Damaged Goods

by Rena Marks

  “You eat like a bird,” he said.

  “I’m not used to big meals,” she said. “But you make up for it.”

  “I eat like a wolf.”

  When he finished, he pushed her off to the shower. Again, she noticed how he avoided the mirrors. She wanted so badly to ask him why, but they had just one day together and she wanted to make it worthwhile. If he would get over this silly decision of his to not be with her after tomorrow, she‘d ask him then.

  She went to the bedroom to dress, noticing he was just finishing up straightening the room. He’d made the bed, opened the curtains and had set the mini robot to rove over the floors, vacuuming debris.

  “I set our dishes out in the hall. Don’t take them down to the kitchen. Vien and Potierre will understand us avoiding your mother.”

  She sighed. “I won’t. But I hate treating them like my servants.”

  “Hearing someone walk around is just the excuse she’ll need to get you one on one,” he said.

  She nodded and he went into the bathroom. By the time he was out and dressed—and she noticed his toothbrush in the shower, which meant he avoided brushing his teeth in the mirrored sinks—she was dressed and waiting for him. Her red hair was caught up into a loose braid.

  “How will we get out if we can’t sneak down the stairs?” she asked.

  His smile was lopsided as he strode to her French doors and opened them to the balcony.

  “You expect me to climb down in a ball gown?” she asked.

  “No. I expect you to let me hold you.” He stepped out onto the balcony and looked down.

  “You can hold me,” she said softly. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him lightly, but was surprised when he bent slightly and lifted her, arm behind her knees.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m going to jump.” Before she could protest, shriek, or even think, he was up and over the balcony and onto the soft grass below, his knees bending to cushion the fall.

  Her mouth fell open. “Did you just do that?”

  Now he bent and kissed her lips. “Yup. Come on, princess.”

  “Some warning would have been nice, Kieran.”

  He peered at her from the side of his eye. “Warning, my lady.”

  “Too late.”

  He didn’t take the same path to the hub that Vien and Potierre used, instead using a roundabout way through the wooded area. He avoided people. Why, she had no idea. When they came across a playground, she stopped.

  “This is where they play? The babies? Children?”

  “Yes.” He looked longingly at the playground. “Not all Xeno Sapiens are able to procreate. But some unions have produced.”

  Her voice sounded odd when she asked. “How about you? Are you able?”

  “I’ve never been tested,” he admitted.

  “Why not?”

  “I never had any reason to. There were enough tests done on us in the labs that I’ve never cared enough to go back.”

  “Do you want children?”

  “Do I want to raise a youngling, love him unconditionally, teach him everything I know, have him look up to me with adoring eyes the way I would his mother? Yeah, princess. If it came to that, I’d want one.” He stared straight ahead as he spoke.

  “I wouldn’t mind going with you, Kieran, if you want to go have a quick physical. Just to get things rolling.”

  “You’d do that for me?”

  “I’d do anything for you.”

  He smiled shyly at her, and she felt like the world’s biggest jerk. She had a much more selfish reason for attending with him. She had to know whether or not he had the possibility to have children.

  So she wouldn’t tire, Kieran picked her up and carried her. She tried to protest, but he shushed her and honestly, didn’t even seem out of breath. She wrapped her arms around his neck and enjoyed.

  He strode quickly through the main hub, heading straight to medbay without stopping to greet any of the people milling about. It was almost as if he used her as a shield.

  “Kieran.” A woman’s voice rang out and Alannah turned her head to see Amanda. “What are you two doing here? Alannah? You feeling okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “It’s me,” Kieran said. “While we were out and about, I thought I’d take a mini physical.”

  “You’re kidding!” Amanda’s eyes were wide. “Get in here before you change your mind.”

  She ushered them into a room, closing the door. Alannah took a seat while he sat on the edge of the bed.

  “I’m going to draw some blood first. I’ll take this arm and you can just hold Alannah’s hand for support,” Amanda said.

  He didn’t protest, he just reached out for her hand and twined his fingers with Alannah’s.

  After drawing blood samples, Amanda peered into his eyes and ears, took his blood pressure, listened to his heart. The basics.

  Lastly, she asked him to lie back on the table and allow her to scan his internal organs. It was a longer process and Alannah brought his hand up to her chest, standing near the top half of him.

  When Amanda scanned over his lower abdomen, he said, “Will the scanner show if my sperm is active?”

  “Sure will. The head doctor in charge of Xeno Sapien procreation is Irina, of course. But from your physical results alone—I don’t see any problems with your sperm. It’s human compatible. Any offspring should have shared traits of yours and that of their mother.” She turned to Alannah. “Some Xeno Sapiens can only produce using their own DNA. And some even produce asexually.”

  “I can re-produce?” Kieran sounded shocked. “Me?”

  “As far as I can tell, the complete shift you made re-aligned things. We won’t know for sure until Dr. Irina sees you, but I’d say you have a distinct probability.”

  “That’s a miracle,” he breathed.

  “Yes, it really is,” Amanda said. “Because so many of you couldn’t reproduce, they never bothered sterilizing the ones who could. Of course, they wanted to breed you with each other. Sometimes your other DNA wasn’t compatible with each other. Human, though. That’s the key.”

  Alannah relaxed her face when she realized her eyebrows were pulled together in a slight frown. He squeezed her hand and she gave him a smile but it felt forced.

  “Are you okay? I need to get you back,” he said. “You look exhausted.”

  “It hits quick,” she said. “But I’m fine. Do your thing.”

  “I can see Dr. Irina on another day,” he said. “Amanda, thanks for your time.”

  “Always, Kieran. I’ve been dying to get you in here. Alannah’s been good for you.” She gave them a quick grin, gathered up her samples, and headed to the door. “Take as long as you like. And if you want to grab a golf cart to get home in, there are several parked on the side of the building.”

  He scooped her up into his arms, making her feel like even more of a fraud. Because it wasn’t necessarily that she was tired. It was more a matter that her worst fears were confirmed. Kieran could have children. And Kieran wanted children, he deserved them.

  As soon as he deposited her into the golf cart, he hopped to the other side.

  Who’s working the kitchen?

  Kieran? Is that you? It’s Eclipse. I’m not working but I’m here having lunch.

  Yeah, it’s me. Would you mind grabbing me a few soups and sandwiches? You can wrap them in separate bags. Three, to be exact.

  No problem. I’m right here at the buffet line. You want to pull around the back way and I’ll come out?

  Sure. I’m in a golf cart. Thanks, Eclipse.

  No problem.

  He drove around the building to the back way. Alannah was quiet, probably wiped out. She hadn’t smiled once since he’d gotten the news that he could procreate. And while he loved the thought of a sweet red-headed child, it wasn’t in the cards for him. What if this little girl favored his looks instead of Alannah’s? While he would love her unconditionally, he coul
dn’t subject her to a life scaring prisoners into line like he did.

  No, Alannah’s family would be leaving after the party this evening. He wouldn’t attend, he couldn’t bear to. And after tomorrow, he wouldn’t be seeing her anymore.

  It would force her to choose either Vien or Potierre. Either one would be a wonderful mate for her. And as for him? He intended to go back to the prison—and probably live there. He didn’t intend to ever come out and see Alannah around the city with her mate.

  Eclipse strode to the cart as soon as he saw them, the bags in his arms.

  “Kieran, you look good.”

  Kieran fought against rolling his eyes at the obvious lie. “So do you.”

  He handed over the bags. “Three soups, three sandwiches, three cups of fruit and I even tossed in some brownies. Here you go. Nice to see you, Alannah,” he said, tipping his fingers to his forehead.

  “Thank you, Eclipse,” she said.

  Fuck. He’d never noticed before, but Eclipse wasn’t bad looking. For the first time, it dawned on him that she didn’t have to bank on picking Vien or Potierre.

  She could have her pick of many, many males in Xenia.

  He pulled away furiously, leaving Eclipse waving as he headed back toward the house. Once they arrived, he parked the golf cart outside and helped her from it. Her face was pale and he could tell she needed sleep. He was a fool for wearing her out, but he was still in a bemused state from finding out he could procreate. Vien and Potierre would never have dragged her into a medical appointment for themselves but selfishly, he did. And he knew if he hadn’t had her with him, he probably would never have done it. Never would have found out he could have children.

  They slipped into the front door, the bags under his arm. He placed them on an entry table.

  “I can make it upstairs on my own,” she whispered.

  “Alannah?” A voice rang out.

  They paused on the first step.

  “Shh,” he whispered in her ear. “Go on up. I’ll get this.”

  Alannah began to tiptoe up the stairs.

  “No, ma’am,” he called out, grabbing a bag off the entry table and taking it down the back hall. “Just delivery. I’ll place your lunch outside in the hallway.”

  Her voice turned perilous. “Fine. Just leave it then. And is there anyone else in the house? I’d like to have a visit with my daughter.”

  “Sorry, ma’am. I haven’t heard anyone else but you.”

  She huffed, clearly irritated. He fought a smile as he thought of her trying to get upstairs but getting blocked by the boundaries Robyn activated upstairs.

  He made sure to make the bag rustle as he placed it outside her door. Then he left, grabbing the other two bags and heading upstairs. Soft music filtered through the hallways, blocking some of his sound.

  Alannah was seated in the small alcove near the balcony.

  He closed the door behind him. “Is it wrong for me to think about her calling out for hours, trying to get you to come to her?”

  She smiled slightly, though it looked a bit grim with her pale face.

  “Let’s get you fed and settled into bed for a nap.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  He looked out over the balcony. “Go for a run.” He didn’t tell her he didn’t intend to come back, but he thought she knew. She nodded grimly and then he was sure.

  In a better world, this woman would be perfect as his mate. Even when they didn’t read each other’s thoughts, they sensed each other’s moods.

  They enjoyed their food out on the balcony, Alannah soaking up a bit of energy from the sun. It was later in the afternoon, but her late lunch would hold her over until dinnertime. There would be food at the party. And afterward, once her family was gone, Vien and Potierre would be there to care for her again.

  She caught his gaze looking over the railing.

  “You’re getting ready to leave me, aren’t you?” Her voice was quiet.

  “Don’t worry. We have plenty of time. You’ll need to rest.”

  “Don’t patronize me.”

  His stomach knotted, but he didn’t respond right away. They were quiet for a moment before he spoke. “I’ll slip away when your sisters get here to help you get ready. You can’t bring your pet to the party anyway.”

  “Come with me, Kieran. Come as you are. A man.”

  “No. I don’t do people. And I won’t subject you to more of your mother’s ravings if she were to see me with you.”

  “I have a sense of foreboding where you’re concerned, so I’m going to put this out there. I love you, Kieran. I will probably always love you, and I want you to know that. That’s all. No strings attached. I just want you to know my feelings.”

  She had no idea what she was saying to him. What she was doing to him. He wanted so badly for things to be different…but they couldn’t be. He knew where he fit in and it wasn’t in her world.

  "I’m going back to the prison where I belong, Alannah. You need to go on with your life as if I never came into it.”

  For a moment he thought she’d accept it, but then she shook her head. “No. I’ve gotten used to you being with me.”

  “It’s time to learn to do things on your own,” he growled.

  “Kieran, don’t do this. Please. I love you.”

  “I can’t give you that.” His voice was harsh, but it was a lie.

  “I know you can’t. But I can’t let you leave without telling you.”

  He looked over his shoulder at her. He nodded once, and leapt over the edge of the balcony.

  Chapter Fourteen

  WHO’S WATCHING? FROM across the fields, Beast’s voice in his head was a snarl.

  Kieran. I’m coming in to relieve you of my duties. Who’s covering the front desk?

  Eclipse. Amanda didn’t mention you were returning to work.

  It was a sudden decision. Thank you for taking over but you don’t have to put yourself out anymore.

  I’m in the middle of a shift.

  More time for you to go home and get ready for this party. Take Sunny. She’ll enjoy it.

  She’s here.

  Who?

  Amanda. She’s been in the front office with Eclipse, patiently waiting for you.

  Shit. Who told her? The damnable woman always seemed to know everything.

  I’ll handle it.

  He entered the office, nodded to Eclipse who sat at the front desk. Amanda wasn’t visible. Probably was in one of the back offices. He’d wait.

  He strode to a window to look out at the gated yard. It wasn’t long before her footsteps sounded behind him.

  “You’re really going to throw her to the wolves, aren’t you?” Amanda’s voice spoke as she left the back offices and it was cold and harsh. Eclipse gave them each a quick look and then scampered off to one of the back offices.

  “I don’t have time for this. I’m about to relieve Beast from my duties.”

  “Back to being a man, I see.”

  “What do you want from me? It’s my job.”

  “I gave you a new job. You were to protect Lady Alannah from the women of her own family.”

  “I can’t protect her any longer. She has sponsors and the only way she can remain in the city is to mate one of them.”

  “What in the world makes you think she wants to mate one of her sponsors?”

  “Well, she can’t mate me,” he snapped. “Look at me. I’m ugly even by Xeno Sapien standards.”

  Amanda stayed quiet for a few agonizing moments as she stared at him.

  “When was the last time you looked in a mirror, Kieran?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe the time when Lily noticed she had no ears. When we received counseling to explore our other DNA. When we were handed a mirror and shown our human attributes.”

  “That was a long time ago.”

  “So?”

  “Have you noticed you speak easier?”

  He hadn’t really noticed until she mentioned it.


  “I…I guess I do more of it now. There was really no reason to talk before. I’ve grown used to the practice.”

  “Because you avoided everyone unless it was Alannah.”

  He shrugged. “So I’m easier to understand. Big deal.”

  “It is a big deal. Sometimes we’re not the monsters we believe we are. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Why did that damn phrase keep haunting him?

  He stayed silent.

  “Have you been intimate with her?”

  “That is none of your concern.”

  She smiled. “I see you have. Because you would never have thought to deny it unless you were trying to protect her. Tell me, why would Alannah sleep with a monster?”

  “I don’t know.” That wasn’t true. She’d told him. “She…she said she loved me. But how can she?”

  “How can you love her?”

  “What do you mean,” he spat. “She’s gorgeous. Vibrant. Intelligent. Well-educated. A lady, for crying out loud.”

  “In her world—and I know this because her world is my world—she’s the monster, Kieran. Genetically modified for all the best human features and something still went wrong. A throwback gene sent her out into a neutral world with red hair and—while we’d like to call them hazel eyes, the truth of it is—they’re red. It’s unheard of. Inhuman. She was so hideous her father hid her natural looks. Her mother sold her virginity to the highest bidder in the most prestigious floating city. Tell me again that you’re the monster?”

  “She…she can’t be a monster because of her coloring.”

  “She is. Especially considering her father had the knowledge to change her and Mother Nature still slapped his hand. But yet, you love her.”

  “I don’t consider her ugly.”

  “And she doesn’t consider you ugly. You are the one who considers yourself ugly.”

  “Everyone considers me ugly,” he snarled.

  “Which is why I wondered when you last looked at yourself. Try this on.” She went over to the coat closet and brought out a ridiculous jacket that in dark blue velvet with gold buttons. Some concoction from Iota Nine, probably. She must have been waiting for him to return to the prisons if she had this hiding in here.

  “For what purpose? I am not going to that party.”