by J Wells
“Well?” he mutters.
I blink and close my mouth.
“The walls.” He points. “They aren’t going to paint themselves.”
I take a few steps towards him.
He squints. “What are you looking at?”
“The paint … on your chest.”
He glances down, running his hands over his abs.
“What paint?”
“This paint,” I say, trying not to laugh as I flick a brush full of malt chocolate towards him.
Now it’s Gabriel’s mouth that drops open.
“I can’t believe you just did that!”
I’m laughing so hard I can hardly catch my breath. Through the tears I see him grab the roller, launch forward and grab my waist. I crease between his hands and concertina down onto the carpet. Gabriel falls forward so that he’s lying on top of me. Hot and damp, his chest adheres to mine. I can’t move; my laughter ebbs and my tears clear. The tips of his fingers are so soft, so gentle; I tremble and heat up inside as they glide their way from my thigh up to my cheek. Wriggling, I free my arms, reach up and link my hands around his neck, then lie gazing up into his clear-blue eyes. His face lowers itself towards me, and I feel the tip of his nose against mine. His warm breaths slip between my cleavage, heating me up further. Then it’s as if I’ve lost my breath for a moment as I feel the slight brush of his lips, and my own lips part in response.
What the hell am I doing? I whip my head to the left, turning away.
“Gabriel, I’m…”
He places his finger over my lips.
“I know,” he whispers into my neck. “You’re not ready.”
I try to nod, though it’s hard with my head on the floor. He lifts up and reaches for my hand, which I take, expecting to be pulled up to my feet, yet his free hand seems to have other ideas. He slides his palm down the paint-laden roller and then, with a rather large grin on his face, makes stripes down my face, neck and chest.
“See, Natasha, you really should have kissed me while you had the chance.”
I grab a handful of tissues from the Kleenex box under the coffee table, rubbing at my face. When I glance in the mirror all I’ve managed to do is smudge it. Gabriel has more luck with his chest; being damp, the paint comes off with ease and he’s left with only a couple of stubborn reminders.
For the next half an hour or more, the air seems to hang awkwardly between us. I’m almost scared to look at him and afraid how I’ll feel if I do. Without another word passing between us, we finish the wall around the bay window. I kneel down by the fireplace and start painting a neat edge along the skirting board.
“So, has that Josh of yours had the nerve to show his face?”
“Yeah, he came round to pick up his clothes.” I snigger. “What was left of them.”
“What do you mean?”
Not looking over my shoulder, I continue to paint.
“Adrianna cut through the lot, even his Calvin Klein boxers. She struggled with his suits, as the material was tough and it took a while, but she didn’t give up; in fact she seemed more determined.”
He sits on the edge of the settee for a break from painting while I go and grab a couple of bottles of water from the fridge. Walking into the kitchen I check my phone, which I’d plugged into the wall not far from Rodney. There are no messages, but I have one missed call from Danielle. Taking a gulp of water, I ring her back.
“Tash … I wonder if you could do me a favour.”
“Yeah.” I screw the lid back on my water bottle. “If I can.”
“Your dad phoned earlier; he’s sick of your mum and Adrianna not speaking and wants to get them together so hopefully they can patch things up.”
“Okay, so where do I come in?”
“Chris wants them to meet on neutral ground, and neither one knowing the other is going to turn up. We thought we could use your house. But that’s not the only reason; he wants to see you, to make sure you’re alright after Josh.”
“So when’s he on about coming round?”
“Tonight, about seven.”
I slump down onto the kitchen chair and sigh, flicking dry paint from between my nails.
“He could have picked a better night; I’m decorating, and everything here is upside down. Gabriel’s round here helping me.”
“What do you want me to tell him?”
I blow out a long breath. “I’ll have a clean round, open the windows, hopefully get rid of the smell of paint and clear up the best I can.”
“Tell you what, I’ll order us a pizza; would have said Chinese, but Adrianna can’t seem to stop eating pizza at the moment.”
I glance down at my expanding waistline.
“Fine with me. I haven’t got to worry about my wedding or trying to squeeze into that dress any more.”
“Maybe not, but it’s his loss. Anyway, can’t wait to see you later.”
The call cuts off. I grab Gabriel’s drink and check the time on my phone. He looks up as I walk back into the lounge. I toss the bottle towards him, and it lands on its side between his feet.
“Sorry, was I supposed to catch that?” he says with sarcasm.
I roll my eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t think.”
“No, you don’t tend to.” Again there’s a sarcastic edge to his tone.
His mouth lifts into a knowing kind of grin and I lose his eyes as he bends to retrieve the bottle.
“You’re in no rush to go, are you?”
He sips at his water, shaking his head.
“In that case, how about stopping for dinner?”
Danielle and Adrianna turned up at seven. My sister looked pale and drawn, and she had dark circles round her eyes. Apparently, Danielle had dragged her round the local park for most of the afternoon, and when they did eventually arrive home they’d been glued to the iPad trying to decide on baby names. They couldn’t agree on any, and ended up falling out. Danielle went for the outlandish names, like Cairo, River and Herbie, but Adrianna took the piss saying Herbie was the name of a car in a film. She already had her heart set on Logan and didn’t intend on changing her mind, so they’d left the flat this evening in a stalemate situation.
The four of us sat chatting, and it was twenty past eight when Mum and Dad knocked on the front door. Adrianna’s face was a picture when she waltzed into the lounge laden with shopping bags and a couple of bottles of wine, which I expect they’d stopped off to pick up at the off licence down the road.
The moment Mum caught my eye I could see by her face what she was thinking; she didn’t mention Josh and just walked over, threw her arms round my neck and hugged me. I think Dad was pleased to see Gabriel; he sat on the chair nearest to him, crossed one leg over the other and got stuck into his favourite topic of conversation, the garden. Adrianna immediately clammed up, giving not just Mum but all of us the silent treatment. Releasing Danielle’s hand, I could see the daggers she passed her and assume she’d worked out very quickly that tonight had been a set-up. It wasn’t long before Danielle excused herself, saying she was going to order tea.
I’d managed to clear the dining table of paint and such like, allowing us to sit down and eat together. Gabriel pulled out a chair and sat next to me. Adrianna wanted to talk about his eyesight, and he went on to tell us that the condition was caused by degenerative cells in the innermost layer of the cornea, which affects both eyes and gradually causes a decline in vision due to corneal clouding and swelling. There wasn’t a lot about Fuchs Dystrophy he didn’t know, and the words rolled off his tongue with ease.
“Natasha.” Mum’s voice interrupts my thoughts and I lift my eyes from my glass. “Could you pass me the wine?”
I nod and reach across the table; sitting back, I turn my head and look at Gabriel. He says he’s not a people person, yet he looks so relaxed. Then I watch him gulp down another glass of wine; he’s not quite topping Mum’s intake, but I don’t think he’s far off, and I can’t help but wonder how relaxed he really is.
; Gabriel fills us in on his eye consultation with an ophthalmologist in London booked for the following Saturday, but as yet he hasn’t made his mind up if he’s going ahead with the cornea transplant. I want to question, but think better of it; tonight’s not the right time. He continues saying he plans to stay in London for a long weekend and would stop with either his mum or brother.
Mum hiccups, drawing everyone’s attention. She’s all smiles, helped by another large glass of wine. She’s doing everything she can to break the ice between herself and my sister, but there’s not a crease of a smile on Adrianna’s lips. Picking at pieces of ham and pepperoni, she throws them down to Larry, who’s sitting at the side of her chair looking up with those large brown eyes of his, his small tail flicking from side to side like a clock’s pendulum. Only after an occasional prompt from Danielle does she manage a grunt, then falls silent again.
“Well, Natasha,” Mum slurs, “Josh, have you seen him?”
Adrianna snorts, but I’m unable to meet her eyes. I don’t intend on going into the cutting-up of his clothes while we eat, so shake my head.
“Coral…” Dad interrupts, though in an instant Mum shushes him.
“Good family that one, you could do far worse.”
On feeling Gabriel’s fingers, I give a sideward glance his way and his hand slips into mine.
“Excuse me, just nipping out for a fag.”
“Me too!” Danielle almost jumps up from her seat.
I know she doesn’t smoke, but I guess it’s a good excuse to get out of the room.
Mum glances up as Danielle closes the door behind them.
“Josh’s old man must be worth a pretty penny, with the properties, the stately home and his business. We want nothing more than the two of you to make amends and get back together. When I rang Angela, she was more than upset; they’ve booked an earlier flight home.”
My heart literally drops into my stomach. “They’re in New York on a shopping break.”
“Not for much longer,” she chuckles, rocking back on the legs of her chair, which come crashing down. “It seems you’re getting very friendly with Gabriel, our painter man. Have you even stopped to think how that may look to Josh? I don’t think he’ll like it, I don’t think he’ll like it one bit.”
I slam the base of my glass against the tabletop and sit up straight.
“I don’t give a damn what he’d think. He cheated, not me, he broke off the engagement, not me. He was the one that walked away, not me!” I reiterate.
She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.
“A couple of weeks, that’s all the time you have to get him back and make things right.”
“Coral, for God’s sake, shut up!” Dad’s voice is raised, and his face is the darkest red I think I’ve ever seen.
Mum’s words make their way into my head where they stick. I lean forward on my elbows.
“What do you mean a couple of weeks?”
Mum’s eyes have widened considerably and made their way across the table to where Dad sits fidgeting with his napkin.
“Mum?” I ask again, though she sits tight-lipped.
Now I’m looking at Dad; in fact, Adrianna is as well.
“I suppose I’d best tell you; if I don’t, I guess she soon will!” he says, shooting Mum a dagger of a stare.
My heart’s thumping in my chest. “Just spit it out, tell me.”
He folds his napkin into four, and I watch him take a deep breath.
“Your wedding, Tash, the venue, the honeymoon, nothing’s been cancelled.”
I laugh out loud; I can’t help myself.
“Well he’d best cancel and soon, because he needn’t think I’m walking down the aisle on his arm.”
Dad sinks back in his chair, which seems to swallow him up.
“He hasn’t kept the venue or the honeymoon for you, but he’s getting married and everything’s going ahead as planned. He’s marrying her.”
His words come at me like a thump to the stomach, and feeling light-headed I get to my feet, accidently knocking over my wine glass, which spills on the cloth and rolls off the table.
“Natasha,” Mum butts in. “Look at the weight you’ve put on over the last ten years. Really, love, you’ve only got yourself to blame. Angela’s dinners, she’s literally stuffed you like a chicken and you wonder why Josh’s head has been turned. Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself. A pretty face turns the most faithful of men.” She glares at Dad. “Don’t you agree, dear?”
Dad’s shouting at Mum now and Adrianna joins in, though their words are mere echoes pounding inside my head. I don’t excuse myself and just run from the room.
The front door’s partially open, and I can hear Danielle and Gabriel talking. I catch the smell of cigarette smoke as I run through the hallway and up the stairs. Pushing open the door, I literally fall into my bedroom. Josh’s alarm clock, his iPad, his calendar are all set out just as he left them. I feel sick as they sit there looking so innocent. I raise my arm and with all of my strength swipe them off his cupboard; then with a large sigh I fall back into the middle of the bed, pull the quilt over my head and close my eyes on the world.
I have no idea how much time has passed when I hear the lift of the latch and footsteps approach the bed. The mattress sinks.
“Tash, are you okay?”
I lower the quilt from my face, staring towards her without expression.
“Did you know?”
Adrianna nods as she sits herself down on the bottom of the bed.
“I didn’t have the heart to tell you.”
“Cheating was bad enough, but this…” I fold my arms across my chest. “How could he? Can you nip downstairs, tell Mum and Dad to go?”
“No need, Danielle’s already shown them out.”
“So much for you and Mum making up. Now she’s managed to piss Dad off and neither of us are speaking to her.”
Adrianna scratches her head. “It’s not Mum, it’s the drink, it’s completely out of control; Dad’s trying to get her an appointment at the doctors, but she’s having none of it. She says she’s a social drinker.”
“Ha, who’s she trying to kid?”
Crumpling the quilt, she lies down on her side next to me.
“You don’t want to get in such a state over Josh,” she says, stroking my hair over my shoulder. “He’s not worth it… In my opinion, no man is.”
“You would say that.” My words come out sharp and to the point. “Ten years…” Tears well up and sting my eyes.
I roll over, turning my back towards her.
“And all for what? Less than ten weeks and he’s marrying her, someone he hardly knows, yet he’s willing to jeopardise everything we were.” With a touch of nostalgia I gaze round the bedroom. “Everything we had.”
“Mum was right,” Adrianna slips in, “when she said you seem to be spending quite a bit of time with Gabriel…”
“And?” I snap. “He’s a friend. Don’t you think I kinda need one at a time like this? Anyway, the position Josh has left me in I won’t have time for friends in the future, or if I do it certainly won’t be much.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m broke, and I’ve got to get myself down the Job Centre to find something full time. At some point I’ll have to catch the train to London and hand in my notice to Stephan. It’s a shame, it really is, I love working with cosmetics and I love the industry, but the hours he’s giving me are getting less and less by the month, so he’s left me no other option.”
“You know, if anything were to happen with you and Gabriel…”
I roll my eyes; did she listen to anything I just said?
“Adrianna, please drop it.”
I don’t know if it’s the way I avoid her eyes, but when I do finally catch her stare coming back at me her face is lit up with a grin.
Her eyes widen considerably. “It already has, hasn’t it?”
I roll onto my tummy, grab a pillow and encase it around my
head.
I feel the mattress dip and her hands drag the pillow off me.
“Oh my God, Natasha … you haven’t?”
I shimmy myself over and get to my knees.
“No, I have not!”
She continues to study me accusingly.
“I can’t keep anything from you, can I?”
She leans forward, her curiosity getting the better of her.
“You may as well wipe that stupid grin off your face, because I haven’t lied, nothing’s happened.” I pause. My mind wanders back to Gabriel, then to Adrianna. “Okay, there is something.”
“I knew it!” She’s back on her elbows, hugging the quilt and leaning towards me. “And…?” she prompts.
“That’s just it, I’m not sure myself. I guess it’s hard to put the feeling into words, the way I feel when he’s anywhere near me.” I can feel myself smiling as I continue. “His face, the sincerity in his eyes, a shiver runs through me, from the not knowing, and yet I have to admit to myself I so want to know.” I hug my arms around my chest. “I felt his arms around me, and though brief I have felt his lips, but after Josh how can I begin to trust again and let someone in? Maybe it’s something I’d like, but I don’t think I can.”
Her quizzical gaze has softened and she raises her shoulders.
“So what now? You sit and mope around for someone who’s treated you the way he has?” She squares up to me, grasping my arms. “He doesn’t want you, Tash, and there’s no magic potion out there that’s going to bring him back.” Her fingers press into my skin. “Gabriel’s real, he’s now. What are you waiting for?”
I’ve heard enough and pull my arms free of her grasp, get up from the bed and walk over to the window, where I gaze out for a moment’s breathing space. I run my fingers over the long white sheet covering each of my three portraits.
“You know,” she calls after me, “sometimes bad things happen for a reason, and if you don’t give him a chance, you’ll never know. If I were you, I wouldn’t leave him hanging too long. Think before it’s too late. Josh is getting married, and the last person he’s going to be thinking of is you.”
The air in the room goes from clear to stifling. I sit on the sill and push open the small window, leaning out to catch the fresh air. I hear Danielle’s laughter, then Gabriel’s voice; a happier atmosphere to the one up here. I can’t help wondering what they’re saying and what Danielle finds so funny.
