She’d been wrong to think she could keep from loving him, and wrong to believe he didn’t want kids. Now her heart felt like it was shattering piece by piece as she sat there watching the man she loved falling in love with his nephew.
Not that he’d lied to her about whether he wanted to have babies, because she knew he’d spoken the truth at the time. There was no way he would have predicted his response to his nephew, but she should have known, based on how deeply he cared for the boys at the Garage.
Zane was not a man who would be content with a woman who couldn’t give him children. Not anymore. No matter what he said today, eventually, there would be a time when he’d wish he’d made a different choice.
The baby started to cry, and Zane got a comically horrified expression on his face. “What do I do?”
And there it was. What do I do? He didn’t try to hand the baby back to Chase and bolt from the scene. He asked what to do, so he could manage it himself. He wasn’t even afraid of a crying baby. Just like that, his world had changed, and he was on board with it.
Chase grinned and hopped off the bed. “Unless you want to whip out a breast for him, I think this one’s on Mira.”
Zane laughed and handed the baby over, his fingers drifting over the baby’s head as Chase took him. “Yeah, I’ll pass on that one.”
He sat back down beside Taylor, taking her hand in his as he grinned at her. “Did you see him? Are all babies that small?” He held up his hand. “He practically fit in my palm, but he was a real person.”
She managed a smile. “Yes, they’re all that small. He’s beautiful.” As she watched the expression of wonder on Zane’s face, she felt herself falling even more in love with him. What woman wouldn’t fall for a man who could love like that?
Her phone rang again, and she glanced down. It was Edward again, and for the first time since she’d arrived in Wyoming, she wanted to take the call. “I really need to get this. He’s been calling for days.”
Zane frowned, but she slipped out of his grasp before he could stop her. She waved her phone at the room. “I need to run outside to take this call. I’ll be back in a minute.” No one even really noticed as she ducked out, all of them too riveted by the miracle of life.
She let the call go into voicemail as she walked quickly down the hall. Her heart was hammering and she wanted nothing more than to get outside and breathe fresh air. She reached the stairs and jogged down them, following the signs to the nearest exit. She didn’t even care where it was. She just wanted out.
By the time she reached the steel exit door at the base of the stairs, her heart felt like it had broken into a thousand pieces. Why had Mira tried to convince her to stay? For a split second, Taylor had taken the bait and imagined that future. Living on the ranch with Zane, Mira, and the others. Being a part of a family that stood beside each other no matter what, no matter how difficult things were. It had been only a moment, but it had been enough to awaken her heart…just in time for it to be broken.
She shouldered the door open and stepped outside into the dirt parking lot behind the hospital. There were plains stretching out in front of her, and that same vast expanse of sky that looked so different over Wyoming than it did from the window of an airplane. She’d never noticed the blue before, and she’d never felt this kind of awe for the grandeur and beauty of nature.
She wanted to be here. This was the place she wanted to call home. But how could she possibly do it? She knew it would never work with Zane. So, where did that leave her? Watching him fall in love with someone else, while she played Aunt Taylor to a baby she wasn’t even actually related to, trying to live vicariously through a family that wasn’t really hers?
Her legs feeling like heavy weights, she walked across the dirt and sat down on a patch of grass, pulling her knees to her chest.
Her phone beeped and she looked down, surprised to see a text from Edward. As she read the words, a cold feeling seeped into her body. Taylor. Have you even listened to my voicemails? Call me back. I’ve accepted a promotion. My current position is open, and it’s yours. I’ve been trying to reach you to make an official offer. I need an answer tomorrow. Congrats on the promotion. You deserve it. Now call me!
She stared at the phone, rereading the words over and over again. Edward was leaving. No more working for her ex-boyfriend. And he was offering her a promotion. A raise. More travel. She pressed the phone to her heart, tears falling silently down her cheeks.
Before she’d come to Wyoming, she would have been thrilled. It was everything she’d been working so hard to achieve. But now? The thought of getting on a plane and going back to that life of hotels and airports felt like it would crack her soul in half. But what was worse? Staying here and having her heart bleed every time she saw Zane or the baby?
The door to the building opened, and Zane stuck his head out the door. His brow was furrowed, and he looked so concerned that the tears started again. “Hey, babe,” he said, stepping out into the parking lot. “I thought you might not be okay.”
She lifted her chin and wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I’m fine. Just needed some air.”
“I know.” The rocks crunched under his boots as he walked across the parking lot and crouched in front of her, his forearms resting on her knees. “We need to get back to the ranch to take care of the animals.”
“We? What do I know about the animals? You don’t need me there.” She couldn’t quite keep the bitterness out of her voice.
His eyebrows shot up. “I assume you have the capability to listen to instructions, right? You seem intelligent enough to learn new skills.”
She bit her lower lip and shrugged. “I guess.”
He rubbed his hands over her thighs, a touch meant to comfort, not seduce, but all it did was make her tears want to fall even more. “You want to talk about it? The baby?”
“God, no.” She took a deep breath. “It’s fine. I’m really happy for them.” How could she tell him that it wasn’t the baby that had made her cry, but the fact she’d lost Zane to the baby?
He narrowed his eyes, still rubbing her thighs. “So, what’s the problem then? Something wrong at work?”
“Work?” The question made her laugh, a laugh that had no joy in it. “No, that’s fine.” She handed him her phone with the text message on display.
Zane read the message, staring at the phone for what felt like an eternity. She frowned. How many times did he need to read it to understand what it said? “I got a promotion,” she said, wondering if he’d failed to understand what Edward had written.
“I can see that.” He finally looked up, an unreadable expression on his face. “Are you going to take it?”
She paused at his question. He hadn’t said congratulations. He’d asked if she was going to take it. What did that mean? Was there even an option of not taking it? Was he thinking more than a few weeks with her as well? But even as she thought it, she realized it didn’t matter. Falling in love with Zane would break her heart. He might not realize that he’d changed his mind about babies, but she did. “I don’t know. I need to talk to Edward and get the details.” She shrugged. “It’s a great opportunity.”
“What about teaching?” The question was blunt and without apology.
She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t teach anymore.”
“You could.”
Frustration rolled through her. “Why are you pushing the teaching? You know I can’t do it anymore. I walked away from that.”
“It’s your passion. Why would you reject something which makes you feel alive, and accept a safe route that drains your soul?”
His words bit deep, true words that made her angry. “Really? Isn’t bull riding your passion? You rejected it because you didn’t like that it put you into contact with people who don’t like poor kids who tread the edges of society. Instead, you run around on that bike, not even letting yourself help the kids you want to defend.”
He dropped his hand from her leg, his face going
stoic. “That’s my business—”
“Is it?” She stood up, suddenly so angry. “Why do you judge me, when you’re just as guilty? You say you defend those kids, but even after losing one who couldn’t connect to basketball in a warehouse, you still refuse to look at other options. You talk about how the horses and bull riding saved you, but you won’t give those other kids the chance you had. What are you going to do with all that money you won? Let it rot in a bank account somewhere because you’ve convinced yourself you’re worth nothing?”
He stood up slowly, his eyes narrowed. “Why are you going off on me?” His voice was even and calm, but she knew him too well not to notice how angry he was.
“Because I’m tired of being made to feel like I’m not good enough!”
He raised his eyebrows, studying her intently, as if he didn’t believe her. “You are good enough. You just don’t realize it.”
“Really? If I’m so good, why am I not enough for a man like you? Why is it that you fall in love with a baby and not me?” Oh…crud. Had she really just said that?
Zane’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Nothing.” Horrified, she shoved her phone in her pocket. “I have to go.” She ducked past him and raced back to the building. She grabbed the door handle and pulled…and it didn’t move. She yanked again, harder, and still it didn’t move.
“It’s locked from the inside,” he said, still standing where she’d left him.
“I can see that!” She whirled around and started stalking around the building, in what she hoped was the general direction of the front door. “You go back to the ranch. I’ll catch a ride with Steen and Erin later.” She pointed in the other direction. “I think you left the bike that way,” she lied.
He ignored her, broke into a jog, and settled in beside her. “Taylor—”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I didn’t mean to say that, and I meant nothing by it, so let it go.” She knew she sounded snappy, but she was just so embarrassed by what she’d blurted out. Between the baby and her job, she felt so overwhelmed right now she couldn’t even think straight.
“I was just going to say that I need your help at the ranch. You promised Mira you’d help her, and this is what she needs. Erin has some critical cases she needs to attend, and one is a dangerous bull that she needs Steen’s help with. They’ll help out when they get back, but we’re the ones that aren’t needed anywhere else.”
Taylor bit her lip. She had promised Mira. That was why she’d come to Wyoming in the first place. So what if she’d managed to fall in love and get her heart broken? That didn’t change that she owed her friend. “Fine. But you can sleep on your bike tonight.”
He lightly wrapped his fingers around her elbow and leaned in, his breath warm against her ear. “Darlin’, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but there is no chance in hell I’m sleeping on my bike. I’ll give you space for the moment, but we’re talking this out tonight, whether you like it or not. Got it?”
“Fine. I’ll sleep on your bike.” She felt like her soul had fragmented into a thousand pieces, and she’d forgotten how to breathe. She needed space to regroup, to think, to recalibrate. She needed to find the place of equilibrium that had served her so well for so long.
“No chance of that,” Zane said.
The certainty in his voice made chills run down her spine. A part of her didn’t want him to give up on her. A part of her wanted him to fight for her, to prove that she was wrong for thinking that he didn’t love her. But another part of her, the part that had been broken too many times, wanted him to just let her go while she could still get away.
Because right now, all she wanted to do was run.
Chapter 15
Zane leaned against the stall door, watching Taylor as she swept the aisle. They were both sweaty and exhausted, having worked for almost four hours straight to take care of all the animals. The help Zane had called in had fed and watered everyone, but the stalls had needed to be cleaned, horses turned out, and then evening rounds had been done.
Taylor had been tireless, almost relentless in her work, never slowing down long enough to talk, which was fine with him.
He hadn’t figured out what to say.
Unaware that he was watching her, Taylor paused and leaned on her broom, resting her head against the handle. Her shoulders were slumped, and she looked exhausted. Her hair was a mess, she was covered in dust and shavings, and she had a smudge of dirt on her right cheek.
She was so beautiful that she made his heart stop in his chest, so vulnerable that he wanted to scoop her up in his arms and protect her forever, and so strong that he wanted to get down on one knee and bow to her. Working with her for the last four hours had reminded him of what it had been like to work on the ranch with his brothers when he was a kid. The ranch was the only time that he’d felt accepted, like he belonged. The animals never judged him, and he was so good at riding that he’d earned the instant respect of his brothers. Plus, his brothers were just as much of a stain on society as he had been, so he’d felt like their equal, not some insult to their existence.
He’d missed the ranch, he realized. He’d missed the animals, the hard work, and the smell of fresh hay and shavings. And, he’d missed the camaraderie that he’d found with Taylor, especially when she’d become too tired to remember she was mad at him.
She was tired now, and the evening had to change direction. “You ready?” he asked.
She startled, looking up at him as she pulled her shoulders back, hiding her exhaustion. “Ready for what?”
“To be finished. We’re all set.” He levered himself off the stall door and walked over to her, sliding his hands over hers as he took the broom. “You did great.”
She didn’t protest, instead sinking down on a nearby hay bale. “I’m so beat.”
“I know. It was a lot of work tonight.” He put the broom away. “I never could have done it without you. Between Chase, Steen, and Erin, there are a lot of animals on this ranch.”
“You need help here,” she said. “Especially now that Chase and Mira are going to be spending time with the baby.”
“Maybe. Help costs money.”
She met his gaze. “Not if they’re poor kids who need a reason to believe in themselves.”
And there it was, that same idea she’d been pushing at him. He sighed and sat down beside her, his shoulder leaning against hers.
She didn’t move away, so he rested his forearm on his thigh and held out his hand.
After a moment, she put her hand in his. The moment his fingers wrapped around hers, he felt himself relax. He realized he’d been worried that he’d never get a chance to hold her hand again, after she’d been so mad at him earlier. Stupid thing to worry about, but he had.
“You want to tell me what’s going on?” he said. The job. Her job offer. It had been gnawing at him all evening. He couldn’t understand why it was bothering him so much. No, he knew why. It was because she should be a teacher, not some corporate exec living in hotels and airplanes. She was more than that. She had the biggest heart he’d ever seen, and he didn’t want it killed by a sterile life.
She looked over at him, said nothing, and then shrugged. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” Then she stood up and started to walk down the aisle.
Zane frowned, jumped up and sprinted after her, grabbing her arm just before she made it to the main doors. “What the hell is going on?”
She glared at him. “Can’t you tell I don’t want to talk about it? Leave me alone.”
“Wow.” He stiffened at her rejection, sliding back into the defensive mode he’d lived with for so long. He would not put himself out there for someone who didn’t want him. Ever. “Fine.” He let go of her arm, and walked away, heading back toward the shed.
Thoughts hammered through him, but he shut them out. He would not let her get to him. She didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what anyone thought. He reached the door, and kept walking toward his bike. He’d
have to take care of the horses in the morning, but tonight was his.
He swung his leg over the bike and fired up the engine. It roared to life, filling him with the same thundering storm it always did…only it didn’t work this time. It wasn’t enough. He didn’t want to get on that bike. He wanted to be in Taylor’s arms in that bunkhouse.
Shit.
The tires began to roll, and he swung around toward the driveway, only to swear and slam on the brakes. Taylor was standing in front of him, blocking his path.
“Move,” he yelled over the engine.
“No!”
He swore under his breath, backed up, and began to drive around her. She immediately ran in front of the bike again, forcing him to stop. Swearing, he stopped the bike. “Taylor—”
“Turn it off!” she yelled.
He swore and killed the engine, folding his arms over his chest as he glared at her. “What?”
“I’m sorry.”
He frowned. “What?”
“I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I’m sorry I took my bad mood out on you. It’s not fair.”
He narrowed his eyes, unwilling to trust the apology. “Doesn’t matter. Is that it?”
“No!” She walked up and grabbed the handlebars. “When you turned away from me in the barn, I saw the look on your face. I knew that you thought I’d rejected you, that I’d somehow decided that you weren’t good enough.”
He ground his jaw. “You’re wrong.”
“I’m not.” She sighed, suddenly looking so tired that his anger dissipated. “Listen, Zane, I’m going to say this once, not because I want anything from you, but because you need to hear it. The reason I was upset in the hospital wasn’t because Mira and Chase have a baby and I don’t. I was upset because you fell in love with him.”
That hadn’t been what he’d been expected to hear. “What are you talking about?”
“The baby. I saw the look on your face. Everyone did. You love him.”
He shrugged, uncomfortable with the discussion. “He’s my nephew. I’m not going to reject the kid.”
A Real Cowboy Rides a Motorcycle Page 15
