Finding the Suun

by J. A. Culican

  I did. It had been hanging from Estrid's belt. I handed it to him.

  "Let's head back to the spot where she dropped us off and see if she's still around to hear us."

  "Fine." The sooner I could get up there, the sooner I could get Arun to safety and get myself away from everyone to ensure their safety. "Let me go wash up."

  Arun didn't come this time.

  I cut a straight path to where the river wound through a copse of trees, and dipped my hands into the cool water, splashing it on my swollen eyes. If I thought about Estrid too hard, I would start crying again, so I squeezed my eyes shut and told myself to lock her away. Not to forget about her, but to put her in a special place where I would keep the memory of her, but not mourn her constantly.

  A noise to my left startled me. I wiped hastily at my face and turned to look, seeing nothing.

  "Arun?" I asked the low brush around me.

  No one responded.

  I stood and the noise came again. It almost sounded like a hiccup, like the remnants of tears. I was familiar with that sound today. I took a few steps along the river, and then paused to listen again. There, barely audible over the sound of the water but very close. To my right was a sharp drop-off where the river had carved away at the surrounding land. I took a step down, turned, and locked eyes with her where she was pressed against the dirt, tucked beneath a fat root that made a sort of overhang.

  Wide eyes, gentle features, curly hair decorated with purple flowers.

  It was the girl from the scrying pool.

  I blinked, shocked. "Hi."

  She screamed, kicked out with one foot, and sent me sprawling backward into the river.

  Chapter 22

  Water closed over my face and I sputtered, coughing, and pushed myself to a sitting position. My tailbone and the palms of my hands hurt where I'd landed on the rocks, and I was soaking wet. When I looked at her again, she let loose another scream loud enough to wake the dead. And certainly, loud enough to alert any lingering ur’gels to our presence.

  "Shut up." I lunged at her, slow because of the water drenching my clothes, and tackled her, pressing a hand over her mouth.

  Her eyes went wide and panicky, but she stopped screaming. Instead, she froze in my arms. In the mountains around Bor'sur, there were some farms that kept small goats that would pretend to be dead if they were startled. It had been a game amongst the children when I was growing up to see who could scare the most goats into submission. That was exactly what she reminded me of.

  Arun burst onto the riverbank a few seconds later, panting, his sword in his hand, his eyes wide as he searched for my attacker. He found us, and after deciding the goat girl posed no threat, tucked his sword away and waded through the water until he reached us.

  He bent to look at us under the small overhang. "What's this?"

  "Will you stop screaming?" I asked her.

  She made no move and didn't acknowledge that she'd even heard me.

  I slowly moved my hand away, but when I did, she took a big, gasping gulp, preparing herself for another outburst, so I clamped my hand back down.

  "What is this?" Arun repeated.

  "I don't know. I found her here. When she saw me, she started screaming."

  "Why are you wet?"

  I sighed. "Because she pushed me into the river."

  Arun looked both amused and impressed.

  I rolled my eyes. "I can't get anything out of her except a scream."

  He knelt beside us, the mud squelching under his boots. "We won't hurt you. We want to help you. We're," he paused, taking in the rest of her. "Friends of the light."

  I hadn't even noticed her clothes before that moment, but beneath the mud and the grime was an orange and white gown of a priest of light. At the words, she went limp in my hands and her breathing calmed. I hesitantly removed my hand, and when she didn't scream, I pushed myself off her, standing and reaching a hand down to her.

  She took it. Her hand was small and her grip dainty as she pulled herself up to her feet. She barely came up to my shoulders.

  Arun put a hand to his own chest. "I'm Arun." Gesturing to me, he added, "This is Frida."

  The girl looked between us, then, in a shaky, breathy voice, said, "I'm Kaem. Kaem Naern."

  Kaem Naern. I studied her, and she studied the ground. She was small, but not, I thought, as young as her small size made her seem. She had to be close to my age, but she was a priest, not the heir. We'd seen the heir's body, watched it burn.

  Hadn't we? It seemed that she would be the only one with any answers.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked her.

  "I live here."

  I flicked my eyes to the small hole where she'd been hiding. "Here?"

  "In the cabin." She pointed vaguely to the east, golden bangles jangling on her wrists as she moved. "I've lived there my entire life with the priests."

  "Are you a priest?" I asked.

  She nodded. "My sisters and I serve the light."

  "How many were you?"

  "Five."

  That meant she was the last one surviving. "And were there any among you who were not priests?"

  She shrugged and shook her head. "There were three older women, Suze, Cladya, and Kensi, and then Daos and me. We were about the same age."

  Arun reached out for her, but she flinched and shrank back, so he withdrew his hand. "Are you hungry? There's some food left at our camp if you want to sit and tell us your story. We'd like to know what happened, why you left the cabin, and how you came to be here, hiding by the river."

  Kaem hesitated and then agreed with a small nod, not making eye contact with Arun. I realized that if she'd been here her entire life, then it was unlikely that she'd ever seen a man. Did Arun really look any different than the monsters she'd been running from?

  I brought up the rear, and we followed Arun to the camp, where the funeral pyre was still burning. Kaem turned her eyes skyward, following the column of smoke, but didn't say anything or offer any condolences. I was glad. I didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want to tell her how Estrid had died for her, a priest. A nobody.

  No, that wasn't true.

  Estrid had died for me. Because I'd sent her after this girl. A fruitless errand.

  Arun served the girl the remaining strips of fish and she ate them with gusto, licking her fingers and pulling bones from her teeth. I didn't know when she'd eaten last, but it seemed to have been an awfully long time. It wasn't until she was done that Arun sat down on one side of her and patted the space beside him, an invitation for me to join them. I did, dropping down onto the log and watching Kaem, who didn't make eye contact with either of us.

  "Tell us," Arun started, "why did you leave the cabin?"

  "The monsters came. Flying monsters, monsters that could get past the protection spell. Suze had told us about the monsters that lived on Bruhier, but we'd never thought to encounter them. We thought we were safe. Suze was out in the garden when they first came. She died casting a temporary protection spell around the house. Her sacrifice gave us a chance to escape."

  The body in the garden, the woman we'd seen in the scrying pool.

  "Where were you going to go?" Arun asked.

  "I don't know exactly," Kaem said. "We were trying to reach one of the other temples on the island, run by priests they called Ravyn and Lunla."

  "Have you ever met Ravyn or Lunla?" I asked.

  She shook her head. "But they would be able to help us, they said."

  "Then what happened? Why were you alone?"

  "The monsters were hunting us. It was just three of us left." She closed her eyes, and I knew she was seeing her friend’s faces, reliving her last moments with them. "Cladya decided it would be best if we split up. She and Daos were going back to the cabin where they would reinforce the protection spells and hide. I was to go west until I reached a town, and then find passage to another temple and get help."

  "From Lunla or Ravyn?"

  "Right. From Lunl
a or Ravyn."

  It sounded to me like Cladya and Daos had tried to act as distractions for the monsters, like they were trying to give Kaem a chance to get to safety. Why would they do that if she wasn't the heir? Had the other woman dressed in plain clothes been a decoy, or the real thing?

  Arun leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, looking intently at Kaem even though she wouldn't look at us. "Were you and Daos treated the same? Did either of you get any … special attention?"

  Kaem smiled. Even though her eyes were still wet with tears, the smile transformed her face from forlorn to dazzling. "Daos was better than me at everything. She was faster, stronger, smarter. So she got more in-depth training. I preferred to draw, read, and dream."

  "What did you dream about?" I asked before Arun could speak up again.

  "Freedom," she answered without missing a beat. "The world outside of our little bubble." She gestured at Arun. "Elves." Then, to me, "Warriors. Scholars. Lovers." Then, her smile drooped. "I never dreamt about this darkness, though."

  No one did, I wanted to reassure her. No one ever imagined a darkness like this tainting their dreams. But especially not a girl who had grown up in such sheltered solitude.

  Arun decided to get us back on track. "What happened here? With the monsters?"

  I didn't know if I wanted to hear it, but I pressed my lips together and prepared myself anyway.

  Kaem also didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it, but she spoke anyway, her words a low whisper. "She attacked from above."

  "Who?"

  "The beautiful woman with the golden hair. When she came, it felt … I felt different. I felt so desperate. So hopeless. I'd never been either of those things before."

  Savarah, of course. I'd known, but it was nice to have confirmation.

  "But then the other girl came, the one with the swords, the one who looks like you." She nodded at me and I felt my throat tighten. "She felled the giant spiked beast and then took on the others. I wanted to help, but I was a coward. She told me to run. So, I did. I watched her grab the golden-haired girl's dress, pull her back to her. She didn't see the winged man—"

  "Ur’gel," Arun corrected her, probably not wanting any association with the monster.

  "She didn't see the ur’gel until it was too late. He came up behind her and…"

  I stood. "I get it. I get it. That's enough." It was. I didn't need a play-by-play of Estrid's death. She was more than a warrior to the rescue, than a body on the ground. "Did she escape? The golden-haired woman?"

  "Yes. Yes, she escaped."

  Good. It would have been nice if Estrid had finished her, but this way, revenge was still mine.

  For the first time, Kaem looked sideways at Arun. "Now, can I ask a question, since I have answered yours?"

  Arun nodded.

  "Have you seen my sisters? Are they…?"

  Arun's face must have told her what she needed to know, because she didn't finish her question.

  "Excuse me," she muttered, as polite as ever. She stood and walked on silent feet to the crackling funeral pyre.

  I followed, not wanting her to do something stupid.

  But she stopped just short of the fire, where the heat was still bearable, and dropped to her knees. Her shoulders shuddered, and I realized she was crying. She'd grown up with those women. They'd been her mothers and her sisters, her best and only friends. It was strange to realize I knew how she felt, but that didn't mean I knew what to do for her. So, I stood vigil behind her, not touching her, not talking to her, but letting her grieve.

  Watching her drop her face into her hands, I realized something else.

  She was maybe the only person in the entire world who was more alone than I was.

  Chapter 23

  While Kaem grieved the loss of her sisters at my own sister's funeral pyre, Arun and I argued over what to do next.

  "We can't use the horn," I said. "You'll bring the ur’gels down on our heads if the fire and her screaming haven’t already alerted them."

  "Quynn will get down here long before they can reach us. We have to get Kaem out of here." He grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to whisper in my ear, "She could be the heir."

  Could be. Maybe. Possibly. None of those were good enough. "But she might not be."

  "Are you willing to risk it? Let's just get her to Ravyn. She'll be able to tell us."

  I chewed on my lip, my eyes on the girl's back. Was the fate of the world really on her narrow shoulders? "We need to get clear of here, and then find a way to higher ground before hailing Quynn."

  Arun opened his mouth, probably to argue about wasting time and energy.

  The girl's tiny, sing-song voice interrupted us. "What is that?" She was pointing into the sky.

  I tilted my head back. Something wide and dark was breaking through the cloud cover, growing larger as it descended. My first thought was sky whale, but then the light hit it sideways and illuminated the wooden slats and the nets hanging from the hull.

  "It's an airship," I told her.

  She scurried over to where we were, ducking as if she might hit her head on the ship. "A what?"

  "Like a trading ship, but it flies," Arun explained to her. He looked so triumphant I had the sudden urge to wipe the smug smile off his face with my fist.

  Instead, I bit my lip and dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands. At least if the ur’gels came, we'd have backup.

  The faces of sailors leaning over the railing came into view as the ship drew lower, some of them waving at us, some of them watching stoically, maybe assessing our newest member and realizing the identity of the one who was missing.

  Quynn brought the ship down a safe distance away, and Arun and I made a run for it, Kaem trailing behind, her shorter legs slowing her down. The gangplank slid to the ground and Quynn disembarked first, Renwick at her side.

  She looked us over coolly, her gaze pausing on Kaem. "Who is this?"

  When I introduced them, Kaem gave a small curtsy and Quynn actually deigned to incline her head a fraction in acknowledgement.

  "Where is Estrid?"

  She's dead. The words lodged in my throat.

  Arun saw me struggling. "She," but it seemed he also couldn't say it, at least not in front of me. He coughed into his hand.

  Surprisingly, it was Kaem who put her hand on my arm and said, "Estrid rides the stars with her ancestors now." It was the perfect Ahvoli turn of phrase, what we preferred to say when someone died.

  "I'm sorry. She was a strong warrior and a loving sister. We will all miss her." Quynn's expression didn't change, but I knew she meant it. She didn't say things unintentionally.

  To keep myself from crying, I had to change the subject. "How did you know to come down?"

  She pointed to the pyre. "We saw the fire through the clouds. What happened?"

  I turned to Arun pointedly. "Maybe you can take Kaem on board, show her around a bit."

  He nodded and guided the girl up the gangplank. I felt relief when they disappeared from view. Then, I told Quynn the whole sordid tale—about the cabin and Savarah and the dead priests and the dead girl who might or might not have been the heir, and about finding Kaem who also might or might not have been the heir.

  "Where is Stiarna?" Renwick asked. He and the griffin had bonded after she rescued him after the air battle.

  I wrung my hands together. "She's gone. She went over a waterfall fighting a manticore."

  The sailor's face fell with disappointment, and I realized for the first time that he held a parchment-wrapped dead fish in his hands.

  "I'm sorry," I said.

  He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. You lost so much."

  Quynn held up a hand, a ruby-red gem glinting on her middle finger. "We all have. The question, though, is what now?"

  "Kaem has to get to either Lunla or Ravyn. That's where the sisters were trying to take her when they were killed."

  "I can do that," Quynn agreed. "Let's go."

  I
put a hand on her sleeve before she could turn away. "I'm not going."

  She paused, half-turned. "What will you do?"

  "If she really is the heir, I promised Ravyn that I would help her, but she and I can't be together. It's too dangerous. The only way I can help her is by continuing to be the Suun heir." I would stay here, lure the ur’gels and Savarah away from the ship. It was the least I could do. I wasn't really the heir. I couldn't close the prison. And I couldn't train the heir, not without risking her life. But what I could do was take out one of Dag'draath's generals. I had a bone to pick with Savarah. She owed me her life, and I was going to take it, even if it cost me mine in exchange.

  "Does Arun know?"

  I let go of her sleeve that had been pinched between my fingers. "No. I don't— I think he should go. I think Kaem will need him."

  Quynn nodded. "I agree. If she doesn't have you or Estrid, he'd be the next best thing."

  I cringed at the effortless way she said my sister's name. Would I ever be able to do that, think of her without it hurting?

  "Sorry," she said again.

  "It's fine." I shook my head. "Or it will be. I'm glad … I'm glad that others will remember her, you know?"

  "I will," Quynn promised, sounding kinder and more sincere than I'd ever heard her before.

  "You should go, before Arun gets back."

  The ship was still at full sail, and it was only a matter of minutes before the gangplank was raised and the Wind Wraith took to the air. It rose too slowly, though, and when it was only a few yards up, Arun's face appeared over the edge. I should have walked away, turned my back on him and sent him a clear message, but I was frozen. Kaem was beside him, her innocent face contorted with confusion.

  "What are you doing?" I heard Arun shout to Quynn.

  I didn't hear her reply, but Arun disappeared and then reappeared, further away with each moment. I willed him to calm down, to see reason and stay on board, to leave me to my real destiny, the one that I controlled, not the one thrust upon me.

  Of course, he wouldn't cooperate. He went to the bow of the ship and climbed onto the railing.