Never Let Go (The Storm Inside #4)

by Alexis Anne

  I looked down at the suds-less water. I had a bowl in one hand and a wine glass in the other. The sponge was nowhere to be found. “I got a little lost in my head,” I shrugged, dropping the items back into the cold water and drying off my hands.

  “I can tell,” he chuckled, turning me so that we were nose to nose. Well, sort of. Jake was several inches taller than me and I had to crane my neck to look up at his handsome, rugged face. I suppose nose-to-chest was probably a more accurate description. “What’s wrong?”

  “You mean besides the two strangers sitting in our living room?”

  Jake’s cousin, Adam, and his fiancée, Elizabeth, were back for the third day in a row. The news they’d brought with them hadn’t gotten any easier to digest, although they had gotten significantly better at playing with our kids.

  “Hey,” he shrugged, giving me one of his trademark dimples, “don’t people find out their long lost grandfathers are incredibly rich and famous all the time?”

  I shook my head and sighed. “No, Jake, they do not.”

  He kissed my forehead. “We can’t all be born into baseball royalty. Some of us have to stumble into good fortune by accident…and after thirty-eight years.”

  And that was the conflict that kept sending me into a tizzy. Jake was happy. Genuinely happy to find out he actually had some family that wasn’t horrible. And for that I was eternally grateful. But he was also jumping headfirst into the deep end without giving himself a chance to breathe. There was going to be a rebound to all this good news and, being the overtired mother of two that I was these days, I was preparing for the fallout instead of enjoying the news.

  “Adam is very nice,” I agreed.

  Jake’s smile only deepened. “I really like him.”

  They’d been finishing each other’s technical sentences every time conversation drifted back to engineering. They’d cooked us dinner last night. And by “cooked us dinner” I meant the two of them disappeared onto the back deck with a six-pack and a tray of steak and hadn’t come back in until the food was ready. I’d watched them through the kitchen window. They were like instant best friends. The only other person Jake got along with so easily was Greg.

  I mean… I knew they were cousins, so there was the genetic link, plus they obviously loved the same things about machines and engineering, but that easy, instantaneous insta-bond was a special occurrence. It happens once or twice in a lifetime, if you’re lucky. Usually with a best friend, which Jake already had, and a lover. So I wasn’t exactly expecting Jake to fall in love with someone else.

  I froze.

  Oh shit.

  Oh shit… I was jealous. Of Adam? Of my husband finding his family and getting along with them?

  I was a horrible, horrible, horrible wife.

  “What is that look?” he asked, pulling back and giving me a very strange once-over. Which I totally deserved.

  I sighed and raked my hand down my face, groaning. “I just realized something I didn’t like about myself very much.”

  He fought back a chuckle, then pulled me in for a hug. “I love you, Eve. Even when you’re acting really weird.”

  “That’s why we work,” I said into the wall of muscle my face was pressed against.

  “They’re talking travel plans. You ready for this?”

  I nodded and trailed behind him as he pulled me back into the sitting room. Adam was on the floor with Max, our two-year-old daughter. He kept building towers out of blocks and letting Max knock it to the ground. I had to admit, her squeals of delight each time the blocks crashed into a pile was worth the price of admission. I certainly couldn’t blame him for spending all his time on our floor.

  There was definitely a family resemblance, but where Jake was rugged and rough around the edges from his less-than-ideal upbringing, Adam was polished perfection. Equally gorgeous, just different.

  Max popped up off the ground, her chubby rump wiggling with delight as she clapped her hands. “Now?”

  Adam laughed and scooted out of the way. “Now.”

  Max pushed the blocks and the five-foot tower (clearly erected by an engineer) bit the dust. Her blonde locks bounced as she moved and her bright blue eyes lit up as she ran toward me. “Hi, Momma!”

  I plucked her off the ground and popped her onto my hip with a practiced perfection that comes from five straight years of having miniature humans in your house.

  “How do you know how to do that?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes wide, but in a terrified—not amazed—way. She was incredibly nice, but had zero experience when it came to children.

  “It just happens,” I shrugged, sighing.

  Yeah, I was tired. They tell you being a parent is exhausting, but there is no scale that can properly measure the amount of work and lack of sleep that comes with children.

  “You make it look easy.” She cocked her head to the side, clearly studying the physics behind child tossing and propping.

  “It’s not. Mostly you learn from almost accidentally killing your children a hundred times a day. Eventually you can fall down the stairs without dropping a bottle or breaking a leg. The military should train with children running around their feet. Seriously.”

  I glared at our stairs remembering the night before when I’d missed the last stair at the landing, tripped over a teddy bear, and somehow managed to not wake the entire house.

  Sam was asleep on the couch beside Jake. He moved her feet so that I could sit with Max.

  “I can’t believe she’s sleeping through all this,” Adam laughed.

  “She could sleep through a hurricane,” Jake shook his head. “In fact, she has. Hurricane Doris, last year at Eve’s parent’s house.”

  “She’s also slept through almost every baseball game she’s ever attended. My dad is convinced she’s his payback.”

  Papa Joe was seriously perplexed that his granddaughter was so oblivious to his precious game. It was kind of fun to watch him as he tried to find the key to her heart, but the girl wanted nothing to do with baseball. She was pink through and through.

  “She’s only five,” Adam said. “There’s plenty of time for baseball.”

  I gave Adam a deadpan stare. “And how old were you when you started go-kart racing?” Adam had been a champion go-kart driver, then racecar champion, before he quit and moved to the other side of the engine. All of it against his grandfather’s wishes.

  “Fair point. Competitive sports start early. I forget that sometimes.”

  “So,” I settled Max into the crook of my shoulder, “what’s the plan?”

  Adam’s eyes darted to Jake. “You liked the second plan we discussed?”

  Jake nodded and Adam turned his attention back to me. “The Senator will be home in Maine this weekend. He’d love for all of you to come up and meet the family. We’ll rally up as many of the cousins as we can, which will actually be most of them.” He reached up for Elizabeth’s hand. “He already planned a party for our engagement.”

  This felt…huge. And overwhelming. And fast.

  Jake, however, looked giddy. “We’ll fly up Friday afternoon. The Rays are on the road this weekend, so it’s the perfect weekend.”

  “You’ll stay at the compound. The Senator has more than enough room for everyone,” Adam continued.

  I noticed Elizabeth getting stiffer and stiffer as the guys talked. “Why do you look green?” I asked. She looked like I felt, which was a relief, but not at all healthy.

  I’d had this gnawing feeling from the moment we met that I knew her from somewhere. Turns out Elizabeth is more famous than all of us combined, and then some—which probably drove the Senator crazy. A child star, Elizabeth was descended from an incredibly famous Hollywood family, and not unlike Jake, hadn’t had the easiest childhood. She left Hollywood, got a Ph.D. and changed her name, slipping into a secret quiet life in Calhoun Beach, South Carolina…until Adam walked into her life and changed everything.

  She understood what we were going through from both sides and
had been an incredible help in guiding Jake through his questions. I was grateful she was here with Adam. I wasn’t entirely sure how Jake would have handled the news without someone to relate to.

  Elizabeth half-smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “Big family celebrations are new to me and I’m still getting used to it.”

  Adam hopped up onto the couch and threw an arm over her shoulder, tucking her head against him. “Which is why there will be absolutely no press. The Senator has always been accommodating to the fact that Elizabeth has chosen to keep her life private ever since leaving her family. You can all rest assured that this weekend is just about family and nothing else. After that, the choice will be up to you. Like Elizabeth, you can keep things quiet, or if you wish to be part of his presidential bid, then there is a place for you in that.”

  I knew being related to a presidential candidate sounded really important and cool, but to me it sounded terrible. The publicity, the invasion of privacy, the games…baseball was the only game I had any interest in playing.

  “What do you say, babe?” Jake squeezed my leg. “It seems kind of perfect.” His green eyes were bright with excitement. It was such an odd look to see on his face when talking about family. There was absolutely no way I could ever say no that look.

  “Let’s do this. Let’s meet your family, Jake.”

  He squeezed my leg and grinned. “Thank you.”

  A second later Sam let out a wail and started crying even though her eyes were screwed shut. Jake instantly scooped her up into his strong, capable arms and started rocking and whispering soothing things into her ear. She’d been waking up from all her naps like that lately, not that she took many anymore. My girl was growing up so fast that I didn’t know what to do.

  As a mom I’d been battling that feeling from the moment I realized I was pregnant. The feeling that time was somehow slipping through my fingers. No matter how hard I tried to grab onto moments, time kept marching forward. My girls kept getting bigger. Jake’s laugh lines had suddenly grown deeper and so had mine.

  I fought against this hatred I felt sometimes. Those ten years we lost, could they have been like this? I knew deep down inside that they wouldn’t have been. Jake was miserable when he left. He needed that time to heal. But it never stopped me from wishing we had more time together.

  I realized that was what was wrong with me. Why I was so weird about Adam and the Senator. I was always on guard. Always ready to protect my life from anything that might possibly take this away from me. I had Jake and the life I’d always wanted. When something new or unexpected popped up, especially something this monumental, I had to worry.

  Sam calmed down, brushing her tears away from her cheeks, her bright green eyes identical to her dad’s as she smiled over at me. My heart melted. The man I loved was holding our daughter like she was the most precious thing in the world, while our other daughter nuzzled into his side. It was the most beautiful thing. And the sexiest, if I was being totally honest.

  Jake noticed the look in my eyes. “Hey, darlin’.” He grinned, his dimple popping.

  If we hadn’t had guests watching us from the other couch I would have replied much more graphically than I did. Instead I just gave him the look and the smile he knew all too well meant that I was thinking very dirty thoughts about him.

  His eyes flashed.

  The girls snuggled in closer.

  I would do just about anything to freeze this moment and keep it forever. I just had to have faith that Jake and I could fight our way through anything. So far we were doing pretty good.

  WHEN I WANT the world to disappear for a few minutes I take a large glass of wine and draw a bath. Our new bathroom was significantly upgraded from our previous house and the bathtub was large, raised, and perfect for disappearing inside. By the time the water was high enough to lay back and float I’d downed half my wine, so I set it carefully in the corner, scooted my booty down, and dunked myself under the hot water.

  My body floated, relaxing muscles I didn’t know were tensed. Light disappeared. Noises sounded a lot more like they were coming from the other end of a long tunnel than the next room. My hair danced in the swirling water, tickling my skin, but I ignored it. I ignored everything. My head was in chaos and the only way to bring any order was to start grasping at one thought at a time.

  Jake had a cousin. A wonderful cousin. For the first time in his life Jake had a blood relative who could be a positive light in his life.

  This was a very good thing.

  I took a deep breath, drawing as much air into my lungs as I could stand, and dropped back beneath the surface. I held my breath for thirty seconds before letting out the first bubble. Then two. Then a slow, steady stream of air.

  Yes, I was scared. I just needed to fully admit it and embrace it. When it came to family, Jake’s emotions were fragile. He was a big, strong, hero of a man but everyone had a weakness. Family was Jake’s.

  So all of this was terrifying. There was potential there. Both good and bad. Not knowing which side things were going to land on was too much uncertainty. When it came to the people I loved I wanted to know how to protect them.

  And now I was flying blind.

  Blind, blind, blind.

  I sat up and wiped the water from my eyes. Sitting on the edge of the tub with his own glass of wine and a book, was Jake.

  “I was starting to wonder if I should come in after you,” he said without looking up.

  “How long have you been sitting there?”

  He shifted his gaze from the page to me. “Long enough. The girls are asleep, by the way.”

  “Good.” I turned and found my glass, taking a long, slow sip. “Why are you reading in here?”

  The corner of his lip quirked up. “Because I wanted to be near you,” he paused, “and because I wanted to see how you were doing.”

  I swirled the wine. “Fine.”

  “Which is wife-code for not fine.”

  He was funny and correct, unfortunately. Why did I do that? Why did I say I was fine when I wasn’t—and when Jake could obviously see that I wasn’t. Did I seriously think I was protecting him from my feelings, or was it something else? Sometimes my brain even confused me.

  “I’m nervous. Like, really nervous.”

  He set the book down and leaned closer. “Thesis defense nervous, wedding nervous, or childbirth nervous?”

  Jake wanted to know where I was at on his barometer of experiences. I was a straight-up nervous wreck when I defended my thesis, the wedding just had me all twisted up because so much was happening so fast, but childbirth was anxiety about something inevitable and I had very little control over. And despite the fact it was something I wanted and knew would turn into something lovely, it had terrified me.

  As it does any sane woman.

  “Childbirth nervous,” I whispered, looking at my wine instead of Jake.

  “Well, shit,” he mumbled and stood up, pulling off his shirt and tossing it aside.

  “What are you doing?” He looked like he was getting naked. As in, coming into the bath with me.

  “I’m coming in.”

  I felt my eyes bug out of my head. “There’s no room for you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. We got a tub this big for a reason.” And then he was stark naked and stepping in. He sat facing me and picked up a foot. “Talk.”

  I would have, but my brain short-circuited the minute his thumb found that spot on my arch. “Oh…” I groaned, and let my head rest back against the ledge. I would talk, eventually, whenever my brain started working again.

  Which it didn’t for at least five minutes. Jake turned the faucet back on and refreshed the hot water, all while massaging my feet into some sort of pre-orgasmic bliss. Seriously, how did he make feet an arousing thing? I didn’t understand it, but it happened frequently. He just did this thing where he found a spot on my arch, and that spot seemed to have a direct line to my core.

  I was a panting, writhing, blissed out mess
when he spoke again.

  “Tell me what’s going on, darlin’.”

  I was putty in his hands. Whatever barriers I’d had when I stepped into the tub, they were gone now. Maybe that was Jake’s secret: he had truth serum implanted in his touch.

  “Why aren’t you nervous?”

  His hands paused on my feet so I peeked out. He was staring off into the distance, his stubbled jaw set at an awkward angle as he thought. “I am…” he started slowly, picking each word carefully, “but I’m not worried.”

  “Why?” I said that a little bit louder. Why wasn’t he more nervous, and why the hell wasn’t he worried?

  “Because,” he shrugged, “this is insane. I mean…this is absolutely insane!” He started laughing. “All these years and I never, ever thought I’d hear another word from my family. And then bam out of nowhere I have an enormous family that is not only famous and powerful, but rich and running for president? What the actual fuck?”

  Okay, he had a point. A very, very good point. I started laughing, too. “It doesn’t feel real.” I took a few breaths and got my giggles under control. “But I think that is a huge part of what is making me so nervous. If some regular guy from across town, who owned a barbershop or something, showed up saying he thought he might be your grandfather, then okay. That would be inside the realm of possibilities, but this is just…”

  “Insane,” Jake finished for me. “I seriously don’t think there is another word.”

  I shrugged. “Regardless, we’re in uncharted territory. There is no way to gauge what we’re actually walking into.”

  “You’ve watched too many Lifetime Family Movies on the Kennedy’s.” He gave me a look that was somewhere between teasing and serious.

  “I have, but I also come from an unusual family and I work with a lot of unusually famous families. Power and money do strange things to some people.”

  He tugged on my toes and gave me one of his trademark grins. “You seem pretty normal. Have a hidden past you want to tell me about?”

  “Well…” I drawled. If we were teasing and naked, I could certainly have a little fun, couldn’t I? “There is a thing.”