by L. B. Reyes
Without a further word, Lisa stepped away and left me to face one of the most awkward moments in my life.
“You know Lisa,” I said, biting my lip afterward. “She’s always so…”
“Blunt? Yeah. One of her perks.”
I chuckled nervously, glancing away for a moment. “Are you going to be there tomorrow?”
Derek nodded. “Yeah, I will be.”
“That’s good…right? It’ll be good for you to have fun and all that.”
“Same for you.” Derek smiled.
Stupid heart.
“I’ll…um…I’ll get back to work now,” I murmured, meeting his eyes.
He nodded, not breaking my gaze. The one superpower I wished I had was to read minds. I would have given anything to know what he was thinking.
But as a mere human, we only get to know how we feel, what we think.
And I knew no matter how much I tried, what I felt would never, ever go away.
Chapter 15
Hannah
“Holy shit. You look stunning.”
Lisa took my hand, forcing me to turn around so she could take a good look at me. I wore a red, strapless dress that hugged all my curves just right. It wasn’t revealing, but it was the perfect amount of sexy.
It was a great confidence booster.
For the longest time, all I wore was an orange jumpsuit. Wearing a sexy dress for a change felt daring, and I absolutely loved it.
There were already several of our coworkers at her place, waitresses and a few of the friends she had in common with Blake.
Birthday boy would be the last to arrive, of course. Though everyone was happy and having a good time, I felt uncomfortable, not really knowing how to interact with anyone.
Parties before had been business transactions, but now they were social events I didn’t know how to manage.
Those who could drink were already relaxed and those who couldn’t, well…those who couldn’t were still having the time of their lives.
I was so tense and nervous, I didn’t know how to have fun. It was my first social event in years, and though I thought I would be ready for it, I truly wasn’t.
“Here, take a shot.”
I looked over at Lisa, who held up a tequila shot for me, and shook my head.
Nope. Getting drunk is a bad idea.
“I’m not telling you to get drunk,” she said, reading my mind. Her subtle makeup only brought out the color of her eyes. “It’s just one shot so you can relax a bit.”
“I am relaxed.”
Scoffing, Lisa took my hand and placed the shot glass in it. “This is not relaxed, honey. Take it.”
The door to her house opened, and in walked Derek. My jaw dropped when I saw him. His hair was just perfectly disheveled, and as if drawn to me, his eyes found me, despite the crowd. Suddenly, the thought of being drunk didn’t seem so bad.
I downed the tequila in one gulp, giving the glass back to Lisa, who looked at me with raised eyebrows.
“I’m going to need a few more of those.”
***
My whole life had been about maintaining my composure. I had to control myself and stay aware of my surroundings and what others said, what to do, and how to say things. Everything had always been meticulously controlled. I liked that control. I craved it. But when someone hangs on to control, they never have the chance to be or feel free. I’d always been tied down to my responsibilities, to thinking of the future of a company when I was only a teenager.
I never enjoyed life.
I never had fun.
Now I was making up for it.
A few shots later and I was definitely feeling something I had never felt before: reckless. I enjoyed every second of it.
I danced with Lisa in the living-room-turned-dance-floor, swaying and singing along to the music I wasn’t aware I even knew. Blake joined in after a few minutes, chuckling at my obvious tipsiness. He raised a glass and downed a shot of whatever was in it, setting to it to the side afterward.
“You look like you’re having fun,” he noted with a crooked smile.
“Sure as hell am.” I laughed, for the first time in my life truly feeling alive. “How are you enjoying your party?”
“It’s fun,” he admitted. “I’m glad you’re enjoying this. It seemed like you needed it.”
“You have no idea.” I grinned, catching his hands with mine. He tilted his head to the side, clearly not expecting the move. I didn’t expect it either—but I’d noticed the tension he lived with. He was always worried, and I understood why. Being a single father couldn’t have possibly been easy for him. “Let’s dance.”
We must have looked like idiots, dancing around, moving our bodies with the little rhythm we could muster, but we danced. I knew I would forever remember that night then, the night in which I was free, in which I understood what the hype around music was.
I didn’t know how much time went by, simply that I was having the time of my life.
***
Derek
I’d never seen her smile so much.
She was the life of the party—something I never thought I would say. The way she moved and danced had everyone looking at her, but she didn’t seem to notice. Her eyes were closed, and as she moved her body, no one else seemed to exist.
“You should get out there and loosen up.” Lisa nudged me with her elbow, following my gaze. “Or ask her to dance.”
I sighed, smiling at my friend and placing an arm over her shoulders. “Want to dance with me?”
She rolled her eyes, resting her head on my arm. “I don’t think she’s interested in Blake.”
“I don’t care to know.”
“Maybe not. I really wanted her to get out there, Der. She’s so sad all the time, and she deserves happiness. She’s a good person.”
There was nothing I could say to that. I wasn’t blind; the changes Hannah had made to her life were out there for everyone to see. From the apology to this care-free, spontaneous woman, Hannah Carson was a completely different person. I didn’t want to admit it before out of fear, but I couldn’t deny it any longer.
“She does,” I agreed, smiling back at Lisa. Squealing, Lisa jumped on her feet and kissed my cheek. “This makes you happy?”
“Yes!” She took my hand and pulled me aside to a bedroom, closing the door behind us to give us some privacy. “God, you are the slowest man on earth.”
I raised my eyebrows. It shouldn’t have surprised me that she said had something like that, and yet it did.
“She’s done literally everything on Earth to turn her life around, Derek, and she’s done it gracefully. I know I may be biased because I didn’t know her before, but whatever she’s done, I’m sure you can find it in your heart to forgive it.”
I wanted to reply, but by her expression, it was clear it wasn’t my turn to speak yet. I took a seat on the bed, waiting for whatever she had left to say.
It was a lot.
“She doesn’t like Blake, at all. You’re clearly jealous so you see things that aren’t there—all they want to be is friends.”
“Then why don’t you introduce her to one of your friends?” I asked, unable to stop myself from emphasizing the word.
“Because she still loves you.”
I said nothing, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Lisa didn’t seem surprised. She took a seat next to me, brushing her long hair to the side. Her hand covered mine, and she squeezed it, trying to calm me down as if she had any clue what those words caused.
“She’s crazy about you. Hannah can’t move on. Whatever you two had, it was good. And it was forever. It hasn’t gone away, not for her and not for you.” Lisa sighed, leaning her cheek against my shoulder. “You think you’re taking this away from her, depriving her of being happy. What you don’t notice is that by doing that to her, you’re also doing it to yourself. You love her just the same.”
I scoffed, laying back on the bed. “Why the fuck are we talking ab
out this?”
Lisa laid on her side, propping her head up with her hand. “Because you’re my best friend, Derek, and I want to see you happy. Something tells me she’s your happiness.”
“That’s the sappiest shit you’ve said since we’ve met,” I noted, teasing her.
She smiled. “It’s also the truest. Think about it, Derek. You both deserve to be happy.”
Knowing good and well that I needed a moment alone to think about what she’s said, Lisa stood up and walked out of the bedroom. Her words echoed in my head, each and every one of them reminding me of how different my life would be if I allowed it.
After a few minutes thinking about it, I finally rejoined everyone. Hannah laughed with Lisa, yet another shot of tequila in her hand.
I scratched the back of my head, heading in their direction. Hannah didn’t seem to mind, but Lisa seemed very proud.
“I’m going to head out now,” I said to Lisa, who immediately pouted. “It’s been a long day.”
Hannah laughed, stumbling a little on her feet. Instead of holding on to something, however, she giggled even more, throwing her head back and swaying. “Whoa, the floor is moving.”
“I think you’ve had enough of those,” Lisa said, taking a tequila shot from Hannah’s hand. “You should go lie down, girl. You’re going to fall and hurt yourself.”
“No,” Hannah slurred, smiling at her. “I’m leaving too. I’m going home and sleeping in my bed. The house is super empty now.” Her sparkling brown eyes met mine briefly. “They are spending the night with Carter tonight.”
“How are you getting home?” I asked, genuinely worried. In her state, anyone could take advantage of her, and it wasn’t something I would allow.
“Cab.” Hannah smiled proudly. “I have mooneeyy!”
I couldn’t help but laugh. She seemed so lighthearted and free. It was a beautiful sight.
“I’ll drive you. You can’t be alone right now.”
Her face lit up even more. She stumbled toward my side, locking her arm with mine without a care in the world. “We can talk,” she exclaimed, looking up at me. “Oh, and we can listen to music. Rihanna? Or do you want some heavy metal shit? I can listen to anything right now.”
Lisa laughed, thanking me. Hannah and I said goodbye to Blake and the rest of the guests before leaving.
“You are so nice.” Hannah grinned as she held on to me. “Driving me to the house when you could have been partying.”
“I’m not a big party person,” I replied. I pressed the button to unlock my car and opened the passenger door for her. After several attempts at trying to climb inside and failing, I took her hand and helped her.
“I can play any type of music I want, right?” she asked, turning her body to the side despite wearing a seat belt.
“Uh, sure? I don’t see why not.”
I should have known. I should have known better than to let her take the reins because within a matter of minutes, my car was invaded by Disney. Not just any Disney—High School Musical Disney. Hannah sang at the top of her lungs, dancing in her seat and glancing my way every now and then.
When we had been together years before, she had confessed to liking Disney movies and then proceeded to binge watching the High School Musical franchise with me.
And then forced me to learn it.
It was clear that she expected me to sing along when her big brown eyes stared at me impatiently. Hopeful.
So I sang along with her and didn’t regret it one bit.
By the time we arrived at the house, her throat was sore from singing, or better yet, yelling all the songs, but she was happy.
I was too.
I helped her out of the car, making sure she didn’t fall as she stumbled her way to the front door. She tried to look through her purse as she walked, but by the pretty little pout on her face, she couldn’t find whatever she looked for.
“What is it?” I asked when she started taking items out of her purse. Everything from makeup, to wipes, to tampons ended up on the grass, and she didn’t give a damn. “Hannah, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t have my phone.”
“Who do you need to call?”
“Evie,” she murmured.
“Why Evie? It’s late. She’s sleeping,” I reminded her.
“Well…I can’t get inside the house.”
“Why?”
She bit her lip, her eyes shining despite the dark night. “I don’t have my keys.”
Ah, shit.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She smiled, and despite her drunkenness, it was obvious the smile was a nervous one.
“It means I’m spending the night with you, Derek.”
Chapter 16
Derek
The last thing I expected when I went to that damned party was to end up alone with Hannah…at my place. She walked inside cautiously, her eyes skimming every inch from wall to wall. She stumbled as she ran her fingers over the sofa delicately and then laughed, as if some funny memory had popped into her mind.
When the soft sound turned louder, I eyed her taking in the sight of her reddened cheeks when she looked at me, but the smile remained plastered on her face.
“What?” I asked.
She shifted on her feet, holding on to the armrest when she nearly fell. “Shit, the floor moves here too?”
I chuckled, watching her eyebrows draw together in legitimate confusion. She was fucking wasted.
“You hate me, and you’re stuck with me at your house.” Her lips were tilted up, but the sadness in her eyes couldn’t be hidden. “I’m sorry for being such a bother. You can just call me a cab or—”
I stopped her before she continued. “It’s fine, Hannah. You can’t be out like this. Far too many take advantage of people in your…state.”
She giggled. “I’m just a little bit tipsy.” Biting her lip, Hannah continued to look around, her eyes drawn to a painting on the wall. I knew she’d recognize it immediately. After all, she had been married to the artist who painted it. “I always hated his stuff,” she said. “Now I find it so interesting.”
“You really are drunk, aren’t you?”
She nodded, walking up to me. “Just a tiny, little bit. Turns out I am terrible at handling my liquor.”
“Well…you’ve never been drunk before, have you?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
She shook her head, her gaze unwavering. “I’ve never been drunk before. I’ve actually never had fun before.”
My chest constricted. She’d always been so reserved and full of apprehensions, even when we were together, she’d never truly enjoyed anything. That night, her eyes were so bright and full of life, and the way she spoke made it obvious she yearned for that freedom again. Hannah was deprived of the one thing everyone needed to feel: alive.
I took out my phone, went to a random playlist with happy, energetic music, and pressed PLAY.
“What are you doing?” The question was asked in a hopeful tone, and her face had lit up just like it did at one point when we were together.
“You want to keep dancing?” I asked, moving awkwardly on my feet, attempting to dance. Hannah’s eyes widened, then her face turned serious.
I was sure she was going to tell me how idiotic I looked. Instead, Hannah took my hands and started twirling around.
Her happiness was infectious.
It was hard for me to admit this was Hannah, not the woman who had years before been so cautious about everything. She was carefree, happy, and more than anything, herself. This was the person she never had the chance to be.
Suddenly it was as if no time had gone by.
We were back to being that couple who did everything to enjoy the moment, the couple that would forget anything else existed.
I could fight it all I wanted, but it was like going to war with something I had no power against. I could make a fool out of myself, trying to pretend I felt nothing for her, or I could follow Lisa’s advice an
d try to make something out of the feelings that never disappeared.
The song changed to a slower one, and she caught herself by resting her hands on my chest. Once again, her face flushed, the color showing exactly what she felt with the contact. Hannah attempted to remove her hands, but I took her by surprise, placing my own on her waist.
Her eyes were wide and her lips parted while we danced, but she never once broke away.
“This sucks,” she murmured, her eyes losing a bit of the sparkle they held.
“Why?”
“I don’t think I’ll remember this tomorrow.”
Things were starting to change. She couldn’t see it yet, probably because she was too drunk to do so, but the past few weeks had changed the way I thought about her. I could see her for who she was, and the past was starting to stay where it belonged: in the past.
Hannah leaned in, burying her face in my neck. Her warm breath tickled my skin, but I said nothing, trying to ignore the way she pressed a small kiss there.
“I’ve wanted to be in your arms for so long,” she whispered.
I felt myself tense, my grip tightening on her waist.
She didn’t seem to mind. A small sigh escaped her lips while her hands went up to my shoulders. “Do you still miss me?”
Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was how close we were, but the question was asked seductively, as a reminder of the nights we’d spent together. Or, at least, that’s the first thing that came to mind.
I’d held back for too long.
I rejected her the night she apologized, despite wanting her, but I refused to do so in that moment, not when all the walls between us were down.
“It’s like you never left,” I replied truthfully.
The years passed, yet the one thing that remained constant was her. The time we spent together left an imprint on each other that would never disappear.
“I miss you too, since the day everything fell apart.”
I closed my eyes at her words, hearing the way her voice broke. She didn’t hide her vulnerability anymore. She simply said what she felt and thought without hesitation.
