Up in the Air

by Rebecca Sharp

  “And?”

  “You don’t see?” She stepped closer to me. “You’ve been holding onto the past for so long and now, the only thing on your mind is your future – with Channing. It’s silly, but as your mom, I just felt like you’ve been stuck – you were stuck after last year, you were stuck when you came here. And then you met her. And now, the thought that tomorrow is your last day as a competitive snowboarder – that after tomorrow you will be retiring – hasn’t even crossed your mind.” Her smile grew bigger. “I’m sure whatever happened between you two, you’ll figure it out. You’ve always been so empathetic, Wyatt, always so good at reading people’s feelings and knowing just what to do about them; I don’t need to tell you that or give you advice. I just wanted to make sure you see just how far you’ve come and that I will always support you wherever you decide to go from here.”

  She was right. I hadn’t even thought about this weekend as the end of my career. I couldn’t even remember the last time it had crossed my mind. Before Channing, ironically ‘B.C.,’ it was all I could think about. Dreading either retirement or having to explain once again why I was continuing to pursue competing instead of going out on top. In this moment, I was excited for tomorrow because it was no longer an end, but a beginning.

  “Thanks, mom.” I hugged her again, letting her faith in me and the change in my perception sink in.

  I was going to fix this because I gave myself no other option. But I wasn’t going to fix it tonight. If she needed to compete tomorrow for herself – to help deal with her brother being gone – I wasn’t going to fuck with that.

  But she better believe that as soon as her feet left that board tomorrow, I would be in front of her and on my knees, asking her to still be mine.

  Chapter 32

  Channing

  When you're a mountain person, you understand the brilliance and beauty in contradiction. The way the land and snow can be your greatest teacher. How something can be both grounding yet elevating, intoxicating yet soothing, wild yet serene, demanding yet patient.

  I stood at the top of the slope, waiting for the rider ahead of me, McManus, to finish his run before it was my turn.

  My brother and my sister were both at the bottom cheering me on; I’d come downstairs this morning to see them in a tearful embrace, Ally just realizing that Chance was back. I guess that even though her voicemail had been the reason he returned, he hadn’t seen her.

  I assumed Wyatt was down there, too. He’d already won Big Air with the quad cork and his Slopestyle run had been no less flawless. I woke up to a text from him this morning – a simple: ‘I need to talk to you afterwards. I love you.’ I knew he would be there watching, that he would be there for me in spite of what I’d done.

  And we would talk, but there was something that I needed to do first – something for him, but also for myself. So, I left the message without responding, jetting out of the house early to hang with Emmett and Nick until my run. I didn’t want to see Wyatt or talk to him before because I didn’t want to lose my nerve – and I also didn’t have the right words to be able to tell him what he needed to be shown.

  I needed him to see that I did trust him and that he was so much more important to me than any of this – the Games, winning, even snowboarding. He was everything.

  In this moment, like the mountain, I was a contradiction as well. I was broken yet whole. I was imperfect yet perfect. And I was going to win even when I lost.

  The announcer droned on like white noise through my helmet and I knew he was announcing me – announcing Chance. I moved up to the top of the trail, tightening the straps on my bindings one more time, snapping my helmet on, and tugging my neck-warmer up over my face.

  I’d talked to Chance – told him what I was going to do – to make sure that he was ok with it since it was technically him competing after all. Like I figured, he hadn’t cared.

  The buzzer sounded and I knew it was time.

  Dropping onto the slope, I kept it simple over the rails, gearing up for the big part of my run. The first kicker approached and I pulled another perfect double just like yesterday. Now, it was time for the real show. The second jump came in slow motion and everything that Wyatt had taught me resounded in my mind and my muscles. It was nothing like the last time I’d attempted this in competition. My nerves were calm because they weren’t listening to me; they were listening to Wyatt – moving according to his instruction as I took off, twisting and flipping through the air. One. Two. Three rotations.

  Smack! My board landed confidently on the snow and I heard the crowd cheering below.

  ‘Backside triple cork 1440!’ The announcer roared over the speakers.

  I approached the third jump.

  I crouched down, gaining speed and flying off into the air,

  And I did nothing.

  I savored the weightlessness, the nothingness of being completely still. I knew the judges and the crowd were probably watching in complete shock as I attempted no trick on the last kicker of the run – ensuring a huge loss in points. But that wasn’t enough. I came back down to earth and as my board touched the snow, I gracefully let my balance slip towards the heel-edge of my board, tipping me back until my butt landed on the cold snow. I let myself fall further onto my back, spinning and sliding down the rest of the slope.

  All the while, I was laughing. I was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t hear the announcer even if I wanted to. My face hurt from my smile being so large.

  If they had cameras on me, the crowd probably thought I was insane; I’d just completely tanked my run and I was laughing and crying like I’d taken the win.

  The funny part was, I was laughing and crying because I had.

  Today, losing became the most important thing. In order to win, I needed to lose.

  And I had. I’d lost the competition, but I’d won myself. I’d broken the cycle. I’d won out over my fear of being a failure. And most of all, I’d won Wyatt.

  Finally coming to a stop, I began to push myself up only to be swarmed by the paramedics, thinking that I must have injured myself from the way that I’d fallen and then stayed down.

  It certainly wasn’t comfortable, but I was fine.

  “Don’t move! Don’t move your head.” The one paramedic instructed me. “You could have a concussion.”

  I opened my mouth to tell them that I was fine, but before I could get the words out Wyatt was there.

  “Move!” He yelled, pushing the smaller EMT out of the way; he protested but the look Wyatt gave him sent him into silence. “Channing, are you ok?”

  He unhooked my helmet, his warm hands tugging down my neck-warmer. “Tell me you’re ok, gorgeous.”

  “Yes, I’m fine. I fell on purpose, Wyatt; I’m fine.” I hadn’t thought that the EMT’s would come. Maybe my fall had been a little too dramatic. “I’m sorry. I’m fine.”

  “I’ve got her,” he said curtly to the two men in red who were watching intently. He unstrapped my boots from my board.

  “I’ll take that.” Chance’s voice resounded behind Wyatt, who turned and was probably shocked to see that my missing twin had returned. Chance grabbed my board with a small nod of what looked like approval and then walked off into the crowd.

  By now, the cameras had moved off to the next rider, which meant that when I sat up and pulled off my helmet and goggles, only those in the immediate vicinity were greeted with the female who’d just competed in the Men’s Slopestyle competition.

  “Let’s get you out of here.” Wyatt hoisted me into his arms and carted me off to the side of the slope. I let out a slight squeal, burying my face into his chest as we disappeared through the crowd over to the neighboring slope that was closed after the skiing event held their earlier.

  He gently set me down on my feet. My heart skipped a beat when he didn’t let go of me.

  “I’m sorry, Wyatt. I’m sorry for not telling you. I’m sorry for not believing you,” I blurted out, my apolo
gy spilling from me like water from a faucet. “I hung onto this competition like it was all I had, when it ceased to mean much to me weeks ago. I hung onto it because I was afraid to let go; I was afraid of falling for you.” My hands gripped into his jacket, pulling me even closer to him. “You were right yesterday; I didn’t trust you to love me and not leave me. More than that, I didn’t trust that there was more to me than this competition and then when I realized that there was – that there was you – I fought it, afraid you would disappear like Chance did.”

  “Fuck, Channing, no.” His hands came up to the sides of my face. “I was an idiot yesterday. God, you were afraid that I would leave and that’s exactly what I fucking did.” My heart wanted to explode with how much I loved the man who insisted on punishing himself for me. “I was angry and hurt, but I shouldn’t have said what I did; I didn’t think that you were more concerned about this than you were about me. I was just… an ass.”

  “You are not an ass.” I laughed through the happy tears that had begun to fall.

  At least he cracked a smile when he began to disagree with me. “No, I was. I was and I plan on making it up to you every single day from now on.” His thumb brushed a tear off my cheek. “I plan on showing you every day just how fucking stuck with me you are.”

  A watery laugh erupted from my lips again. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, gorgeous,” he growled and his lips crushed mine.

  I melted against him – against his love, his warmth, his safety, and into our future. His tongue claimed every inch of my mouth and I drew him in, wanting more of him. When we finally broke for a breath, I was jealous of the air that passed through his lips, that was how consumed I was by this man.

  “You’ve shredded me, gorgeous. Absolutely fucking shredded…” he whispered against my lips and I smiled back.

  “You’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Milk-Frother,” I teased, earning me another one of his thigh-clenching growls.

  “Careful, Channing. You use that too much and soon, you’re going to be stuck as Mrs. Milk-Frother.”

  I sucked in a breath, my pulse racing. Had he… Was he… “Soon?” I squeaked out.

  “Told you I wasn’t leaving you, gorgeous. Soon.”

  I sighed into him, murmuring, “Well then, soon isn’t soon enough.”

  I didn’t even get the groan this time before he kissed me again, his arms locking my body flush against his. I pushed myself further into his delicious kiss, feeling even through all the layers of snow gear, how hard he was. And knowing, underneath all my layers, how wet I was.

  “We should get going,” he rasped against my lips. Yes, home. To a bed. To each other. “My family and your sister… and brother… are probably looking for us.”

  Crap. I’d forgotten about Chance and that I’d forgotten to explain how Chance had returned. For now, at least.

  His arms relaxed around me. “I have one more question, gorgeous.” His brow furrowed and I assumed he was going to ask about my brother – and why he had come back. “What were you thinking out there?” he asked hoarsely, nodding towards the slope we’d exited minutes ago.

  Guilt rushed through me again. I hadn’t expected that they would think I was injured and send the EMTs over; I thought I’d executed my fall as pretty overtly purposeful. “I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I didn’t mean to worry you – or anyone. I didn’t even think that they would send the first aid crew out. I thought it was obvious that I did it on purpose.”

  He shook his head. “Not that. I knew that you fell on purpose – it was obvious.” He chuckled.

  Oh. Now it was my turn to look confused. “I don’t understand.”

  “Why you fell on purpose is less obvious, gorgeous, and that’s what I want to know.” His tortured stare met mine. “You worked so hard and you were killing it out there; I wanted you to place, Channing. I was rooting for you knowing that you wanted this so badly even in spite of what happened between us, and yet you tanked your last two jumps. Why? Why did you fall, gorgeous?”

  I blinked up at him, finally finding the words so that he would understand – echoing the story he’d told me weeks ago at the top of the mountain. “Because, Wyatt,” I whispered, “some people are worth falling for.”

  By the time we walked off of the slope, most of the crowd had dissipated with the events done for the day. I pulled out my phone and texted Ally.

  “Looks like everyone is back at our house,” I read, “celebrating your win… without you.” We both laughed. As much as I wanted to celebrate in private with him, this was a big day not just for us, but for his whole family and he deserved to enjoy it with everyone.

  As we walked through the resort, the TVs blared with the news that Wyatt Olsen had taken the gold yet again in both Big Air and Slopestyle. Everyone was speculating on retirement, but he hadn’t confirmed because he’d been with me.

  “I’m going to tell everyone tonight.” He opened the passenger side door of the Range Rover for me; it looked like Chance had taken not just my board, but also my car back to the house.

  “The news?”

  “No, I’ll do that tomorrow. Tonight I just want to be for us.” My lip caught between my teeth as I smiled.

  “Have you told Zack that you are moving here?”

  He shook his head. “Not yet. Guess there are a few things I need to share with everyone tonight.” We held hands as he drove towards my house. “So your brother came back?”

  Oh, right. I nodded. “He showed up at the house last night – just in time, you could say. I guess Ally called him and told him what I was doing; she was pretty upset when I told her that I thought it would be too risky to leave the competition.”

  “What did he say?” Wyatt asked quietly.

  “All the right things – for me… for us… that is.” I sighed. Chance had changed – and not just physically; he’d changed the moment that he’d been injured. The brother that I’d grown up with wasn’t the same person that he’d been a few months ago and truth be told, I didn’t know if things between us would still be the same. “After his injury, he said he saw the cycle that I was in and he thought that if he stayed, it would be one that I would never make it out of.”

  “That’s not the only reason.”

  “I know. But it’s the only one he was willing to give…” I looked out the window, sadness seeping through me.

  Wyatt squeezed my hand. “Everybody deals with things in their own way, gorgeous. I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

  I hoped so, I thought as we turned into the drive. The house was lit up and alive – for the first time in months – and it felt really good to be home.

  “Channing! Wyatt!” Ally’s shriek was all the announcement that we needed as we walked into the house. Inquisitive eyes peered at us from the kitchen.

  Our hands were still locked tight as we joined the whole group – Ally, Zack, Wyatt’s parents, Nick, Emmett, Tammy, and Chance.

  “Congratulations, sweetheart!” Mary Olsen embraced her son and it was the only legitimate reason I would accept for him letting go of my hand.

  At the same time, Ally skipped up to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

  “Are you ok?! I was so worried,” she gushed into my ear. “Chance told me right away that you’d fallen on purpose, but I was still scared.”

  I laughed. “Yes, it was on purpose and yes, I’m fine.” I pulled back. “I can’t believe you called Chance.” My eyes narrowed even though I wasn’t really that mad.

  Which was a good thing since she replied unapologetically, “Well, you weren’t thinking. And you were so happy, Chan. That night before I told you Wyatt might be leaving, that was the happiest I’d ever seen you; I didn’t want you to lose that because you thought you had no choice.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered and she nodded, turning to grab her beer as we both tried to blink back tears.

  “If I could have everyone’s attention.” Wyatt’s voice boomed across the lull of the
conversation. “I just want to thank you all for coming to be with me… to be with us tonight. I’m sure you’ve heard on the news, but I wanted to tell all of you first. I’ve decided that this was my last competition.” His eyes flicked to me and I warmed all over with excitement.

  “Yes, I am finally retiring,” he joked and a soft laugh spread through the rest of us as we continued to listen. “I am retiring because I’ve decided to start a winter sports school. Here.” I immediately looked to Zack, seeing the surprise register on his face, and not miss the way Emmett’s face darkened at the revelation. “I don’t want this to just be any private school, but one where we also focus on cultivating the students’ skills on the mountain.” He turned to face me and my face began to redden before he even spoke my name. “My gorgeous girlfriend, Channing, has already agreed to help me in my venture and now that the news is out, I know some of you will be hearing from me in the near future. But, I wanted to tell you now and thank you for all of your support up to now and into the future that I am very excited about.”

  I wiped away a stray tear as the group clapped and cheered. Wyatt pulled me against him and gave me a quick, hard kiss.

  “Last,” he continued and I wondered what more he could have to say, “I thank you for all of your congratulations, but I would like to redirect them to the amazing woman standing next to me right now.”

  Oh boy. My face was on fire.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Channing Ryder – the first woman to ever successfully land a backside triple cork in competition.” Now the hoots and hollers were obnoxious – especially from Emmett and Chance. “Zack.” he nodded to his brother, who stepped forward and handed him something. He couldn’t be proposing. He just joked about it earlier – there was no way. Still, my racing heart came to a screeching stop. He turned to me.

  “Channing, you have worked relentlessly and uncompromisingly over the past few weeks to nail that jump. You have been my inspiration for so many things, but not the least of which has been your dedication to bettering yourself.” I wiped tears that kept falling from my eyes, my hand pulling my sleeve over my knuckles and then up in front of my mouth. “Your run yesterday was flawless and your run today would have been, too, had that been what you wanted. You are one of the most talented snowboarders I’ve ever met and even if you had finished your pass today, you would not have been the one to get credit for it. Which is why…” he trailed off as he pulled the arm he had around me away, glancing down to whatever was in his hand, slowly unwrapping the cloth covering it.