Crossing the Barrier

by Martine Lewis

  “Now can you live with that? It’s scary, dude, it’s very, very scary. Don’t go after her until you’re sure you can accept all that because it’s never ever going to change. She doesn’t need someone who can’t handle what she is. She needs someone who will accept her just like she is and despite what she can do.

  “And now that you know, don’t you ever, ever tell a soul because if you do, I’ll beat your scrawny little ass.”

  Malakai nodded, no words coming to his lips, his mind completely paralyzed with the enormity of what he now knew.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  LILY

  When the lunch bell rang the next day, Lily felt like her heart was an open wound that wouldn’t stop bleeding. She was still angry at Sandra for what she had revealed the previous night, but above all, she was hurt. That morning, when she saw Sandra get into David’s truck, she felt like someone had stabbed her all over again.

  Lily had driven to school, fighting tears.

  As she made her way out of the classroom after her last morning period, a strong sense of remorse flew to her. She looked up and saw Sandra standing along the wall, her head bowed. Her friend looked terrible, like she hadn’t slept and had cried all night.

  “Hey,” Sandra said, her hands in her pockets, glancing at Lily and then looking at her shoes as if they were the newest fashion item. “I…I was wondering if you wanted to, you know, come to the cafeteria with me.”

  Lily silently looked at Sandra for a moment. She needed her best friend. She needed her for shielding, of course, but she also needed her because she was one of the very few people who really understood her, who understood what it meant to be who she was, what it meant to live with Beatrice, what it meant to no longer have her father, what it meant to belong nowhere. Sandra was the sister she had never had, and she was always there for her.

  Yes, Sandra had made a huge mistake, but she hadn’t known Malakai was there. And in all honesty, deep down, Lily had always forgiven her.

  “I’m so sorry, Lily,” Sandra said sadly when Lily wouldn’t say anything. “I wish I could take it back.”

  “I know,” Lily said, a prickling sensation behind her eyes.

  “All I can do now is promise you I’ll try my darn best not to do it again.”

  Lily nodded. “Maybe it’s better that way anyway.”

  Sandra looked up at her. Lily felt the hope and uncertainty warring inside of her friend.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, imagine if Malakai had found out after we’ve been dating for a while, assuming we would have, which is a big ‘if.’ Do you think his reaction would have been any different then? I mean, he was pretty scared last night.”

  Sandra winced. “I’m sorry.”

  “Well, better he finds out now than two months from now.”

  “Did he at least talk to you?”

  Lily shook her head. She hadn’t sat in her usual seat again. She was afraid of what she would feel coming from Malakai. Knowing he was scared was hard enough as it was. Knowing he would reject her would destroy her.

  “Do you have any idea how much I wish I didn’t have this?” she said, pointing at her head.

  “Yeah, I think I do,” Sandra said, pushing off the wall. “I wouldn’t want to be you.”

  With a sigh, Lily followed Sandra to the cafeteria, their shoulders touching.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  MALAKAI

  Practice was finally over, and Malakai could now be alone to think. After he had showered and changed, he dropped his bag into his jeep and made his way to the practice field, like he often did after the games and practices. The field was empty and the lights were off. He went to the fifty-yard line and reviewed the practice moves in his mind, then he made his way to the stands and sat, looking at the field.

  Lily.

  For the last three days, she was all he had thought about.

  She was still sitting in the back of the classroom along the windows, and he didn’t know what to do.

  Her power was imposing.

  Her power was scary.

  Her power was permanent, a part of her that would never change.

  But she was still the same Lily, the beautiful girl with long brown hair and bright gray eyes, who smelled of green tea. While he was scared of what she could do, what he felt when he was near her hadn’t gone away with the discovery of her secret. Malakai still liked her, still wanted to know her, be there for her, hold her…

  He had to face it; she needed someone and that alone got him like nothing else did.

  He liked who he was when he was with her. He liked who she allowed him to be: uncomplicated, true, himself. He liked how he felt with her, like he would never be alone again.

  And what did he really have to hide?

  Nothing.

  Well, he had his share of guilt from the accident that had killed his friend when he was ten, but even that he wanted her to know if the subject ever came up.

  As for his family situation, hers was probably worse than his if what David said was any indication. If he were to date her, he would want her to know about it, whether or not she was an empath.

  An empath, as incredible as it sounded. It was so hard to believe, so surreal.

  “Thinking about Lily?”

  Startled, Malakai looked up. David was walking toward him.

  “Yeah. It’s all so hard to comprehend.”

  “Yeah, I know,” David said, sitting next to him. “So, know what you’re gonna do?”

  “I…I don’t know,” Malakai said, shaking his head. “I really, really like her, you know.”

  “Yes, I know. She’s easy to love,” David said with a chuckle.

  Malakai frowned. “You…you like her too?”

  “Yes, I do. I always have. But she likes you. Me, she thinks of as a brother, always has, always will, but you, she really likes.”

  “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know. Does she?”

  “Maybe. Probably,” David answered, looking at the field. “Listen, dude, if I can’t have her, I’d rather she be with you. Go for her and treat her right, okay? I’d rather know she’s happy with you than miserable with someone else.”

  Malakai nodded, not knowing what to say, his mind still trying to grasp at an explanation that would make it all something other than what it really was.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  MALAKAI

  The next day when the teacher gave them the rest of the period to work on their calculus problems in teams of two or three, Malakai saw his chance. He stood up, made his way across the room, and took the empty seat right in front of Lily.

  “Wanna team up?” he asked her.

  His mind was still very confused, but Lily was the same person he had known the previous week. He had to at least give her a chance.

  “You really want to?”

  She sounded so sad, so defeated; Malakai felt his heart constrict. For a moment, he fought the urge to take her hand in his and tell her everything would be all right.

  That would be a lie. He didn’t know if things would be.

  “Yeah,” he answered instead.

  He turned his desk sideways, facing the windows, and Lily did the same, putting her desk against his. Malakai set his textbook in front of them, and they both took their exercise books to complete the problems.

  Lily was good and so was Malakai, and as Malakai had hoped, they finished with a lot of time to spare.

  “I…I wanted to know more about this thing you can do,” Malakai whispered, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

  Lily shifted in her seat. “I…I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, staring pointedly at her desk.

  In normal circumstances, Malakai would have let it drop, but this was anything but normal. He needed to know what to think, what to do, and he wouldn’t if some of his questions were left unanswered.

  “Lily, please, I want to know,” he said, taking the strand of hair that was hiding her face and put
ting it behind her ear.

  How he wished he would dare touch her skin, but this would have to do, for now.

  “What did David tell you?”

  He didn’t want to repeat what David had said; he wanted to hear it from her.

  Even though she wasn’t looking at him, she looked so hurt, so vulnerable. The urge to take her in his arms came to him, the fact she would know what he felt be damned.

  “He said no one can lie or hide things from you.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Well, for the most part.”

  “See here, I know you’re not telling me everything.”

  Malakai didn’t want to tell her David had told him to leave her alone if he couldn’t accept what she was. He didn’t want to tell her David also liked her. It wasn’t his place to do so, if she didn’t already know.

  “No, I’m not telling you everything.”

  “Well, that’s one thing I know, always,” she said, looking at him sadly.

  “What else can you do?”

  “If someone touches me, I can sometimes see images when they’re related to what they feel or if they’re strong enough.”

  “If you touch me right now, will you see what I’m thinking?”

  “I might. I can tell you’re pretty confused and freaked out.”

  It was true. Malakai was afraid she would see everything that was bad and ugly about him.

  “I can also tell four other students aren’t working on their calculus problems anymore.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. When you do math, you have a very low level of emotions. These four, they’re talking because their emotions are showing. Two of them are intrigued, and the other two are angry as if they’re arguing about something.”

  “Wow!”

  He remained silent for a while, not really knowing what to think about all this. Then he remembered seeing her in the yellow with black polka dots bikini as she joined David and him in the pool on Sunday. How he had wanted to touch her soft-looking skin and see more of her. He remembered seeing her blush as he thought of it. At the time, he had thought he had been staring too long, but now he believed she might have seen what he had fantasized about. He was suddenly very self-conscious and embarrassed that he had thought of her that way, but in the next moment, he wondered why he should be. Lily had a killer body, and even a blind guy would fantasize about her.

  “Your emotions are in turmoil,” she said.

  Malakai nodded. “It’s not every day I meet someone who can know exactly how I feel,” he said, looking at his joined hands on the desk. “You know, sometimes, we really wish someone would know, but sometimes we just don’t want anyone to know.”

  “And you have no idea how much I wish I wasn’t the one who always knew,” she said. “A lot of people aren’t what they seem, you know. It’s impossible for me not to know what those people are really like.”

  “David told me about you losing your ability to shield,” he said, feeling his heart constrict at the thought. “I’m so sorry about that. I wish…I wish I hadn’t been running.”

  “It’s done, Malakai. There’s no point beating yourself up over it.”

  It was easier said than done. It reminded him too much of the way he had disobeyed his mother and kicked the soccer ball between the two parked cars. He had hurt someone then, even if he hadn’t meant to, and he had hurt Lily now. He hadn’t been in a position to help his friend, since he’d died, but now could he help Lily, even if her power was so scary?

  “Do you let people get away with trying to hide their feelings from you every once in a while?”

  “Yes, all the time. Except for the Joneses, my uncle, and now you, no one knows what I can do.”

  “But what about them? Do you let them get away with things?”

  “Yeah, I do. But they know not to lie to me.”

  “What about me? Would you let me get away with not wanting to share?”

  “Yes, I would.”

  Malakai felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He imagined times when he wouldn’t want to talk about what was going on with him. Then Malakai remembered the first day in the cafeteria.

  “At the cafeteria on the first day of school, it wasn’t the heat that made you sick, was it?”

  “No. I…It was the crowd. Hormonal teenagers aren’t always fun to be around, you know. And now that I can’t shield, it’s hitting me hard.”

  “What about the football games?”

  “It’s not the same,” she said with a small smile. “It’s like a big mob mind where everybody is thinking about one thing, one goal. People are all happy at the same time, or all disappointed at the same time. It’s like having a giant with big emotions. Actually, Sandra says I look high. I have to admit, the feeling’s pretty awesome, especially when you guys score.”

  “So when I took you away from the cafeteria, I did the right thing?”

  “When…when you touched me you did the right thing,” she answered shyly.

  “When I touched you?”

  “Yeah. Your worry became the loudest thing I could feel, as if you were a lid, and you drowned everybody else out to a bearable background noise. That’s why I could focus enough to get out of there when you told me to go to the lobby.”

  As she said that, he was reminded of seeing Lily and Sandra walking so close all the time, close enough to have their arms touch constantly. It made perfect sense now.

  “When someone touches me, I can function normally…or at least as much as I can because then I only have to deal with my emotions and theirs.”

  Lily looked outside the window, sadness in her gray eyes. Then Malakai remembered something else, something that had made him jealous.

  “That’s why you were holding David’s arm, and he was touching your back the other day in the cafeteria.”

  “Yeah.”

  Malakai was glad he didn’t have Lily’s power. He didn’t know if he would have remained sane.

  “You know, no matter what, I’ll never tell,” he said to her. “I just want you to know that.”

  “Thank you. I…It means a lot to me.”

  They remained silent for a little while longer, Malakai wondering what he should do next, his fingers hitching to touch her, but his mind fighting it.

  What would she see?

  “You know, if you don’t want to be around me anymore, I’ll understand,” she said.

  “No! No!” Malakai protested quickly. “I…It’s a little weird is all.”

  As he said that, he wondered if in reality he could still hang out with her.

  Malakai chuckled at his own half-truth. “I know you know I wasn’t sincere,” he said. “Lily, I’m sorry,” he continued and he meant it. “I…I just don’t know what to think.”

  That was also true. As much as his heart reached out to her, his mind kept on reminding him she would know all of his secret feelings. Thoughts of his mother flashed through his mind, how she had disappeared right after the death of his friend…

  “Let me figure it out, okay?” That was all he could do: ask her for time to put his head around all this and figure out how he really felt about it.

  “Okay,” she said with a sad sigh. “I guess that’s fair enough.”

  Before Malakai added anything, the bell rang.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  MALAKAI

  Malakai was in trouble, but he hadn’t realized how much until his fourth class of the day.

  The previous night, Malakai had thought of only one thing: Lily. The exact same thoughts were running against each other in his head, over and over again, and while his heart told him to go to her, his head told him to run.

  He was so consumed by his internal fighting he hadn’t heard any of the morning lectures. In the classes he shared with Lily, his attention had been solely on her, trying to fight his heart and his desire to be with her. In the ones she wasn’t in, his heart had fought his mind, constantly thinking of all the reasons why he should be with he
r. He kept on seeing her in his mind, as if she were displayed on a huge screen, and he couldn’t see anything past it.

  It was now his fourth morning class, and his heart was winning the battle. All he wanted was to tear the school walls up just to find her. He couldn’t stop thinking about her smile, her pale skin, and her small bikini when she sat by the pool over the weekend.

  He was so distracted he didn’t react when he was called upon to answer a question and remained silent until everybody turned around and stared at him.

  “I see, Mr. Thomas, that you are very, very far away indeed,” the teacher said. “Should I report you absent to the front office?”

  “Eh, no,” Malakai said, blushing.

  “Then care to join us?”

  Malakai nodded and tried to concentrate, but thoughts of Lily kept invading his mind. As soon as the lunch bell rang, Malakai was out of his seat. He walked out the door and to the end of the small corridor, which lead to the main one. Once there, he hesitated, his mind fighting for him to go right, to the cafeteria, while his heart screamed at him to turn left and make his way to the band hall. He was about to take a step to the left when Wes and Zoe joined him, followed by a slew of other people from their group.

  “Here you are,” Zoe said with a sweet smile. “I heard you were distracted in class.”

  News had traveled so fast Malakai frowned. Zoe showed him her phone, and Malakai wondered who had nothing better to do than text Zoe about him.

  “Didn’t sleep well,” he said, by way of explanation.

  He was about to take a step to the left and escape the crowd when Zoe grabbed his arm and began to pull him toward the cafeteria.

  “Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” she said.

  After a few steps, she let go of him and turned to Wes, who was walking on her other side.

  “Sooo, any plans for the weekend?” she asked.

  Malakai knew exactly where Zoe was going with her question, and he decided to give the same answer he was giving everyone else lately.

  “Catching up on homework.”