The Right Kind Of Wrong Series: Books 1-3

by L. B. Reyes

  I quit everything I loved—quit having fun. Quit the piano. The one thing I loved, the one thing that gave me freedom, I left behind for my mother, again. She never realized how much it affected me to leave behind the outlet I had for the emotions I never voiced. No one did.

  I used my looks. I learned other people’s weaknesses. I learned Evelyn’s. I learned Nathan’s. I did everything I could to get ahead. They were all my little puppets, and I played them all how I’d wished.

  Ironically, though, I ended up losing a game I thought I’d made up.

  I was alone, destroyed, and my heart was completely unwoven.

  There was so much pent-up anger and resentment, so much heartache, I couldn’t contain it anymore. So I let it all out. I cried and cried until my eyes were swollen. I cried until my chest hurt. I did the one thing I was never allowed to do before and became vulnerable. Weak.

  I cried for the woman who hated herself and the person she’d been. I cried for the girl who never had a chance to be a child. I mourned the mother I never had. I cried for the girl who wasn’t able to be a proper sister or to love completely.

  I felt every crack and every raw wound open up and devour me. I let myself feel the pain.

  Each battle I thought I’d won was truly a loss. I lost myself, and I became a stranger. A person without hopes, a person without dreams. I despised the old Hannah but was well aware she would follow wherever I went like a shadow.

  That was all she would ever be.

  A shadow.

  A shadow I would work tirelessly to leave behind.

  I brought my knees up to my chest and reminisced, thinking about how I’d let things get so far. My eyes remained closed as I continued crying, until I sensed something changing.

  I’d lost, but I’d learned.

  My eyes fluttered open, and in front of me was the most gorgeous sunrise. It looked as if the best artist had taken a brush and delicately merged the orange and yellow tones together. I blinked because I didn’t know how such beauty could exist in such a dark world.

  You are going to be okay.

  I took a deep breath and admired the sight in front of me, feeling my hope reappear bit by bit. With every exhale, it was like I liberated myself from the guilt.

  I did what I hadn’t been able to do for years.

  I started forgiving myself.

  I’d been brave enough to admit making mistakes. I was strong enough to start leaving everything behind. Maybe Derek didn’t want to give me a second chance, but I was going to give it to myself. I deserved to start over and be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. It didn’t have to be with anyone at all. As long as I was happy with myself, I’d be able to move on.

  Just hang on.

  ***

  When I got back to Evie’s house, her car was still parked there, a sign that she’d probably been so concerned, she’d decided to go into work late. Sure enough, when I opened the door, she was pacing and on the phone.

  “Hey,” I said quietly.

  Evie stopped, her eyes widening when she saw me.

  “I’ll call you back.” She hung up the phone and rushed toward me, embracing me quickly. “I was so worried.”

  “I know,” I replied, hugging her back. This was just what I needed. “Turns out this whole having feelings thing sucks.”

  Evie laughed. “Tell me about it.”

  “I didn’t mean to keep you up all night.” I pulled away, taking in the bags under her eyes. They were swollen too, making it obvious she had been crying. “I just needed to be alone.”

  “I know. It just sucked. You looked very distraught. What happened?”

  I ran my hands down her arms, wishing I wouldn’t have left. For my sake, however, I knew it was the right thing to do. It gave me time to think about everything, to go through the darkness in my mind and weed it all out. It let me heal, even if it had just been a little bit.

  “Nothing.” I smiled. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

  She smoothed out her clothing repeatedly, and I knew she had at least some sort of idea of what happened. Hell, maybe Derek had even called her.

  I wasn’t angry about his decision. In fact, I was sure I’d probably do the same thing. He’d given me his heart and I’d torn it straight out of his chest. It hurt, but the pain I felt would only make me stronger in the end. The proof of it was Evie standing in front of me.

  She’d been through a lot. Things I had put her through. She’d lost, and yet she’d loved. I’d take her example and do the same.

  “But you’ve been crying,” she pouted. I could see her eyes already glistening with tears.

  I rested my hand over her small little bump, the action catching her off guard. “I think this little one is another girl. Maybe that’s why you’re so hormonal, right? Double the hormones?”

  Her eyes narrowed at me. “You’re in a good mood, but you have been crying. Are you drunk?”

  I grinned. “Nope, and I don’t want you to worry, Evie. Really, I’ll be just fine.” I gave her hand a comforting squeeze. “Did Nathan take Lily to his parents’ house?”

  Evie nodded, brushing her curly brown hair away from her face. “I was just waiting to hear back from you but—”

  “Ah, well, now that you know I’m okay, go ahead and go to work. I have to be at the restaurant in a few hours, so that’s where I’ll be when you come back.”

  Confused, Evie scratched the back of her head. “Han, I don’t think that’s a good idea. In fact, I don’t think you should work at the restaurant at all. It’s clearly not good for you or Derek.”

  I understood her worry, really, I did. I had been a mess the night before, but what she didn’t realize was that it had been precisely what I needed. I needed to apologize, to tell him how I felt. I’d done just that. His rejection hurt like a bitch, but I was stronger than that.

  “He hasn’t fired me, and I haven’t quit. It’s my responsibility to be there.” Evie opened her mouth to protest. “No. Don’t tell me otherwise. Yes, I was a mess, but I’m not anymore. I’m going to be just fine, Evelyn. I did some bad things he can’t let go of. That’s on him. But I’m letting go. He’ll eventually see that I have changed,” I shrugged, holding on to that bit of hope.

  Maybe one day, he would.

  “If he doesn’t, then I’m still going to try my best. And eventually, I’ll find another job. Hell, I may even start working two jobs.”

  “You don’t have to do all that,” Evie sighed. “I just want you to be okay.”

  “And I am. Believe me. I feel better than I have in a long time.” I gave her one last hug, thanking her for everything she’d done for me. “Now stop worrying about me and go to work. I’ll see you later.”

  ***

  That day, I walked to work with a new sense of pride. What I had experienced that morning was more than a beautiful sunrise; it was a new beginning.

  I’d severed the rope that tied me to my past and burned it.

  For the first time in my life, I felt truly proud of myself, because I was doing right by my family and myself. I walked into the restaurant and greeted Blake, then Lisa.

  And I didn’t feel the least bit nervous about seeing Derek.

  My life was mine only. No one had the right to control it, and no one had the right to tell me I wasn’t able to change. I decided my own fate, and my decision was to be happy.

  The key to finding my happiness was to forgive myself, and though I’d barely started the process, I could already feel everything changing. I was stronger than I’d ever been. Brave.

  One day I’d know what it was like to truly feel complete.

  “Wow.”

  I turned around at the single word. Derek looked shocked. I smiled when I realized I felt no resentment toward him. Seeing him made my heart flutter because it always would around him, but no longer did I feel guilty.

  I’d tried.

  “Something wrong?” I asked.

  His eyes were still wide. “I-I didn’t think you’
d be here today.”

  I figured.

  I tilted my head to the side.

  He really didn’t know me.

  I was tempted to say that exact thing to him. Instead, I walked past him and squeezed his shoulder gently. “Let’s get to work, Derek. The day is only just beginning.”

  Chapter 14

  Hannah

  From that day on, everything seemed to change. I saw every passing minute as an opportunity and took advantage of each and every one of them. I laughed a bit more and was with Evie and Lily as much as I could.

  I worked a full shift almost every day and was very close to having enough money to get an apartment in a decent part of the city. I’d told Evie I was near ready to move out. I had even started to look for an apartment, but to say that she wasn’t happy was an understatement. So I complied, for two reasons.

  Number one: She was hormonal. Very hormonal. Hormonal for her meant tears.

  Which led to reason number two: Nathan.

  The man gave me the most pleading look in existence when his wife started crying. I couldn’t help but pity him because it was more than obvious the tears had been an often occurrence the past few days, judging by the late-night trips to the pharmacy and ice cream shops.

  I obliged, making sure to let her know I would stay for a few more months until I had a bit more money saved. Little Lily was another reason it took little convincing. I had gotten used to reading her bedtime stories every other day and taking her to the park when I was off work. I loved being with them so much that, though I wanted to be on my own, I hated the thought of not having them around.

  Things at the restaurant were also getting interesting. Lisa and I were planning a small birthday party for Blake at her place in the next couple of weeks, and I was excited to be at a party in which people actually had fun.

  All the parties I had thrown before were so boring, Evie would always try to hide away. I never wanted to admit it, but I hated having those get-togethers. They were essential for business, though.

  “So this Blake guy…good friend?”

  I rolled my eyes. I was going with Evie to one of her appointments to help with little Lily while she was examined.

  “Mmm. Don’t avoid the question. How close are you with Blake?”

  I shrugged.

  “Mommy says that when people don’t have anything to hide, they answer questions,” Lily chimed in from the back seat of the car. Evie scoffed, and I wrinkled my nose. Those two together were quite a combination.

  “Does she now? Well, I have nothing to hide. Blake is my friend.”

  I looked back, and Lily kicked her feet. “Boyfriend.”

  My eyes widened. “What do you teach her?” I asked Evie, who laughed. “No. Just a friend who is a boy…he has a son, you know? He could be your friend.”

  “Friend that’s a boy?”

  “Yep.” I popped the “p” at the end, smirking at Lily’s confused expression. “You just have to be careful your dad doesn’t find out. I don’t think he’ll be too happy with you having boys around.”

  “Oh, he definitely won’t be,” Evie said. “He will be pissed. Nate says she can’t date until she’s eighty-something.”

  I glanced back at Lily. My niece was beautiful, and I was sure she’d have all boys wrapped around her finger in no time.

  “Good luck with that.”

  Within a few minutes, we were at the hospital in which Evie would be examined. Lily and I waited in the lobby while she was called back. I was entertained with a magazine, and she sat there quietly, kicking her feet.

  “Aunt Hannah…Aunt Hannah?”

  I looked down at my curious niece, who, despite whispering, managed to get the attention of everyone in the lobby. “Yes, Lily?”

  “I’m bored.”

  I bit my lip. “Do you want to go downstairs to the cafeteria? Get you a snack while we wait for your mom?”

  Lily nodded eagerly, jumping straight out of her seat. She took my hand in hers, and we walked out of the waiting room and into the elevator. She told me how excited she was about meeting Blake’s son and how they would be friends, but I would help keep the secret from Nathan.

  I’d gladly be her secret keeper.

  “Can I get some chocolate?”

  “I’m afraid not, Lily. You have too much energy. We can barely keep up with you.”

  “Why, Auntie? I’m just a little girl. I don’t have a lot of energy.”

  I snorted. Little did she know.

  I was so busy talking to Lily, I didn’t realize I was about to run into someone.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t see where—oh! Deborah?”

  My ex-mother-in-law stared at me with a shocked expression. Then her gaze turned to Lily, who threw herself into her arms.

  “Oh, darling.” She smiled, hugging her granddaughter. “Hannah, what are you two doing here? Is everything okay?”

  “We’re here for Momma’s appointment,” Lily said with a grin. “But I was bored, so Aunt Hannah is getting me food. Do you want to come with us?”

  I laughed nervously. Deborah and I never had a good relationship. She always despised me, and with good reason. Since I came back, neither of us attempted any conversation or to even be in the same room together. I didn’t judge her; I had made her son’s life miserable, and one thing I knew was that for Deborah, someone messing with her family was unforgivable.

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Deborah said, her eyes fixated on me. “You go on with your aunt. I’ll see you tomorrow, hm?”

  Be polite, Hannah.

  I cleared my throat. “Are you sure, Deborah? I don’t mind.” Impressed, the woman raised her eyebrows, making it obvious she wasn’t expecting those words to leave my lips. I shifted uncomfortably, trying not to stutter. “I mean…only if you want. You don’t really have to, but if you want, you totally can.”

  Amused, Deborah squeezed her granddaughter’s cheek. “I would stay, but I have to get back home. Thanks for the offer.”

  I took a look at the hand with which she’d caressed Lily’s face, only to see it bandaged. I tilted my head in question when she tried to hide it.

  “What were you doing here?” I shouldn’t have asked, but curiosity was a vile thing. It never gave up.

  Deborah forced a smile. “Regular checkup. Nothing much, really.”

  I nodded, tried my best to believe her, but something didn’t feel right. It wasn’t my place to ask, so I kept the questions to myself.

  “I’m going to get going.” She knelt in front of Lily and kissed her forehead tenderly. “I’ll see you around, dear. Behave, okay?”

  Lily nodded, wrapping her arms around her neck. “I love you, Grandma.”

  “Love you too, baby.”

  I waved awkwardly, but to my surprise, Deborah stepped closer.

  “Don’t tell them I’m here,” she whispered.

  What the hell did I just get myself into?

  ***

  “You’re staring at him again.”

  I jumped back, startled to find Lisa grinning at me. I pretended to be busy, placing some dishes on a counter, despite my eyes still being drawn to Derek. He spoke to someone, a woman, at a table on the other side of the restaurant. They’d been chatting away for nearly an hour, and they made it more than obvious they were having the best time. They smiled and laughed and all that happy shit I couldn’t stand.

  Lisa linked her arm with mine. “It’s an old friend of his. Met her a couple of years ago, but they’re nothing more.”

  Shrugging, I stepped back and glared at her. “Doesn’t really matter,” I lied.

  “Oh. Of course not,” Lisa smirked. “I’m just saying. I know you don’t care, or whatever, but just thought you should know.”

  My gaze found Derek’s who, for some reason, had looked my direction. He gave me a small smile, and I returned it, brushing my hair back as I did so. Whatever the woman said caught his attention again, and his gaze fell back on her.

 
; I’d tried to get past many things after our conversation and had done a pretty good job with most of it.

  Free of anger? Check.

  Free of resentment? Check.

  Free of guilt? Working on it.

  Free of feelings for him? Nope. Not one bit.

  I thought I had my emotions under control until he’d look at me or talk to me and my heart would go crazy for him again.

  “Tomorrow is Blake’s party.”

  “Yeah,” I sighed. “It is. I’m actually very excited about it.”

  “Me too,” Lisa squealed. “I want you to have fun, let loose. You’re always so tense and serious. Have a couple of drinks tomorrow, the ones I can’t drink, and dance and have fun. You work hard. You deserve it.”

  “Remind me again why we’re having alcohol in a place where there are several alcoholics?” I asked.

  I had been one hundred percent against alcohol, especially given the histories of many of the people who attended, but for some reason, Lisa had decided it was okay. She’d said they couldn’t avoid alcohol all their lives and that they all had each other’s support to keep them grounded. Derek was my concern, however. I didn’t want him to relapse.

  “You could try to talk to Derek again, you know?”

  “Lisa, I—”

  “I’m just saying, Hannah. He hasn’t been with anyone in a while. Why don’t you give it a shot? You’re beautiful and he’s hot.” Lisa leaned in closer, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Besides, how long has it been since you’ve been…serviced?”

  I snorted, my eyes wide, and I was sure I was turning fifty shades of red. “What the fuck, Lisa?”

  She laughed, throwing her head back with amusement. “See? You desperately need to get laid.”

  “Who desperately needs to get laid?”

  I felt even my ears heating up when I heard Derek’s voice behind me.

  Lisa grinned. “Oh, I know two people, actually. And I’m not one of them because I get plenty of action. Anyway…” She placed a kiss on my cheek and one on Derek’s. A fucking traitorous kiss. How dare she say that? “I’m going off to my break. I’ll see you two around.”