by L. B. Reyes
He had affairs, I knew that much. I found him once, twice actually, with one of mom’s friends. I had never said a word.
So many secrets had torn me apart.
“You can visit me whenever you want. I live in the condominium building where Evie used to live. I can help you go job hunting.”
I laughed, and deep inside, I felt a need to hug him. I wasn’t brave enough to do so. I didn’t deserve it.
“You and your sister, you’ve both been through a lot, Hannah. I’m deeply proud of both of you.”
“Really?”
Carter smiled, his blue eyes sparkled with true pride, and I was unable to fight back the tears. He placed his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into a fatherly hug. “Of course, Hannah. I watched you both grow up. Though you two have always been very different, it doesn’t mean I cared for you any less. Your grandmother loved you both equally, and I’ve always admired both your strength. It’s time you use that strength for good now, dear. You can do it. You just need to believe it.”
I nodded. He was yet another person who deserved an apology. “I’m…ugh…I suck at this, Carter, but I’m—”
He shook his head. “No need, Hannah. There’s nothing to forgive. Just keep your head held high.”
“Thank you, Carter. I really needed this.”
“I know,” he chuckled. “No one ever leaves Nathan’s pasta aside. I could tell you weren’t feeling well.”
I was about to reply, but the door opened, once again stopping me. This time, however, I was speechless when Derek’s green eyes met mine.
“Are you leaving?” Carter asked.
“Yeah. I have an early morning tomorrow.”
“Ah, that restaurant keeps you busy, doesn’t it?”
Derek smiled, and by the way he looked at Carter as he stood, it was clear he was fond of him. “Goodnight, Carter. Are you staying here tonight?”
“I may,” Carter replied. “Be careful on your way home.”
With that, Carter closed the door, leaving both Derek and me alone out in the cold night. I averted my gaze, trying my best to hide my nervousness.
Inside, I was dying.
Finally, I decided to go back inside. It’s not like we would have a meaningful conversation, anyway.
“Goodnight, Derek.”
I didn’t expect him to say anything but was surprised when I heard him say my name.
It sounded perfect coming from his lips.
“Yes?”
Derek seemed caught off guard also, and I didn’t miss the longing in those green eyes of his. Maybe deep down he still cared for me. Maybe the good memories mattered more than the bad.
“Can you be at the restaurant in the morning? Fill out paperwork and all?”
I gasped. “You’re giving me the job?”
He shrugged. “We need people. You need a job.”
I felt so happy, I wanted to hug him, but instead, I swallowed, giving him the most grateful smile I could.
“Thank you so, so much, Derek.”
His jaw worked, the tension returning to his posture as he avoided feeling whatever it was he felt at my words. “Just be there early. And Hannah, don’t make me regret this.”
“I promise. I won’t.”
CHAPTER 6
Hannah
“I’m not ready for this.”
I was nervous.
No, terrified, actually.
To start off, I never held a service job. This was the first time I was going to have to deal with other human beings I had no advantage over whatsoever. If people didn’t like me, I was sure Derek wouldn’t hesitate to fire me, and that was a risk I couldn’t take.
I had to kick ass.
“You look scared, Aunt Hannah.”
I grimaced, looking at my niece, who seemed thoroughly amused.
“Can’t hide it,” I mumbled.
Lily sat on the floor next to me, bringing her knees up to her chest, as she mimicked my posture.
I sighed, and she sighed too.
Suppressing my laughter, I nudged her gently with my elbow and placed a kiss on her temple.
“Will you help Mommy and Daddy read me bedtime stories when you get off work? I like when you read me stories.”
I’d only read her a bedtime story once, but clearly, she was already fond of them.
“Of course,” I replied.
“And you don’t have to be afraid. Uncle Derek is nice. He always buys me toys or takes me to the park.”
If only it were that simple.
“Does he?”
She nodded eagerly.
Lily scooted closer to me, her eyes wide and full of mischief.
“He sometimes gives me candy without Mommy knowing,” she whispered.
A laugh escaped my lips. She was so serious, and seeing Lily act as if it were a life or death situation was amusing. Although I could see why Evie wouldn’t want her on a sugar binge. The little girl had a lot of energy.
“Or money. He gives me money, and I hide it so I can buy things, but you can’t tell Mommy, okay?”
“Why not?”
“Because she’ll get mad at Uncle Derek.”
“Not at you?”
Lily grinned. “Maybe a little. But it can be top secret, right?”
Great.
Now I guarded secrets for a three year old.
“It’s our secret,” I replied, holding out my pinky. Rather than giving me her pinky, she simply wrapped her hand around my finger as a symbol of our promise.
“C’mon, Lily, we have to take you to Grandma’s.”
Lily’s eyes widened, and she stood up quickly when she heard Evie calling her.
“I’m ready, Mommy.” She grinned, glancing back when she heard her mother at my door.
She looked like a total professional.
Again, things had changed greatly. Before, it was me who was always dolled up, and now I didn’t do it. Even dressed up, however, Evie seemed incredibly approachable. It was the perfect job for her—helping teenagers find their way. She’d always had trouble doing that exact thing, though she never did anything crazy as a teenager.
“How are you feeling?” I asked when I saw how pale she looked.
“I’m exhausted.” She sighed. “But I can’t miss another day. Do you want me to drive you to Derek’s?”
I shook my head. “I’ll take a cab. You’ve got a lot on your plate.” I gestured at Lily, who had started spinning around in circles, entertained with the way her dress moved with her.
“Okay,” she replied. “Good luck, Hannah. I’m sure everything will turn out fine.”
***
“The easy part is done.” Lisa smiled, giving me a manual.
I used to be the one handing those out, and now I was the one receiving it.
Oh, the irony.
“Now, as far as when you want to start, it’s really up to you. We’ve been incredibly busy with the holidays lately and are in desperate need of people, but if you have any other compromises, we can hold off a week or two.”
I felt my face heat up. Waitressing wasn’t difficult, but I truly had no clue what I would be doing. That, and I was sure karma was going to bite me in the ass for the times I had been a bitch to servers.
“You have no clue what to do, do you?” Lisa asked with a smile.
“None at all,” I said.
Lisa rolled her eyes, not in annoyance, but teasingly. “Okay, first of all, when do you want to start?”
“I can start whenever,” I replied.
“How about tomorrow?”
I nodded, following behind her when she gestured for me to do so. We went into a room in the back, which I figured was Derek’s office by the pictures of Evie and Lily.
“Every day here is busy, so for the most part, you will be on your own. Memorization is key, as well as wearing a smile on your face, though not an obnoxious one. Then you’ll come off as a creep. Now, you need to be ready because some of the people who visit here are quite snobb
y, though most of them are nice-snobby. You know, the type you tolerate and would spare their lives if necessary.”
I snorted. I had definitely not been one of those.
“But some of them are kill-if-possible snobby, the type you want to strangle as you kick them ten thousand feet under the earth.”
I blinked, surprised. “That’s…violent.”
“Oh, you’ll understand pretty soon. But I’m sure you can handle it. If not, Derek wouldn’t have told me to hire you.”
I tried not to grin like an idiot, but by the smirk on Lisa’s face, I was unable to hide it.
“What’s your story?” she asked curiously, her head tilting to the side. “I mean, I know the you-being-in-jail bit, but what else? There’s more, isn’t there? Especially between you and Derek.”
Shrugging, I sat in one of the chairs. “You could say that.”
“Aren’t you going to tell your new manager and friend,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows, “all about it?”
I laughed. While Lisa seemed like a genuine person, I didn’t trust her enough to tell her anything quite yet. Maybe with time I would, but for now, I was just grateful that they’d given me this opportunity.
“Not yet. Besides, if you’re close to Derek, I’m sure he would have mentioned me by now.”
Lisa’s expression faltered. “No, not really. He doesn’t open up to people much.”
I lowered my gaze. There was no doubt in my mind it was my fault. He had once been trusting and open with others, until he met me.
“Where did you meet him?”
“AA meeting.”
At her statement, my heart dropped. “AA meeting?”
Lisa nodded. “Alcoholics Anonymous. We met a few years ago after the restaurants went into bankruptcy and after a relationship of his ended. He was in a bad place.”
I didn’t think I could feel more guilt, but there I was, learning more about a man I’d left behind and fucked over without remorse.
“How bad was it?” I asked, hoping she couldn’t sense how much the news tore at me.
“It was pretty bad. Like, find him on the streets drunk and causing trouble bad. It wasn’t until his fifth AA meeting that he finally hit rock bottom. Since then, he’s been pretty good, but he almost relapsed a few years ago when he found out about Evelyn.”
“I didn’t know any of this.” I took a deep breath, trying to process her words.
“Like I said, he doesn’t talk about it much. He has a strong willpower, though, because he’s surrounded by all these lovely wines all the time and still manages to say no.”
It was difficult to describe the emotions I felt; there was pride for him getting through that and so much regret. I’d hurt him without considering the consequences.
After a while, the door to the office opened, and as always, I was drawn to him. Derek’s gaze met mine briefly, masking whatever he felt when he saw me…that was if he felt anything at all.
“Good morning,” he said.
I waved awkwardly at him, taking the time to truly admire his strength. He seemed healthy; no sign of his addiction was present.
My heart broke a little more at the thought that Evelyn and Nathan probably knew about this and hadn’t said anything.
“I start tomorrow,” I said with a small smile.
Derek’s eyebrows raised, seemingly surprised. “That’s…quick. You need training and all that. You don’t know what you’re doing.”
Lisa chimed in with a grin. “Oh, I’ve got just the person to help her.”
By the tone of her voice, I could tell she was planning something mischevious, and when I saw her expression, I was sure of it.
“Oh,” Derek said, his jaw clenching. “Who is it?”
With a dreamy sigh, Lisa said one name only. “Blake.”
In my ever-imaginative brain, I saw Derek roar in jealousy, take me into his arms, and tell me that no one else was going to teach me anything because he wouldn’t allow it. Reality had a different idea in mind, though.
He shrugged, merely glancing my way and saying, “Good choice.”
Lisa smirked. “Oh, yeah, I’m sure you’ll think so too.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Ugh,” Lisa said, the dreamy look never leaving her face. “Bright blue eyes, muscles everywhere, charming smile, but a bad boy aura that makes you want to—”
“All right. Can you take this shit elsewhere?” His fists rested on the desk, as if he was barely able to contain himself.
Lisa snorted, fearless against his fury. “Oh. Struck a cord, huh?”
She had no idea.
“Okay, I’m going to show Hannah around while you ponder on my statement.”
Awkwardly, I stood and offered Derek a quick goodbye, which he only replied to with a stiff nod. As soon as we were out the door, Lisa gasped, her eyes wide with shock.
“I am such a good detective. It’s you. You were that relationship, weren’t you?”
“You are so nosy,” I said, trying not to laugh.
“Very. Now, I’m going to show you around while you tell me all about this.”
CHAPTER 7
Hannah
Derek smiled, his arms surrounding me lovingly. Our bodies were covered up with a blanket, but it was us being together that really brought warmth to each other. There was something about the way he made me feel that was addicting. He brought peace to my otherwise chaotic life, and made even the most miserable day better. I knew that at least while I was with him, the short moments when we could be together, I was a better person.
It had been a crazy couple of months since we’d started this weird, crazy relationship and a week since Nathan had caught us together. I’d thought he would have filed for divorce immediately after finding Derek and me between the sheets, but instead, he’d given us his full support.
Nathan didn’t love me.
I wasn’t a fool to think that he ever had.
But he understood me. He saw how deep I was into the shit with my parents. He understood we couldn’t just file for divorce. That and I had been a bit more tolerable from the time I had been with Derek.
I wasn’t such a pain the ass, as Nathan had so tenderly said.
With Evie in Florida, there was really no one else I had to hide my relationship from. Carter minded his own business, and truly, his main concern was my grandmother and Evelyn, who was miles and miles away.
My relationship was hidden, a secret, at least for now.
“I missed you.”
I smiled, looking up at the green-eyed man who with a tender gaze pressed his lips against mine.
“Me too.”
I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t open my own. This was what I needed: to be with him, shutting out the whole world. With him, I didn’t have to pretend to be this business-focused woman. I didn’t have to pretend to be strong. I could just be Hannah Carson: the girl who craved love, the girl who longed for freedom.
I could just be me.
“I’ve been thinking about us,” Derek said, shifting slightly. My eyes fluttered open, and he smiled that smile that took my breath away. There weren’t many of them when I had first met him.
“What about us?” I asked, running my fingers down his chest.
His eyes were bright. Hopeful.
And in that moment, I just knew I was about to take some of that hope away.
“Nathan is a logical person, Han. I think we could talk to him and he would be open to discussing options with us.”
I forced myself to smile. “Like what?”
He grinned. “A divorce, babe. We wouldn’t have to hide around anymore. He’s not happy with you, and you’re not happy with him. I think it’s safe to say he and I are friends too. We could talk to him, and I’m sure he would agree to a divorce. I don’t even think he’d ask for anything. He doesn’t seem to care for it.”
I shook my head, but Derek didn’t let me.
“Hannah, he talks more to your sister, and she’s in
another state. He’s clearly only with you because you don’t want to get divorced and because he’s pretty much settled. Set him free. Set yourself free, sweetheart. You and me, we can start over…form the life we can only dream about now.”
“It’s not that easy,” I whispered regretfully. “I have the business, my family’s reputation, I—”
“Does that really matter?” Derek asked, his forehead creased. “Frankly, it’s easier to fix a reputation than to live a fake life, Hannah. You may not notice this, but Nathan is drained. This whole situation is draining him, and you have honestly smiled more with me than I think you have in the past years. Why put yourself through a marriage that you know you don’t want?”
I said nothing. What could I say? He wouldn’t understand.
“Don’t you want to be with me? Don’t you want us to be together?”
“I do,” I replied.
But I can’t.
I couldn’t tell him that yet. I would have to let him go eventually, but for that moment, only for that one, I would lie to him and to myself and pretend everything would be okay.
“Give me some time to figure things out,” I lied. “Just a few months, okay?”
Derek kissed me again, his tongue slipping past my lips. I lost myself in his kiss, forgetting about everything that tormented me. This could be my safe haven, at least until he got tired of the situation because I knew he would.
But I’d at least have the memory of his lips to keep me going.
***
“You are doing great.”
The deep voice filled the kitchen, and I could feel the pride in it.
I had been shadowing Blake all day, and to my surprise, I didn’t have too much of a hard time. I was actually pretty nice if I wanted to be, and he was an amazing teacher. He was patient and genuinely cared about me getting this whole thing down.
“Here,” he said, tossing me a water bottle. “You deserve a break.”
I laughed. “Yes. I never thought being up on my feet all day could be so tiring.”
He smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the action. “Everyone says the same thing, but after a few days, you get used to it. You’re doing great. I haven’t had someone learn this fast since…well, since myself.”
