by Amy Vastine
“We’ll give you some privacy,” Faith said. “Don’t you dare take off that blindfold.”
Sawyer gave her a salute. “Aye, aye, Captain.”
He heard the door close, but Piper didn’t make a sound. He wasn’t even sure she was in the room. Was it possible his sister was pranking him?
“Piper?”
Something swished to the right of him. He turned his head toward the sound. “I’m here,” she said.
He felt her sit next to him and take his hand. It was comforting to feel her, at least. He wondered what her dress looked like and if she wore her hair up or down. Maybe she would let him touch her so he could tell.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, knowing he wouldn’t be here right now if it was.
He heard her swallow. “I’m not sure how I’m feeling at the moment. It’s sort of a big hurricane of conflicting emotions spinning around my head, you know?”
He nodded, knowing exactly what she meant, because he felt the same way. Anxiety was battling with excitement, while confusion and the guilt he felt over not being able to say “I love you” had their own feud going on.
“I had some really good conversations with your sister and my mom today, and they both made me think about things that I feel like we need to talk about before we go in front of our family and friends and say ‘I do.’”
Sawyer gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Okay, tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I need to know what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking you smell really good.” He leaned in her direction. “Is that your new perfume?”
The sound of her laughter made his heart happy. She pushed him away. “Stop. This is serious. I know it doesn’t feel that way because you have a necktie tied around your face right now, but it is.”
“I can be serious,” he promised her.
“Yesterday my mom asked you if you were in love with me and I didn’t let you answer. But I think I need to know.”
Sawyer rolled his head to either side. His shoulders were suddenly so tight. “I am definitely falling in love with you.”
Piper was quiet. The silence was killing him. Without being able to see her face, he had no idea what she might be thinking. Had he told her what she wanted to hear? Or had she been hoping for a different answer?
“I love a lot of things about you,” he continued. All he could do was be honest with her. “I love your unending positivity. I love how much you care about other people. I love your laugh.”
“Stop,” she said, pulling her hand away.
He didn’t like the way she sounded or the lack of physical contact. Sawyer didn’t care about bad luck or what the rules were. He pulled off his blindfold so he could see Piper’s face. She took his breath away. She was the single most beautiful woman in the world. He could feel his heart rejoicing at the simple sight of her.
“I do love those things, Piper.”
“But you aren’t in love with me.” There was so much pain in her eyes. “You can’t say that you’re going to love me every day of forever or that I’m the only person you want to spend the rest of your life with because you can’t imagine a world without me in it.”
Her voice was definitely shaky. He reached out to her, hoping to hold her, but she stood up and moved away.
“That’s a really scary thing to say. I mean, what if you decide one day that you don’t love me anymore, while I’m of the mind-set that I can’t imagine my life without you? If I think that way, I’ll end up like my dad. He had a broken heart, and it killed him way before his time.”
“You think your dad’s heart attack happened because he suffered heartbreak?”
“Not literally. But he didn’t take good care of himself. He ate too much and drank too much because the depression lingered. It was always there, under the surface. I once heard him tell someone that even after almost twenty years of her being gone, he would still take her back if she came home. That’s what killed him.”
“So we’re back to trust. You say you trust me, but you really don’t. You have no idea how much I wish there was a way I could prove to you that I won’t break your heart. I can tell you I won’t. I would even sign a contract promising I won’t, but none of that can guarantee anything. You simply have to trust me.”
Sawyer felt like a heel for not being able to give her that. “I’m trying here, Piper. And I know you’re trying. I have to acknowledge that you’ve stood your ground even though everyone has tried to make us doubt what we’re doing.”
The pained expression on Piper’s face made him worry something was wrong with the baby.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “Is it the baby?”
Piper sat back down and shook her head. She seemed to be fighting back tears. “Please don’t lie to me, Sawyer. Don’t lie to yourself. You want to trust and love me, but you don’t, do you? Not completely.”
He longed to be honest, but the truth would certainly hurt her. “I don’t want to lie to you. It’s been killing me to lie about everything to everyone for so many months now, but I haven’t ever lied to you. I don’t want to lie to you.”
“I don’t want you to lie to me, either,” she said, pressing her fingers to the corners of her eyes.
He had been so worried about his heart, he hadn’t given hers enough consideration. He didn’t want to do this, but she was leaving him no choice. “I’m sorry, Piper. Not completely.”
* * *
PIPER’S HEART WAS breaking in two. All this talk about Sawyer wanting to protect his heart, yet he didn’t seem to care about what he was doing to hers.
“So where does that leave us?” he asked.
She felt sick. They had come so far, but were still falling so short. Could they still walk down the aisle? She put her hands on her stomach. All she wanted was to give this baby a happy family.
“That leaves me in love with you and you falling in love with me. And both of us loving this baby.”
There were people who settled for much less than that, she told herself. There were those who married for money instead of love. The ones who married out of fear of being lonely. Piper was fortunate enough to be marrying for love.
She could walk down that aisle today and marry the man she loved. Only she’d be asking him to marry someone he cared about who was carrying a baby that he most definitely loved.
Was that enough?
“And that’s all good, right?” He approached her like she was an injured animal that might attack if he moved too quickly. “We don’t want to call this wedding off and let Gretchen think she’s won.”
And there it was. He’d shattered all her hopes in one fatal swoop. “That’s your biggest concern right now?” She couldn’t stop her voice from rising. “This is all some kind of game you need to win?”
Sawyer’s eyes went wide. “No. That’s not what I meant. I don’t know why I said that.”
She stood up, wishing she could throw something at him. “Don’t start lying to me now, Sawyer.” She paced in front of the bed. “You were completely against the idea of even setting a date for a wedding when we left LA. But your mom showed up telling you not to get married and, boom, here we are today,” she said. “Admit you’re trying to prove her wrong.”
Sawyer heaved a sigh. “How many times do I have to say that I don’t care what Gretchen thinks? She has nothing to do with this at all.”
“At all?” Piper questioned. “It seems like she has everything to do with everything!” Did he seriously have no idea how much that hurt her? “Do you really think I’m going to buy that? You already admitted that you’re afraid to give yourself over to me completely because of what she did to your dad. You built this wall around your heart—those are your sister’s words, not mine—because she abandoned you. You asked me to marry you on the day she came waltzing back into your life.”
Piper wanted to pull her hair out. Why could everyone see this but him? “No, Sawyer. Because you are so afraid that you might be just like her—unable to love someone who loves you.”
She could see the sick realization come over him. When he examined his true motivations, he couldn’t possibly deny how his immature need to stick it to Gretchen had been pushing him along. “Maybe I’ve been acting like a child when it comes to my mother. I guess she brings out the worst in me. Maybe my anger has been steering my course more than it should.”
Sawyer held his head in his hands. As much as it pained her, there was only one way this day could end.
“I love you,” she said. “I think you have an amazing spirit and a huge heart. You live life to its fullest every day, and you make beautiful music while doing it.” Piper choked back the tears. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I love you too much to ask you to pledge yourself to me before you’re ready to do so. I also can’t handle how much it will hurt to be married to someone who doesn’t love me back. I deserve better. I can’t marry you, Sawyer. I’m sorry.”
She backed out of the room as his shoulders shook and the sound of soft sobbing began. Piper held it together until she saw her mom.
“What happened, baby?” Claudia asked as she held her in her arms. Piper couldn’t answer—her own weeping made it impossible to speak.
Faith went into the bedroom and shut the door. At least Sawyer had his sister to help him through this.
“What can I do?” Piper could hear the helplessness in her mom’s voice.
She did her best to pull herself together. “I need you to go get Dad and Matthew. I want to go home.”
Her mom winced but gave Piper a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll go get them. Don’t you worry about a thing, okay?”
Piper gathered up her train and headed for the stairs.
“Let me help you,” Trina said, picking up some of the tulle.
Piper stared at the beading on the hem of the train as she cradled it in her arms. It had been such a thoughtful gift. She felt guilty that it would go to waste.
Her parents were outside. She watched from the door as her mother told her father what had happened. Not that she knew exactly, but she could guess. Heath didn’t look as relieved as she’d thought he would upon hearing the news that she’d called off the wedding.
She watched as her mother went to fetch Matty and her dad made his way up the porch steps. He opened the door and she fell into his arms.
“Let’s get you home, sweetheart.”
There was a massive traffic jam on the road outside the farm. Piper ducked into the back seat of her father’s car, and her mother and brother sat on either side of her to shield her from view. As soon as she had stepped outside, she knew people were taking pictures of her. They’d been waiting for her since yesterday. All of those paparazzi would be champing at the bit to get a shot of her tearstained face as she drove away.
“Keep your head down,” her dad said as they made their way to the gates. “Matthew, make yourself as big as you can. Block that side as much as possible.”
It was all pointless. Her image didn’t matter anymore. What the world thought meant little to her at this point. The one person she wanted to love her couldn’t do it. That was all that mattered.
Piper cried into her tulle train all the way home.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“PIPER STARLING, COUNTRY music’s new runaway bride, is performing here in Chicago for two sold-out shows starting tonight at the Allstate Arena.”
The reporter had on the brightest green tie Sawyer had ever seen. “Her ex-fiancé, Sawyer Stratton, is still scheduled to open up for her. This will be the first time the two of them have been seen publicly since Starling apparently called off their wedding two weeks ago, moments before the couple was set to say ‘I do.’” The camera cut to a video of Piper and her family driving away from Helping Hooves. “There has been no formal statement from either side explaining the strange turn of events.”
Sawyer turned off the television on the bus. He’d only wanted to see if they were going to cover the story or not, and of course, they didn’t disappoint. The news had been having a field day over the quickie wedding that hadn’t been quick enough to happen.
“We have to decide if you’re going to sing ‘You Don’t Need Me’ so we can finish this set list,” Hunter said.
Sawyer had no idea what the plan was. He wasn’t in the inner circle anymore, so the information he got from the top was limited. “We’ll have to ask Heath. I vote no. But knowing that sadist, he’ll probably make us sing it.”
That song would be the absolute worst song to sing right now, but singing it meant being onstage with Piper. Getting to see her would be healing and yet torturous at the same time.
Surely Heath wouldn’t make Piper sing a breakup song after they’d actually broken up. He wouldn’t do that to her.
“Actually, I would leave it off. I doubt they’ll send her out for that.”
“Do you want me to go to the other side of Bus City to ask, or are you going to text them?” Hunter asked, though he looked a little too comfortable on the couch to be honestly offering to go talk to them for him.
“Fine, I’ll text him.” He sent Heath the question. After a few minutes with no response, he considered texting Lana. She would at least respond. Before he could, his phone beeped. There was a long text with an attachment.
You will be performing the song tonight. Piper will not. You will use the music video for Piper’s part in the duet. Attached are the specifics for setting that up. Also, meet and greets will be with Piper only from now on. Your presence is no longer required. Please do not try to engage with Piper once we are all in the building. Do not stand outside her dressing room or bother her staff to pass messages. Thank you for your cooperation.
That was probably the first time Heath had thanked Sawyer for anything. And he’d done it before Sawyer actually did what was asked.
“Looks like we need to put it on the set list. I will be performing it with recorded Piper.”
“Ouch,” Hunter said. “Sorry, man. I know you wanted to see her.”
He did and he didn’t. He wanted to see her to make sure she was all right. He didn’t want to see her because he was not.
It was very weird to go from seeing a person every day to not seeing or speaking to them at all. She couldn’t avoid him forever, though. They were still having this baby together. They were still going to share custody and coparent.
His heart ached at the thought of raising their son without Piper by his side. He’d had that vision of them living together as one big happy family, and now that wasn’t a possibility. Sawyer would get his time and Piper would have hers. He hated the idea of it and feared their son would, as well.
“I say on our next long tour break, we head to Vegas and live large for a couple days. Go to some clubs, hit some casinos. What do you think?” Hunter was ready for Sawyer to fall right back into his old patterns. They were young and wild and free. No strings, no fiancées (fake or otherwise), no wives.
That last one stung the most.
“I don’t know. I can’t think about vacation when I’m staring down a month of shows.” Truthfully, he couldn’t think about anything other than Piper and the baby.
“Well, you think about it. I will go wherever you want to go if it will help you get your mind off things.”
Things such as what in the world was wrong with him? He’d had the perfect girl and all he had to say was I love you and not be such an immature jerk. Sawyer still couldn’t wrap his head around his own idiocy. He had put Piper in the path of pain to fulfill his selfish need to get back at his mom. He was no better than Gretchen and had only himself to blame.
“I’m going to take a walk around th
e arena. I can’t sit here anymore,” Sawyer said, standing up and giving his legs a stretch.
“Want me to come with you?” Hunter asked. “If you need me, I’m there.”
“Thanks for the offer, man. But I think I need a little time by myself.”
“I’m just a text away,” Hunter reminded him.
Sawyer appreciated his friend’s concern, but he needed to be alone with his thoughts. He had no idea where Piper was. He couldn’t be accused of trying to engage with her if he happened to stumble upon her. He went inside the Allstate and decided to find his dressing room. There were three doors in a row. The right one had Piper’s name on the door and the left one had Sawyer’s. There was no one in the middle. He couldn’t help but wonder if Heath had asked them to do that. God forbid she and Sawyer share a wall.
The door to Piper’s dressing room opened, and Lana stepped out. She startled and held a hand against her chest. “Didn’t you get Heath’s text?”
“Yeah, I got it.”
“No loitering outside her dressing room.”
Sawyer rolled his eyes. “I’m loitering outside my dressing room, not hers.” He pointed to the door with his name on it.
“She’s coming out soon to do sound check. Don’t be out here when she does. This is hard enough for her already, okay?”
He felt horrible for being the cause of her pain. He had promised Ruby to help reduce Piper’s stress, but all he had done was raise it to what were probably unhealthy levels.
He decided he’d go hide in the upper level and watch sound check. They couldn’t say he was trying to engage her in conversation from the nosebleed section.
The arena was so still when there was no one in it. Sawyer closed his eyes and took a second to enjoy the peace and quiet. His eyes opened the moment she stepped out onstage, his body had sensed her presence before his brain registered it.
He was up so high it was hard to see anything. She adjusted her earpiece and the background track began to play. Her voice came through loud and clear as she sang a couple bars of a song.
