Now We're Here

by Jessica Kale

  “So is this decision final?” she asked, her eyes locked on Straub’s.

  “It is final, yes,” he said. “In fact, it’s so final that I’ve already signed a one-year contract with Kevin to work with Sawdust.”

  Alicia rose to her feet. She shook her head in dismay before she picked up her things and followed Gabriella outside. When she first stepped out into the cold air, she felt like she had just gotten slapped in the face. She looked around for Gabriella but didn’t find her.

  “Ella?” she whispered. “Where are you?”

  She heard something, like the sound of intermittent sobbing, and when she went around to the other side of the studio, she found Gabriella perched like a bird on the sidewalk.

  “Hey.”

  Gabriella answered in sniffles. She turned around; her makeup had melted like ice cream. Her tear-filled eyes were drawing Alicia in. “How could they do this?” she asked, her voice boiling down to a hoarse whisper.

  “Because they’re bastards who only care about their own self-driven interests,” Alicia said, wrapping her arms around Gabriella and pulling her close. The blonde sobbed into her chest unceasingly, hands clutching at her jacket. “What’s wrong? Talk to me,” Alicia said, rocking Gabriella slowly as tears soaked her chest.

  A tiny lapse let Gabriella pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before she collapsed again, her howls of misery worsening. “This band is a sinking ship,” she muttered. “And Devon! He didn’t utter a word!”

  “I’m pretty sure they got to him before the meeting,” Alicia said, her eyes fixated somewhere over Gabriella’s shoulder.

  The couple sat there for a while, not saying anything, Alicia’s mind racing as she wondered what would happen next. “If they change the band name from Sawdust to Sawfrost, I’ll be really mad, okay?”

  Gabriella chuckled. She raised her eyes to Alicia and kissed her on the cheek. “Let’s go home?”

  “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  CHAPTER 5

  The sound of her phone ringing woke Alicia up from a restless slumber.

  “Hello?” she said, crawling out of bed.

  “Hey,” Jeremy’s voice echoed at the other end. “I know it’s late, but I really think you, me and Gabriella should meet up to talk about what happened.”

  Alicia repeatedly blinked as the room swam in and out of focus. “Yeah, let’s do that,” she said, rocking Gabriella gently to wake her up. “Wanna meet at the bar?” she asked, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

  “Yeah, meet me in thirty minutes if you can, I’m already there,” he said. In the background Alicia could hear nothing but the creaking of furniture and the clinking of glasses.

  “Are they cleaning up?” Alicia asked.

  Jeremy chuckled. “Yep, no one here but me, but they promised to keep it open for us if we order a drink or two,” he said.

  “Alright, I’ll see you there in a bit.”

  Alicia hung up and looked around. Even though she was trying to put on a brave face, to appear unfazed by Straub’s decision, inside she was terrified. She thought about all the repercussions this would have; what would happen to the band’s image? Was Kevin going to transform them into a corny pop band whose songs pop up on club playlists? The thought alone made her cringe.

  Alicia threw her closet open. She dug in and pulled out the first thing she could find. “Gabriella? Gabriella?” she whispered in the dark.

  Gabriella rolled over to her side. “What’s going on?” she mumbled.

  “Jeremy wants to meet us, now.”

  “What time is it?” Gabriella frowned.

  Alicia tossed her a shirt and made her way to the bathroom. “Doesn’t matter,” she called out over her shoulder.

  ***

  Dawn set shimmering rays over the asphalt, bestowing a golden path along the sidewalk. Alicia blinked toward the sun that brought her a day she was never promised, yet was glad to see. She let the moment sink in, soothe her from her core right out to where the nascent rays touched her skin. This meant a new beginning was possible, and possibilities meant hope. Right now, all she was trying to do was hold on to that little bit of hope, no matter how small. The sunrise came with musical silence; the sky had softened to a clear blue and the clouds streaked across the light backdrop. The air was delicate and cool against Alicia’s skin; she gulped it in, trying to remain hopeful, trying to remain optimistic.

  “About time!” Jeremy said, hopping off his stool. Alicia noticed he had almost a dozen shot glasses lined up on the table in front of him.

  “It’s five AM, Jeremy,” she asked, squinting at him. “Why do you have an audience of drinks in front of you?”

  All three of them gathered around the table, trying to figure out where to start. Jeremey didn’t reply and just pointed at them to drink. Gabriella’s eyes were darting back and forth frantically; Alicia could tell she was at a loss for words.

  “I’m going to kill Devon,” Jeremy said finally.

  “My thoughts exactly,” Alicia said, sniffing one of the shot glasses and then setting it back down in front of her. She contemplated whether or not she should be drunk for this conversation. “I’m pretty sure Kevin and Straub got to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he left us to join some bubblegum boy band,” she said, rolling her eyes.

  “Well, I definitely didn’t see this coming,” Jeremy said, sighing.

  “I did,” Alicia said. “He’s always been a prick.”

  There was silence. Alicia thought it’d be better if she didn’t say too much. But the truth was, she hated Devon. She hated him since the moment she laid eyes on him, although she never admitted it. There were times when she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye without remembering those icy daggers digging into her as she tried to squirm away, times when she couldn’t even tolerate the sound of his name. This was another one of those times.

  “You know what’s really pissing me off? The fact that Devon and I are both parts of this band and he didn’t even think once to consult me,” Gabriella said. “Jeremy, you think he got paid to do this?”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “What I do know for a fact though is that Devon’s in this for the fame. He doesn’t give two shits if people consider him a sellout,” he continued. There was a pause. “Gabriella, how long have you known Devon?” he asked, leaning in across the table and glaring at her.

  “I don’t know, five years, I guess.”

  “And what have you learned about him in those five years?” he asked.

  Gabriella shrugged. “I just know that he dropped out of college to become a musician, then he met us at one of those shady bars downtown,” she said, her eyes darting from Jeremy, to Alicia, and then to Jeremy again.

  “Well, I hate to break it to you, but before Devon met you guys, he was singing with a boy band from Long Island. You know what he did to them?”

  Gabriella shook her head.

  “He dropped out before their first record release, because he felt like it would be a big flop, then he joined you guys,” he said.

  “That son of a bitch,” Gabriella hissed.

  “You could say that, sure, but the record really did flop,” Jeremey said, smiling.

  “So he made the right decision?” Alicia asked, tilting her head.

  “Well, I wouldn’t call it the right decision, I would call it the selfish thing to do,” Jeremy said, motioning for the bartender to get him one last drink. “Come on, you guys, drink away. It’s not like we have anything better to do.”

  “Wow, talk about a sellout,” Alicia said, shaking her head from side to side. “He leaves a pop group to join a country rock band, then bounces back to pop as soon as someone throws him a bone.”

  “That’s just how the industry works sometimes,” Jeremy said. “Sometimes I feel like caving under the pressure of it all.”

  “But that makes absolutely no sense,” Alicia shook her head. “Sawdust is doing so
well right now. Why change that?”

  “It’s because they’re doing so well,” Jeremy said.

  “How so?”

  “Think about it for a second,” Jeremy said, scratching at his beard. “How many bands do you know in the industry that still sound the same as when they first came out?”

  “Several.”

  “But not the ones still on the charts,” Jeremy pointed. “Compare Coldplay’s ‘Parachutes’ to ‘A Head Full of Dreams,' or Linkin Park’s ‘Hybrid Theory’ to ‘One More Light.' Taylor Swift isn’t country anymore, and Maroon 5, well, I have no idea what to call them now.”

  “That makes no sense,” Alicia shook her head.

  “Sure it does. A band needs to stay popular, keep changing their sound to appeal to the younger generation that pays.”

  “Then you’re alienating fans.”

  “Some,” Jeremy said. “The die-hard fans will stick around, and the new ones who want the pop sound will join in. Those are the fans the labels really want. The same sound won’t keep you at the top of the charts all the time, at least not with a lot of hard work and marketing. Labels would rather take the easy way out.”

  “You know what?” Gabriella shot up. She looked at Alicia with a fire in her eyes. “If you guys ‘cave under pressure' and let him do this, I’m quitting this band.”

  Silence broke over them like a wave. Alicia opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Suddenly she felt the need to drink to counteract the fear that was threatening to engulf her.

  Gabriella quitting the band? No, she wouldn’t do that, would she?

  A million and one questions were racing through her mind, causing it to swell up with fear and anxiety. A part of her just wanted to grab Gabriella by the shoulders and tell her to get a grip of herself, while another part wanted to tell her that she was right.

  “Gabriella, no. I’m not letting you do this, Jeremy’s not letting you do this,” she said, despite herself. “Everything that we’ve worked for, all those nights at the studio, you want to throw them away? Just like that?”

  “Well I’m not having it. If those people want to treat our band like some kind of commodity, then I’m better off quitting altogether,” Gabriella replied.

  “Gabriella, don’t be like that. We’re going to sort something out, we’re not going to let them do this,” Jeremy said, taking her hand and squeezing it. “I don’t know why you think you’re alone in this, because you’re not.”

  Alicia and Jeremy exchanged brief glances before Alicia averted her gaze to the floor. She knew Jeremy was in a tight spot. In fact, she knew there was little he could do to turn this around. He didn’t want to admit it, not even to himself. But this was going to be harder than he thought.

  “I don’t think there’s anything we can do to fix this. Straub already said the decision was final,” Gabriella said, rather to herself. It was like she was trying to give herself a little reality check, to haul herself up from this denial.

  “Ella, Jeremy and I will still be working, we’re not going anywhere,” Alicia said. “I just wish … I just wish I could still be working with you.”

  At that moment, Gabriella looked down at the floor. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. Her whole body trembled. There was static in her head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, the constant stress she lived with. She heard her own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. Alicia didn’t know how to soothe her, she didn’t know how to soothe herself.

  “We’ll work something out, don’t worry. We’ll work something out.” Alicia cradled Gabriella like the night before. For a moment it felt like they hadn’t moved from the sidewalk in the first place. “I just want what’s best for you,” Alicia said again, trying to wave off the bartender’s looks of concern. “If you quit the band, you won’t find another opportunity like it. It’s not going to be easy.”

  “Believe me, I’m better off broke than spineless,” Gabriella said, wiping her own tears.

  Jeremy let out a sigh. Deep down, he knew there was nothing to be done. It was over; Kevin was Sawdust’s new producer. Gabriella just had to deal with it. If she were to quit the band, he didn’t know what he would do. Gabriella wasn’t a sellout, and she wasn’t about to turn into one. Devon, on the other hand, would sell his soul to the Devil if it meant having his name on every billboard in New York City.

  “Okay, you know what,” Jeremy said, rising to his feet. His legs wobbled underneath him; by now Alicia was sure he was drunk. His breath smelled of hard liquor, his words, despite making perfect sense, were slurred and his eyes were red. As he walked around the table, each foot came to the floor as if the collision of shoes and hardwood wasn’t entirely anticipated. “Let’s talk about something else, let’s talk about James Logan,” he continued, going around the table a couple of times and then slumping back down on his stool. “He has a show tonight, would you girls like to come?”

  “What do you think?” Alicia asked, turning to Gabriella, who nodded idly.

  “I don’t mind,” she said. “I’d like to see the product of your work so I can feel even sorrier for our band.” Gabriella smiled bitterly.

  Alicia put her arm around her and pulled her close. Suddenly the world felt too bleak, too gloomy, and far too distressing.

  ***

  Alicia slipped into her favorite black leather dress that night. She hadn’t been making much of an effort with the way she looked for quite some time now, but tonight, she thought she’d do something to get her mind off of things. Gabriella had spent the entire day in bed, chugging down beer and smoking cigarettes. At around eight PM, Alicia forced her out of bed, helped her pick out an outfit and watched as she gracefully slid into it and zipped it up the length of her spine.

  “I often wonder if you realize you’re out of my league,” Alicia said, gawking at the blonde as she carelessly went about the room collecting empty beer bottles. She stopped in her place, looked at Alicia and gave her a smile so sweet that an unexpected warmth rushed through her.

  “You know what I realize? I realize that we’re both insanely insecure when we don’t need to be. You think I’m too much for you, I think you’re too much for me. We think we’re out of each other’s leagues, when it’s actually quite the opposite. We’re in each other’s leagues, we fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces,” Gabriella said.

  “It’s funny how you say things like that quite casually while doing your hair,” Alicia said, the silver of her eyes flaring up.

  “What do you mean?” Gabriella asked.

  “I mean you tend to, very casually, slip in things that make my fucking day without even realizing it, and it’s crazy how you can be brushing your teeth, or doing your hair, or cleaning up, and you’d still say things that blow my mind,” Alicia said.

  Gabriella slipped into her heels and strutted over to her. “You know I love you, right?” she said, resting her forehead against Alicia’s.

  “Which is why tonight’s going to be a fucking blast.”

  ***

  “We’re a bit late,” Gabriella giggled, pushing open the door to the bar. The music seeped outside like a gentle flood.

  Alicia smiled as she followed Gabriella inside. “Where’s Jeremy?” she whispered, looking around. The music filled the air without effort, the sound rushing around every person in the room. Some reacted to the beat, some continued in chatter, some swayed back and forth as if under a spell. Alicia led Gabriella to the back. “Let’s dance, take our mind off things,” she said, squeezing Gabriella’s hand.

  “I don’t think I’m in the mood,” she said, pulling away.

  Alicia let out a sigh. “Come on, let’s just forget about today, let’s just-”

  “I don’t feel like it, I’m sorry,” Gabriella said, stumbling a few steps back and bumping into the people standing behind her. “I’m sorry, I’m-”

  “That’s okay,” Alicia said, looking
away. The stage lights probed around and hit her in the eye. Suddenly she felt like going home.

  “Hey, I’m sorry,” Gabriella said, planting a kiss on her cheek. A lively tempo lifted the people’s spirits, moving them to dance. Alicia continued to fish around the dim purple light, and when her eyes landed on Jeremy, she ran straight to him.

  “Hey,” she said, patting him on the shoulder.

  “Yo, where’s Gabriella?” he asked, squinting through the lights.

  “She’s back there,” Alicia said, pointing obscurely to the back of the bar. Jeremy looked at her for a few seconds before nodding and turning back around. The music soared through the air like a bird, taking with it the souls of the listening audience. They ascended together in a magical flight, a breathtaking melody, then dived back down, their breath stolen from their bodies, until all that was left was silence.

  CHAPTER 6

  “You have a nice place,” Devon said, looking around Dorothy’s penthouse. The windows were so large they resembled storefronts, the ceiling high up and the chandeliers hung low. Outside the windows the birds traveled past, buffeted by the wind that whistled through. The whole place was so futuristic, that Devon couldn’t help but feel out of place.

  “Why, thank you,” the raven-haired woman said, strutting across the room in a pair of glossy white pumps. She grabbed a wine bottle and set it down on the coffee table in front of him. “Here, help yourself,” she said.

  “Nah, I don’t actually,” Devon started. Dorothy raised an eyebrow. “Never mind,” he said, popping the cork off the bottle and pouring himself a drink.

  Dorothy chuckled. “Not a wine person, huh?” she said.

  “I guess you can say I’m more of a rum and coke kinda guy,” he said, contorting his lips into an awkward, toothy smile.

  “Oh, no. You’re not a frat boy anymore, so have yourself some of that wine. Cheers.” Dorothy raised her glass in the air and downed the wine in one gulp. Devon just stared at her, trying to drink in her beauty. “So, Devon. What do you think about our decision? I hear Straub has already discussed with you what’s going to happen this coming year,” she said, crossing one leg over the other and gawking at him expectantly. She dug into her bag, pulled out an iPad and started scrolling through it while Devon fidgeted in his seat.