Run So Far

by Elizabeth Monvey

  “Two men. Don’t forget yourself.”

  “I was washing my face. And they died.”

  “And you would have died with them, Del. Along with the private, and then no one would have survived. Everything happens for a reason, you know. Ever think you were meant to save this man’s life?”

  Del opened his mouth but he had nothing to say. Several emotions flashed through his dark eyes from anger and resentment to denial and finally, sadness. Perhaps all the stages of grief he needed to get through that he’d never allowed himself before. Then his shoulders slumped and Kyle knew he had reached that last pinnacle emotion, the most important one. Acceptance.

  “You should have been a shrink,” Del half-heartedly joked. He squeezed Kyle’s hand and a small smile cracked one side of his mouth.

  “Nah,” Kyle sighed. He let go of Del’s hand to stand, first retrieving his jacket and then grabbing another beer. As he sat back down, he twisted off the beer cap and placed it in front of Del before setting the camera in the middle of the table. “Because I’m scared of this.”

  “The picture?”

  “Yeah. And because of that picture, I can’t use the damn camera anymore.”

  Del took a drink of his fresh beer, then pointed at it. “I’ve bared my soul tonight. Ready to bare yours?”

  In response, Kyle picked up the camera and turned it on. He hit the button for albums and then handed it to Del when the first picture came up. He watched Del’s face, going from puzzlement to comprehension.

  “Is this what I think it is?”

  “A porn shoot? Yep.”

  Del scrolled through a few more pictures before going back to the first one. His cousin was very prominently displayed as well as the girl he was having sex with.

  “I take it there’s more than meets the eye.”

  “Yeah. Lots more.”

  “Okay.” He handed the camera back. “Tell me.”

  “My cousin, Brian, is the guy in the photo. He’s never been what you’d call a nice guy. Underage drinking, drugs, shooting guns at dogs, you name it he’s done it. Growing up, he was basically a dick. One of his favorite past times back then was hitting me in the balls.”

  Del winced. “Sounds like a real charmer.”

  “Add the word snake to the front of that and I’ll agree. Anyway, he likes to flaunt the fact that he’s almost untouchable.”

  “I don’t understand,” Del said.

  “My uncle is a cop. His priority has always been about maintaining image in society. So one of Brian’s little ways of rebellion is porn films. If it’s illegal then he’s all in.”

  “What, like a director?”

  “No, the star, only he never shows his face.”

  “A faceless dick? Then what kind of rebellion is that? Isn’t the purpose of defiance to get caught and thus embarrass the parental influence?”

  “He’s smart enough to realize if he pisses his dad off, or creates too big of a scandal, his cash cow disappears. The videos are hard-core stuff. Bondage mostly, but not the nice stuff out of movies or romance books. He likes hurting women so he hires prostitutes because they won’t talk or press charges.”

  “How forward thinking he is,” Del said dryly.

  “He knew I was into photography and asked me to take some pictures, all consensual of course. Wanted to sell them to an online magazine and make some money. I didn’t want to but my mother pressured me to hang out with him. Good of the family, she said. It’ll make my uncle happier to see me take an interest in Brian’s hobbies. If they only knew what those hobbies were they might’ve had a change of heart. Despite my better judgment, and the fact I can’t stand the fucker, I went anyway.”

  “Sounds like good family bonding.”

  “Yeah, Brian thought I would enjoy watching him fuck a girl, for some reason.”

  “He doesn’t know you prefer men?”

  “No, no one in my family does, but that’s because they’re all homophobic dipshits.” Kyle went to the next picture. “This is during the fucking, as you can see.”

  “You said he’s a faceless dick, but I can clearly see his features.”

  “Yep. And you can see the girl.” He swiped to the next photo. “I thought I could blackmail him into leaving me alone. But this is where it gets a little fuzzy around the edges. I remember … yelling. He was yelling at her because she did something. I don’t know what, but when I went to stop him I was told it was just part of the show.”

  Del looked at the picture again. “What did he do?”

  Kyle turned the camera off. “I don’t know. On Friday, I was watching the news and it reported finding a body of a woman and the photo on the television screen was of that girl.”

  “Oh shit. Did you see him kill her?”

  That was the question that was haunting him.

  “I honestly, truly don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair, pulling the strands tightly in a futile hope that he could pull forth the memories. “I don’t even remember leaving that warehouse and coming home, so maybe … maybe I did? I just don’t understand why I can’t remember the night.”

  “Could it be possible that you were roofied?”

  “I drank some beer in a red plastic cup, after I was told it was for the girls.”

  “For the girls?” He harrumphed. “I bet you anything Rohypnol was in that beer.”

  “So what do I do, Del?

  Del placed his hand on top of Kyle’s. “If your cousin murdered this girl, then you gotta turn him in.”

  “I know,” he whispered, although it sounded like a weak reply.

  “Listen, no family is worth hiding a murderer. Even your uncle has to realize—”

  “He’s the Baltimore Deputy Police Commissioner. My real name is Kyle Hardigan, Del. My uncle is Peter Hardigan and he’s up for promotion to commissioner since his boss is retiring.”

  “Oh shit.”

  “Yeah. If I accuse his son falsely, my uncle could lose his job. Even if Brian didn’t do it, the implication alone will stay with him forever and it’ll always be in the back of people’s mind. Did Peter Hardigan cover up his son’s involvement?”

  “I can see your dilemma, but wouldn’t that be up to the investigators? If you don’t feel comfortable with them, then go to the mayor or… Christ, who does the investigation into bad cops?”

  “And if Brian is innocent then I’ve betrayed the man who helped my mother.” He ran a hand down his face. “It would so much easier if I could just remember what happened.”

  “You can only run so far before it all crashes down around you.”

  Kyle grimaced. “So tell me how I get my memories back.”

  Del raised a shoulder in a half shrug. “Everyone is different. I was put in narrative every day, which was basically a group session of other soldiers talking about their trauma. I had flashbacks and nightmares I was supposed to talk about, bring the incident out in the open. If it wasn’t inside then it wasn’t festering. That combined with some gnarly drugs helped break my disassociation. Plus, my mother needed me to be strong so I pulled myself out of it by my bootstraps.”

  “It wasn’t easy,” Kyle said softly.

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  Kyle bit his lip. What would happen if he never recovered those memories? What if his cousin was an innocent man? A douche bag, yes, but not a murderer? He would be ripping apart the only stability his mother had, not to mention how his uncle would react.

  “Would your uncle really block justice?” Del asked.

  “My uncle has always looked the other way when it comes to Brian. DUIs … erased. Drug charges … dropped. My cousin has always gotten away with everything he’s ever done. Jesus, I just wish it could all go away.”

  “That’s avoidance. Tell me why you ran to the truck stop. What was your thought pattern?”

  Kyle sighed. “When the picture broke on the news, I texted Brian about the girl. Asking him what had really happened. I told him the girl on the news was the girl
in my pictures. I think that rattled him because he called me, telling me to delete everything and forget what I’d seen. He said I had better keep my mouth shut or else.”

  “Or else?”

  “I’m only assuming that meant ending up like the girl so I thought if I got away for a few days I could think it all out, try to remember that span of time I’m missing.”

  They remained silent for a while. Kyle knew Del kept glancing at him because every time he could feel the other man’s gaze boring into him. Of course, he had to turn over the camera and the potential evidence but he was scared, and therein lay the heart of the problem. His uncle had rescued his mother from self-destruction, so how could he turn around and betray that help by bringing forth evidence that could implicate his son in a murder? Of course, his uncle had political ambition and had done his good deeds primarily to make sure the family name was untarnished, but still, his mother was pulled from the brink. An investigation could mean the end of everything, including having his mother backslide into that abyss.

  Kyle was selfish enough to admit he was scared of the consequences.

  But the girl deserves justice.

  The ghostly phrase whispered through his mind. A mantra he couldn’t ignore for too much longer.

  “Look at me,” Del ordered. Kyle obeyed. “We still have three more days before we make it to California. I offered you a respite from reality and my offer still stands.”

  “I’m a coward,” Kyle whispered.

  “Hey, don’t say that,” Del said, a tad sternly. “This is family you’re dealing with and when it comes to family we all have a tendency to make stupid choices. For now, why don’t you forget the camera? Put it away so you don’t have to look at it.”

  “If only it was that easy.”

  “It can be,” Del said. “Let these next few days be about you being stress-free to try to coax those memories forward. Forget about why you’re here and what the future holds. Deal?”

  He held out his hand and Kyle slipped his into the grip.

  “Thanks, Del. I’ll do my best.”

  “Very well. Now let’s get back to bed and try to get some shut eye before we have to start up in the morning.”

  Kyle hoped he could live up to the agreement and not overthink what had brought them together. As he lay down, snuggled against Del’s hard body, the girl’s image floated in his mind.

  Easier said than done.

  Chapter Ten

  They got on the road early the next morning after a quiet breakfast. Kyle stared out the side window for a bit, holding his camera in one hand and resting his chin on the other. Gray clouds decorated the sky, ready to let the rain fall at any moment. He could certainly identify with the weather. The rising storm matched the toxic one brewing in his soul. Del was right. He couldn’t keep the camera around. With each passing mile, it drained his energy. So he opened the glove compartment, ignoring all the papers and notebooks jammed into it and shoved the camera back as far as it could go. Then he closed the drawer and sat back.

  Almost immediately, some of the tension eased from his shoulders, like he’d just lifted an albatross strangling his neck.

  “Feel better?” Del asked.

  “Yeah.” Kyle smiled at him. “It’s not out of sight, out of mind, but it damn sure is better than burning a hole in my hand.”

  “All right. Let’s get moving.”

  Kyle leaned his head back and watched the landscape pass by. They were still rolling along the Appalachian Mountains, approaching the Cumberland Plateau. Once they were on the other side of that Del said they would be on the downward slope, leveling out on flatter roads. The rig would have better travel time since it would be using less gas. Interstate 40 would take them all the way to Barstow, Del’s cargo destination. As much as Kyle looked forward to seeing states he’d never visited before, he dreaded the end of the journey.

  At lunch, they stopped at a truck stop to gas up the rig and catch a bite to eat. It also led to an intense kissing session that left Kyle’s dick rock hard and him panting for more. As they pulled back onto the road, Kyle daydreamed all the things he planned to do with Del that night.

  Tennessee gave way to Arkansas and they finally stopped for the night right after the state line. Dinner was almost unappealing because Kyle couldn’t focus on anything other than Del. A flirtatious smile lingered on Del’s mouth as if he knew he was slowly driving the younger man crazy with lust.

  As soon as they entered the truck cab, they tore at each other’s clothing, scattering them around the rig. They came together in a clash of excitement. Del moved his hand down to grasp Kyle’s hardened cock, encircling it to gently tug and massage the underside of the mushroom head, squeezing and pulling as if milking a cow. It drove Kyle wild so he reciprocated, each man exploring the other thoroughly.

  They melted into each other, their mouths coming together, lips and tongues anxious to devour one another. Kyle twisted his lower body to give Del better access, who gripped his cock with just the right firmness and moving at just the right speed. Being wound up so tightly for so long, it didn’t take long for him to reach orgasm. He came with a soft cry, taking only a few minutes to milk out the pleasure before turning his attention fully on Del. When his cock exploded, cum shot up his arm, all the way to his biceps. Most wound up on his hand and with Del watching him, he brought it up and licked it off. The salty flavor burst across his tongue only a second before Del bent and kissed him. They fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

  After breakfast the next morning, Del went to gas up the rig and once again, Kyle borrowed his cell phone to call his mother. As the call went through, he watched Del, admiring the man’s easy grace and muscled physique.

  “Hello?”

  Josephine Hardigan’s voice sounded weak, snapping Kyle back to the call.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “Kyle? Oh, Kyle! Where have you been?”

  He didn’t answer the question. “You okay, Mom? You sound stressed.”

  “Well of course, I’m stressed. I want you to come home.” Her voice broke at the end of the sentence.

  Kyle sighed. “Mom, I can’t right now.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I know. I just wanted … I’m with a friend. Traveling.”

  “Traveling? You left in the middle of the night, Kyle! And all I get is a quick phone call telling me to call your work and report you were abducted by aliens!” Her tone was sharp, rising with each word. “Have you been kidnapped? By real people, not aliens.”

  “What? Mom, no,” he said. “I assure you, I have not been kidnapped.”

  “Well, it just seems so strange, Kyle. Are you at least in Maryland? Did you go to the beach?”

  “I’m … nearby.”

  “Hmm,” she muttered. “If I wanted to get away I’d go shopping in Delaware. No sales tax.”

  “Yeah, Mom. Listen, I just wanted to check in and let you know I’m okay. I love you, okay?”

  “I love you too, sweetheart. Come home soon. Uncle Peter has been asking about you.”

  Tension suddenly gripped him tight in his lower belly. “What did Uncle Peter say?”

  “Well, he’s been real busy with this murdered girl that was discovered downtown in some warehouse, but he wanted to know if I’d heard from you. I told him you must have been using a different cell phone because I don’t recognize the number.”

  All of a sudden, horror washed over him and he pulled the cell phone off his ear to look at it. Then he glanced up, trying to find the cell tower.

  His mom continued talking and he could hear her from the earpiece. “Did you lose your phone? Really, Kyle, I knew you shouldn’t have bought such an expensive phone. Did you really need an Android? Flip phones work perfectly fine—”

  “Mom, I’ve got to go now.”

  “Wait, you haven’t told me where you are.”

  “Bye, Mom. Love you.”

  He hung up on her and then immediately scrolled through the se
ttings.

  “Shit!” he cried and took the battery out of the phone. Then, he marched quickly back to Del.

  “We’ve got to go,” he said, glancing around.

  “Why?” Del asked, tensing immediately.

  Kyle held up the phone. “The signal bounced off cell towers and the number was traceable.”

  “What?”

  “Your number showed up on my mom’s caller ID. If Peter got your number then he knows who you are and he knows I’m with you. The phone pings off cell towers as it enters a new area which makes it traceable.”

  “You’re talking about CSI bullshit.”

  “No, it’s called a Location Tracker and it was turned on in your phone.”

  Del stared at him, hard, and Kyle held his breath, waiting. Would Del tell him to get lost, that he’d had enough? Their eyes met, locked, and for a moment Kyle was so scared his mind went blank. It wasn’t the fact that if Del left him behind he had no ride, stranded somewhere in fucking Oklahoma. No, it was the thought of watching Del drive out of his life that had ice settling in his belly.

  “Please don’t leave me.”

  The remoteness in Del’s eyes disappeared as he grabbed hold of Kyle’s arms and pulled him into his body, heedless of anyone watching. Kyle threw his arms around him, hugging him back tightly, fiercely. He closed his eyes and breathed in Del’s scent.

  “Of course I wouldn’t leave you behind,” Del told him.

  “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

  “Kyle—”

  Kyle pulled back so they could look each other in the eye. “I understand you didn’t sign up for this craziness. I mean, you were kind enough to offer me sanctuary when I didn’t know where to turn. I can’t thank you enough.”

  “Is that all you feel? Grateful?”

  Kyle laid his hands over Del’s, squeezing tightly. “No, not grateful. I mean, yes, I am, but I feel more. For you. This thing between us is becoming one of the most important things in my life.”

  A small smile broke across Del’s mouth. “It’s important to me too.”

  “All right.” Kyle stepped back, conscious they were still in a public place. “So what are we going to do?”