by L. B. Reyes
“Evelyn, our relationship started in a bad way and a relationship that starts that way never ends well,” he said so matter of fact I couldn't believe it was the same man.
Piece by piece, my heart was shattering. I could feel every break and tear, my chest constricting as it tried to do away with the pain.
“Why are you saying this?” I asked him, taking a step towards him. He flinched as if my mere presence hurt him.
Like he didn't want me near him.
“Nathan, please, tell me what's wrong.”
“Nothing at all, I've just been thinking and it's for the best.”
The finality in his voice was heartbreaking.
“And you figured this out within a few hours?” I scoffed, wiping away a tear that escaped. “Because just this morning you told me you loved me and that you wanted to be with me and-”
“Don't make this more difficult than it already is,” he said. His forehead creased but the tone of his voice…he sounded desperate. Annoyed. “It's better like this.”
“What changed?” I asked brokenly.
“Evelyn—”
“I have the right to know,” I added before he could deny me an answer. “Nathan, just give me an explanation and I'll leave you alone.”
“There is no answer to that, so stop looking for one.”
I whimpered, covering my mouth with a shaking hand.
“Just…stop, Evelyn. If we're done here, I'm going to bed. I'm fucking tired.”
He turned on his heel without a single word; without even giving a single glance that showed he cared, one that said that he loved me.
“I gave you everything,” I choked out, watching him stop in his tracks. The tears ran freely by then and I wiped them away furiously. His grip on the staircase tightened with my words and he tensed but didn't bother turning around.
“I've fought my sister. I've kept secrets from my family for you. I’ve turned my back on all of them. I would have done it anyway, but you gave me the courage,” I rasped, my throat constricting with the overwhelming emotion. “We were going to start a life together and now you do this? Why? I gave myself to you without reserves, Nathan, every part of me and—”
“Stop!” His voice echoed throughout the house. It shook me to the core. “Just stop this, Evelyn! Don't make this fucking hard. There's no way around it.”
I gasped, unable to hide my crying anymore. He turned around and saw me, showing no emotion at all.
I've heard it said that you don't ever really know people. You can spend years and years with the same person and you'd never truly know them until you argue, and even then, you could still end up surprised.
I was sure I knew Nathan. I trusted him; not only was he the man I loved but my friend, my very, very best friend. But the man that stood before me was a complete stranger. His gray eyes showed nothing, no remorse, nothing.
It all hurt. His indifference and the way he was minimizing what I thought we had was shattering.
“This. What you're doing now. It doesn't help at all, so stop it, Evelyn.”
“Why?” I asked one last time, forcing the single word out with trouble. I could hardly speak. “I don't understand why you're doing this to me, Nate.”
He sighed, running his hand through his hair.
“Because the things I thought I wanted…I was wrong. I don't want them anymore. Not with you.”
“Oh,” I whimpered once again. I rushed towards the door and ran out, unable to bear being in the same house as him. I heard him call out my name as I tried to get away from his voice.
From his touch.
From his kisses.
From the memories.
But he was too fast and caught up, taking my arm in his hand.
“Evelyn, where the fuck are you going? It's late,” he hissed.
“Away,” I sobbed. “Let me go, Nathan, let me go!”
“No, get inside.”
I shook my head desperately, shrugging away from his grasp. When he tried to touch me again I slapped him, the stinging sensation traveling from my hand and seething its way into my wounded heart. He looked shocked…I would have thought he was hurt if it wasn't for the words he said earlier.
“Don't you dare fucking follow me,” I hissed.
Before he could say anything I ran off without a destination, trying to find a way to distance myself from the pain.
***
I knocked on the door one time, two with no success. No one answered.
I sat on the porch and closed my eyes. I was tired, both physically and emotionally. All out of tears, all out of strength. I buried my face in my hands and closed my eyes.
Quietly, the door creaked open and a very sleepy looking Carter stepped out. The confusion soon turned into shock when he took in my tear-stained face and my unruly appearance.
“Oh my,” he said, kneeling in front of me. “Evelyn—”
“I'm sorry. I had nowhere else to go,” I croaked. “I can leave if you want-”
He cupped my face in a hand, running a thumb over my cheek. “Oh, my precious girl. What happened to you?”
“I just, I don't have anyone else to go, Carter. Can I stay here? Just for tonight.”
“Of course, Evelyn. Come here, stand up.”
I stared blankly at the pictures in front of me while I sat on the sofa of the small living room. Carter was in the kitchen preparing a tea for me though I wasn't sure I'd be able to drink it.
I was so tired.
Each lie, each betrayal hurt more than the last but I didn't think it was possible for anything to hurt more than this.
When you love, you trust another person with the most important part of your life: your heart.
You trust them not to break it and keep it safe; to cherish it and mend it when it hurts, to give you hope when there is none and help you stand back up when you can't find strength.
And yet, what many people get is nothing but absolute heartbreak.
Maybe that had been my mistake—trusting him blindly. I should never have.
“Here, drink this,” Carter said.
I gave him a small smile and took the drink in my hands, sipping on the hot liquid. I was so numb I couldn't even taste it.
“What happened, Evelyn? Hm? What's wrong?”
“I don't know,” I replied quietly. “One minute everything was okay and the next…I don't know.”
Placing the mug back on the table, I closed my eyes. My head throbbed, my mind was overwhelmed trying to figure out what I did wrong. Carter wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his embrace, giving me the most comforting hug I could receive.
The simple gesture had me in tears in a few minutes once again and I cried on the shoulder of the man I considered my father. He didn't ask me any questions, didn't pry for more information and simply held me, every so often soothing me with the calmness of his voice.
The only man I had ever loved had broken my heart, wounded me so deeply I didn't think there was a medicine in the world that could heal it.
Carter shifted after a moment, muttering a curse as he stood up. His phone was ringing and he looked at the screen, shooting me a confused look when he saw who it was.
“It's Nathan. Do I answer?”
I shrugged. “I don't care.”
Carter sighed and with one last glance my way, he answered.
“Nathan…calm down.” he frowned, looking my way. “No…she's okay, she's here…right…good night.”
He hung up, taking a seat next to me once again.
“I don't know what's going on, but he was worried about you. He was losing it,” Carter said quietly.
“He's just afraid that I do something stupid because of him,” I scoffed. “I won't. I'm not an idiot. I just can't be in the same house with him right now.”
“Couples fight, Evelyn, it's normal. It doesn't mean it's over.”
“It is,” I swallowed. “For us, it is over.”
***
The next mornin
g I woke up ready to confront the situation. Only on a few hours of sleep, I realized I couldn't hide forever. Eventually, I'd have to see Nathan and I had to be strong when I did. I didn't want him to see the pain he'd caused, much less let him know how weak I felt. He didn't deserve my tears, not if he'd used me so freely.
“Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?” Carter asked in a concerned tone.
“I'm fine, Carter. Thank you for letting me stay here, though. I appreciate it.”
“You know you're welcome to stay here whenever you want, Evie. This is your home too.”
I decided to walk to Nathan's house; the fresh air would do me well.
However as I neared the house, the same sense of sadness from the night before started taking over. I swallowed, trying to not feel anything.
The sadness only intensified when I saw my sister's car there along with Nathan's. Not only that, but I also recognized my parents’ car and David's. I couldn't understand what could possibly be going on.
“You are stronger than this,” I told myself, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.
When I was sure I wouldn't have a breakdown, I opened the door to the house and walked inside, willing the tears to stay at bay. I heard voices coming from the dining room so followed them there, curiosity getting the best of me.
“Little sister,” Hannah grinned, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Don't forget we have a meeting at the company today. I suppose you're here to get ready.”
Her words fell on deaf ears. Nathan's gaze met my own from across the room. His eyes were bloodshot and by the empty bottle of bourbon resting on the table I could tell he'd finished it all last night. David was behind him, a solemn expression on his face despite the smile he tried to force. I swallowed, clearing my throat.
“Good morning, everyone. Is there a family reunion going on?”
My mom didn't speak. She was still pissed about my managing of the company but I couldn't bring myself to give a damn. Not anymore.
“Actually, it's strange that you weren't here considering the fact that you and Nathan are very, very good friends,” Hannah smirked, raising an eyebrow.
“Leave her alone,” Nathan snapped, running a hand over his face.
“Aren't you going to tell her the news?”
Nathan forced a smile, pushing his chair back with undiluted anger. “Why don't you tell her?” he snarled. “You've been looking forward to it all fucking day.”
He disappeared after that, closing the door to the backyard with a slam. He was going to his studio.
“So what's going on?” I asked, looking at David.
Hannah gave me a mocking smile walking up to me and shoving a stack of papers in my face. “Nathan is now a free and divorced man, sis. Congratulations.”
CHAPTER 36
Evelyn
I felt his eyes before I even turned around. His gaze was piercing, leaving me breathless despite what had happened between us. I scoffed, shaking my head.
How the hell does he still have this power over me?
How was I so fucking weak?
“You don't have to leave, Evelyn,” he said, emotionless.
“I do,” I said with a forced smile. “You're a single man, Nathan. I can't be around if you want to have other women here. I wouldn't want to be an obstacle in your dating life.”
He didn't say anything and I turned around to make sure he was still there. He was. His hair was disheveled, lips tilted down in a frown. His eyes…those eyes that typically had the ability to do me over were saddened. Ignoring the pull he had on me I continued packing, resisting the need to comfort him.
Why would I?
He's the one that fucked us up.
Nathan stood by the door while I finished packing. I did so in a hurry, needing to get the hell out of there before I lost it. A couple of days had gone by since his divorce was finalized and since our fallout and though I pretended to be okay, I was anything but.
Nights were the worst.
I'd gotten so used to him holding me. Now they were just so lonely and bitter; just like I was. I resented him for not telling what was going on, but he'd pushed me away.
Because the things I thought I wanted…I was wrong. I don't want them anymore. Not with you.
The words echoed in my mind; the irony of them clawing at my insides. Not with me. I wasn't stupid enough to try to fool myself into thinking that I would ever love someone else like I loved him, wasn't stupid enough to open up my heart like that ever again. I just wished I wouldn't have done it in the first place.
His meetings with David had increased for some reason. I asked David about it and he simply said he couldn't say anything because of a confidentiality agreement. As much as those words angered me, I couldn't blame him. It was his job after all and none of my business.
I'd decided to stay with Carter for the time being, clear up the things at the company, hand it over to Kimberly, and get the hell out of Pennsylvania. A beautiful state, but I'd been through so much shit there I was ready to leave and start fresh.
“I can leave, if you want, Evelyn,” he said, breaking the silence that enveloped us. “You can stay here. You shouldn't have to leave.”
“Stay and sleep in the same bed and room you fucked me in? No thank you.” I closed my suitcase, glad that I could already hear the cab pulling up. Nathan tensed at the sound of it, eyes fleeting to the window.
“That's my cue to leave,” I whispered, biting my lip.
I took a deep breath, looking down at the damn bracelet I still wore. My heart constricted. If I was going to let him go, leave him, I had to leave everything that reminded me of him behind, no matter how attached I'd grown.
Unclasping the bracelet I turned around, holding it between my thumb and index fingers, Nathan's eyes revealing never-ending pain.
“Evelyn, what are you doing?” he asked, his voice nothing but a breathy sound.
I took his hand in mine, ignoring the shiver that ran down my spine.
Ignoring the reminder that those hands knew my body very well, that they knew how to comfort me, how to make me lose my mind.
“I'm seizing the day.” The hate-filled words left my lips without much consideration.
He shook his head, holding the bracelet in a closed fist as I walked away, certain that leaving him behind was the best choice.
***
Jenna and I walked throughout campus, talking about the end of the semester and my pending trip. Though she didn't really agree with what I had decided, saying that I needed to take time and think.
That was the problem though.
I was done thinking. Shit never turned out well when I thought and for it I ended up hurt. Or perhaps I just didn't think enough.
Either way, whatever I needed I wouldn't find there.
“How about a night out?” Jenna asked, nudging me with her elbow.
“I don't know, Jen,” I said, shaking my head. “I just want to curl up and sleep.”
“Well, the best way to get over a guy is getting—”
“Under another one. Yeah, Karla texted me the same thing. It's not happening. I don't want to think about that anymore.”
“Then let’s go to the club or something, Evelyn. Girl, you need to get out, try to forget about him if that's your choice, although I still think there's more to the story than he's letting on.”
“If there's more, he should have told me,” I countered quickly. “That's beside the point, Jen. I would have listened, the point is he didn't even try. He had a chance earlier today and made no attempt to tell me anything.”
“Maybe he can't,” she said with a shrug.
I shook my head. “He said hurtful things, Jenna. He hurt me. I don't want to think about him, don't want to be near him, so let’s just not talk about him. Can we do that?”
Jenna raised her hands in self-defense. I knew I was being snappy but there was no other way I could behave. I was defensive with everyone, ready to strike if someone dared hu
rt me.
“Let's go out. You'll have fun, I promise.”
I sighed, looking over at my friend. “Fine,” I muttered. “Don't make me regret this.”
***
“Are you sure you want to go out?” Carter asked, his arms crossed over his chest. “And I really don't think that dress is appropriate, Evelyn.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I'm sure. And what's wrong with my dress?”
“It's too revealing.”
Smiling, I glanced over at Carter. My parents may have been parents by blood, but Carter, he was my dad. He actually cared.
“I'll be fine, Carter. Don’t worry. Besides, I'm going with Jenna and some other friends, so I won't be alone.”
He pursed his lips. Though he didn't agree, he didn't say anything else and let me get ready in peace. With the strapless white dress I wore and my hair down in beach waves, I felt confident and ready. I left my make-up natural except for the bright red lipstick I wore, smoothed down my dress, grabbed my phone, and headed out to the living room.
Carter shot me one more disapproving look before waving me off. I knew he worried about me because he cared and that's the one thing that gave me strength in that moment.
“You look hot, girl.” Jenna smiled.
I returned it, not really feeling much of anything. No excitement.
Nada.
I was reminded of her driving skills as she weaved in and out of traffic with ease and no concern, forcing to promise myself to never ever to get in a vehicle with her. She was dangerous.
After a twenty minute drive we finally arrived at the crowded club. We could hear the music playing from the inside loud and deafening. I was about to chicken out.
“I don't think I should be here,” I mumbled.
“You deserve to have fun, Evie. Come on, let’s enjoy the night.”
I sighed and followed behind her, shaking my head with slight disbelief. I was dreading this place a lot. It wasn't as if I hadn't been to a club before it was just that I didn't want to be surrounded by so many people.
The place was full, packed like sardines.
“Come on. I know a guy who can get us drinks.”
