Holding

by Jillian Quinn

  He should come with a warning: Standing too close may cause ovaries to combust spontaneously. Too sexy for words and so undeniably hot, I want to touch Shawn every time he is near. I have to keep my hands to myself.

  How the hell am I going to make it until the end of the school year with Shawn staring at me as if I’m his entire world? He doesn’t even know me well enough to look at me this way. But he does, and it only makes me like him more. One kiss. That’s all I’d ever wanted. He knows the truth but cannot prove it. Anything more than me being his tutor would serve as too much of a distraction for us both.

  Shawn remains quiet, which is odd because he always has something to say. Unsure of how to react, I step onto the bus and flash a quick smile in his direction. Not until I reach the back of the bus do I realize why Shawn was so silent. He strolls down the center aisle, his eyes fixed on me the entire time, with a smirk that provokes the strangest urge inside me.

  Even at his size, he’s so graceful and confident, moving with a purpose, as his thick muscles flex beneath his leather jacket. It’s hard not to stare at every inch of this man and too tempting not to study every sculpted curve. He’s a big guy with some meat on him, but in my eyes, Shawn is perfection.

  I let out an exasperated sigh. My heart pounds in my chest, threatening to claw its way out. Every nerve ending in my body comes to life all at once, summoned by the deep hunger for Shawn that aches inside me.

  Nonchalant, he settles into the seat next to me, acting as though he belongs on this bus and that he does this each day with me. It feels so right with him at my side. I have to stop being a coward and tell him I’m the girl, so we can get that part out of the way and finish what we had started at the party.

  Shawn slides across the bench until our thighs touch, and the heat from his body sets my skin on fire. “Funny seeing you here.”

  How can he be so cool and laid back when I’m about to jump out the window? He’s the epitome of cool, and I’m a nervous wreck. This is so not fair.

  I laugh at his comment, and he follows suit.

  “What are you doing, Finch?” I attempt to tap him on the arm with my hand, but he acts fast and grabs hold of my fist before I can land the punch.

  Clutching my hand in his, he rubs his calloused thumb along my soft skin, drawing my attention to how different we are in every way. “My name is Shawn, remember? I don’t want you to call me Finch.”

  “I forgot. I’m so used to everyone calling you that.”

  “As I said before, you are not everyone else.”

  I try my best not to roll my eyes at him and fail. “You’re impossible.”

  He shrugs. “I’ve been called worse.”

  Sucking in a deep breath, I glance out the window for a few seconds to give myself a break from our staring contest. When Shawn looks at me, he studies me to the point that I wonder if I have something on my face. He doesn’t miss a single freckle or a pimple with how hard he analyzes me. Shawn is waiting for me to confess. It’s only a matter of time before I accidentally confirm his suspicions.

  What would happen if he knew the truth? Could we be together? Would everything change between us? I don’t want that. Even though this is all new, I like the man I am getting to know through our tutoring sessions, and I don’t want to mess this up.

  After the bus sets off down Broad Street, I muster up enough courage to break the awkward silence between us. “How come you followed me onto the bus?”

  He slides his arm across the back of the bench as if this is also normal, and his fingers linger at the nape of my neck. “Because I told you I would take you home, and I meant every word. What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t keep my promise?”

  “You offered to take me home, and I declined. Big difference.” A wicked grin turns up the corners of my mouth.

  I expect him to say something sarcastic in response. Instead, Shawn takes his other hand and raises it to my face. My skin tingles with each stroke of his thumb, putting me at ease. He has this way about him that causes me to lower my guard around him. When we’re together, he’s just Shawn, the guy who needs a tutor to graduate and is desperately trying to fit in. I love this side to him.

  “Are you always this difficult?” His steel blue eyes pierce a hole through mine, luring me further into his trap.

  “Are you always this touchy?”

  He stops moving, with his fingers still pressed against my jaw, and a sly smile crosses his lips. “No, but I like touching you. Is this not okay?”

  Unsure of how to respond, I nod my approval.

  His eyes never leave mine, not even for a second. It’s intense and alarming. I want to tell him how much I love his hands all over me, how much I loved the way his tongue felt as it tangled with mine. I still have the sensation that ran through my body with each flick of his tongue against my nipples branded into my mind. I have to live with the memory of our night together and leave it at that. Some things are better left unsaid and in the past.

  Part of me fears that I will ruin my perfect memory if this turns into something more. As much as I would like to give in to Shawn and allow him to consume my entire life, I know he will be here one day and gone the next. I cannot set myself up for the impending failure of what could happen between us. Most of all, I don’t want unwanted attention for the rest of the school year all because I kissed a hot football player.

  We stare at each other until Shawn breaks the silence, snapping me out of my daze. “Do you take the bus every day?”

  “Pretty much. I had a car when my dad was alive. I drove to school for the first year, but the summer of his death, my stepmother sold my car. Now, I take the bus everywhere I go.”

  “She sounds like a bitch.” His mouth opens wide, and he bites down on the corner of his mouth. “I mean…I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

  I push my hand out to stop him from feeling guilty. “You have no idea how much I hate Clarissa. I call her Bitch Mother behind her back. I’m lucky that she gives me enough money to take the bus. With how much time school takes up, it would be impossible to work on top of the list of chores and tasks she has me do in exchange for paying my tuition.”

  He flinches as if hearing this part of my life causes him physical pain. I never tell anyone about my life because I don’t want their pity. People tend to look at me as a charity case or someone they need to help when they find out about Clarissa.

  Instead of a sympathetic look, Shawn’s face remains unreadable. He squeezes my hand tight and mutters, “That sounds brutal. I’m sorry you have to live that way.”

  “It is what it is.” I turn my head to look out the window. “I don’t mind riding the bus. In fact, I enjoy it. This may sound weird, but the ride home is sometimes peaceful after a long day. Plus, I don’t have to drive myself, which makes it even better. I haven’t driven in so long that when I do, it’s nerve-wracking.”

  The city is so full of life at this hour with all the cars zipping past us as we stop to pick up more passengers along the route. People come and go with each stop, but all I see is Shawn.

  I consider myself lucky that Shawn is sitting next to me on the bus, of all places, and offering to walk me home. Things like this never happen to me. What happens when he finds a replacement for his mystery girl and all of this goes away? I would be devastated because I like him more with each second that passes.

  “I can see that.” He still has my hand in his, stroking my skin softly. “Sitting here with you is relaxing. I may even fall asleep before we get to your house.”

  “The bus doesn’t go all the way to my house.”

  “Then, I guess I had better get my beauty sleep so that I can walk you to your door.” He winks at me and leans his head back. “As your new study buddy, I cannot let anything happen to you.”

  “Technically, we are not studying. I am your tutor. You see, there’s a big difference.”

  “How do you figure? You study with me, therefore making us study buddies. My logic is pe
rfect.”

  “Your logic is flawed,” I counter.

  “Know-it-all,” he shoots back.

  I roll my eyes at him in a playful manner. “You’re not cute so stop acting like it.”

  He holds his hand over his heart, pretending as if I offended him. “You don’t think I’m cute? Have any men ever told you that you are bad for their ego?”

  “Nope, that would require me to talk to men.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I suddenly feel like an ass. Because I am comfortable around Shawn, I keep telling him things I would never admit to anyone.

  “Yeah, right. I’m sure tons of guys follow you around campus.”

  I shake my head. “No, I can’t say that they do. Well, if they do, then I don’t know about it, and that’s just a whole other level of weird and creepy.”

  We both smile before we break out into full-blown laughter. Our conversation is so stupid. For the first time in years, I am laughing and happy. And it’s all because of Shawn.

  “I like you, Ella,” he confesses. “I mean…I like being around you. I hope that doesn’t sound too cheesy or stupid.”

  “Shawn, I told you before that you are not stupid. Stop using that word.”

  “This right here,” he says, tipping up my chin with his index finger, “is why I like you.”

  My ovaries just about burst into a thousand pieces from the devilish look he gives me.

  Shawn Finch is one hot ass hunk of man. The electricity that pulses in the air between us is so palpable anyone around us could feel our energy. We have chemistry, something I never thought I’d have with one of the starting players from our football team. Whatever is happening between us is too strong for me to deny. For either of us to deny.

  With his finger touching my chin, Shawn leans in to test the waters. I remain still in my seat, mostly because my brain shuts down and stops functioning once my sex drive kicks in. My breath catches in my throat, causing my lips to part in response.

  Shawn inches forward, our faces now separated by only a few inches. The heat from his mouth brushes my lips, and my nipples harden in response to his proximity. This is so intimate, erotic, and yet we are in the back of a crowded bus, completely unfazed by the people surrounding us.

  Then, it dawns on me that we cannot kiss. One kiss is all it will take for Shawn to know for sure that I am the masked girl from the party. Before I confess, I have to see if there is something more than the sexual chemistry between us. I need to know we have something real and worth exposing to the world.

  He misses the hesitation in my demeanor. Shawn’s hand falls to the back of my head, and his fingers thread through my hair, pulling me closer to him. Our lips are almost touching by the time it hits me we have gone too far. I never know what to say in most scenarios. I am in uncharted water, making me even more unprepared than ever before.

  His lips graze mine, and he’s about to take my bottom lip into his mouth when I blurt, “I’m a virgin!”

  I knew I had to say something that would make me less attractive, but I want to kick my ass for saying something so personal about myself in public. People are now staring us because I was much louder than I had realized.

  He pulls back from me, sinking further into his seat, and his hand lowers from my face in the process. “Huh.” That’s all he says for at least thirty seconds before I begin to panic.

  “Say something,” I command because I have no idea what else there is to say after shouting that I’m a virgin in front of everyone.

  “What’s there to say? You’re a virgin.” His deep voice lowers almost to a whisper. “Are you trying to scare me away? Because it’s not going to work.”

  “I thought you should know, so you don’t have any expectations.”

  “Up until a minute ago, the only expectation I had was that you would kiss me back. I meant it when I said that I like you. Considering we barely know each other, I like you a lot more than I should.”

  “I know what you mean,” I mutter, “because I feel it, too.” My words bring a smile to his handsome face until I finish, “What about your mystery girl? Are you giving up on her?”

  I mention her to see if Shawn is still serious about the other girl. While I feel guilty for not admitting we are the same person, I just told him, along with everyone in Philadelphia that I’m a virgin, to kill the mood. I also did it to keep him from liking me. Too bad my plan backfired. That seems to happen a lot with Shawn.

  Once we reach my second stop, where I have to wait for another bus, Shawn gets up and helps me out of my chair and into the aisle. We walk toward the front with his big hands cupping my shoulders, guiding me to the exit. He makes me feel safe and more secure than I have felt in a while.

  Don’t get used to this.

  The guilt that comes from withholding this information from him cause the bile to rise from my stomach. But I have to keep this to myself, even if it’s only for a short while. The less he knows about me, the better, although I fear I have told him too much.

  Shawn forced himself into my life by joining me for the ride home, and I let him in. Once he sees the other side of me, the girl who cooks and cleans after her evil stepfamily, Shawn will not like the version he has built up in his mind as his perfect girl. I guess I should give him more credit, but it’s hard after having so much heartbreak in my life.

  Shawn thanks the driver as we get off the bus and steers me toward the group of people sitting on benches, either talking amongst themselves or playing on their cell phones.

  “You don’t have to do this,” I say, apprehensive. “I will be okay getting home on my own. It’s freezing outside, the streets are starting to ice up, and I have two more buses until I get to my house.”

  At my side, and standing off to a weird angle, Shawn hooks his arm around me and pulls me into him with the other. “It’s cold, you are not wearing a decent jacket, and there are weirdos out here. I’m walking you to your front door. End of discussion. Try and stop me from getting on each bus with you.” He says the last part under his breath. I already caused a scene once tonight. We don’t need him making another.

  “But I can stop you from walking me home,” I counter.

  “No, you can’t.” He says against the shell of my ear, the warmth of his breath leeching into my cold skin. “Nothing is stopping me from sharing the sidewalk with you.”

  “They have a term for that,” I say, chuckling to myself.

  He tightens his grip around my stomach. “Oh, yeah, and what’s that?”

  I smile up at him. “They call it stalking. If you weren’t failing your law classes, you would know that.”

  He laughs at my comment. “I was right about one thing.”

  “Uh-huh. What were you right about?”

  “You are a know-it-all and a fucking sexy one, too.”

  I don’t mention the mystery girl again, mostly because it’s pointless to lead him in other directions when he was dead right about me all along. Instead, I return his smile and tilt my head back so that our eyes meet in the darkness, enjoying the moment.

  Chapter Ten

  Shawn

  Ella’s house is not a family home but an estate set on a massive lot that spans farther than the eye can see.Tall shrubs wall off each side of the property, serving as an extension of the gate that creates a private oasis. When she said her father was rich, I had no idea she comes from this kind of money. And here I thought Ella was more like me than the rest of the students at Strickland University.

  Well, I suppose the fact she has to take three buses to and from school each day makes her more like me, despite her family’s overwhelming wealth. For rich people, they sure have neglected the place. Even in the dark, it’s easy to see the brick is crumbling in certain places, vines twist up the white pillars that hold up the porch, and the front steps are in desperate need of repair.

  When my foot hits the second step, the wooden board is so loose I almost lose my balance, which causes me to pull Ella tight against my side to ke
ep us both from falling. This place is deceptive. From the street, the grounds and the mansion situated on them remind me of a small palace. But up close, you see all the cracks in the foundation along with every imperfection.

  Ella bites down on her bottom lip, before meeting my gaze. “Thanks again for doing this. I appreciate you walking me all the way to the door. You didn’t have to take this much time out of your schedule just to make sure I got home okay.”

  “I like taking the bus with you. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time,” I confess, meaning every word.

  She taps me on the arm and laughs. “Stop it. We both know that is a lie.”

  I shake my head. “Nope, it’s the truth. It was nice to have someone drive me around for once. I also had the chance to enjoy the company of a beautiful woman. It was a win-win for me.”

  Ella turns her head away from me, her cheeks growing redder by the second. This girl does not know how to take a compliment at all, which makes her even more attractive in my eyes. Most of the chicks I encounter at school fish for compliments, while Ella acts as though she’s never had a guy hit on her in her life. She has no idea how to react whenever I say anything nice about her.

  How is a girl this gorgeous so unaware of her beauty?

  Ella glances at the glass front door, nervous and afraid as if someone is watching us from inside. After hearing stories about her stepmother on the ride here, spying on Ella sounds par for the course. I wish there were another way for her to get what she wants and still have a normal life apart from her family.

  Once her eyes meet mine, she smiles, and I return her sweet gesture. Ella takes my breath away.

  Holding her gaze, I wonder if she will let me kiss her, or if she will blurt out that she’s a virgin again just to keep me from going any further. While I wasn’t the least bit shocked that Ella is so pure, I also wasn’t expecting her to confess something so personal in front of complete strangers. For a girl who seems to have her entire life mapped out, she’s often unpredictable and full of surprises.