Because of You

by Julie Cannon

  The scar on her forehead was noticeable, and Kelly felt bad that she hadn’t been able to do more to keep it from scarring so much. It had been all she could do to keep it from getting infected. Barrett had told her about the surgery to fix her hand and repair the damage the bullet had inflicted in her shoulder.

  Kelly knew Barrett blamed herself for leaving her behind. She didn’t, but couldn’t get Barrett to change her thinking. If their roles were reversed, she supposed she’d feel the same. As it was, she owed Barrett her life, which trumped anything and everything else. God, they were both a mess, but all things considered it could have been much worse.

  Barrett opened her eyes and caught her staring at her. She watched as Barrett’s eyes turned from unfocused to smoky to piercing. She wanted to drown in those eyes and let them take away all the pain of the world. Even when they were captives, Barrett had been a steadying force in her life. She hadn’t connected with any of the other hostages in the camps like she had with Barrett. Like now. A certain something about Barrett had inexplicably reached out to her then, and that pull was definitely here now.

  “It’s my turn to ask how you’re doing.”

  “I’m fine. I’m not the one who was just rescued.”

  “But you were not so long ago. Reliving this can’t help but affect you.”

  “You sound like Dr. Hinton.” Barrett frowned.

  Barrett was obviously uncomfortable talking about her experience. “She didn’t divulge any doctor-patient confidence. Even though I’m still not certain which way is up, I can read you pretty well. We didn’t go through what we did together and not share a bond. We depended on each other, and that doesn’t change now that we’re out.” Kelly was surprised at her words. She’d never really thought about it that way, but once the words came out of her mouth she believed them.

  Barrett’s eyes narrowed as if she were looking into her soul. She should have felt uncomfortable, but instead she felt confident—that she could count on Barrett for anything and she would do the same for her. She owed Barrett more than just her life, and she would forever be grateful.

  “It’s only been a few months since you’ve been home,” Kelly added.

  “Actually it’s been closer to six, and thank you for your concern, but I’m fine.” Barrett’s tone said that topic was closed. “This isn’t about me, Kelly, but about you.”

  “I’d hope we’re at least friends, if not more so. After all, it’s as much about you as me. Friends give and take from each other.”

  Barrett smiled. “You’re right. I’m giving and you’re taking. So get used to it.”

  *

  The plane circled Denver International Airport and Kelly’s nerves were on overload. She was going home, a place that, on more than one occasion, she hadn’t thought she’d ever see again.

  The familiar Rocky Mountains were out her window, snow covering every peak. The sky was cloudless and looked just as Kelly had imagined it when she closed her eyes and envisioned herself there.

  “Thank you for arranging this.” They were arriving at the executive terminal, where access was tightly controlled. The last thing she wanted or needed was to deal with the throngs of well-meaning friends and story-seeking media. Barrett smiled and only nodded.

  For most of the flight Barrett had been relaxed and talkative. She’d grown more quiet and introspective the closer they got to their final destination. Barrett said she intended to stay in Denver for a few days to help her get settled, and that she had some business to attend to while she was here. Kelly wasn’t sure the second reason was true but didn’t say anything. She’d always hated confrontations and really hated them now.

  Whether it was because they were at the executive terminal or Barrett’s connections, she was whisked through Customs in record time and within fifteen minutes was sitting next to Barrett in the rear of a black limo on her way home.

  She must have nodded off because the next thing she knew Barrett was waking her. She was warm and comfortable, her pillow soft. As she fought to open her eyes Kelly realized that her pillow was Barrett. When had she scooted over and curled against Barrett? Every time she fell asleep with Barrett nearby, she woke either in her arms or so close to her she could have been in her lap. What was up with that?

  Yesterday when she spoke with Dr. Hinton, she mentioned it to her. After talking it through, Kelly concluded that she felt safe with Barrett and her reaction was only natural. Dr. Hinton had assured her that with time she’d feel safe again on her own. Intellectually it made sense, but Kelly had always been impatient with things that took time.

  She felt Barrett stiffen. And in a second she cursed.

  “What is it?” Kelly sat up and Barrett pointed out the window. Now it was Kelly’s turn to cuss. “God damn it. I specifically told my parents not to tell anyone I was coming home today.” She knew she sounded as panicked as she felt.

  Across the front of her house hung a sign that read WELCOME HOME, KELLY! The letters were at least three feet high and painted in bright-green letters on white paper. Balloons flanked either side and rose majestically from her mailbox on the curb. Cars were parked on both sides of the street in front of her house as far as she could see.

  She groaned and fell against the back of the seat. “Oh, God.”

  “There must be a dozen cars here,” Barrett commented, a frown creasing her forehead.

  “At least.” Kelly was both annoyed and frightened.

  “Didn’t Dr. Hinton caution you to ease back into your life?” Barrett told the driver to pull over and double-park a few houses before Kelly’s.

  “Of course she did. She told my parents that too. Obviously they don’t listen to her any more than they listen to me. My mom must have called Ariel and set this all up. God damn it,” Kelly said, for lack of anything better.

  Barrett took her hand. “You don’t have to do this, you know. I can take you to a hotel, and you can come back when everyone’s gone.”

  Barrett was offering her an escape, and she wanted to jump at it. She didn’t want to face her friends. She was barely used to being able to speak without permission and certainly wasn’t capable of pleasant small talk right now. She had no idea what was going on in the world, had completely missed the presidential election, and had never heard of Barrett’s phone, the iPhone 5, or the xBox One, which she’d seen in a TV commercial last night. And she definitely did not want to talk about her captivity, captors, or her baby. She was just coming to grips with it all herself.

  She turned to Barrett. “Stay with me?”

  “Of course,” Barrett said without hesitation.

  “You don’t know what my friends are like.”

  “No, but I know you. I promise,” Barrett said, smiling, making an X on her chest with her finger, “to not leave your side until you throw me out.”

  *

  All these people need to get the hell out of here, Barrett thought. They had no idea what they were doing to Kelly. But she did, and she struggled to find a way to get everyone to leave. Kelly was bombarded with well wishes and welcome-homes. When anyone approached, Kelly stepped closer to her. Many times Barrett deflected questions about her or their rescue and directed the conversation to safer, more non-threatening topics.

  The shadows under Kelly eyes were darker than they’d been an hour ago. After three hours she was obviously exhausted.

  Barrett whispered in her ear. “Do you want me to ask everyone to leave?” Kelly simply nodded. “I’ll be right back.” Barrett left Kelly’s side for the first time since they’d arrived and hurried back with a glass of champagne and a spoon.

  Tapping lightly on the glass to draw their attention, she said, “Ladies and gentlemen.” Another few taps on the glass. “Ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of everyone, I’m sure we’re all thrilled that Kelly’s home and we know she’s exhausted. So, before we all start leaving in a few minutes I propose we all raise our glasses in one final drink to celebrate that Kelly is back with us, where she belongs
.” Barrett held up her glass the highest and everyone followed suit. Thankfully, everyone got the hint and started saying their good-byes. She couldn’t have made it any clearer that it was time for everyone to leave. Everyone except Ariel, the woman Kelly had introduced as her BFF, took the hint.

  Barrett wasn’t sure if she liked Ariel. On more than one occasion she caught her whispering, and Barrett didn’t know if she was telling the others to go to hell or contributing to the topic of Kelly’s pregnancy. She was good at reading body language and, unfortunately for Kelly, Barrett suspected it was the latter.

  “Kelly, come sit down,” Ariel said, patting the couch next to her. “You look exhausted.”

  No shit, Sherlock, Barrett thought. Where were you two hours ago?

  Kelly practically fell onto the couch, the leather not making a sound. She kicked off her shoes and put her sock-clad feet on the table in front of her. Then she dropped her head back and let out a long sigh.

  “I’m so glad you’re home, Kel. I missed you so much.” Ariel babbled on about nothing, and Barrett guessed that was what girlfriends did. She’d never had anyone close so really didn’t know. But then Ariel said something that grabbed her attention.

  “Going out just wasn’t the same without you. We were always one short at bridge and an odd number when we rode the rides at the fair this year. David asked about you all the time.” Barrett did recognize Ariel’s tone. It was the one usually accompanied with a wink and a nod.

  Barrett was floored. Kelly had just been released from being held hostage in an insect-infested jungle by a bunch of thugs, and her friend was telling her that some guy was asking about her? As in asking about her?

  “Ariel, I appreciate the thought, but the last thing I can do is resume my life like I never left.”

  “We know that, Kel. We just think you need to get back on the horse, so to speak,” Ariel said in all seriousness.

  “And what horse is that? The one that attacked our clinic, shot and killed a dozen people just trying to help others? Or the horse that dragged me through the jungle by my hair? Maybe the one that beat me just because he was bored, or tied me to a dying man who’d just had his penis shredded because he dared to look at me—The Colonel’s woman? Is that the one, Ariel? Or the one they called The Colonel? He was the stallion of the herd and obviously as fertile. So forgive me, Ariel, if I can’t quite figure out which one I’m supposed to get back on, as you so eloquently put it.”

  Barrett was stunned almost as much as Ariel was. It was all she could do to not shout, “You go, girl,” and give Kelly a high five. Kelly’s cheeks were flushed and her ears red with anger. If Barrett didn’t know better she would swear steam was coming out of Kelly’s ears. She couldn’t even begin to describe Ariel’s expression.

  “Jesus Christ, Kel. You don’t need to rip me a new asshole.” Ariel sounded somewhat pissed. “I was only trying to help. And besides, we heard you were planning to get an abortion.”

  Kelly paled and Barrett held her breath.

  “Where did you hear that?” Kelly asked calmly. Too calmly, Barrett thought.

  “Your mother.” Ariel was obviously clueless as to Kelly’s state of mind. “When she called to tell me when you’d be home.”

  “What else did she say?”

  “Just that they don’t do abortions in Panama but that you were going to have one of the doctors at your hospital do it.”

  Ariel was either terribly naive, had an ulterior motive, or just a complete idiot, and the way Kelly was looking at her, she too was trying to figure which descriptor fit. Barrett watched as Kelly fought to maintain her composure. Why would her mother say such a thing? To force her into changing her mind? Kelly had told her about her conversation with her parents and how they hadn’t let up on trying to get her to abort the baby. Barrett had been surprised. She never would have expected that type of behavior from the Mr. and Mrs. Ryan she’d met and that Kelly had talked about during their captivity. But then, what did she know about family dynamics?

  “For the record, Ariel, I am not having an abortion, no matter how much my parents want me to. This is a child growing inside me, an innocent child, and I’m not combining one tragedy with another. I’m keeping this baby, and anyone who can only see her as a child of rape won’t be in my life, no matter who they are.”

  “Of course, Kelly. You know I’ve always been pro-choice. Especially in a case like this.”

  Barrett winced. Could Ariel make this any worse? God, she hoped not, for Kelly’s sake. Kelly stood, a look of hurt and disbelief on her face that Barrett had never seen.

  “Good-bye Ariel,” Kelly said, walking out of the room without looking back, and it was all Barrett could do to not hit Ariel’s ass with the door on her way out.

  Barrett found Kelly sitting on a bed in the master bedroom. Shades of blues filled the room dominated by a large king-size bed flanked by matching nightstands. A dresser on the adjacent wall and a rocker tucked into a corner nook completed the furnishings.

  “This wasn’t what I expected.”

  Kelly’s voice was quiet and Barrett had to strain to hear her.

  “These people were my friends, or at least I thought they were. These people…” She hesitated as if looking for the right adjective. “I don’t know what they want from me. And my parents…”

  Kelly’s voice broke, and Barrett crossed the room and sat down beside her. She had no idea what to say or do to help her, and she said as much. “I’m so sorry, Kelly. I should have seen this coming.”

  “How were you supposed to know my parents would do this? Even I didn’t think they would. I guess a lot of things have changed,” she said, clearly dejected.

  Another notch on the “should never have left her” stick Barrett beat herself up with. It was getting almost too big to handle. A few more occasions like this, and it would soon turn into a club.

  “Thank you for bringing me home, Barrett,” Kelly said. But Barrett heard the unspoken word “finally.”

  Numb was the first word Kelly could think of to describe how she felt. Hurt, shocked, disappointed, and betrayed were others that floated around her. Barrett had kept her word about everything, but then again she trusted Barrett. She wasn’t responsible for this fiasco, and she shouldn’t take it out on her. Trying to shake off her mood, Kelly stood.

  “I’d ask you to stay for dinner, but I probably don’t have anything edible in my kitchen. I need to get to the store and buy a few staples for the next few days,” she said, starting to make a list in her head of what she’d need. Duh, how about absolutely everything from eggs to a new toothbrush.

  She’d made Barrett stop at her bank to get some cash and a new debit and credit card. The debit card was no issue, but the credit card had been closed due to her overdue balance. Her credit must be in the toilet now. Barrett had said she’d have her attorney look into what she could do about any bad debt. Kelly had argued that she could do that, but Barrett had insisted, citing the numerous lawyers she had on her staff versus Kelly’s none.

  “You should have most of the staples and the ingredients to fix a few dinners. I found a service that’ll shop and put stuff right in your fridge and cabinet,” Barrett added, probably due to Kelly’s expression. “Then tomorrow we’ll get you a car.”

  “A car?” She must have misunderstood Barrett because surely she wasn’t going to buy her a car? But then again she’d paid for her house, so what was a few ten thousand more?

  “Yours was repossessed and I couldn’t get it back.”

  Barrett’s generosity was beginning to make her uncomfortable. She knew Barrett felt guilty about being forced to leave her behind, and it didn’t take a PhD like Dr. Hinton to conclude that she was trying to make up for that fact. But the only person that blamed Barrett was Barrett. She, in turn, owed Barrett her life, and one way she could repay her was to graciously accept what Barrett thought she had to offer. God, it was confusing.

  “I will buy my own car, Barrett. No.” She pu
t her hand up when Barrett started to object. “I will buy my own car.” She emphasized every word. How she would pay for it was another matter altogether. Without proof of income she wouldn’t be able to get a loan. She’d have to dip into her savings, which she didn’t want to do but had no other choice.

  “Okay,” Barrett said. “Whatever you want.”

  Kelly heard the hurt in Barrett’s voice. “I’m sorry.” She laid her hand on Barrett’s arm. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. But this is something I have to do.” That seemed to soften her harsh words, and Barrett nodded.

  “I understand.” Barrett stood and started toward the door. “You’re probably exhausted. I should go.”

  Kelly didn’t want Barrett to leave but needed some time to herself and to get reacquainted with her house, her things, herself. “Come for coffee in the morning?” Kelly asked, following Barrett down the hall toward the front door.

  “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  Butterflies danced in Kelly’s stomach.

  Barrett opened the front door to leave, and the late afternoon framed her in the doorway. The way the sun was angled made it look like every particle of the remaining sunlight was focused on Barrett’s face. Barrett was absolutely stunning. Kelly’s throat went dry and her knees suddenly felt weak. She’d never seen Barrett like this and certainly had never used that word to describe someone. Especially a woman. But it fit Barrett perfectly.

  Kelly stepped forward, closed the distance between them, and hugged her. They’d gotten into the habit of hugging when they left each other. It had been a natural reaction for her to hug Barrett when she got off the plane in Panama, and Barrett had returned the gesture the first time she left her hospital room. Kelly never hugged her girlfriends when they parted, but it just felt natural with Barrett. And if the intensity of Barrett’s hugs were any indication, she didn’t seem to mind either.

  She didn’t want to let Barrett go. She would never grow tired of feeling her alive in her arms. After Barrett was rescued, Kelly had dreamed of the moment she saw Barrett again. When she stepped into her arms after getting off the plane she was lost in the sensation of overwhelming relief. Fortunately she got the opportunity to repeat it often. Reluctantly she pulled away.