret my decisions. Perhaps it would have been better to stay with Diesel. He had the firepower and the contacts to protect me. The bikers, beneath their hard exteriors, were respectful and were kind to me. The Cartel was not. Khloe could not guarantee my safety, although her brothel felt like a safe haven right now.

  A few days to clear my head and figure out my next move. That’s what I needed. I had managed to get this far on my own; I could do it again. With or without Diesel.

  Chances were it was going to be without, much as it was painful to admit. The Cartel were coming after him. Diesel was tough, but he wouldn’t be able to survive long being a wanted man. Even if he did, I knew it wasn’t the right life for a baby. Their child didn’t deserve to be on the run.

  I had to think for the child, not for myself. Every part of me was now telling me to stay with Diesel, let the child have both parents, but I knew that wouldn’t be possible.

  Love—I had slowly come around to the realization that I love him—wasn’t going to be enough. Not right now.

  Where the hell was Kayla? Khloe said Kayla was coming to get me, but she was taking her sweet time. It was getting cold, and I didn’t have a thick enough jacket for it. I was going to catch hypothermia if I wasn’t careful; night time in Nevada could get very cold very quickly. That was the last thing I needed.

  Then there came the sound of an engine. That distinctive rumble of a motorcyc
le engine. My heart sank. There was no need to guess who it was. Diesel had woken up.

  And he was coming for me.

  This wasn’t good. On my trek, I had seen cars and even an armored truck going the other way, heading towards Diesel’s ranch. I had hidden out of sight as they passed, not wanting to be taken, but there was no question about where they were headed.