by Amy Vastine
This was the feeling he had been avoiding since he had woken up that one morning in September with her lying next to him. There she was on the stage. So close yet so far. He could see her, but he couldn’t talk to her. He couldn’t hold her or kiss her. It was the worst kind of torture.
Still, he didn’t regret letting things go as far as they had. As much as this hurt, he couldn’t wait to meet that baby growing inside her.
It was painful, though, and suddenly he couldn’t sit there and watch her from afar a second longer. He headed back downstairs and backstage to his dressing room. When he opened his door, he noticed an envelope at his feet. He picked it up, figuring it was something from the arena staff until he saw the handwriting on the front.
It was from Piper.
He ripped it open. Inside were several sheets of notebook paper. The first one was a note, the rest song lyrics.
Sawyer,
I need your help with this. I want it to be good, and you’re the only one who can make it that way. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Piper
No Love, Piper or xoxo, Piper. Just plain ol’ Piper. He glanced over the song she had written. It took him a minute, but he realized it was the one he had seen her working on that day they’d fought about setting a wedding date. This was the song for their baby boy. A love song and a lullaby all in one.
Sawyer wouldn’t let her down. Their son should know how much both of his parents loved him no matter how they felt about each other. Sawyer’s love for his son was something he had never been confused about. In fact, it was the one thing he had been sure about from the beginning.
He’d make this song the greatest one ever written.
* * *
PIPER WAS TRYING to get in the right mind-set for this show, but it was harder than she’d feared it would be. Every time she moved from one place to another in the arena, she worried she would bump into Sawyer. It was only a matter of time. They would eventually have to see each other. She just didn’t want it to be a surprise.
“Let’s get your hair and makeup done for the meet and greet. After that, we need to make sure you eat something. You’ve got a healthy boy in there who needs his mom to help him get bigger,” her dad said as they made their way back to the dressing room.
“Sawyer’s not coming to the meet and greet, correct?” she asked for clarification.
“Correct.”
“Because he didn’t want to come or because you told him not to come?”
“Because I told him not to. No reason to make you and the fans uncomfortable. There’s nothing more awkward than standing there with two people who recently broke up.”
“But did we sell the experience to people with the promise of meeting both of us?”
“Yes, but—”
“But nothing. If everyone in the room thinks they are going to meet both of us and they only get to meet me, they will leave blaming me for not getting the full experience. Down, down, down. That’s what will happen to my reputation.” She had her hand do a nosedive for a visual. “You won’t want that, Dad. I know you.”
“Believe it or not, I do not care about your reputation as much as I care about your feelings. Your mother would be so proud if she could hear me right now.”
Piper smiled. He had come out of this experience a different person, as well. “I appreciate that, Dad. But he and I have to be in the same room at some point. Might as well get it over with. Rip the Band-Aid off.”
“I’ll let him know,” Heath said. “If you’re sure. We could always set him up in a separate room. You’re the star and he’s the opening act.” Well, it hadn’t changed him completely.
“It’s fine.” The baby kicked, almost like he knew he was going to be near his daddy again.
* * *
THE MEET-AND-GREET ROOM in the Allstate was much larger than some of the other ones they’d been to. There was plenty of space for them to spread out.
Piper found herself bracing every time the door opened, thinking it was going to be Sawyer. She went to spin her engagement ring around her finger, but it wasn’t there. She fiddled with her bracelets instead, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her.
“Can I get you anything before this starts?” Lana asked. “Water? Snack?”
“Did Dad tell Sawyer he should be here?”
“He said he did,” Lana answered half-heartedly. Sometimes what Heath said wasn’t exactly what he did.
“Did Sawyer reply and say he would be here?”
“I don’t know, Piper. I can go check and see if he’s in his dressing room. You want me to do that?”
Before she could answer, Sawyer came through the door, tucking his shirt in. He looked like he’d only just gotten the message and had raced to get there. Piper’s heart skipped a beat as their eyes met. Her heart had definitely not gotten the memo that it was over between them.
“Sorry, I was busy writing a song and lost track of time,” he said. His eyes never left hers.
He was working on her song. The thought made her smile. At least there was one thing she could count on—he would love their son. But that smile didn’t last long. Just seeing him hurt in a way that almost took her breath away. How would they handle raising their little boy if this pain didn’t ease?
“What’s the plan if someone asks us what happened?” Sawyer asked, giving his hair a tousle.
“No comment,” Heath said. “We will not be commenting on personal matters. That will already be communicated to everyone who will be allowed in here. If someone decides to ignore my rules, they will be escorted out by Mitch.”
Sawyer’s eyes got as big as saucers. “Boy, he is not messing around.”
Again, he made her smile. “No, he is not.”
Since the Nashville debacle, Heath no longer let all the fans come into the room at the same time. Each group would come in one at a time and leave before the next set was allowed in. It was like he was afraid Sawyer had a few more long-lost relatives who might crash the party.
The first pair of fans came in—a mother and her teenage daughter. They looked so much alike.
“Hi there,” Piper said, giving the young girl a hug first. Immediately, the teen began to cry.
“I can’t believe I’m meeting you. I love you so much.”
Those famous three words. They were like daggers into her broken heart. As much as Piper loved to hear them, there was only one person she wanted to hear them from.
* * *
SAWYER NOTICED THE slight change in Piper’s expression when the fan told her she loved her.
“Well, I love you right back,” Piper said, regaining control. “And I am so glad you came out to see the show tonight.”
Sawyer shook hands with the mother and posed for the pictures with the three ladies. Piper put the fans in between them.
Being this close and still not being able to touch her was excruciating. It was like all his feelings for her had quadrupled since she’d walked out on him. He couldn’t explain it, and he certainly didn’t know what to do about it.
Everyone seemed to be following the rules Heath had laid out. No one asked any questions about the wedding, although they got a few curious glances and Sawyer noticed there was a lot more whispering when people went to the candy bar to get their treats.
Two young guys about Sawyer’s age were up last. They had big grins on their faces when they saw Piper. One wore a button-down shirt and khakis, while the other was sporting a Chicago Blackhawks sweatshirt and jeans.
“You are more beautiful in person than I imagined. Wow, look at you,” Khaki Pants said, taking Piper by the hand and making her spin around so he could get a good look at her.
Sawyer didn’t like it one bit.
“Can I get a hug?” the Blackhawks fan asked. “I have been dreaming about being this close to you for year
s.”
Piper went in for a quick hug, but the guy didn’t let go. “Oh man, you smell good.”
“She does, doesn’t she?” his buddy said. “Let me get a hug.”
Sawyer cleared his throat. “Hey, that’s enough, guys.” He couldn’t stand to watch them treat her like a piece of meat.
“What’s the matter? Is the ex a little jealous?” Mr. Khaki Pants asked, throwing his arm around Piper. “When you’re ready to be with a real man who will treat you like the princess you are, I want you to come find me. I’ve been told I’m one heck of a kisser. Maybe you want to find out if that’s true...”
Every muscle in Sawyer’s body was tense. He was about two seconds from punching them both in the face. He grabbed the guy’s arm and not so carefully removed it from Piper’s shoulders.
“You’re done,” Sawyer said, getting in his face.
“I’m done?” Khaki Pants questioned, giving Sawyer a push. “The way I hear it, you’re done. She left you and this is the way you treat her fans?”
Sawyer shoved him back, and then the guy’s friend joined in the tussle. Security stepped in and escorted both fans out. Sawyer was breathing heavily. The worst part was that the guy was right. He was done. Piper had let him go.
“I appreciate that you were trying to help, but next time let the security guys take care of jerks like that,” Heath said.
Sawyer glanced back over his shoulder to where Piper and Lana were huddled together.
“Are you okay?” he asked her.
She nodded and came closer. “Don’t do that, okay? There are going to be people looking to get a rise out of you. I don’t want you to mess with your fun-loving, easygoing image. You’re everybody’s buddy.”
Of course she was more concerned about his image than her well-being. “Well, I don’t want two punks to think they can manhandle you because you’re a beautiful woman without a fiancé. If you don’t want me to step in, make sure your security gets in the mix a lot sooner.”
“I will make sure that happens.”
“Guys like that need a lesson in respect. Celebrity or not, no one should touch you without your permission.”
“I got it.”
Sawyer still felt a bit fired up. “I’m going to make sure our son knows how to treat a lady with respect. You can count on that.”
Piper put a hand on his chest. “Relax.”
He would have been able to if she weren’t touching him. His heart raced under her hand. His skin burned. He wanted to hold Piper against him so he could feel warm all over. Considering the lecture he had just given her, though, he thought better of it.
“I still care. A lot.”
“I see that.” She dropped her hand. “We both have to figure out how to navigate these new waters.”
He’d definitely felt lost at sea the last couple weeks. He was desperate to navigate the storm that was raging inside him. How was he supposed to find his way home when it was becoming clear that she was always going to be his true north?
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“DEEP DISH OR thin crust?” Lana asked.
“It’s our second day in Chicago, we have to get deep dish,” Piper said, rubbing her belly. The baby would thank her later.
“Do you want me to cancel the interviews we have set up in Minneapolis or should we send a list of acceptable questions and hope they play nice?” her dad asked from the other side of the bus.
“I think I’m going to have to face the music. If I keep avoiding it, the hungrier they’re going to get for something salacious.”
“Honestly, I can’t believe how hard the media is being on you,” Heath said. “This is why I wanted him to be the one to call it off when I had control over this nightmare. Apparently you’re the runaway bride, and I read somewhere today that you called it off because of your diva-like tendencies. You thought getting married on a farm was beneath you. I’m ready to start suing for slander.”
“Your album is still selling on pace to break records,” Lana chimed in. “The shows are all sold-out through the end of the first leg. When the baby comes this summer, everyone’s attention will be on him. I don’t think we need to worry too much. This could be nothing but a little bump in the road.”
As much as Piper appreciated the optimism, she wasn’t sure how to feel about Lana referring to her greatest heartbreak as a small bump in the road. She was still in love with Sawyer. He was still on tour with her. He was still the father of her baby. She would be feeling this hurt day in and day out for a long time to come.
It didn’t surprise her that the album was selling at a record pace. It had Sawyer’s fingerprints all over it. He had brought something out in her she hadn’t known existed. Everything they had done to protect and build her brand had backfired, but the music still shone. In the end, she’d lost the one thing she hadn’t realized she wanted more than her career.
“They said they can deliver enough pizzas for the whole crew by noon today, but they want to know if you’ll sign a menu for them to auction off at their next fund-raiser event?”
“Done,” Piper said. An autograph was by far the easiest request to honor.
“How are you feeling about the show tonight?” her dad asked.
“Fine.” It had been a bit strange not to sing with Sawyer. She wasn’t sure the song went over very well without her there in person.
“What about the meet and greet? Maybe having Sawyer in the room was a bad idea.”
“It’s going to take some time to figure out our new boundaries.”
“I know yesterday must have been tough for him, but he can’t go around assaulting fans. He needs to leave that to the guys we pay to do that.”
“He doesn’t take kindly to men who disrespect women.”
“Or one woman in particular, at least,” Lana said.
Piper was tired of people acting like there was hope. “I think you missed the part of our wedding day where he basically told me he’s not that into me.”
“I think you don’t notice the way he watches you when you do those meet and greets,” Lana said. “He’s completely enamored. And yesterday he looked like it pained him to be so infatuated.”
She didn’t want anyone to use those words to describe how Sawyer felt about her. She couldn’t think about him being enamored or infatuated. She wanted him to be in love with her, but he wasn’t.
“Sawyer made his choice, and we both have to live with it.”
“Well, I never did think he was very smart. This proves it,” Heath said, getting up from his seat. “Anyone who doesn’t fall head over heels for you is an idiot.” His gave her a kiss on the top of the head.
“I’m not trying to give you false hope,” Lana said when Heath stepped off the bus to take a phone call.
“Then don’t tell me about the way he looks at me. He can look at me any way he wants, but he told me clearly that he is not in love with me. That’s the only part that matters to me.”
“I know what he said. I just don’t believe him.”
“Well, my heart doesn’t have the luxury of pretending to know better than he does,” Piper said.
“You need to talk to the crew at lunch today.” Her dad climbed back on the bus. “You’ve got several people out there messing around on the golf carts. They nearly ran me over.”
Piper took a look out the window. “They’re trying to have some fun. The boredom is the worst.”
“Someone is going to get hurt.”
“I’ll have a golf-cart safety lesson at lunch, okay?”
Heath huffed. “I’m dealing with a bunch of children.”
Piper’s phone chimed with a text.
Been thinking about your song all night. Collaborate?
She had made her peace offering by giving Sawyer the song lyrics she’d written. A song was what had brought them toge
ther in the first place—maybe a new one would heal the wounds of this breakup and help them find a new normal. Piper needed to find it fast if she was going to make it through this tour without dying of heartbreak. There was also that minor issue of raising a child together. Which would go a lot smoother if they could stand to be in the same room together.
Sawyer’s opinion on the song meant a lot. He hadn’t said if he liked it or not. She sent back a quick reply.
My bus or yours?
* * *
“CAN YOU PICK up after yourself just a little bit? Is this what it would have been like if we had lived together in college?”
Hunter was a complete slob, and it wasn’t like Sawyer had high standards, either.
“What is the big deal?” Hunter didn’t bother to move while Sawyer focused on putting all the garbage in a bag.
“Piper’s coming over to work on a song.”
“Is that a good idea? Shouldn’t you two give each other some space?”
“I want her to come over.”
“You want to torture yourself,” Hunter accused.
Maybe that was true. Sawyer deserved it. He had forced her to call off the wedding because of his behavior and lack of consideration for her feelings.
“We’re working on a song for the baby. I need to do this.”
Hunter didn’t argue. When it came to the baby, he knew to keep his mouth shut. Sawyer’s son was his number one priority from here on out.
There was a knock at the door, and Sawyer ran up front to push it open.
“Come aboard,” he said. “Now remember, this bus isn’t as tricked out as yours.” He snatched a dirty sock off the top of the microwave. “And my roommates are not as clean as Lana.”
“No one is as clean as Lana.”
Hunter sat upright. “I heard rumors that we’re getting lunch today. Any chance I can get the scoop on what we’re eating so I can impress a certain wardrobe director with my inside knowledge?”
“I don’t know, what do I get in return for this favor?”
“Anything you want.”
Piper didn’t even need to think about it. “I want you to teach me how to do an epic drum solo so I can challenge anyone and win.”
