by J Wells
“Stop playing with it and have a look.”
I turn from the window and gaze down, not realising I’m twizzling the edge of the white sheet between my fingers.
“Have you looked at them yet?”
Releasing the sheet, I shake my head.
“Just bloody look, will you? It’s like Christmas all over; you always left your presents to open at the last minute and you haven’t changed. If you don’t want to look, I will.”
“I don’t care if I never see those bloody portraits; they were for Josh and don’t matter now.”
“They might not matter to you, but I’m going to have a nose anyway.”
Adrianna’s off the bed before I have a chance to protest, bending over and inching up the sheet.
I hop off the sill and waltz past her.
“Look if it’ll make you happy, but I’m going downstairs. See you later.”
I reach the bedroom door and pull it open.
“Tash, wait, you need to see this.”
The tone of her voice stops me. I don’t want to see, so only half turn, placing my chin on the cap of my shoulder. With the sheets on the floor around Adrianna’s feet, I catch a glimpse of myself in a charcoal sketch.
“Yeah, it’s nice.”
“No…” Her tone is still odd and so is the way she’s glancing over at me.
The two front portraits rest against her thigh, and she looks almost ensconced as she stares at the third, which remains propped up against the wall. I don’t give a damn about any of the portraits; I only have to look in a mirror to see myself and that’s something I do every day. But the look in her eyes draws me back in, towards her. When I reach her side, Adrianna’s eyes still haven’t lifted. I take the quickest peek I possibly can and go to look away, but my glance is held fast and my mouth drops open.
“How did he know? How could he possibly know?” Adrianna pipes up.
He’s actually painted his own spin on a Monet and there I am, as large as life standing in the middle of a poppy field looking very much at home. I can’t help but wonder if these paintings were ever meant for Josh.
I pause for a second.
“We had a day out in Birmingham, spent the afternoon walking round the art museum. I might have mentioned Nan and the painting in passing.”
“If only Nan were here to see this,” my sister mumbles softly as she slips her hand round my back and over my shoulder, where it rests.
My lips crease, though it’s a bittersweet smile.
“With me in the picture it would be nice to hear what stories she’d concoct.”
She laughs. “He’s even managed to paint the original people … look,” she says, pointing. “The ladies walking with their girls.”
“Those girls are boys,” I correct her, passing her a sideward glance which she returns.
I roll my eyes, and she raises an eyebrow.
“We’re never going to agree, are we?”
“Nope,” she chuckles.
Poppy field, my Nan, they were random remarks and yet Gabriel listened. He more than listened. I’m standing in my favourite painting. It’s a rare thing for my mother to listen to me, let alone some random bloke who I’ve known for the shortest time. I can only begin to imagine the hours he’d spent working on this particular piece.
Adrianna’s hand drops from my shoulder and she pushes the front two portraits off her thigh, resting them back against the wall.
“I can’t believe he got you walking round a museum.”
“Well he did, and believe it or not, I quite enjoyed myself. Shit!” My stomach drops. “I’d completely forgotten about the bloody parking ticket; it was on the dash plain to see, and the attendant would have had to be blind to miss it.”
There’s a slight tilt to her head. “You can’t see the way you looked just then, the look in your eyes, but I can.”
“What you talking about?”
“I don’t know what; to be honest I don’t know if you do either. Look at the painting; a bloke wouldn’t do that for no reason and you wouldn’t have blushed the way you did when you saw it if there wasn’t something there.” She pauses. “There’s something between you. You’ve got to let go of the past and see what this Gabriel’s all about. What have you got to lose? Give him a chance. I’m not saying jump into bed with him, but let him take you out for a drink, a meal, maybe go to the cinema, see a movie.”
“Very funny; somehow I don’t think Gabriel would appreciate a night at the cinema.”
She winks and reaches for my hand.
“Joking aside, listen to your big sister.”
I’m standing in the doorway, waving off my sister and Danielle. The engine turns over, Adrianna waves, Danielle honks the horn, and I watch them drive off and close the front door.
Gabriel’s sitting very comfortably in the lounge. His laced shoes are at the side of the chair, and he has his legs propped up on the beanbag. Larry’s made himself equally at home sprawled out on his lap.
He yawns, stretching his arms above his head.
“You driving me home, or should I ring for a taxi?”
I sit myself down on the arm of his chair.
“I’ve had a few too many to be driving anywhere tonight.”
He pulls his phone from his pocket; this disturbs Larry, whose big eyes give him a disgruntled look and then, using the beanbag as a stepping stone, he jumps down onto the carpet.
“Taxi it is then.”
I think of Adrianna’s words, about moving on.
“You could always forget the taxi and stay here tonight?”
“I’ve had a drink, too,” he says, getting to his feet, “and I’m vulnerable, so if I do decide to stay, don’t go taking advantage.”
I scoop a scatter cushion off the corner seat of the settee and throw it at him, but somehow manage to miss. I bend down to grab it for another attempt, though his feet appear either side of the cushion. He crouches down, and taking my wrist pulls me up.
“You, vulnerable?” I snigger, prodding him in the ribs. “Who are you trying to kid?”
The beat of my heart accelerates as I feel his hands scoop their way around my ass. He lifts me off my feet and places my legs either side of his waist. I don’t fight it, and clench my knees against him, holding on.
“Natasha…”
I shiver, feeling his teeth graze the lobe of my ear.
“You can’t begin to imagine what I’d like to do.”
“What’s stopping you?” I whisper.
The sharp edges of his stubble press into my cheek, his lips edging nearer. They brush against mine and he pulls away; I lean back in and he backs off.
“No,” he says, lowering me to my feet. “I want you, but this isn’t right. It was too soon earlier, what’s changed? Nothing.”
“Sometimes it’s just nice to feel close to someone.” I bow my head. “Not feel totally alone.”
He lifts my chin so I can’t escape. “Sorry, but that’s not good enough. You telling me that’s really the right reason to sleep with someone? To jump from one bed and into another?”
I squeeze my arm between us and push his hand away.
“It didn’t seem to bother Josh.”
“Fuck Josh, this isn’t about him, it’s about you and me.”
He steps back away from me.
“It’s impossible for me to hang around while you’re getting over him, and I can’t pretend I’m happy being just a friend.” He scratches at the stubble on his chin. “I think I’ll call for that taxi after all, give you some space. Anyway, I can’t see myself staying round these parts much longer.”
He lowers his head to retrieve his phone, but I grab his arm.
“Why?”
He lifts his finger. “Two secs,” he says, and disappears into the hall.
I sit on the edge of the settee and watch Larry as he sleeps. How uncomplicated his little life is; he lets out a loud grunt and rolls over. I kneel down and run my fingers over his short, spiky hair.
“You’ll never let me down, the one man that won’t,” I tell him. “And I promise I’ll never leave you.”
It doesn’t sit right, Gabriel leaving; there’s so much more I want to find out and now it looks like I’m not going to get the chance. I didn’t think I’d care, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I didn’t realise it, but as my thoughts become more intense my hands are shooting up and down Larry’s back. He opens one eye, looks up at me, gets to his feet and walks away.
Gabriel reappears, his hands buried in the front pockets of his jeans.
“Taxi will be here in ten. I told them to pull onto the drive and flash their headlights.”
“Okay, but why are you leaving and where are you going?”
He pulls his hands from his pockets, allowing his arms to hang freely at his side.
“The house isn’t mine; half of it belongs to my brother and he’s been bugging me to sell up for a while. I told you about the company I worked for and the order I messed up; they’re still chasing me for money, and if things go pear shaped … and there’s a good chance they will … then the less assets I have to my name the better.”
“Where do you intend on going?”
“I guess I’ll crash at Mum’s or Jase’s for a while till I sort myself out, but I haven’t really got any long-term plans for the future.” He smiles. “This hasn’t got to be goodbye, and there’s no need for you to be a stranger. If I’m living in London and work takes you there, you could always come and find me on your lunch break; you know where I’ll be.”
He looks towards the window. I sit back on the chair, tapping my foot on the carpet. He doesn’t turn to face me and says nothing. Great, someone else in my life that’ll end up no more than a mere memory. Josh’s mum and dad may have good intentions and want to stay in touch, but it won’t last; their allegiance will be with his new partner, his wife, not an ex trying to hang onto something that no longer exists.
My thoughts are driving me insane and my head is filled with voices, shouting at me not to let Gabriel go.
“Talk, damn you!” I shout.
His head shoots round, and his face wears a frown. I hold my ears between my hands, pressing as hard as I can to drown out the voices.
“The silence in here is deafening!”
Gabriel sniggers. “Now who’s the moron?”
My eyes narrow.
“You know, two opposites.”
I roll my eyes. “The word you’re looking for is oxymoron, and anyway, it’s not funny.”
Lights flash through the curtains and Gabriel gets to his feet.
“Go on, get out of here, get out of my house and go to London; do what everyone else in my life does who means anything to me.”
He stands for a second, hovering in the doorway.
“Say that again,” he mumbles.
“Just go.”
He still stands there, but I can’t look at him a second longer and push past, run upstairs and bury myself under the duvet.
I can’t mistake the click of the latch as the front door closes.
“Goodbye, Gabriel.”
I grab my iPod from the dresser, pop the earphones into my ears, and settle my head against the pillow and close my eyes. I tense, feeling arms wrap around my waist. I tug the earphones from my ears.
“Natasha, it’s me.”
I breathe deeply, allowing myself to relax.
“Thought I told you to go.”
“You did,” he whispers into my neck. “But when it came to it, I couldn’t. Not when you said what you did and I realised I actually do mean something to you.”
I smile, knowing he can’t see. “Don’t go getting ahead of yourself,” I’m quick to add. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. I was planning on going to London, I just hadn’t decided when. You mentioned your eye consultation on Saturday, so we could always coincide the two and meet up? Only if you want to, of course.”
He squeezes my arm. “I’d like that.”
I wriggle back, intending to snuggle into him, but then frown as I feel something behind me.
“What the hell’s that?”
“A pillow.”
I reach round and pull it away, but his hand catches mine and stops me.
“Leave it, Natasha. I can’t help how I feel and can’t control what you do to me.”
“I don’t want a barrier between us; I want to feel you next to me.”
He encases me in his arms. I prise the pillow from between us and throw it over the side of the bed.
The next morning I drove Gabriel home. He threw a few things into a navy-blue rucksack, grabbed Mr Pooch and her lead from a hook on the wall and moved in with Larry and me for the days leading up to our visit to London. It seemed that the instant he walked through the door the house came back to life; there was someone to talk to, a bum on the chair in the lounge, his feet on the beanbag and his toothbrush in the cup next to mine.
We’d have breakfast, then for the rest of the day we’d paint, talk and laugh. I’d end up flicking paint at him and he’d flick it back; it was just the way we worked, and it was fun. It was so nice having someone around, someone to wake up next to. We slept in the same bed, spent the nights together. I wasn’t ready to fall headlong into another relationship, and Gabriel knew and understood. We got undressed in separate rooms, and I sneaked into bed first making sure to turn the light off. I liked him, a lot, but for now his arms around me were enough. It was funny seeing Larry and Mr Pooch spotted with paint lying on the end of the duvet. It was quite unexpected, but they got on.
I invited Angela and Hughie round for lunch on the Thursday, so Danielle picked Gabriel up and took him down the local for a pint. I could feel Angela’s embarrassment the moment she walked through the door; there was no chit-chat about their shopping trip, and she sat sipping her tea in silence. Hughie was angry from the onset of his arrival. He said that since going to America Josh had changed and was getting far too big for his boots. He went on to say he was considering cutting him out of his will, and as for his stake in the company, he’d be finding someone else to fulfil the role.
Angela did mention briefly Josh’s forthcoming nuptials, and said that although she felt awkward and didn’t want to, he was her son so she felt she had to go and support him. Hughie snapped at her, saying son or no son, under no circumstance would he be turning up on their big day. I think the lies Josh told him had hurt deeply. Arranging John’s leaving do the night before they flew out to New York, knowing full well they wouldn’t attend, and the leaving do being the perfect cover-up for his engagement to Michelle; worse still, he’d found out that Michelle was actually John’s daughter, and that John knew all along and was happy about it. Although John had been a good worker, Hughie had always thought him to be a greedy serpent-like man; if there was a way to make a quick buck he was always there on the lookout. It was quite a coincidence how John got Michelle the job as Josh’s PA and she just happened to fly out on the same day on the same plane. Hughie said the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with the business in Florida taking off like it had, and he was pretty damn sure he was right.
It was hard to see them leave, harder still not knowing if I’d ever see them again. Hughie hugged me, and his arms held me tighter than Angela’s. Ten years was a long time, and he felt more like a second dad. Although I cared for Angela, we didn’t have quite the same bond, but I would still miss her.
Friday morning I popped into see Mum. Dad was working at Gabriel’s in the garden. Mum kind of apologised for her rant the other night, yet within minutes was droning on about getting back in touch with Angela and them working their charms to get me and Josh back together. I rolled my eyes. As if that was going to happen. But she was like a dog with a bone, so I gave up and left her to it. It was just a shame that she didn’t realise there would be no happy ever after for Josh and me.
At five o’clock the next morning, Gabriel woke me with a cup of tea. I could literally have thrown it at him; early
mornings are so not me.
“Come on, sleepy head,” he bellows down my ear, ruffling my hair in his hands. “Stop dragging your heels; the train isn’t going to wait. And don’t forget, Danielle and Adrianna will be round in half an hour, so come on, drink up and get up.”
“Another ten minutes,” I groan, encasing my head in the quilt.
“You’ll get your lie-in and breakfast in bed tomorrow morning.”
Before I have time to reply, he’s whipped the quilt into the air and I’m left lying on the mattress in his grey T-shirt and my pink pyjama bottoms. I chose his T-shirt rather than my pyjama top because when I slipped it on it still held the heat of his body and the heady scent of his aftershave. It’s probably all in my mind, but sleep seems to come easier than it has for a while.
It was as if I blinked and the next couple of hours just passed by. I couldn’t fault their timekeeping; despite Adrianna’s bouts of morning sickness, she and Danielle were true to their word and turned up dead on half five. If it hadn’t been for them offering to look after the animals, this weekend wouldn’t be happening. Adrianna kept nudging and winking at me, and when Gabriel left the room she was quick to ask what I’d packed in my case and had I included my stockings and sexy lingerie. When he came back in we were both giggling like schoolgirls. He began laughing himself, though from the look on his face it was purely out of politeness.
Fifteen minutes later the taxi arrived and Gabriel moved our weekend case from the hall into the boot of the taxi. Like two small bookends on a shelf, Mr Pooch and Larry sat bolt upright on the window sill, while Adrianna and Danielle stood behind them and waved us off. I prodded Gabriel and pointed back to the house, telling him to look, but on reflection it was a stupid thing to do. I just never gave it a second thought that he couldn’t possibly see from this distance. Then I blurted out that I couldn’t wait till he had his sight back and was ‘normal’ like everyone else. Hence the taxi journey to the station was a quiet one. What a great start to our supposedly romantic weekend.
