Don't Catch Me

by Lorhainne Eckhart

  “I’m sorry,” Shelley said, resting both her hands on the bar.

  “For?” he said. For leaving, for walking out on him, for what? He didn’t ask. Apologies were just words, anyway.

  “Not a day has passed that I haven’t thought of you boys. Leaving was a shitty thing for me to do. Nothing can excuse it. I’ve gone over it in my head a hundred times, a thousand times, picturing what I’d do differently.” She sipped on her wine, and he just watched her, trying to figure out what she was doing.

  “And, what, you’d go back if you could and not leave, or maybe take us, or maybe try to fix the problem instead of bailing?”

  She flushed. “I deserve that, but no.” She was shaking her head. “I couldn’t take you, as much as I would have loved to, and I couldn’t stay. My options were limited.” She shut her eyes. He couldn’t believe she’d said that. He didn’t understand it.

  “So let me get this straight. You’re sorry for walking out on four boys who you said you loved—you had to have, and…” He slid his bottle onto the bar and turned to his mother. “Did you know you were pregnant when you left?”

  Her fingers were slender, running up and down the stem of the wine glass. “Yes,” she said so matter of factly.

  “Well that says everything. Four adopted boys or a child of your own.” He started to leave when she reached out and grabbed his arm.

  “No, Chase, it says nothing. You have no idea what I was going through. Yes, I was pregnant, but you were my boys. You and I shared everything. I loved all of you, but you and I were so close, which was why I couldn’t take you. It’s not as simple as you think. There were other issues at play that you don’t know about.”

  “What, and Dad does? I can’t believe he just up and welcomed you back.” He couldn’t believe his dad had remarried his mom, had secretly been dating her, and was willing to give it a try.

  “No. He understood, is the thing, after he learned everything.”

  “Understood what? That makes no sense. There’s no understanding anything here.” For the first time since he could remember, he felt himself reacting like a teen, as if he’d been flung back into that moment in time. The anger he thought he’d dealt with was still very much there. He was better than this, and he stared down at his mom’s hand, which was still on his arm. She lowered it and gestured to the seat he’d left.

  “Please sit down. Just hear me out.”

  “Why?”

  She waited until he sat, which he did.

  “Why do you need me to understand? You don’t need my approval. You and Dad are remarried now, so don’t fuck it up,” he said, throwing the words out but instantly regretting the last part when his mother flinched. “Sorry.”

  “When I found out your father had taken all our money, gambled every cent of it away, do you remember where I was?” she asked.

  He couldn’t. He remembered the fallout, the yelling, the screaming, a plate shattering, and then his dad apologizing. The four of them, Luc, Vic, Aaron, and himself, had hung back in the living room, hearing the emotion but not the words. It had been as if his heart was jammed in his throat as his mother stormed through the house, stuffed a suitcase with her clothes, and walked out the door without a glance back to him, to any of them, before driving away in their only vehicle.

  He shook his head. “No.”

  “I was at the grocery store. It was your father’s birthday, and you and I were getting candles and flour for a cake. The card was declined. It was horrible. We left, and I went to the bank and found out the checking account was overdrawn and the savings had been closed.”

  Why couldn’t he remember that? He frowned.

  “I had been up and down, exhausted. There were days I couldn’t get dressed, and it took everything in me to lift my head off the pillow, to shower. I’d made a trip to the doctor and found out I was pregnant after all those years. Something happened then, and I just snapped when your dad walked in. I guess it was a trigger. I have depression, chronic, brought on by pregnancy. Didn’t know it then but found out later. When I walked out that door, I could see nothing. Couldn’t see you or Jerry. I stumbled around.

  “By the time the doctor figured it out, I was almost eight months along. The point is that I got help, but it took me a long time to get it right. I had a baby and depression, and the first four years were spent going from one drug to another, getting the balance right so I could work, so I could sleep, so I could look after Claudia. I almost lost her twice before I found a new doctor, just by accident, or maybe not, who figured out I needed a healthier balance—diet, exercise, a better drug. He weaned me off the double doses the other doctor had me on, and the perpetual fog I was in lifted. What I’m trying to say, Chase, is there wasn’t a chance I could have had you boys. I couldn’t have looked after you.”

  “Mom, you should have told me. I would have helped,” he said, taking in his mother, racking his brain, trying to remember those last weeks before she left.

  She was shaking her head. “Well, that’s the problem, Chase. I know you and your brothers would have done everything and anything to help me, and I didn’t want that for you.”

  He just sat there as his mother sipped her wine and then slid the glass across the bar, lifted her purse, and slid off the stool. “I just wanted to have a minute to talk with you. I really am sorry, Chase.”

  “But you’re okay now,” he said, feeling bad for not knowing.

  She offered a tight smile. “I am. It’s been a long road.”

  He nodded. “So tell me about my sister. She seems quiet, independent…”

  His mom smiled again and slid back onto the stool. “She is all of that and then some. She has a lot of your father in her, the stubbornness, the lightness. She can light up a room when she wants to or sit back and wait, but make no mistake: She’s a great kid.”

  Chapter 35

  Rose could hear the girls chatting in the living room. The door was open a crack, and the TV was on. Claudia was a great kid—smart, witty, pretty—and she and Billy Jo had covered almost every topic, from shoes, to the weather, to school, to music videos, to boys. For the past hour they had been playing cards and laughing, showing no signs of going to bed anytime soon.

  The door opened to the suite, and she heard Chase saying something to the girls before he opened the door to the bedroom. He took her in. His gaze seemed approving, considering all she had on was a cotton slip with spaghetti straps. He leaned on the door, closing it and pressing the lock.

  “The girls seem to be getting along,” he said as he slipped out of his jacket and tossed it over the side chair. Then he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it from his pants before toeing off his dress shoes. As he sat on the bed and leaned forward, she could tell something was weighing on his mind.

  “You okay?” She lifted the remote and turned off the movie she had on. She had no idea what it was about, anyway.

  He looked at her, and she wasn’t sure what he was thinking. “I’m sorry for tonight.”

  “Why? There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”

  He raised an eyebrow as if he found what she’d said to be funny. “Really, you didn’t find my family the least bit odd and this entire night totally fucked up? First Luc and his disaster, which reminds me I need to sit down with him tomorrow, and Aaron… I don’t know what’s going on there, but something is bothering him. He’s had a rough go. Years ago he lost his girl when he was sure they’d get married. It devastated him. He’s never been the same. He’s put everything into fighting as if he’s fighting the entire world. I worry about him.

  “And Vic,” he continued. “For the first time, I think he’s finally going to be settled. Fiona is good for him. He loves being a father. Then my dad told me tonight when I pulled him aside before dinner that he was sorry for everything and thanked me for bringing everyone together, and I saw his gold ring and how well he was dressed, and the first thing that came to my mind was to wonder whether he was gambling again.”

 
She reached over and touched him, squeezed his wrist, as she could see how he was sifting through everyone’s problems. “Chase, your mom and dad look fine. Vic and Fiona seem happy, and Luc was entertaining to a point, though I’m sorry his current situation sucks. With Aaron, I picked something up too, but you’re managing everyone’s problems, and you have to stop. You can’t fix them. It’s not your responsibility. They’re not children, and your dad is right: You brought everyone together, so don’t apologize one more time about tonight. I loved it. I loved being here with you.”

  He was watching her, and she didn’t know what he was thinking. “I need to go back to Springfield to pack up everything,” he said. “Billy Jo can help sort through some things.”

  So he was leaving. “Oh, okay…and you’ll be back?” she said. Her throat thickened, and an ache filled her chest. What else was she supposed to say? “Are you going from here? Of course that would make sense. I’m sure I can find my own way back.”

  “Rose, I want you there with us, not just me and Billy Jo,” he said as he stood up and pulled off his shirt. He was standing over her. “Maybe I should have said some things before. I want that girl in there. I want to adopt her. I want us to adopt her, and as soon as your divorce is final, I want to marry you. I know this is fast, and maybe you’re freaking out a bit, but I want this.”

  She wasn’t sure what expression was on her face as she sat there, staring up at a man she never would have believed she could fall for like she had.

  “I’m waiting,” he said as he moved over her and somehow had her on her back, his weight on her.

  “Okay,” she said as she touched his cheek.

  As he lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her deeply, she heard laughter from the living room. They both looked at the door.

  “So no crazy monkey sex around the kid, and let’s make sure we get a lock for the bedroom door at home,” Chase said.

  “Deal,” she replied as she smiled brightly before kissing him again.

  Chapter 36

  She knew everyone was waiting, and she needed a minute to try to make sense of everything—where she was, who she was, and who she’d be.

  The door opened, and her feet instantly hit the ground as she rose from the sofa, where she’d been sitting alone in the quiet.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” Rose said as she appeared, her long super-blond hair tied back. She was wearing a jean jacket over a light T-shirt and jeans that fit as if made for her. Her eyes were kind.

  “Sure,” Billy Jo said, and she silently kicked herself for letting her thoughts get to her. It was that fear of everything she was trying to shake.

  “You ready? Chase is downstairs, ready to go. He’s talking with Vic, and his dad just picked up Claudia. I take it you two had a world of fun last night and didn’t get much sleep…” She was still talking from the bedroom, pulling open drawers, probably doing a last check that she had everything, and Billy Jo stopped listening. It was just talk, words, and she didn’t want to hear it. “Did something happen?”

  She hadn’t heard Rose come back in, and she did what she normally did to ground herself: She busied herself, putting all her focus and energy into the pen and paper on the desk, moving them to the side. “No,” she said.

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  She looked up to see Rose standing so close, looking down with such concern in her expression, her arms crossed. “Nothing is wrong.” She shrugged even though her heart was hammering still.

  “Of course there is. It’s written all over you, as if you’re scared of something. The way you jumped when I came in, how tense you are. What’s going on? Did something happen with Claudia?”

  She shook her head. She didn’t want to explain. How could she? Her entire life had been about holding everything close to her chest, never showing her cards to anyone.

  “So it’s not Claudia. Did something happen with Chase, about the trip to Massachusetts?” She was pushing.

  “You mean the trip that may not happen,” she said and took in the confusion on Rose’s face.

  “Of course it’s going to happen. Chase needs to close up his place, ship everything back home. Why would you think it’s not going to happen?”

  “Because I heard him on the phone, talking to the social worker, asking permission to take me out of state again. Then there was something else in his voice. I heard him say ‘adoption.’ He’s talking about adopting me.” That was impossible. Who would want her? It had to be so wrong.

  “Oh, I see. Chase didn’t want you to know just yet. You know the last thing he wants is for you to have any doubts about how much you mean to him, or to be afraid that you wouldn’t be adopted. He was waiting to tell you once it had been started. I’m sorry you had to overhear it that way, but the truth is that Chase blew me away when he suggested it, too. He’s a man who goes all in when he does something. You should know that right from the beginning, when Chase made the decision that he wanted you, he would never walk away. I knew then, as soon as he said the words, that he would move mountains. He means what he says, and when he said he’d never walk away, he meant it. He scared the hell out of me, and it was then I realized I was in trouble. I fell in love with him.”

  “But I’m not a child, a baby. Why does he want to adopt me?” She couldn’t understand. Kids her age, teens, had already been written off. No one ever wanted them. They were considered lost, and by the time they were five or six, they lost all chance of ever finding their forever homes. She could feel dampness on her cheeks, a lone tear, and that made her angry. She didn’t show emotion. She couldn’t screw this up.

  “Oh, Billy Jo, I can see where this is going. You can’t believe you could be wanted.” Rose was shaking her head, and the lightness in her blue eyes hinted that she had let go of that hard layer she too had held on to. “Chase McCabe wants to be a father to you and to legally give you his name so you never have any doubt where you belong. You’ll have a home, a family with us, and you’ll never ever be victim to a system that has scarred you. You just need to tell yourself it’s okay to be loved, it’s okay to want this.”

  “And what about you? That ex of yours, I know you’re scared of him, of you and Chase, of us together,” she said, wanting to know everything but scared at the same time that Rose wasn’t all in.

  “The truth is that I was terrified of Travis. Still am, but Chase is right. It’s time, and because of Chase I can do this, end it, divorce him and be free of his threats, most of which made him seem bigger than he is. That fear has been a poison I’ve carried with me for so long that I didn’t realize it until just now, talking to you, seeing you with the same fear I have, the same but different. You and I are similar, prisoners in our own minds, but it seems Chase has caught both of us. He’s a special man, and you and I are just going to have to make sure that while he’s taking care of us, protecting us, we’re taking care of him, too.”

  The door opened again, and Chase appeared, looking scruffy and unshaven, wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans, with shades tucked in his shirtfront. “Come on, you two. What’s taking so long?” He was standing there, holding the door, and at the way he looked at her and then Rose, Billy Jo realized what it was that had her freaking out. It was the love in his expression for them. They were the family he wanted, and as she took a breath that caught, she realized that the expression was on Rose’s face as well—and Billy Jo loved him and Rose.

  They really were a family.

  What’s coming next

  Don’t Run From Me

  From a Readers’ Favorite award—winning author and “queen of the family saga” (Aherman): Fresh out of the fighting circuit and to those that didn’t know him, Bad Boy Aaron McCabe seemed as if he had it all. Except what everyone doesn’t know is the nightmares that haunt him, the woman he loved who left him and a tragedy that’s driven him to who he is today.

  * * *

  But soon Aaron is caught up in a complex web of secrets, second chances and a gripping
twist with two mysterious women that entangles him in a relationship he never believed he was ready for.

  A compelling emotional tale about the undeniable power of second chances.

  Available from all retailers click here.

  Scroll to the next section and Read a sample from Don’t Run From Me

  Don’t Run From Me

  Chapter 1

  Aaron flexed his fingers and then squeezed his hands, the red and black wraps tight. He was ready, hearing the crowd, the noise, the cheers as the match before him went on: Dregar, unbeaten, versus Trooper, a new guy from Oregon. The crowd was electric, and the announcer on the overhead was loud, raising the crazed energy in the coliseum.

  He was waiting for the call, for the locker room door to open. He could hear the frenzy. The energy was through the roof tonight, and he needed a minute to get in the zone, to focus on what he had to do and keep his thoughts from all the dark places they continued to slip to. He would focus on the fight and every punch he landed. He had trained for this, his body was ready for this, his mind was ready for this… He just needed to keep his thoughts centered and in the present.

  The door squeaked.

  “They’re ready for you,” said Jim, his trainer and manager. Jim knew Aaron well, knew his moods and his routine before every fight. He knew not to go on and on, because Aaron wouldn’t hear him. Aaron wanted quiet, with no one in his face.

  He fisted his hands again, feeling the wraps snug, protecting his callused skin. His bare chest and abs were smooth, and he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror by the door. He was toned, hard. His bare feet were shoved into sandals, his red shorts low on his hips, a black robe resting over his shoulders. He slung his arms into it, knowing the routine.