Leverage (Part Three) (Billionaire Romance)

by Andria, Alexx

  “Miles Lassiter…the man who tries desperately to heal a broken heart by falling in love with another woman who is not available…you mean that guy?” Lilah teased, then sobered, saying, “Miles is a great guy but he has terrible radar when it comes to women.”

  “Yeah, I’m starting to see that,” Julianna agreed, glad she wasn’t the only one. “I don’t want to hurt him. He’s been my rock through this but I don’t feel that way about him and I know I have to tell him.”

  “Be gentle, he’s a good guy, but you’re right it has to be done.”

  She sighed, wishing for a different answer. “That’s kinda why I was down here. I was trying to think of a way to break the news.”

  “Best way is to just do it. He’ll be okay. I think deep down, at some level, he knew you weren’t truly available. Miles is still searching for healing but until he realizes he’s not going to find it in the places he’s been looking, he’s bound to keep making the same mistake.”

  “That’s very zen — and very true,” Julianna admitted with a chagrined laugh. “Man, you are so wise.”

  Lilah laughed. “No, just observant.”

  Julianna and Lilah let silence fill the space between them as they both enjoyed the gentle surf lapping at the shore and Julianna realized she might not have the answers to each of her problems but she felt a certain measure of peace about them. Well, at least she knew what the right course of action was with Miles.

  Now, if only she could gain the same confidence concerning Boston.

  “Do you love him?” Lilah asked suddenly, going straight to the heart of the matter.

  “Yes,” Julianna answered. “But I’m not happy about it.”

  Lilah nodded with understanding. “Then it must be true love.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because true love never comes easily. Usually it leaves a few bumps and bruises before it settles into the right place.”

  “Well, if that’s true, he’s my freaking soulmate because I’m sporting more than a few bumps and bruises.”

  “Probably so.” Lilah waited a beat and then asked, “So what are you going to do about it?”

  “Honestly? Nothing. He walked away from me — and I’m sure as hell not going to chase him. If he truly wants me…he knows where to find me.”

  The corners of Lilah’s mouth tilted in a small smile as she said, “Let’s hope he comes to his senses soon and remembers where he left his heart.”

  One could hope but then, hope, she’d discovered was dangerous and she just didn’t know if she could take the chance.

  #

  Initially, Miles had been excited when Julianna asked him to stop by her bungalow but now that he was there, watching her fidget and pace, he knew whatever she had to tell him wasn’t good news. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what she wanted to tell him. “You’re going back to him, aren’t you?” he surmised, unable to keep the sour disappointment from his voice.

  She stopped and when she answered with a short, “No” he breathed a sigh of relief until she added, “But, I don’t want to be with you, either.”

  “Oh.” He leaned on his thighs, wondering why he hadn’t listened to his intuition about Julianna. “I see.”

  Julianna exhaled a short breath and said, “Listen, I’m going to cut to the chase because this is killing me. You are an amazing guy and a wonderful friend but I would be doing you a disservice if I let you think that there would ever be anything between us aside from friendship.”

  “You don’t know that,” he protested. “Some of the most enduring love affairs have sprung from solid friendships.”

  “I know you believe that but for me, that’s not how it works. Plus, my heart isn’t interested in letting anything spring from anywhere with anyone right now. And it’s really not fair of me to ask you to wait when there’s no guarantee that your gamble will pay off. I respect you too much for that.”

  “But you’re not going back to him?” he asked.

  “Do you see him here?” she asked, not exactly answering the question.

  “And if he were?” he pressed.

  “I don’t know,” she hedged, dancing around the truth but he could see it in her eyes. She loved him. He sighed and leaned back in the chair, shaking his head. Julianna sat opposite him. “Please don’t judge me. He’s the father of my child. And yes, I do love him. But my head and heart are a bit of a mess right now and I don’t know what to think anymore. All I know is I’m not going to chase him.”

  “No, you’ll just sit here like a good little girl and wait.”

  Her eyes flashed. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “No, it isn’t. I’m taking this time to get my head on straight so that I can be a good mother.”

  “And if Boston showed up right this second, you wouldn’t jump into his arms and forgive him for every fucked up thing he’s done to you?”

  “No I wouldn’t.”

  “Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

  “I don’t care what you believe but it hurts that you would think so little of me.”

  He sat up, exasperated. “Don’t you see? I feel the exact opposite. I think you deserve so much more than what he’s offering.”

  “Miles, let’s be honest…you shouldn’t have fallen so quickly for me. The fact that you did makes me wonder if you know what you want and need or if you’re just running from something in your own heart. What was her name?”

  Miles stiffened. “What are you talking about?”

  “I mean, who broke your heart so badly that you would ignore common sense?”

  “I didn’t come here to be psychoanalyzed.”

  “No, but you need it and if being your armchair therapist helps you to move on, I’ll gladly do it because you’ve been so good to me,” she said in earnest. “You’re too good of a man to let something from your past keep you down.”

  Ah hell. He hated that somehow she’d zeroed in on his private weakness. Had he been that transparent? And how was it that he’d totally missed it himself? He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He actually laughed, unable to believe he was going to share but it felt right to share it with Julianna, possibly because he truly did, deep down, know they were only destined to be friends. “Her name was Danielle, but she went by Dani. We’d been dating for about three months when she revealed she was actually married but had been separated. I didn’t freak out because I figured the divorce was imminent and it was simply a formality of paperwork that remained. I was wrong. Seems she’d been playing us both.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yeah…a big one. I fell pretty hard for her. But I should’ve known that what we had wasn’t real because she was an actress and pretty good at pretending.”

  “Was she a well-known actress?”

  “Not then.”

  “But she is now?”

  He didn’t want to answer but he figured there was no point in hiding the information now. “She goes by the name Danielle St. Claire.”

  Julianna’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? Danielle St. Claire from the blockbuster movie, Judgment?”

  He grimaced. “The same.”

  “Wow.” Julianna breathed, openly impressed. “Just…wow.”

  “Well, like I said, I didn’t know at the time she was going to become this huge sensation. I fell in love with the woman, not the superstar. And then she ripped my heart out and pissed on it.”

  “Yowza. No wonder you’re a wreck.” At that crack Miles sent Julianna a dark look and she shrugged, adding, “Sorry. But I call it as I see it.”

  He offered a mirthless smirk. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. So there you have it. My personal humiliation.”

  “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” she disagreed. “Everyone has a story where they’re not proud of their part. Besides, what do you have to be embarrassed about? If anything, she should be the one who’s ashamed. She used you and that’s bad karma. She’ll ge
t what’s coming to her. Eventually.”

  Yeah, maybe. Should he admit that he still thought of her? That when he closed his eyes at night, he saw her smile and heard her sweet laugh? However, he also saw the zero remorse she’d felt when she’d walked away, more excited about the new movie she was going to be in than the way she’d stomped him into the ground. Argh. He hated thinking about her. Maybe Julianna was right. He’d avoided his feelings about Dani for so long that he’d completely overlooked how they might be influencing his decisions today. “You’re pretty good at this armchair stuff,” he said, eliciting a smile from Julianna. “You might have a point about you and me and why I started to fall for you when I knew deep down, you might not be the right fit, but I still don’t want you to go back to that asshole. I meant what I said when I said, you deserve better.”

  “I appreciate that and you’re right. I do deserve better. If Boston wants me back, he’s going to have to prove to me that he’s going to be better or I’ll keep walking.”

  “You really think he has what it takes to change?”

  She thought long and hard before answering and when she did, it was with total conviction. “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because there were moments when I saw who he truly is and although I didn’t know it at the time, I think that’s when I fell in love. He’s not a monster. A jerk, yes — but not a monster.”

  “And what about the fact that he cheated on you?” He winced at the spasm of pain that flitted across her features but he had to bring up the obvious. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

  “I guess I’ll have to wait and see.”

  “I hate that plan,” he retorted. “Seems a recipe for more pain.”

  “Maybe. Probably. I don’t know.”

  “I guess that’s the thing, right? We don’t know the future.”

  “Ain’t that the truth. Sucks, huh?” She nodded then laughed. “I’m starved. Ready for lunch?”

  “Sounds good to me. Let’s eat our feelings,” he said, only partially joking. He supposed this was a good conversation but it still stung a little bit. Worse, it made him remember Dani and everything he’d been trying so hard to forget. One of the many benefits of moving to St. John was the fact that Hollywood news wasn’t big on islanders radar. He didn’t have to see her mug plastered on every magazine cover because finding current stuff wasn’t easy and he sure as hell didn’t look for it. But now, his mind had returned to Dani with the unerring focus of a sniper — and the result was just as lethal. As if sensing he needed a friendly hug, Julianna wrapped him in a tight squeeze and he accepted it, saying, “I knew you were something special from the moment I met you. I just didn’t realize you were going to be such a great friend.”

  “Ditto.” She pulled away, wiping away tears, laughing as she said, “Okay, no more serious stuff. My pregnant brain can’t handle it. Now, food! Otherwise, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”

  He mock-saluted her. “Lead the way, gorgeous,” he said, adding, “And I totally mean that in a platonic way.”

  “Sure you do.”

  She already knew him so well. This was the beginning of a really interesting friendship.

  -10-

  Julianna and Miles were just leaving the burger joint when Boston appeared. She didn't know if she was more surprised that he’d come back or that she was desperately happy that he had. Just seeing him again make her pulse race until she remembered why he'd left in the first place. Immediately, Miles stiffened beside her. “And I thought nothing could ruin that perfect lunch,” he said, looking directly at Boston.

  To his credit Boston didn't take the bait, which surprised Julianna because Boston never backed down from a fight. Instead, Boston looked straight at Julianna and said, “May I speak with you for a minute?” It wasn't a demand but rather a plea and Julianna didn't know what to do. But in the end she knew that they would have to talk eventually so she looked to Miles, needing a little bit of emotional support, and although Miles wasn't happy about it, he gave her the subtle okay.

  “You've got one shot to make this right and the only reason I'm not pounding you into the ground is because for some reason this amazing woman loves you. Don't screw it up or I’ll forget about my oath to save lives. You get me?”

  Boston gave an imperceptible nod to indicate he understood — and maybe even respected — Miles’ position and then Julianna allowed him to lead her toward his car. He made the assumption that she would just climb into the passenger seat but she was afraid to go there yet. She stopped and stared, planting her feet and crossing her arms. “What makes you think I would go anywhere with you right now?” she asked.

  “I deserve that. I don't know where to start…”

  “How about starting with, what the hell are you doing here? As I recall, you were tired of my company and had already replaced me, which by the way, I hope you know you’d better be prepared for a full, and hopefully, intrusive medical exam before I’d ever let you touch me again.”

  His face flushed and she was glad he had the decency to be ashamed. “Can we please go someplace private to discuss this,” he asked. “I know I deserve an ass kicking and I will gladly welcome it because I surely earned it, all I ask is that we go somewhere private to do it. And,” he lowered his voice to add, “I already went straight to the doctor for an exam. I’m clean.”

  She sniffed, hoping they slipped in a prostate exam for good measure and the doctor performing it had very big hands and sausage fingers. “I'd rather see you grovel on the Jumbotron in a packed, sold-out stadium,” she said sweetly. Was she being a total bitch for enjoying his pain? Perhaps. But she wasn't above admitting that this felt like karmic payback for everything he’d done to her. However, as she glanced around she picked up on a few strange looks from the people around them and she didn’t plan to be everyone else’s entertainment for the day so she lifted her chin and said, “You’re lucky I don't like the idea of everyone else knowing my business. We can go back to the bungalow, but” putting great emphasis on the word “we are not having sex and you are not worming your way into my heart just because you showed up and looked contrite. Are we clear?”

  “Crystal.” He went around to the passenger side door and opened it for her. She narrowed her stare, suspicious of his sudden chivalry. He explained, “I should’ve been opening your doors from the moment we met. May I?” She didn't know what to think of that but her heart sure did. She stomped on the warmth that threatened to thaw the ice cracking her heart but climbed into the car as he closed the door behind her. He quickly climbed into the driver side and they pulled out of the small pavilion to make the short drive to Larimar.

  “So why the sudden change of heart?” She couldn't help but ask. “Just a few days ago I was garbage. Or don't you remember?”

  “I remember everything.”

  “Do you also remember fucking someone else and then rubbing it in my face?”

  “That part I'm trying to forget.”

  “You and me both, jackass,” she muttered. “What are you doing to me? What is this about? I can't take this yo-yo relationship. I don't understand what you hope to gain by jerking me around. You have to know that this kind of stress is terrible for a pregnant woman, especially in the first trimester.”

  “I behaved in a reprehensible manner and all I'm asking is for you to hear me out and if you don't like what I have to say and you don't feel it has merit, I'll walk away and never bother you again aside from being a co-parent to our child. Can you do that?” He asked in a somber tone that begged at least giving the guy five minutes. “I know I'm asking a lot. I don't even deserve a second chance for everything that I've done to you but know this — I've come to realize that I've been doing everything wrong when it comes to you when I should have just been thankful that you were ever in my life.”

  Julianna didn't know what to say. She sure as hell hadn't expected him to be so open and honest — humble. Frankly, she did not know how to deal with this
version of Boston. But his willingness to be open and vulnerable had definitely earned him a few minutes of her time.

  “Fine. But I'm not making any promises. You can say what you need to say and it might help your conscience but I don't know what it will do for my heart or my opinion of you.”

  “I understand. That's all I ask.”

  Within a few moments they were at Larimar and a few moments after that they were inside her bungalow. Suddenly the cozy island retreat seemed very small and Boston was sucking up all the air. It was too easy to remember the last time they'd touched and too easy to fall into that craving for more. She settled into a chair, purposefully avoiding the sofa so that he couldn't sit next to her. “All right here's your chance. Say what you need to say.”

  But suddenly he seemed nervous, as well he should be, but she'd never seen him so undone. It was both promising and unsettling. When she and Boston had started this journey together he was nothing but arrogance personified and he was unable to think of anyone aside from himself. This was a different man entirely. “I wasn't always like this,” he started, pacing a little. “I was always the nice guy within my peer group. Sure, I grew up with money but my parents weren’t like most affluent couples. I didn't get shipped off to boarding school, I had chores and responsibilities, and actually had a great relationship with my father. All in all I'd say I had a great childhood. But growing up with money does create a certain privilege and while I didn't think that I took advantage of my position I'd seen plenty of my friends do so. I always thought if you treated people with respect and compassion you would get it back in return. My friends called me naïve. It wasn't until I fell in love with Gigi that I realized they'd been right.”

  Julianna sucked in a tight breath. She'd never been given such a wide open view of his private life. And the fact that he was baring his soul, trust-falling in the hopes that she might catch him that she let down her guard just a little. “Were you engaged?” she asked.

  “Yes. I thought we were crazy in love. Well, at least one of us was, anyway. As it turned out Gigi was a bit of a social climber. And every good gold digger knows that the best way to land a good prospect is to get pregnant. Gigi had always told me that she wanted lots of kids and I thought that was great because I wanted a big family, too. The only problem was, as you discovered, I thought I was sterile. I told her we could adopt and I didn't think it was a big deal because there were plenty of kids who need love but she didn't want other people's kids. She wanted a child from me, to have my DNA so their would be no way I would ever be free of her if things didn't work out. Once she discovered that I couldn't give her a child she dropped me like a bad habit and moved on to someone else. Last I heard she was on to her third husband with as many kids and each man was richer than the last.”