Holding

by Jillian Quinn

  My bottom lids well up with tears, and I gasp for air..

  Our entire group moves into the aisle.

  Shawn hooks his arms around his mom and me and plants a kiss on each our foreheads. “My girls. Thank you for everything. I love you both.” He looks as though he’s trying not to cry, so I do it for him.

  “I love you, too, baby,” Grace says, holding him tighter. “I’m so glad you found a good girl who loves you back. All of your dreams are coming true. I’m so proud of you.”

  He kisses her hair this time and whispers, “Thanks, Mom. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  From what Shawn had told me on one of our bus rides home, his mom had worked two jobs over the summer every year just to make sure she’d had enough money for him to play football. Her love and dedication for her son warms my heart, and seeing the two of them together brings more tears to my eyes.

  She deserves a prize for bringing Shawn into this world and raising him to be a good man. He was a mess when we’d first met, but he was always the guy I know. Despite his many flaws, his perfections balance them out, making him the perfect man. Or at least perfect for me.

  Ever since that fateful day at the masquerade party, I knew there was something special about Shawn. Luckily, I was right. My instincts steered me wrong in the past, but they were spot on when it came to my man.

  “I’m so proud of you, Shawn.” I stand up on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek, and he lifts me up in the process, smacking a soft kiss on my lips.

  “You are everything to me, Ella. I love you so fucking much.” He sets me down on the ground, now realizing he needs to get his ass up to that stage to claim his hat that says Philadelphia Eagles on the front.

  “Get up on the stage before they change their minds,” I joke.

  We both laugh for a second, before he turns on his heel and walks away from me. I cry even harder when he fixes the hat on his head and blows me a kiss. I love him so damn much I can’t even comprehend all the emotions that are running through my body.

  Shawn was never afraid to be himself. He was never afraid to make mistakes, take chances, or go all in for something or someone he loves. As much as he claims I helped him, he inspired me to become a different person. Living a life of fear is not living. I had no idea I was dead, hollow, and barely living until Shawn had brought me back to life. He resurrected the girl trapped inside me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ella

  Five months after the draft, Shawn is home for the weekend to play in the upcoming game against the Giants on Sunday. I still know nothing about football, but what I do know is that Philadelphians hate this team, and by association, so do I, even though I could care less. I don’t get the whole rival thing or the intensity that Eagles fans have for their team. All I care is that my man gets some playing time and that his team wins the game. That’s about it.

  But this weekend is sweet for us both, the cherry on top after waiting for our lives to begin. After months of Mrs. F’s lawyers fighting with Clarissa, I finally won the will contest. My father’s estate and everything Clarissa owns now belongs to me—including my house. Moving back, while I get to watch Bitch Mother hang her head in shame as she packs, gives me so much joy.

  “You have five minutes,” I yell up the stairs with my hands on my hips. “Get your ass in gear, Clarissa! Chop, chop! The clock is ticking.”

  Oh, how I have wanted to use her words against her so many times and didn’t have the strength to fight her. I was so weak before I’d met Shawn. After years of Clarissa holding me back and tearing me down, Shawn was the bright light in my dark tunnel. He was always there to lead the way. If someone had told me that in eight months I would be moving back to my parent’s house with the love of my life, I would have said they were crazy.

  I was so defeated, left to feel as though I was worthless during Clarissa’s reign. Shawn built me back up and made me whole again. With Mrs. F’s help, I managed to buy back the shares of my father’s company that Clarissa had sold to investors. Still loyal to my father, the board had no problem making room for me. I’m not ready to run a company or chair a board, but Mrs. F sure as hell is with her tenacity. While I get my life back in order and learn the business, Mrs. F will attend the meetings and cast her vote on my behalf.

  What I cared about most was getting my father’s company back, whether I was in a position of power or not. I’d rather see his Auntie Kay run his company than fight with his former business associates over things I have yet to understand. With time, I will be ready. Until then, I want to enjoy my new life, decorate my house, and make love to Shawn on every surface.

  Shawn comes up from behind me and presses his lips to my neck, causing me to stir in his arms. His breath sends chills down my spine that goes straight to my core. Clarissa and her evil sidekicks need to get the hell out of my house so I can celebrate this moment with Shawn.

  A few minutes later, Natasha comes down the stairs, dragging a suitcase behind her. The wheels bang against the wood with a thud that annoy me. I should say something. But, why bother? They’re doing a walk of shame out of my house and with their heads hung low. Over the years, they won a few battles, but I won the war, and they know it.

  None of them says a word or even glances in my direction as they stomp out the front door with their bags. Shawn and I stand and watch as they walk to their cars. They linger around the three Mercedes they used to drive, cars that now belong to me. Without my father’s money, Clarissa couldn’t afford to hire a moving truck. Most of what she owed she had bought with my money. And my lawyer insisted I keep all of it.

  Clarissa’s lawyer had begged for more. But she never opened her mouth. She stared across the table at me during the hearings with a look that could slice me in half. She always had this way of being menacing without speaking. Even as she exits the house, I still feel her chilly presence. A woman like Clarissa doesn’t need to be heard to be intimidating. I am no longer the scared girl who was too afraid to voice her opinions.

  “How does it feel to be rid of them?” Shawn locks the door behind them and pulls me into his arms. “You’re finally done with Bitch Mother and her little dogs, too.”

  I laugh at his stupidity and reach up to plant a kiss on his lips. Shawn is so damn tall that I have to grab hold of his thick arms and use them to stabilize myself.

  “It feels amazing. If you hadn’t come into my life, who knows where I would be now? I would have lived here until graduation, kept my mouth shut and my head down until I could find a job that paid enough to afford an apartment. I doubt I would have met Mrs. F if I didn’t run out into the garden crying the night of the masquerade party. I wouldn’t have known my great aunt was living next door to me. A lot of things would not have happened if you didn’t come into my life when you did.”

  “You overthink everything, my love. Let’s just live in this moment.”

  “How about we use this moment to christen our new bedroom?” I wiggle my eyebrows at him. “We should probably, you know, test the headboard for safety.”

  “That’s the best idea you’ve had all day.” Shawn lifts me up, as if I weigh nothing, and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

  He takes the stairs two at a time up to the third floor. I’d insisted that we claim the massive bedroom at the end of the hall. It has a large balcony, two walk-in closets, and a bathroom fit for a king. Why Clarissa and her girls hadn’t moved onto this floor had always shocked me. Instead, she’d slept in my parent’s old room, which annoyed me to no end. The third floor was always my haven, even when I felt as though I had nothing left.

  We don’t speak another word until he sets me down on the floor in our bedroom.

  “Take this off.” Shawn tugs at the seam of my shirt and lifts it over my head.

  He kisses his way down my stomach and drops to his knees in front of me, as he flips open the button on my jeans and pulls down the zipper. Taking his time, Shawn sure knows how to tease me. I nee
d him now. The thought of him exploring every inch of my body makes my pulse speed up and my heart pound. I’m drunk on all the adrenaline that rushes through my body, a high that only Shawn can give me.

  Once he finishes the slowest exploration, navigating each curve, I step out of my clothes and kick them to the side. I suck in a deep breath as his hand travels up the inseam of my thigh. He spreads my legs wider, planting soft kisses along my skin as he makes his way to my throbbing core. I grip what I can of his short blond hair in my hands and moan as he slips two fingers inside me. He plunges them so deep that my moans turn to screams, and I fall forward, grabbing hold of his shoulders.

  Unable to take our eyes off each other, he stares up at me as his tongue rolls over my clit. The sensation causes me to suck in a deep breath, and my eyes roll into the back of my head. His fingers move faster, matching the pace of his tongue. My mind shuts down. He doesn’t need to remind me not to think because thoughts and words fail me now.

  After my body convulses, Shawn licks my juices from his lips and comes to a standing, already working on removing his clothes. I watch every move he makes until a pile of clothes is behind him.

  He points at the bed like a caveman and grunts. It’s such a turn on that I do as he says and get comfortable on the mattress. I love when he gets bossy with me in the bedroom. Shawn spreads my legs open and positions himself at my entrance, teasing me as he rubs the head of his cock along my slick folds. He leans forward to kiss me, violently and with so much passion, that I dig my heel into his ass and my nails into his arms, telling him to be rough.

  When Shawn comes home from practices and games, he’s always amped up and still reeling from the adrenaline rush that I almost look forward to that time apart. I get to see this side to my man, the side that knows when to be rough and when to make love to me, the man who satisfies my every desire.

  Shawn pinches my nipple and goose bumps spread down my arms, the sensation further intensifying when he reaches between us to rub my clit, while he fucks me. Responsive to his touch, my body bends to his will, and another orgasm commands control of my body.

  After I come, he pulls out of me, and in one swift motion, he grabs my hips and flips us over so that I am on top of him. He thrusts into me and takes both of my breasts in his hands, massaging them with a seductive look in his steel blue irises. I press my palms to his chest and ride him hard—just the way he likes it.

  It doesn’t take long before my insides tighten around him again. So close, I keep up the pace, and he matches my movements, the two of us working in harmony. Together, we lose control, and he comes just as my body relaxes. He stares into my eyes, and when he leans forward, I meet him halfway. Our lips collide, creating a slow burn beneath my skin. His kisses are passionate and soft but hold the same fire and intensity.

  Once our lips separate, he grazes my cheek with his calloused thumb. “I love you, Ella. I love you so much I have no idea what I would do without you.”

  “I love you, too, Shawn.” I lift my hips and roll onto my side of the bed. It still sounds weird to say my side of the bed. “From the start, everything between us was like a fairy tale.”

  Cuddling up in the nook between his arm and shoulder, I lay my head on his chest and listen to the sound of his heart beating.

  “You know what fairy tales have?” He asks, stroking my hair.

  “No, what?”

  “A happy ending.”

  I peek up at him and smile. “Who are you and what did you do with my boyfriend?”

  “I want to make this official. I think it’s time.” With a good grip on me, he moves us so that he can reach into the nightstand, and to my surprise, he has a blue box in his hand. “I’ve held onto this for a while now. I wanted to wait for the perfect time, but with our lives changing so much and with no real sign of slowing down, I wanted to wait until the timing was perfect.”

  “You know,” I say, “when it comes to timing, ours was always perfect.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” He sits up and props himself up against the headboard. Then, he flips the lid on the box, revealing a massive princess cut diamond.

  I inspect every cut of the ring, wondering why it seems so familiar to me. It’s not until Shawn says, “Mrs. F gave this to me,” that I realize why I know it so well.

  My hand reflexively goes up to my mouth, and I stare at the gem in shock. “How did she get this? I haven’t seen it since I was a child. I’d always assumed that Clarissa had sold it along with everything else.”

  “No, apparently, she didn’t know about the safe deposit box your dad had kept at the bank in your mom’s name. Mrs. F’s lawyers found it.”

  “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me. You two are such sneaks.”

  “I was at Tiffany’s when I found out that she had the ring. Since I know nothing about jewelry or ring sizes, I called her to see what size you wear. That’s when she told me about your mother’s ring. She’d insisted I give it to you instead of buying something that had no real meaning behind it.”

  “This has more meaning than you can even imagine.” I lower my hand from my mouth, and it falls over my heart. I’m having a hard time processing all this at once. The house. Our engagement. Our new life together.

  “True or false?” He says the words with a cocky smirk that sends shivers through me. “You want to marry me.”

  “This is a weird proposal,” I shoot back with a smile that matches his.

  “We’re weird,” he says, holding out the ring for me to see. “And this is our thing. You’re the love of my life, Ella, and I want to spend the rest of it with you.”

  “Yes,” I whisper, “of course, I will marry you.”

  He slides the ring onto my finger, and it fits as if it were made for me. Just like Shawn. We were made for each other. Once our lips meet, I drown myself in Shawn and his kisses. I lose myself and sink into his skin.

  Epilogue

  Ella: One year later

  “Don’t be nervous, my dear,” Mrs. F says, cupping my shoulder with her hand.

  She smiles at me through the mirror attached to the vanity. “It’s not every day that you get to marry the love of your life. You will remember this day forever. I can still recall every detail of my wedding day, and that was a long time ago.”

  Pinning the last curl in place, I return her smile. “I’m not nervous.”

  She shakes her head. “I might be old, but I’m not senile. You cannot fool me.”

  “Okay, fine. I was thinking about tripping on my dress or the caterer not showing up. There are about a thousand things that can wrong.”

  “The wedding is so small that you are worrying yourself for nothing. So what if you trip over your dress. Only Shawn, his mother, and I will see it.”

  “You forgot the minister,” I deadpan.

  “Oh, good. Your sense of humor is finally returning. Stop being so stiff.” She massages my shoulders for a few seconds. “Weddings are stressful, but this one doesn’t have to be. Everything will go smoothly. Just focus on marrying Shawn and leave the worrying to me. I will handle the dinner.”

  With Shawn having almost no time to plan a wedding with his football schedule, I decided to keep our wedding to just family, which meant inviting only the essential two people in our lives. His friends were on the road with their teams, and we didn’t want to wait until everyone’s schedules aligned.

  Consumed with emotions, I squeeze her hand. “Thank you for everything. I always tell Shawn that I have no idea where I would be without him, but I would never have made it to the party without you. All of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last two years happened to me because of you.”

  “No need to thank me. I wish I would have come to your rescue sooner. I will always be sorry for that. In some ways, I feel as though I have failed your father. I was his godmother, the one person in this world who had sworn to protect him, which also meant protecting his child.”

  “You came at the right time. No on
e knew about my living situation. None of it was your fault. I’m just glad that I have you in my life now.”

  “Same here. After my husband’s death, I had no idea how I would find the strength to keep going. But you have kept me going. Seeing you change and grow has been one of the happiest times in my seventy something years.”

  I stand up from the bench, take Mrs. F in my arms, and squeeze the life from her. “I love you, Mrs. F.”

  “I love you, too, my sweet girl, but would you please stop calling me Mrs. F?”

  “Yes, Auntie Kay.” I blush. “I’m still not used to calling you that.”

  “That was what your dad called me when he was a boy. Everyone else had called me Aunt Katherine, which sounded way too formal for my liking.”

  I stand in front of the vanity and run my hand down the front of my dress to smooth out the white fabric. “Well, Auntie Kay, how about you walk me down this aisle and give me away to the man I love?”

  “It truly is my honor to stand in for your father. I would love nothing more than to give you to such a wonderful man. Your dad would have loved Shawn. I can see a lot of similarities between them.”

  I hold out my arm, allowing her to hook hers through mine to escort me out of the bedroom. “My dad would have loved Shawn just as much as I do.” I frown at the thought of my parents missing my big day.

  In some ways, by having our wedding in the gazebo where my parents wed, it’s as if they are here with us today. Every important day in my life has centered on this location. Not only did my parents celebrate their union here, but I also met Mrs. F here the night of the masquerade party. It seems odd to think that a few wooden beams could hold so much meaning in my life.