FUEL (DirtSlap Series Book 1)

by Ashlynn Pearce

  He put his hands on the window frame, trying to peer at her face.

  She finally looked up at him, tears streaking down her cheeks. “I might be trailer trash, but I deserve better than being someone’s guilt trip.”

  He dropped his hands and shoved them into his pockets. His eyes clung to hers as Ryan slowly got in the truck and drove away.

  The only echoes in his head now were…You really fucked up this time.

  He made his way into the house, fell on the couch, and stared blankly at the TV. He couldn’t believe she left him. He put his elbows on his knees, leaned his head into his hands and memories replayed in his head like broken reel. He thought he’d been happy with his life, but he hadn’t been this fired up over anything in a long time.

  Not a girl. Not music. Not anything.

  When he’d come to Nashville, he’d been lost. Felt totally alone. All he had was a lead, a handful of cash, his truck and a set of sticks. So he’d tried something different. He shoved the ‘Bedlam’ side of himself in a trunk and did his best to never think of the Daltons or Woodbridge Grove.

  He’d succeeded. Mostly. His life was calm but lacked punch.

  That crazy girl turned his world on its head. She wasn’t simple. She wasn’t easy. She was everything he tried to stay away from. She made him lose control.

  The doorbell jolted him awake and his neck ached from the uncomfortable position he’d obviously fallen asleep in. He blinked gritty eyes and noticed it was almost noon. He got up, stretched a bit, and ambled to the door. He knew before he even opened it that it wasn’t Cassie. She would’ve just walked in. He opened it, wondering what other surprises were in store for him.

  Mick stood there, in full biker gear. Thrand glanced in the drive and spotted the guy’s Harley. If he weren’t so off-kilter, he would be over there checking it out. But as it was, just being upright took energy.

  “Hey, boy,” Mick said, then grimaced. “You look like hell.”

  Thrand nodded, turned and left the door open. He walked to the kitchen to pour out the now cold coffee and started brewing a fresh batch. He heard the door shut and Mick’s heavy steps.

  He faced Mick as he sat on a stool. “Nice place you got here.”

  “Thanks. Coffee?” He offered as he waited for Mick to tear into him. There was no doubt he was here to rip him a new one. Mick was always protective of his girls.

  “No, thanks. I wanted to come by and tell you how great your gig was last night.”

  Thrand cocked a brow at him. He didn’t believe that for a second and poured himself a cup. He hoped the caffeine would make things seem a little clearer for what Mick was really here to say.

  “I had no idea you could play like that.” Mick narrowed his gaze. “What’s up, man? Something bothering you?”

  Thrand laughed sarcastically. “Would you just get on with it? ‘Cause I feel like hell, and I have no idea what I’m going to do.”

  Mick’s brows furrowed and his heavy boot tapped his floor. “What are you talking about? Did something happen?”

  “You don’t know?” Thrand asked, surprised.

  “No clue. I just wanted to talk to you about an idea I had. But is there something you need to get off your chest first? Where’s Jailbait, by the way? I can only assume it has something to do with that girl.”

  “Oh hell, Mick. Isn’t it always a girl? Especially that one.” He took a sip of the coffee, ready for it to start working anytime. “She left me. Packed her stuff and left.”

  Mick chuckled. “Well, she is a bit of a firecracker.”

  Thrand sighed and rubbed the top of his head. “I don’t usually ask for advice, but I’m really at a loss right now.”

  “Spit it out, boy.”

  Thrand sighed and did just that, telling Mick the entire history of him and Cas. He finally paused, swallowed, and blurted out the rest. “She was a virgin.”

  It was a little refreshing to see that he wasn’t the only one blindsided by it.

  “Cassie is a virgin?”

  “Was.”

  “Damn. I’m guessing she didn’t tell you ahead of time.” Mick stroked his goatee in thought. “So you’re feeling a shitload of guilt?”

  Thrand took another sip of his coffee and wished it were whiskey instead. “You have no idea. I was supposed to protect her.”

  Mick nodded. “I can’t speak for your friend, of course, but did it ever occur to you that maybe he would be happy she was with you? I mean, he trusted you. You know, you don’t typically mess with your boys’ sister, but there are exceptions. Do you think there might be a chance he’s looking down thankful that it was you and not some asshole who would hurt her?”

  Thrand rubbed the back of his neck. “No, I hadn’t thought of that.”

  Would Cameron really think that?

  “Don’t let guilt rip you up. You can’t go back and undo it.” Mick nodded when Thrand met his gaze. “Now, the real reason I’m here. I want you to start a band.”

  “A band? You know I don’t stick with one band.”

  “Maybe it just hasn’t been the right band. Dude, you packed the house last night with your drum solo. I’m sure you didn’t notice, ‘cause you played for your girl, but the place was so full, people stood outside listening. Why not start a country band with a little more rock?” Mick grinned from ear to ear, his gold tooth on full display.

  “In Nashville? I don’t think it would fly.” Thrand shook his head, but the idea was intriguing.

  “All those people weren’t in there because of what the band was playing. It was you. All because of your sound.” He slapped the counter and stood. “Think about it. This town could use something different. No one is doing it and you got the chops to pull it off. Listen, I have a couple of guys that might fit the bill. Singer and bass player. Ryan could play guitar. Let me know. I gotta go.”

  Mick got up and walked to the door, then turned to look at him. “And about your girl? I think you know what to do. Later, man.”

  For the first time all day, Thrand smiled.

  Chapter 9

  “You’re a virgin?” Lila’s voice was an ear-piercing screech as she stared at her wide-eyed.

  Cassie groaned and put her head in her hands. “Was. I was a virgin. Why is everyone so surprised by this?”

  “You really gotta ask that? Maybe because you’re hot as hell and a tad wild. I’m sorry. I’m just having a real hard time wrapping my head around this. And Thrand didn’t know?”

  Curled up on Lila’s couch, she rested her chin on her knees, letting her hair hide her face. She hated crying in front of people. That she’d done it in front of Thrand pissed her off.

  “No, he didn’t know. It wouldn’t have happened otherwise.”

  Lila huffed and flopped beside her. “Girl, I’m on your side, but you had to know he would be a bit shocked.”

  She peered up at her redheaded friend. “Yeah, I could deal with shock. But he accused me of using it to hurt him. To make him feel more guilt. A payback for taking off all those years ago.”

  Cassie barely held back the tears as she recalled the look of disgust on his face. She deserved him being upset, but not that.

  “Whoa, he did what? Seriously, sometimes men are just jackasses.”

  “Thanks for letting me stay here for a while. I promise I won’t be here too long. I just couldn’t stay with him.” She shook her head. A box would be preferable to living with him. To face him every day knowing what he thought of her. Of that night.

  A night she would never forget.

  Now she wished she could.

  Her phone rang. She saw Thrand’s face on the screen. She stifled a sob as she hit ignore. She hadn’t had very much comfort growing up, but she didn’t stop Lila when she pulled her into a hug as Cassie cried on her shoulder. Tears clogged her throat.

  Breathe.

  She inhaled deeply, let it out, and looked up at Lila. “Thanks.”

  “Of course. What are friends for?”

 
She pulled away, hating the pity she saw in her eyes. “Can I borrow your shower?”

  “You’re staying here. You can help yourself to whatever, hon.”

  Cassie nodded and shut herself in the bathroom. Once under the hot spray, she released all the pain she’d been holding in and crumbled into a tight ball in the bathtub. With her fists pressed to mouth, she trembled and screamed into them. She leaned on the tile wall and tilted her head up toward the showerhead. She’d known it would hurt. That if he chose to, he could tear her apart.

  She hadn’t expected it to slice so deep.

  While they’d made love, she was whole. Like all the missing pieces of her were put in place. All the darkness, that had been her life, dissipated.

  One night.

  A few hours, was all she’d gotten.

  Having that peace within her grasp, knowing how it felt, then having it ripped from her so quickly tore bits of her she hadn’t even known existed. She choked on how it suffocated and broke her. The spray of water might have washed away her tears, but it did nothing for the ache that had settled like a dead weight in her chest.

  Four days later, Cassie grit her teeth as she glared at her phone. How many times did she have to ignore his calls and delete his texts without reading them? She stomped to the bar and shoved the phone at Mick.

  “Burn this, or something.”

  “You know, Jailbait, maybe you should listen to him. Give the poor guy a chance.”

  Cassie narrowed her eyes. “He talked to you, didn’t he? That son-of-a-bitch. How dare he talk to my boss.”

  If she didn’t think it would cost her the job, she would throw the mugs against the brick wall.

  “Easy there, kid. It was just by chance. I showed up at his house to talk music not hours after you walked. Needless to say, his mind was not on music.”

  She shoved a hand through her hair, tugged a ponytail holder out of her pocket and pulled it up. “Does everyone know intimate details of my sex life?”

  She swiveled on a huff, pasted a smile on her lips to help the customers. But inside, she seethed, especially when she heard Mick’s laugh. Men were assholes.

  When her shift ended, she wasted very little time getting out and going to a bar the farthest from Boosey’s she could find. She was dead tired, but there was no way she would go back to Lila’s to lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling, wide awake.

  *

  Why wouldn’t she answer a single call or text? Thrand sighed and shoved his phone in his pocket. It had been days, and he hadn’t, as of yet, been able to catch her at work or at Lila’s. She’d done a good job of avoiding and ignoring him.

  That night with her had been seared into his brain. Working kept him busy, but he had to sleep sometime, and she was always there. Waiting for him and torturing him in his dreams.

  With his emotions doing double time, he poured himself into Mick’s idea of a band. Ryan had jumped at the chance and now they were at Boosey’s to meet the two guys Mick had mentioned.

  Of course, Cassie wasn’t here.

  Being a weekday, it was slow, so the place was almost dead quiet when two guys walked in. Thrand couldn’t help but grin. They had to be his potential new bandmates.

  One was really tall, with black spiky hair, and tatted up. The other guy wasn’t as big but had long, shaggy hair, and both wore nothing but black. They looked like they belonged on a metal stage. If they had the right sound, they were perfect.

  Ryan sat beside him and grinned like an idiot. Thrand waved his hand to get their attention. As the two sat at their table, the big guy shook his hand.

  “I’m Ethan Tackett, and this is Zak Hawkins. You must be Thrand?”

  Thrand tried not to be shocked by the Georgian accent the guy carried. “Yup. Thrand Medlam, and this is Ryan Fennick, my guitarist. You the singer?”

  The guy nodded, leaned back, and crossed his arms over his chest.

  Lila stopped at their table with a tray in her hands but took one look at the new guys and froze. He’d never seen her eyes go so wide.

  “Are you guys lost?” she asked with no tact at all.

  “No. Are you?” Ethan asked.

  Thrand laughed. “Lila, this is Ethan and Zak. Part of our potential new band.”

  “To play what? Thrash metal? Wrong part of the country for that, boys.” She huffed and rolled her eyes.

  “Well, aren’t you in the wrong part of the country? Shouldn’t you be at Disneyland with the rest of the pixies?”

  Ryan burst out laughing and tugged at one of her braids. “He got you with that one, Lila.”

  She glared and smacked him with a towel, then batted her eyes at Ethan. “Careful. My pixie dust might be poisonous. Speaking of, what’s your poison?”

  “Bucket of beer, alright?” Thrand asked the group. Everyone nodded except Zak, who hadn’t said anything yet.

  Lila brought back a bucket of beer, placed in the middle of the table, and they grabbed a beer. Zak didn’t but Thrand didn’t think much of it.

  “Got any of that pixie dust for me?” Ryan joked and snagged her towel.

  “Gimme that.” She took it back and hit him on the head with it.

  “Owe!”

  “Oh hush it, Ryan. The only dust you need is to shrivel your ego. Among other things.”

  Ethan and Thrand laughed.

  “That’s just mean.” Ryan sulked.

  “Pftt. I got customers who probably tip better than you guys.” With that, she moved on.

  “Tiny, little biddy, isn’t she?” Ethan asked.

  Thrand snorted. “Mean as hell.”

  “Got that right.” Ryan rubbed his head like the towel hurt him.

  After Lila left, Thrand leaned forward and asked, “So what kind of music influenced you guys?”

  “A lot.” Ethan chuckled and took a sip of his beer. “You know, the usuals, Johnny Cash, Lynerd Skynyrd, Avenged Sevenfold, Merle Haggard. I can sing anything from Strait to Godsmack. Zak writes originals though.”

  “That’s quite a range,” Ryan said. “Thrand writes, too. If you ask me, he wastes his time playing other people’s shit, when he could be doing his own gig.”

  “And you waste your time playing with shit quality bands.” Thrand looked at Zak. “What kind of stuff you write, man?”

  Zak peered through the hair that fell into his face. “Country lyrics. Rock sound.”

  Thrand grinned. “That’s what I’m looking for. If you guys want, we can meet up at my house this evening, test out the feel.”

  “Sounds good,” Ethan said and Zak nodded.

  Ryan’s phone beeped and he frowned. “Shit, I gotta go. Fill me in later, Thrand.”

  Before Thrand could ask what that was about, Ryan took off out the door.

  Thrand turned his attention to Ethan and Zak. “I think we can work out the rest tonight.”

  “Sounds good.” Ethan gave him a fist-bump. Zak merely nodded his head and they left.

  Thrand stayed at Boosey’s hoping to catch a glimpse of Cassie, but Mick finally walked over to him. “Dude, she’s not working today.”

  He sighed. “Of course she’s not. Has she said anything at all?”

  Mick shrugged. “She just gives me her phone and asks me to burn it while she works. She refuses to even talk about you.”

  “Dammit. If I could just talk to her.”

  Lila slid next to him. “She’s clammed up completely about the whole thing. I know she’s never at the house though. I don’t know where’s she’s been.”

  “She’s not staying with you?” A bit of panic set in. It was one thing not being able to talk to her, but at least he thought she was safe with Lila. Now, he didn’t even have that. Or even who she was spending time with. Dread slid down his spine.

  “Yeah, she is. Kinda. I mean her stuff is at my house, and once in a while, I find her asleep on my couch, but she’s gone a lot.”

  “I gotta find her.” He stood and gave Lila enough cash to cover his tab. Then he hit the d
oor, determined to search every hellhole bar in Nashville if he had to.

  Thrand pulled up in his drive, late for their first band meeting. He’d had no luck at all finding Cassie and, honestly, with all the people passing through, a person could hide really well in a town like this.

  The guys decided to just play some cover stuff to see how they sounded together. Thrand had been shocked by Ethan’s voice. How the dude hadn’t been signed somewhere baffled him. Not only could he belt the most metal tune Thrand could play, he put a whole new twist on the country stuff.

  Before they were done, Ryan got another text. Cussing a blue streak, he was out the door again.

  “He got girl problems?” Ethan asked.

  “I don’t know what the hell he’s got.” Thrand shook his head and looked at Ethan and Zak. “This was definitely the sound I had in mind. You guys in?”

  “Might work,” Zak said.

  “I think this is worth a shot,” Ethan replied and shook Thrand’s hand.

  *

  Cassie had shut down. She refused to talk to anyone at Booseys, even Lila. She’d thrown up every wall she’d shed when she left Oklahoma. Tell hell with them all. She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t eat. She tossed back another shot.

  But she could drink.

  Thrand saw her as nothing but a mistake and a guilt trip.

  It only proved her theory, she didn’t want a savior or a hero. When she left home, she’d been so full of hope. So sure she was on the right path. Her luck had to get better because it couldn’t get worse. Right?

  She’d been so damn wrong.

  She was in another bar after getting off work. This one had a mechanical bull and her ass would be on it before the night was over. Her phone rang and she saw Thrand’s face. Of course. The man evidently didn’t get it. He’d made himself perfectly clear.

  He thought she’d used him.

  It was a slap to the face. All the years they’d known each other, how could he think she would be like that? She wasn’t vindictive. That it even crossed his mind sickened her.

  She swallowed her tears, put her phone on mute and smiled sweetly at the bartender. “Another shot. Or three.”