Emily's Passion

by Storm, A J

  I tapped him on the shoulder and uttered, “Doug, honey, you’re getting heavy and my thighs are killing me!”

  “You’re going to make me move, aren’t you?” he asked.

  “Please?” I replied.

  Ever so slowly I felt him leave my body making me feel lonely and cold. His hands began to massage my thighs at the same time he released my bindings. He snuggled up against my side and wrapped me in his arms. He was breathing steadily into my hair so I assumed he had fallen asleep.

  Doug held me close as if he never wanted to let me go. He buried his face in my hair inhaling the smell of my coconut and pineapple shampoo. His hands were lightly rubbing over my stomach as he began to move them up towards my chest. I flinched.

  “Emily, did I hurt you?” he asked.

  “No. The pain is completely gone. In fact, there’s no feeling at all in that whole area,” I answered.

  “Then what’s wrong?” he asked softly stroking his fingers over my scars where my breasts once were.

  “You know I’m self-conscious about them, my scars. I miss having breasts. I miss feeling you touch and squeeze them. I miss your tongue and mouth on my nipples,” I explained.

  “Hey, look at me! They are beautiful. They are beautiful because they are a reminder to me that I would have lost you if we hadn’t had this done. And I don’t think I could have taken that. ” He leaned over and placed a kiss on each scar holding me close…

  I jerked back to reality, noticing it was almost dark as several hours had gone by. Tears were streaming down my face. Wiping them away, I started the car and headed for home. “Oh, Doug, I miss you so much!” I cried to myself.

  Chapter Four

  A year went by quickly while I worked very hard to get back into the world of the living. It was in my nature to become a hermit and stay hidden in my house. I managed to go through my address book and contact all of my friends who lived close. Most of them had been at the funeral anyway, but I wanted to make sure I renewed all of my old friendships. Libby had been my best friend in school growing up, so it was very important to keep her close. Having a friend who understood everything that you were going through was a pure luxury for me. Libby would be there for me no matter what.

  The nightmares weren’t as frequent as they were right after Doug’s death. My pain and stress had begun to ease somewhat but I would never let go of his memory. I would constantly tell myself I wouldn’t mourn him but then I would turn around and continue to play old memories through my mind. Emotionally, I had turned around from not mourning for the rest of my life to never letting go of memories of him.

  I hadn’t spent as much time online over the past four months but I still kept in touch with my friends in Kansas and Texas, however that was it. My friends in Texas were always trying to get me to drive down to their home at the lake and spend the weekend with them but I was constantly putting it off.

  When I sat at the computer and logged onto my account, I was bombarded with several messages left since the last time I was on my page. A few were from my friend in Kansas and a few from the friends in Texas, but several were from Ryan. This really surprised me even though we had spent several months teasing back and forth over the pictures I posted. He even posted a few with a message given here and there teasing back. I began to enjoy our banter but it was tying me to the house and I couldn’t let myself get caught up in that habit. So I had stayed off social media for several weeks.

  Fear raced over my body as I started to open his first message. I really felt as if I should delete all of his messages without reading them but my curiosity got the better of me. Ryan’s first few messages were just polite, general ones expressing how he missed me and hoped I was doing well. However, the last few held more concern in his tone at my extended absence. He voiced concerns from my health, emotions, all the way to fearing he had totally offended me with his teasing.

  The last message sent two weeks ago made me feel a little guilty and want to apologize but I didn’t want him to think I cared more than I did. I didn’t want to start any online relationships other than friendship. And I was pretty sure he felt the same way because his female following was extensive. I always wondered why he hadn’t teased with them like he did with me. My guilt finally won, reminding me how much I hated ignoring anyone because I hated being ignored myself. Instead of logging off, I typed a quick message to him letting him know I was fine and getting out more, visiting friends. I reassured him he hadn’t offended me in any way and I enjoyed our banter. Staring at the computer screen, I almost hit the cancel button but went ahead and pressed send.

  After logging off the computer, I snuggled down in my favorite rocking chair and started to read. A month ago, my love of reading finally coaxed my attention and I was doing remarkably well with it. ‘Three hours passed quickly,’ I thought as I looked at the clock realizing it was one in the morning. I stumbled to my bedroom and fell into bed.

  The next morning I decided to post another serious picture just to let people know I was okay and still around. ‘Fuck is a response for everything,’ was a picture I found expressing my current viewpoint. Within seconds, Ryan was posting a comment under it saying ‘nothing like a good one!’ Smiling to myself, I commented back ‘we’ll see! Lol’ and hit send. Again within seconds he commented ‘especially a dark stranger!’ Having just read my favorite author’s book, Dark Stranger, I laughed out loud and responded with ‘ahh, you know how to tempt me.’ I heard my computer beep so I clicked on the post. There he was in all his magnificent playfulness with his comment ‘temptation is my game, and the devil is my name.’ He wasn’t about to be out done by me. I quickly texted back ‘we’ve met before…I never forget a…’ and logged off laughing.

  Days turned into weeks with this same kind of back and forth banter. I was beginning to look forward to my time teasing with Ryan online. It made me feel good again to let my humor and quick wit out. I didn’t know much about Ryan except what was on his profile page, which wasn’t much. He had been a Marine but I knew you never said ex-marine because ‘once a Marine, always a Marine’. My Dad had been a Marine. Surprisingly, Ryan’s year of birth was on his profile page making him sixty-nine years old, seven years my senior and probably a Vietnam Veteran, if I was guessing. That particular war always sparked big emotions in me. I had friends who never came home but also had friends who did and were never emotionally the same. It always broke my heart! His interests were multi-faceted ranging from beautiful art, to photography, travel, different architecture, ethnic cultures, and of course the always popular gorgeous women. He always posted sensuous photos of beautiful, slender, well-built women from all nationalities. I would occasionally feel a pang of jealousy because I knew I would never be able to compete with those beautiful women. Then I would chastise myself for even caring because we would never meet. How silly was I being? We did have one interest in common, however, our love of wolves! I was passionate about wolves! My dream had always been to be able to pet and play with one but so far it was only a dream.

  Ryan and I had never spoken in private chat and I was glad that he had never insisted on it. I knew so many women who had their heart broken sexting in private chats to be dumped later on by the men. Teasing out in the open was great for me so no emotional ties were able to be formed. Flirtations were one thing but online relationships were dangerous and not my desire.

  The next day I decided I needed a long weekend away from home, only I had no idea where I could go. It had to be out-of-state to get away from family. In fact, I needed to be away from anyone I knew. Doug and I had always planned to go visit the Black Hills to see Mount Rushmore and then head over to Sturgis. Of course, that was much more than a weekend trip. “Could I take that much time away from home?” I asked myself. “Hell yeah, I am my own person!” It would be the perfect trip for me. No one would know me. No one would be smothering me. I was going to do it!

  Chapter Five

  I made reservations at a group of cabins near Mou
nt Rushmore. Since Sturgis was a bit on the wild side, I decided to spend my entire time at the cabins figuring it wouldn’t be a place to visit by myself. Another trip maybe. Opposition abounded from my kids but I tuned them out and continued to make plans. I was more excited than I had been in a long time. This was a new adventure for me and I was so ready for it. I was ready to be someone besides a widow, mother, and grandmother. This was my time and I was going to live it to the fullest. Once the children promised not to contact me unless there was an emergency, I told them where I was staying. My GPS would stay on so I could be tracked if necessary, but I didn’t tell them that.

  I spent four days packing. Not because I was taking so much but because I couldn’t decide what to wear or take with me. Eventually, I decided comfortable and casual were the best choices. After all, I was staying in a cabin so how fancy was I going to have to dress?

  *****

  My plane landed in Rapid City and I rented a car driving the rest of the way to the cabins. In my mind’s eye, I pictured them rustic and lacking modern amenities but my fears were quickly put to rest. The cabins were built in a row along a huge rushing creek at the edge of the hills. A few steps from the first cabin, was a magnificent building that housed a restaurant, a bar, and a few shops with an outdoor heated swimming pool.

  I requested a cabin as close to the end as possible in order to have a small amount of privacy. It meant I would have further to walk to the restaurant each day but I didn’t mind. I was here to hike and relax not to socialize.

  The split log cabins were nice but not extravagant. Mine was a one bedroom, one bath with a small kitchenette off the living area for those that wanted to cook. I had no desire to cook so I would be making an appearance at the restaurant for meals. It did have a television with cable but I planned on using my time reading and hiking. I could watch television at home.

  As I unpacked, I hung my clothes in the closet hoping the wrinkles would fall out before I needed them. Everything was where it needed to be when I heard and felt my stomach growl. It was almost eight in the evening when I realized I was hungry. Luckily, what I had on still looked presentable. I changed my sneakers for my boots, grabbed a light jacket, and headed for the main building.

  The stroll was beautiful! The complex lay in a valley in the middle of forested hills. The air was clean and crisp this late in the evening making me feel revived. Most people were finishing their meals when I traipsed in. I was grateful for the ‘no wait’ and un-crowded dining room. Seated at a table in the corner at the back of the room, I could see everyone coming and going. I was grateful for that. I never liked sitting with my back to a room or door. People watching when they weren’t aware of me doing it was my favorite hobby.

  Rather than wine, I chose a frozen margarita and the enchilada dinner. The maître d’ was talking with a man at the front of the restaurant as I sat back in my chair sipping my drink. Normally, I wouldn’t notice such things but this man was strikingly tall, at least compared to the maître d’ and he was taller than me. I wished he would turn around so I could see the face that went with that pair of long legs. He was seated at a table across the room but facing me. I turned my attention to the window to not appear as if I were staring. Glancing out of the corner of my eye at him, I noticed he was perusing the menu. It was a perfect opportunity to study him while he wasn’t looking my way. He had a full head of silver white hair except on top where it was a little thinner. It was cut short but wasn’t in a buzz cut. His face was strong and chiseled with a silver white fu-manchu mustache framing his full, sturdy mouth. I couldn’t tell what color his eyes were but his forehead appeared proud and un-wrinkled. He wore a pair of metal framed glasses making him appear distinguished and well educated. His shoulders were not quite what I would call broad but were not small by any means. As I was assessing his chest, he looked up over his menu giving me a long, cool stare. Wow! Those eyes cut a hole straight through me! I looked back at the window as if I were just browsing the room a little at a time. I sure hoped he bought into my ruse. When I slowly looked his direction again, he was still studying me. Nope, didn’t fall for it. I really couldn’t tell what color his eyes were but they appeared to be a combination of light blue and steel grey searing into mine. He briefly smiled and looked down at his menu again. ‘Whew,’ I was relieved and spent the rest of the evening concentrating on my meal and drink.

  After I finished my meal I returned to my cabin. I was glad I had brought a jacket. Even in the summer, the nights had a bit of a chill. I would love to take a dip in the heated pool some evening if I could ever find it empty. I just might try it.

  *****

  Early the next morning I awoke excited about seeing Mount Rushmore. I dressed and quickly made my way to the information desk picking up maps and brochures. Then I headed straight for the restaurant to grab a quick breakfast. As I was being seated in the center of the dining room, Mr. Long Tall Legs, as I so named him, was finishing his breakfast and leaving. He flashed a cold look in my direction and turned to go. I smiled to myself thinking I must have scared him to death ogling him last night!

  After a light breakfast, I had my morning diet coke and set off to drive to the monument to spend the morning. When I was in Junior High I had visited the Monument with my parents but I was sure there would be changes to see. I was also going to sit and do some people watching. It was one of my favorite past-times at the mall so outdoors should be even better.

  It wasn’t that far a drive. I roamed around taking in the sheer beauty of the hills and trees. The Monument was still just as amazing as I remembered. I wished Doug could have been here with me to see it. It was hard to imagine the men that carved those true to life faces out of the mountain. Finding a huge rock looking like it was begging me to sit on it; I sat down at the side of the walk near the front of the observation area. People were funny creatures to watch. Some were just in awe; others were rather blasé about the whole thing. Many of the teenagers fell into the last category. You could tell they were coerced by their parents to be there. I had to laugh to myself since I remembered being the same way.

  People from all walks of life were parading by, helping me pass the time. I would try to imagine what kind of lives they lived just by their mannerisms. I panned my eyes over to my left slowly and about choked on my own saliva! “Oh Dear God, no!” I found myself stammering out loud. Mr. Long Tall Legs was walking down the sidewalk to the front of the observation area! I ducked my head, thinking I could hide myself but no such luck. He was smirking at me as I was all scrunched up like an armadillo protecting itself. He proceeded right in front of me and mumbled “Morning!” I thought I was going to die but managed to blurt out “Morning” back to him.

  He stationed himself looking at the monument with his back to me so I seized advantage of the time. He was very tall, slender through the hips but not skinny. His shoulders were a little broader standing in the day light rather than sitting at the restaurant. Of course the black leather jacket gave his shoulders more definition accenting his snug fitting jeans. He wore them well too, for an older man. ‘And wow,’ I thought to myself, ‘black biker boots!’ God, the guy was decked out!

  He suddenly turned around leaning back into the rails of the wooden fence with his arms spread out beside him casually. He arched one eyebrow at me, cocked his head to the side, and smiled at me. Those lips. Those firm damn lips framed by that amazing mustache were sending twinges between my thighs! ‘Oh Jesus, Emily,’ I thought. ‘You can’t be doing this.’ I grabbed my purse without looking in his direction and practically ran to my car. As I slammed my door, I was mentally beating myself up for being sexually aroused by someone other than Doug. ‘I can’t allow this! My family was right! I have no business going off by myself. What was I thinking? And my God, I am way too old for this! A sixty-two year old woman has no business being horny or having an affair. Affair? Where did that come from? Emily, girl, you have lost it!’

  By the time I reached the cabin, I had th
oroughly beaten the crap out of myself. If my plane tickets weren’t set in stone, I would fly home tomorrow and stay there. I ate lunch and then sat watching some children playing in the pool. They were splashing each other and having a ball. Their laughter was contagious. Off in the distance I heard a motorcycle approach making its way to the end cabin. I didn’t think anything about it as I continued to watch the children. Feeling a little sleepy, I rose to my feet going back to the cabin to lie down for an hour or so. As I fell on the bed, my emotions were all over the place from the admission that a stranger had attracted me sexually. I kept wondering what was happening to me as I drifted off to sleep.

  *****

  Two hours later, I awoke, changed clothes, and went behind my cabin to sit overlooking the creek and read the rest of the afternoon. The rushing sounds of the water over the rocks made me feel elated and content. I turned my e-reader on and began to read the second book by my favorite author. Absorbed in the book, I didn’t hear anyone approach me from the side. When he spoke I looked up into the steel blue-grey eyes of Mr. Long Tall Legs. ‘Okay, I am going to have to stop calling him that,’ I mentally berated myself.