Stolen Course

by Aly Martinez

  I watch as she paces the sidewalk in front of my truck for twenty minutes. I’m not about to leave her here, but I’m absolutely not willing to plead for her to come home. I’ll make sure she’s safe, but that’s about all I have in me right now.

  I instantly recognize the BMW that pulls up. Brett’s tall body unfolds out then rounds the hood of my truck. He’s got that fucking look in his eye. He’s always pissed at me about something, but he can just take a number and get in line as far as I’m concerned today.

  Brett leans in the passenger’s side door. “You want to tell me why you are here sitting in your truck but Jesse just called me to come pick up your pregnant girlfriend?”

  “Nope,” I answer shortly, not taking my eyes off Emma as she heads for his car.

  “Jones, I don’t know what is going on with your two. This hot-and-cold bullshit has got to stop. You two are having a baby. This is bigger than Sarah. Whatever spat you two had—”

  Just as Emma closes the door to his car, I swing my head over to face him. “I asked her to marry me, and she said no.”

  “Shit!” He begins cussing under his breath.

  “I’m not doing this again. I’m not starting this cycle of hell all fucking over again.”

  “She’s not Manda, Caleb,” he whispers, looking back to make sure her door is really closed.

  “No. She’s carrying my child. It’s worse,” I say before putting the truck into reverse, forcing him to back away or get run over.

  “SO YOU remember a few months ago when you two decided to get together and I said I didn’t want any part of it?” Brett says, climbing into the car.

  “Not now. I called Jesse. I didn’t expect her to send you.”

  “She had a class. But that’s not what I was going to say. I’m glad she called me. I can actually fix this situation.”

  I bark out a laugh. It’s going to take way more than anything Brett can provide to fix this.

  “I’m pretty sure there is no magic fix for this one. He left me. That is more than enough to secure his spot on my shit list. I had a bad feeling about today. I was scared something was going to be wrong with the baby. I’ve been sick about it all morning, and he knew it too. Yet he still got his panties in a bunch over something stupid that could have been discussed at home and walked out, leaving me to deal with my fears completely on my own.”

  “Is everything okay? I mean, with the baby?” he asks, looking over with immediate concern.

  It only intensifies the pain in my chest. Here is my ex-brother-in-law, worried about my baby, but Caleb didn’t even care enough to ask in the two sentences we exchanged in his truck.

  “Yeah, he or she is fine. Everything looked good and measured right on track. I was nervous for no reason, but he shouldn’t have left me like that.”

  “No, he shouldn’t have. That was a dick move. However, I heard he proposed.”

  I begin to laugh manically. “Is that what he told you? That he proposed? Now that’s a fucking joke.”

  “He said he proposed and you said no.” Brett looks over at me in confusion.

  “Of course I said no. I’m not marrying him because he feels obligated because I’m pregnant. Oh, and let me tell you how he proposed.” I put on my best deep asshole voice to mimic his. “‘Emma, we really need to get married.’ In the middle of a fucking doctor’s office. It was so fucking romantic my heart almost exploded out of my chest,” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

  “Jesus Christ, Jones.” Brett drops his head back against the headrest.

  “So, yeah. Damn straight I said no.”

  “Would you have said yes if he’d done the whole one-knee-and-ring thing?”

  “No! I’m sorry, but when I finally get married, I want the man to marry me, not because he feels like it’s his duty. ‘Oh, you knocked her up. Better put a ring on it.’ This isn’t 1950!” I scream, taking my frustration out on the completely wrong man.

  “I hear you, Em. But I don’t think you have the full picture. Caleb is my best friend, but Jesus Christ, he can be a pouty asshole when he wants to be. Just ignore that part until you hear his reasons. Has he ever told you about his relationship with Manda?”

  I roll my eyes. Of course Brett is going to take Caleb’s side. “I guess he’s mentioned her a time or two,” I say in a bitchy tone while looking anywhere but at Brett.

  I wish he would just take me home already. Home. Do I even have one of those anymore? It used to be with Caleb, but I can’t go back there tonight.

  “Do you know about the part where he proposed to her almost daily and she always said no?”

  My head immediately swings over to face him. “What?” I ask in disbelief. “I thought they were engaged?”

  “Yeah. Manda agreed to marry him, but she would never set a date. She just wouldn’t commit. It ate away him. Then the night of the accident, she agreed to talk about it and possibly even set a date, but he lost her before they had the chance.”

  “Why wouldn’t she commit?” I whisper.

  “Oh, I have no idea, and neither does Caleb.”

  “Damn.” I lean back, feeling a twinge of guilt, but only a twinge. That sucks, but what he had with Manda is very different than what we have.

  “Yeah, it did a number on him. He always wanted a wife and a family, that whole white-picket-fence thing, but Manda just wouldn’t settle down.”

  “That’s not my fault though. I can’t be expected to marry him just because she wouldn’t. And I sure as hell am not going to accept him acting like a child at my expense either.” The anger bubbles back up. And whatever guilt I did feel all but disappears.

  “Shit, Emma. You are just as stubborn as he is. No, you don’t deserve his bullshit, especially not right now.” His eyes drop down to my stomach. “However, you do need to cut the man some slack. You struck a seriously painful nerve with him today.”

  I sit quietly, not responding. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, but no matter what Brett says, I won’t be made to feel guilty about this. I did nothing wrong. I love Caleb, but I refuse to let him take his issues with Manda out on me.

  Brett finally starts the car and begins to pull out of the parking lot. “By the way, I think it’s hilarious that you would think Caleb is noble enough to marry you just because you’re pregnant. He’s a good guy, but not that good. If he said anything to you about marriage, it’s because he wants to marry you. That’s a really big deal to him—as it should be.”

  “I’m not her,” I say under my breath.

  “Emma, no matter how much you try to avoid it, Caleb’s past is going to affect you. He is who he is today because of his time with Manda. The same way I am who I am with Jesse because of my time spent with Sarah. Trust me. That was harder for me to accept than anyone else.” This time, it’s Brett who looks out the side window, seemingly lost in his past. A few seconds later, he continues. “He loves you, Em. Baby or not. Caleb wouldn’t fight for you if he didn’t.”

  “Yeah, he was really fighting for me today when he walked out on me.”

  “Sometimes you have to fight down the demons before you can help the angels,” he says, causing the tears to spill over my eyes. “I wouldn’t trade a single second of my life with Jesse, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with the way things went down with Sarah. Give him a break. I’m not telling you to forgive him. I’m just asking you not to give up on him.”

  “Are you happy?” I find myself asking.

  “Extremely,” he answers quickly and confidently.

  “I know I’ve said it before, but I still stand by it—Jesse is amazing.” I wipe away the tears from my face.

  “You have no idea the depths of that woman’s heart. And speaking of, I’m under direct orders to take you back to our place. She should be back by now. I think she’s already got Kara and the entire chocolate section at Nell’s on the way over too.” Now this makes me smile.

  “That sounds fantastic.” I’m ready to change the topic. This
is entirely too deep for us. Brett and I joke and laugh, not talk about the moments that will define our futures. “Hey, look! I’ve got ultrasound pictures.” I drag them out of my purse.

  He plucks them from my hand as he pulls up to a stoplight. “Aw, look! It has Caleb’s black-and-white lines,” he says with a laugh that has me joining him for a much-needed break from the heaviness.

  “Thank you.” I smile at him, and we both know that I mean it for more than just a ride home.

  “Any time, Em. Any time.”

  NOTHING HAS been the same since that day at the doctor’s office. I stayed with Jesse and Brett for a night, then another night at my old apartment that I never even got to share with Sarah. But finally, I had to go back to Caleb’s.

  It’s been three weeks, and with the exception of ‘can you pass the salt’ conversation, we don’t even speak. It’s awkward at best. I’ve cried myself to sleep more times than I can even count over the last few weeks, and if it weren’t for Sarah, I would be gone. Hunter wants me to come home. Even Alex asked me to move back. I can’t leave again though. He might have been able to leave me, but I won’t take his child away from him. No matter how much he doesn’t want it. Caleb may not be on my list of favorites right now, but I’ll still love him eternally. I don’t even have a choice about that.

  I’m not used to these feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. I’ve never been like this about a man before. I’ve also never been pregnant before either. It’s more than that though. Pregnancy might be expanding the seven hundred emotions, but they all have the same origin—a gorgeous man who’s covered in tattoos and has the most brilliant blue eyes I’ve ever seen. The man who made me want to fight for forever. The same man who is too preoccupied to even realize that I’m still fighting for us.

  Caleb stays gone almost every night until ten or eleven p.m. I was really worried at first, until one night when I was driving home from Kara’s house and saw his truck sitting at the cemetery. And because insecurity is not a pretty color on me, I drove past and checked the following three nights in a row. He is always there. I don’t want to be jealous. I said that I would always respect his past, but watching him run to her tears me open. I have given myself a million pep talks in the mirror about how strong I am and how every single moment of this self-imposed separation from Caleb shouldn’t be complete agony. I don’t need him…right? But no matter how hard I try, I can’t lie to myself. This is absolute hell.

  As my eight a.m. alarm begins buzzing in my ear, I silently beg for the clock to turn back an hour. I need to get up and meet with a Realtor. Jesse found a lead on a building near Nell’s, the coffee shop where she used to work. I need a studio so I can really expand my business. But damn, I’m exhausted. I fell asleep fully dressed last night after a four-hour-long photo shoot for the local college. I hit the snooze button, but as soon as I doze back off, my phone begins to ring.

  “May I please speak to Emma Erickson?”

  “That’s me,” I say, desperately wanting to roll back over and go to sleep.

  “Hi, Emma. This is Lynn, Dr. Parker’s nurse. I was wondering if you would be able to come in this morning for an ultrasound?”

  “Huh?” I ask, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “Why this morning? My next appointment isn’t for another week.”

  “Yes, I’m aware. However, your blood work we took last week has a few unexpected markers. I’m sure it’s nothing, but we would love if you could come in and let us take a look at your baby. You haven’t had an ultrasound in several weeks. We would like to check on the baby’s heart now instead of waiting until your twenty-week appointment.”

  “Oh, God. Is something wrong?” I question as fear consumes me.

  “No, I’m not saying that at all. All I am saying is your blood work came back with a few abnormalities. We would like you to come in this morning so we can talk a quick peek and make sure everything is okay.” Her words do nothing to reassure me.

  Numbness overtakes my body. This may not be the most expected pregnancy, but I unquestionably love my baby, and I know somewhere deep down Caleb does too. My heart begins to race as I rub my small bulge. My mind frantically tries to think of every possible outcome, but I feel like I’m in the dark. I don’t even know what ‘markers’ are, but based on this phone call, I know they terrify me.

  “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

  I ARRIVE home, walking on cloud freaking eleven (nine isn’t even high enough today). I’m still mad at Caleb, and I hate that he wasn’t there for me again today, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask him to come to the appointment with me. I was too scared that he would say no. I couldn’t handle his rejecting me this morning, so I went alone instead. Apparently, those ‘markers’ the nurse mentioned on the phone were indicators of several possible birth defects. I can’t thank God enough that they didn’t tell me that until after they told me that our baby looked okay. However, the sense of relief I felt in that moment still has me reeling. So what did I do? I went out and spent a hundred bucks on groceries and cooked a huge-ass steak dinner to celebrate.

  When Caleb walks in, I could care less that he is still a selfish prick. I just want some company at my party.

  “Hey!” I shout across the loud music blasting from my iPad.

  “What are you doing?” he asks, obviously bewildered.

  “Dancing!” I spin in a circle that would have had him laughing his ass off weeks ago.

  “Well, can you turn it down? I need to do some work and get some sleep,” he replies, absolutely dumbfounding me.

  “What happened to you?” I snap in his direction. “Where did the funny guy that I fell in love with go? You are always just a fucking dick now, Caleb.”

  “You want to know what happened, Emma?” The cold chill of my real name rolling off his tongue makes me flinch. I’m always Emmy or sweetheart, but for the last few weeks, I’ve just been Emma. “I asked you to marry me and you said no.” He pauses for a beat before roaring, “I won’t beg another woman to marry me!”

  “You wouldn’t have to beg if I thought it was really me you wanted to marry!” I scream right back at him. “I’m not Manda!”

  “You don’t get it.” He begins to walk away.

  “And here we are again. You get pissed and walk away. Am I responsible for your baggage with Manda? Jesus Christ. Look at us, Caleb! We live under the same roof, but that is all. Well guess what? Denial doesn’t change the fact that there will be a baby here in few months. Damn it, Caleb. Grow up! At some point, you have to let go and start healing. I have no idea what the hell happened at the doctor’s office, but is it worth all this?”

  “Oh don’t give me that, Emma. You ignore me just as much as I do you. This is the first time you have spoken to me in weeks, and it’s only so you can bitch about what a dick I am.”

  “Can you blame me? I cry myself to sleep every night while you sit completely unreachable only fifteen feet away. Well, that is if you are even home.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I always come home. It’s not like I’m out trolling the bars.”

  “I know you go to Manda’s grave every night. Avoiding me and our life together in the here and now, all while engrossing yourself in the past. I swore I would never have an issue with your past, but up until now, you have never made me feel like the other woman. However, despite all of that, I’m still standing here because I fucking love you, and we have a child, even if you do avoid it at all costs.”

  “We don’t have a child yet, so stop acting like it’s toddling around in the den while I ignore it,” he responds so fast it makes my head snap.

  “Oh really? We don’t have a child yet?” I stand up from the chair and pull my dress shirt tight against my stomach. “What the hell do you call this then?” I rub my rounding belly. I walk over to my purse, remove this morning’s ultrasound picture, and slap it down on the table. He stares for a minute at the image but doesn’t make a single move to pick it u
p. “Because I call that your son.”

  I can’t take it anymore. I turn and walk away, leaving Caleb and an “It’s a boy!” ultrasound picture alone in the kitchen. Fuck him for ruining this for me.

  I CAN hear my pulse in my ears as Emma storms off, leaving me with the weird black-and-white image of our…son? I can’t even begin to contain my rage as I stomp down the hall after her.

  “You found out the sex of the baby today without even telling me you had a doctor’s appointment?!” I stop at her—our—bedroom door.

  “After the way you acted last time, I didn’t exactly think you would care,” she smarts back while slipping off her shoes and sliding on her favorite flip-flops.

  “Wow, okay. So are you just doing this entire pregnancy on your own now?”

  “That’s the way if feels.” She turns away from me and takes off her dress shirt before pulling on her favorite T-shirt.

  “Well I sure as hell can’t be involved if you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on. I’m not a mind reader.”

  She lets out a loud sigh but finally turns to face me. “Look, I’m sorry. They called me this morning saying I needed to come in. My blood work had a few markers for birth defects so—”

  “What?” I interrupt as my face goes pale. Things might be rocky with me and Emma right now, but that is my baby she is carrying. I must look pretty worried, because for the first time in weeks, she steps up to hug me.

  “No, it’s fine. He’s fine. The ultrasound ruled out any defects. It was just precautionary.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask as I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

  “Yeah, I’m positive. We got the all-clear. He’s perfect.” She holds me tight around the waist. With the relief still sliding through me, I put my arms around her shoulders and pull her flush against my body.

  We stand in silence, just enjoying the moment of closeness.

  “Why do you go to Manda’s grave?” she asks into my chest, not stepping away but not looking up at me either.