by L. B. Reyes
After a few silent minutes, Hannah pulled away from me, and I raised my hand to her neck, caressing her soft skin. I felt her throat move as she swallowed nervously.
“Does the drunk excuse still work?” she asked, breathless. I waited for her to speak, but when her gaze dropped to my lips, I knew what she wanted to do…except she didn’t have the courage.
But I didn’t want to put it off anymore.
I kissed her.
***
Hannah
I hoped it wasn’t just my drunken imagination.
I hoped it was actually his lips on mine, kissing me, wanting me as much as I wanted him. I didn’t think I’d be able to take it if he let go of me again or if he rejected me. The one time had been painful enough. I would go insane if he said he didn’t want me again.
But when his tongue slipped past my lips, all doubt was erased. I moaned softly, feeling his mouth moving against mine and taking control. I didn’t care. As long as his lips didn’t leave mine, I’d let him do as he pleased.
His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer, as if close wasn’t close enough. I didn’t know what the kiss meant, but I wanted to make sure he knew what it meant to me.
My hand rested over his heart, and I felt it.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Mine beat for him.
Did his do the same?
It was Derek everywhere, my mind, my body…he took over all of my senses, and I didn’t care.
Something had changed.
He’d changed.
My fingers tangled in his soft brown hair, pulling him as close to me as I could. Little else mattered in that moment; the past, the pain—we left it behind.
There were few perfect moments in my life, but this, this was definitely one of them.
“Don’t stop kissing me,” I sighed, my eyes fluttering open to find his green ones ablaze. He brushed a strand of my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear before he pressed his lips against mine once again. He didn’t speak, didn’t say a single thing as he lifted me off the floor with my legs wrapping around his waist.
My dress hardly covered anything anymore, but I couldn’t bring myself to care when I felt him moving. We never broke contact, not even as he struggled to open the door to his bedroom and he lay me down on his bed.
My heart thudded in my chest because the only man I’d loved was finally showing me he felt the same way. His lips traveled down to my jaw, and he inhaled deeply, trying to memorize everything from the moment.
I knew I was.
If tomorrow he woke up and regretted this, if tomorrow everything was back to normal and he didn’t want me back, I would try to keep it in my memory, the way he was kissing me so lovingly, full of passion. I gasped when he nipped at my neck, then ran his tongue over the area, soothing it with his warm tongue.
“Make love to me, Derek,” I whispered.
His intense gaze met mine, and without a single word, he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head.
This was it.
Chapter 17
Hannah
Every single part of my body was sore.
I moved, feeling my aching muscles tense with just the attempt. I was afraid to open my eyes because something didn’t feel right. It felt…strange. I didn’t know much, but I did know that the mattress I’d slept on felt…weird. Not only that, but my head throbbed, and I was sure I wasn’t wearing a tight dress anymore.
Hannah, what did you do?
I gulped, shifting once again on the bed, my eyes opening wide, when I heard footsteps coming from a bathroom nearby.
“Oh shit,” I gasped, looking down at my body, covered by a man’s shirt. “Oh shit, shit, shit, fuck.”
“That’s a good way to start the morning, cursing. How does it typically work out for you?”
What?
Oh, no.
Oh. My. God.
Derek smiled back at me from the door with an amused expression, but my heart raced. My last memory was of dancing with Blake, then vagueness. I remembered walking up to Evie’s house, then not being there. More dancing. My cheeks flushed when the memory of Derek’s lips on mine came to mind.
Make love to me.
“Oh my God,” I groaned, taking the sheets and pulling them over my body. “Oh my God. What the hell happened?”
Derek raised his eyebrows, his lips tilted up slightly. “What do you mean?”
“Last night, Derek. I just remember bits and pieces. What did we do?”
“Hm.” Derek sat next to me on the bed, the scent of his recently washed body invading my senses. “Where do you want me to start? Because there is plenty for me to tell you.”
I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my body. “Stop this. What happened?”
“You got drunk. You danced with Blake. You forced me to sing High School Musical.” I cursed, pulling the sheets over my head. Derek continued. “Then, I decided to take you to Evie’s, but apparently, you forgot your keys, so I had to bring you to my house.” I felt him take the sheets away from my face, so I covered myself with a pillow. For whatever reason, Derek wasn’t having it. He took that too, exposing my flushed face. “Wait for it. This is the good part. We danced here.”
Small bits and pieces came to mind. “We did?”
Derek nodded with a smirk on his face. “And you told me that you missed me. Wait, no…you specifically said, ‘I’ve wanted to be in your arms for so long,’ in that dreamy voice you make. Very sexy.”
My one wish in that moment was for the earth to open up, swallow me whole, and that I’d never, ever reappear.
His hand traveled up to my cheek. “And then I kissed you here.” He placed his index finger on my lips, making my breath hitch.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t answer my question, however, and continued telling the story of last night.
“After that, I brought you to my bedroom, where you very happily asked me to make love to you.”
My flush deepened, but I didn’t let that stop me. “Happily? What do you mean happily?”
Derek snorted before his face broke out into a full-blown grin. “I took off my shirt, and then you had trouble getting out of your dress, so I helped.” He seemed amused with the memory. “And I kissed you here…” His fingers traced the side of my jaw, down to my neck.
I swallowed. Maybe he had no clue what his touch did to me, but every part of my body awakened. I hadn’t been touched in so long. I hadn’t been with anyone in years.
“Did we…did we…you know? Do…stuff?”
He didn’t remove his hand, his fingers still tenderly touching my skin. “We didn’t.”
Disappointment swept over me like a wave. I didn’t know why I thought he’d made love to me. He would never make love to me again; I knew that much. I tried to stand, but he stopped me, taking hold of my hand.
“Hannah, you were drunk,” he reminded me. “I didn’t want it to be something you didn’t remember.”
My lips parted into a soft gasp. “W-what? What does that mean?”
“It means when it happens, we’ll both be sober enough to know what’s going on and to remember the next morning.”
That means it is going to happen.
“Besides, you wouldn’t stop laughing.”
And then the embarrassment reappeared. “Why?”
“I ran my fingers down your waist, and apparently, when you’re drunk, you’re ticklish so…that was that.”
“Oh my God.” I threw myself back on to the bed and covered my face. Derek chuckled, and I felt the bed shift when he stood and walked away.
“I’ve left you a toothbrush. Your dress is there. Or, you can just wear my shirt. I don’t mind. Also, you can shower if you want. I’ll wait for you in the kitchen. We have plenty to discuss.”
My hands were suddenly removed from my face, and Derek smiled down at me warmly. He pressed a kiss on my cheek and, without a further word, went off to change.
; ***
Once I showered and brushed my teeth, I went over to the kitchen. I was met with the smell of coffee, and my stomach growled. I didn’t have a clue how long it had been since I’d eaten, only that I was starving. Derek scrolled through his phone, glancing up when he heard my footsteps. He set his phone down, grabbed a mug, and poured me a cup of coffee.
“Thanks,” I whispered, truly grateful for the caffeine. I felt his gaze going down my body, and I shifted awkwardly. Of course he’d noticed.
“You snooped, didn’t you?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes. “I just wanted sweatpants, so I looked through your stuff to find some.”
He chuckled. “How’s the hangover?”
I sighed. For a brief moment, I’d been able to forget the intense headache, but his reminder only brought it back. He saw my expression change and frowned, pressing his lips together.
“I mean…it’s not too bad considering I’d never been drunk before.” I shrugged. “I remember when Evie came back from Florida. Nathan threw her a little celebration for her birthday, and she got so wasted, the next morning, she was wearing sunglasses…inside the house.”
Derek smirked. “Funny. I did the same thing the first time I got drunk. Guess it runs in the family.”
Family.
It was nice to hear him say that word without hesitation. Years ago, the concept had been so foreign to the both of us, we rarely ever mentioned it. We never truly discussed our families because we both knew we came from fucked-up worlds.
“Yeah. I wasn’t too happy with her.” I remembered the day perfectly. She didn’t even want to argue, and I’d noticed how Nathan looked at her when she walked downstairs. I knew they weren’t together quite yet, but I had seen something in the way she thanked him and the way he looked at her. It’d been there from the day she arrived. Something had changed in the time they hadn’t seen each other.
I had always been aware that they talked a lot. But I supposed they grew closer as time went on.
“What’d you do?” Derek voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Nothing,” I replied. “Nathan was there to defend her so I just…said nothing else. It had her birthday, after all, and I’d been a bitch that day because Mom had woken me up with a call to discuss a business deal.”
“Oh, and you hated waking up early,” he remembered.
That wasn’t the only reason. “It’s not that, necessarily,” I admitted. I was about to open up a bit more to him, and though frightening, I was ready to do it. “I reminded my mom about Evie’s birthday. I didn’t want to throw her a party or anything, but every year, I’d remind her…just to see what she’d do, you know? She brushed it off saying it was just another day.” I swallowed. Memories of my mother hurt. “I always sought her approval, even for something as simple as wishing Evie a happy birthday, but birthdays were never important, unless you were using it to your advantage.”
Derek shook his head, though I couldn’t tell if the sadness on his face was genuine or just a way to mask his disapproval.
“We’re products of our environments, aren’t we?”
I nodded. “I suppose we are.”
We remained quiet as we drank our coffee, though it was obvious something was on his mind. I didn’t want to pry, so I let my eyes wander around his home.
It was such a man cave.
The only feminine touches were items Evie had given him and a vase on the dining table Lisa made sure always contained flowers. That were alive. Because he, honestly, could care less.
“Are you busy tomorrow?”
I blinked a couple of times, caught off-guard by the question. There was a curious look on his face, but also a bit of nervousness.
“No. Not really. I’m off, but you knew that already.”
“Do you want to go out for dinner?”
And I thought I was surprised before.
“Is Italian still your favorite? There’s this place nearby I think you’d like. We can go tomorrow night if you want.”
“Wait, what?” I couldn’t hide my shock. “I think the hangover is affecting my hearing because this sounds like a—”
“Date,” he finished. “Because it is, yeah. I’m asking you out on a date.”
I was speechless. One date. One night and everything had changed, but how? Why? I’d been drunk out of my mind and had probably made a fool of myself, and yet, there he stood, asking me to do something we’d never been able to do before.
It would be our first real date. Out in public. Without fears, without hiding from everyone.
The idea seemed amazing, and it was all I’d ever wanted, but I was terrified. What if something went wrong? What if he didn’t like who I was?
“Stop overthinking it.” He stepped forward, taking the mug from my hands and setting it on the counter. “We’re just getting to know each other again, okay?”
“But why?” I was scared to know the answer. Just a few days before, he’d rejected me.
His green eyes hinted at a happiness that hadn’t been there just yesterday.
“I didn’t even give you a chance. You deserve it.”
He didn’t doubt me anymore. He believed me.
There was still hope.
“So, what do you say, Hannah Carson? How about that first date we never had?”
Chapter 18
Hannah
I was so conflicted.
There are decisions that are very hard to make, no matter the stage in life. These decisions change everything. The future, the potential for a family, whether you’ll receive that kiss at the end of a first date. My future depended on this, and I had no clue what to do.
I was freaking the fuck out.
“I’m here.” I heard Evie walking into my bedroom. “What’s wrong, Han? You okay? Where are you?”
“In the restroom!”
My hair was beautifully curled. My makeup was subtle, yet sexy, but I still had one problem. One insecurity.
“What dress do I wear?” I asked, panicked. I saw Evie through the mirror, her mouth hanging open and her arms crossed over her chest.
She’d been sleeping. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and by her tired eyes, it was clear she needed rest. But I needed her. Desperately. Before I backed out.
I’d wanted this for a long time, and now that it was here, I didn’t want to ruin it over a dress.
“Are you serious right now?” she asked. Those pregnancy hormones weren’t anything to mess with, I knew that.
But neither was my panic attack.
“Do you see this?” she asked, pointing to her pregnancy bump. “This is a sign that I am not to be bothered when I am: a) eating or b) sleeping. This better be important, Hannah.”
Evie was such a nice person.
I had to say, though, I absolutely loved this side of her. Since we were young, I had admired her tenacity and strength, because at the time, it was something I didn’t have. She always stood for what she believed in, even if we didn’t agree with her.
She was brave.
“I’m going on a date,” I confessed. I’d flipped a switch. Evie’s whole expression lit up, and suddenly, her sleepiness seemed to disappear.
“You are? Oh my…with who?”
The most unexpected voice came from behind her. “It’s Uncle Derek,” Lily said, very matter-of-factly. She smiled proudly, showing off her cute little teeth.
“Is it?” Evie asked, suppressing a smile.
“Yeah. I’m going out with Derek tonight.”
Evie squealed, clapping her hands together excitedly. “That’s amazing! Finally, it’s taken you two so long.” Her gaze settled on the dress I held in my hands. “So you need help choosing a dress and you want my opinion?”
Yet another sisterly moment we never had the chance to experience. Evie never went on dates, and all of mine were set up by my mother, minus Nathan, of course…but that was a story for later.
“I really like this blue one,” I said, admiring the one strap and i
magining how good it would look. It would mold perfectly to my figure, but then I saw the simple black dress and everyone knows, a girl can never go wrong with black. “But this one is so modest and pretty.”
Evie gave her daughter a kiss, and the little girl ran off, calling out for Nathan. I didn’t question it until Evie’s expression turned serious.
“I’m going to be honest with you here, Han,” she said, taking both dresses from me and hanging them up. She placed her hands on my shoulders and sighed. “The dress doesn’t really matter if you’re going to end up naked anyway.”
I gasped, shocked that my younger sister would say something like that, while she burst into a fit of laughter.
“Oh my god. You should see your face.” Evie giggled, picking up the black dress. “Why are you so shocked? I mean, do you seriously think, after years of not being together, you two will be able to keep your hands off each other?”
I swallowed, snatching the dress from her. “I doubt that will happen, Evie. We have a lot of talking to do.”
She shrugged, leaning back against the wall. “Sometimes talking doesn’t help. Showing is the better option.” She rolled her eyes when I glared at her. “Don’t judge me. I’m pregnant and horny half of the time.”
“TMI, Evie, TMI. Besides, this date guarantees nothing.” I removed my robe, and Evie laughed again. “What?”
“Well, for a date not guaranteeing anything, you are definitely a little too sexy in the undergarment department.”
I flushed, putting on the dress and buckling the little gold belt that wrapped around my waist. “I’m not getting my hopes up, Evie.”
“For sex?”
I smiled, shaking my head. “Your mind is very focused on sex right now, isn’t it?”
“A little.” This time, it was Evie who was red. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine. I just want this to be perfect,” I admitted.
“It will be. You two are meant to be, Hannah. Don’t be scared. Just be yourself.”
