by Storm, A J
Chapter Seven
My body was jolted awake by pounding on my door. I looked at the clock seeing it was seven thirty in the morning. Who would be pounding on my door at this time of day? I got out of bed making my way to the door and throwing the deadbolt back. ‘Damn,’ I thought, ‘I forgot to look out the peephole.’ I opened the door. There stood Alan in all his sexy glory.
“My God, Emily, look at you.” he smirked.
“I’m sorry, Alan. I’m a mess, I know.” I stammered as I realized I was in a pair of boxer shorts and T-shirt. My hair was down and hanging all over as if I had been in a wrestling match. My makeup was a little smeared.
“No! You look sexy as hell! I love it! I came to get you for breakfast and make plans to take you on a picnic on my bike,” he explained.
“Come back in thirty minutes and I’ll be ready,” as least I hoped I would!
I slipped into my jeans, brushed my teeth, repaired my makeup, and dragged my hair back into a ponytail. A black light weight tank top hung in the closet. I slipped it on pulling a blue chambray work shirt on over it. I was as ready as I would ever be just as there was a knock on the door. I opened it, stepped out, and melted under his smile.
“Are you ready to take a ride on the bike after breakfast?” he asked.
“I thought we were going to plan a picnic lunch for later today,” I answered surprised.
“I have it all taken care of for this evening. I thought I would drive you around the area and let you see it in the light of day. Is that okay with you?” he asked.
Alan opened the door for me as we entered the restaurant. I scurried in without answering as we were seated once again by a window overlooking the water. It didn’t go un-noticed that I hadn’t given him an answer as he sat across the table from me. I could see it in his eyes.
“Emily?” he asked. I avoided eye contact with him at first. Then I looked up into those piercing eyes.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked again.
“I’m just not sure I understand why you would want to spend so much time with me. If you are looking for a playmate for the week, you’ve got the wrong girl, Alan. I had the best lover a woman could ever have and I have no intention of looking for another,” I curtly responded.
Alan’s eyes did a double take as if I had slapped him across the face.
He sat back away from the table as if trying to read my emotions. “I don’t remember telling you that was what I wanted, Emily. I think, if I remember correctly, I expressed I wanted to be friends with you and get to know everything about you.” He paused for a moment watching the apparent embarrassment on my face.
“How hungry are you?” he asked.
“Not very,” I replied.
“Let’s grab a sweet roll. I know the perfect spot where we can talk and have some privacy,” Alan suggested. “Then you can tell me whether you want to continue with this friendship or not.”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I am having a hard time understanding the attraction,” I apologized.
“Hold that thought,” he told me as he motioned for the waiter. He ordered two sweet rolls and a thermos of coffee to go. We sat in silence for ten minutes until the waiter came over with our food in a sturdy sack with handles. Alan rose and strode over holding out his hand to me with one eyebrow cocked. I looked into his eyes and knew I couldn’t say no to him. I held his hand letting him help me up and guide me through the front door. We hiked back to his cabin in silence and approached his Harley. It was a beautiful candy apple red and silver low rider with a high rise passenger seat. The black leather seats were soft, rich, and thickly padded with back rests for comfort. Silver studs outlined the leather upholstery. He helped me on the back and offered his helmet to me.
“No thanks. I’d rather feel the wind blow against my hair and face,” I replied. He sat in front of me putting on his helmet as he shoved our breakfast in the saddle bag.
Scooting his ass back against my crotch he turned and told me, “You’re going to actually have to touch me and hang on.”
I felt like such a fool for popping off at him. I knew I had hurt his feelings and felt ashamed. ‘I’m going to have to really think of an appropriate apology,’ I thought.
He pressed his butt closer and leaned against me as he revved the engine. I tried not to but I felt my body coming alive as he sped off down the highway. His body felt good against mine as I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his back.
Alan must have been enjoying the feel of my body against his. I could see a definite large bulge in his jeans. After my little speech in the restaurant I wasn’t sure how the rest of the day was going to end but this way we would have an opportunity to lay everything out for discussion.
I wasn’t sure how far he drove but he did seem to know where he was going. Basically we followed the highway which followed the creek until he turned onto a dirt road that headed towards the water. He kept driving until he came to an open area on a bluff overlooking the hollow where the creek flowed through.
I stayed on the bike as Alan wrestled off his helmet, leaning forward and throwing his leg over the bike. He yanked the sack with our food in it out of the saddle bag and sat it on the ground. Turning around, he helped me off the bike. There was a grassy area surrounded by rocks over near the edge of the bluff.
Alan helped me sit on the grass handing me a sweet roll. He poured coffee into the lid of the thermos and started to hand it to me but I put my hand up stopping him.
“I don’t drink coffee. I get my caffeine from Diet Coke,” I explained.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think to ask you,” he apologized.
I started playing with my sweet roll the more nervous I became. It was killing me that neither of us was talking and I felt as if I would implode. The tension in the air was making me crazy. Alan was sitting on one of the flatter rocks and I started to speak.
“Alan, look, I’m . . .”
Alan cut me off saying, “Just a minute, Emily. I have something I want to ask before you get started.” He swallowed a drink of his coffee taking the time to let the hot liquid flow across his tongue and down his throat. He cleared his throat looking intently into my eyes. “What is it that is really scaring you, little girl?”
My pulse quickened as his gaze remained on me as if reading my mind. “I’m not sure I know what you mean. I’m not afraid of anything that I can think of,” I answered.
Alan breathed in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. Taking another drink, he swallowed and gave me a stern stare. “I’m not trying to be rude or make you uncomfortable with me, Emily, but you are lying. You are lying to me now and you are lying to yourself,” he accused.
My heart was pounding as I sat and stared at him in disbelief.
Alan didn’t back down! He sat with his arms crossed over his chest and his boots crossed at the ankles. If I hadn’t been in shock, I would have melted into a puddle at his feet right there.
I could swear he could hear my heart pounding loudly. I tried to slow it down but was unsuccessful.
He uncrossed his ankles, shifted his weight, and spoke to me. “Now, take a deep breath, let it out, and tell me what it is you are afraid of. We will sit here until you do.”
Tears were pooling behind my eyes as I looked at him but he held firm showing no emotion. I figured I had ruined any chance of being friends. Plus, I was angry at myself for being so defensive. I might as well come clean since I had been an ass to him.
“This isn’t easy for me to say out loud let alone even admit to myself. I can’t put my finger on it but there is something that attracts me to you,” I began.
“Attracts you how?” he asked.
Oh shit! Can’t he just let it go? He wasn’t going to budge at all. “I am attracted to you physically,” I choked out. “You seem to have a sort of control over my body and emotions. I can’t explain it any better than that. Your eyes and voice compel me to want to follow your suggestions,
for lack of a better explanation. Your touch makes my body burn and melt. I don’t understand it, I can’t even control it but it scares the hell out of me. My Doug didn’t even have this kind of control over me. And I feel guilty as hell and horrified by it.” By this time, tears were starting to fall from my eyes.
Alan rose and squatted down to sit next to me on the grass. He let me cry on his chest pulling my body against his. He could tell guilt was eating at me and also knew I was sexually attracted to him. My body gave up my secrets in ways against my will, which thrilled him as there was no way he could hide his excitement.
Alan tenderly stroked my hair and whispered sweet words to me as I lay against his chest until the sobbing stopped. I could hear his heart beating—no--pounding in his chest. Just knowing he was aroused made my heart pump faster terrifying me. I propelled against his chest trying to get free but he firmly held me in place.
“Talk to me, Emily,” he commanded as he continued to stroke his fingers through my ponytail. “Please, just talk to me.”
“This scares me, Alan,” I cried out.
“What does, little girl,” he asked.
“This! You and me. I don’t understand my own feelings anymore. I just know that you scare me but arouse me all at the same time,” I explained.
Alan chuckled rubbing his chin against the top of my head. He let me sit up taking my face in his hand stroking my chin with his thumb.
“This will be whatever you allow it to be. It will either be the beginning or end of us. . . our decision. We are two adults who are sexually attracted to each another beyond our control. And I for one am excited about it. Does that make it a “playmate for a week” situation? Not in this case. In my mind, we are two people who enjoy each other’s company, who laugh together, share stimulating conversations over food and wine. We share several things in common such as art, music, the Viet Nam War, Marines, the love of Harleys, the great outdoors, and wolves. And yes, we also possess a strong sexual attraction but I want to get to know you. . .the real you deep inside of that heart of yours. If I have to wait for the romance and sex, so be it,” he told me.
I stared into his eyes questioning him feeling like a little girl lost and alone. “I don’t know what to do with this,” I whispered.
Sliding his hand down my cheek to my chin, he tilted my face up pulling me closer to his mouth. He pressed his lips softly against mine giving me a kiss and then pulling back looking into my eyes. Again he leaned into my ready lips placing a delicate kiss against them and pulling away. He searched my eyes as if for an answer to his question hoping beyond hope he would find it there.
I raised my hands and caressed his face letting my fingers trace softly around his eyes then down to the mustache around his soft, firm lips. I was staring at his lips when he held my face in his hands and placed several small kisses one at a time on mine. We were toying with each other, playfully exploring each other’s sensual natures. Playfulness suddenly turned into a desperate urgency as we ground our lips against each other wrapping our arms together in a passionate embrace. I fell back onto the grass with Alan on top of me as we frantically ran our hands over each other’s bodies trying to memorize the feel. When Alan leaned up and ran his hand over my stomach and up to my chest, I panicked immediately pushing him off of me beating on his chest and yelling “No!” I rolled over away from his body and sprang to my feet fighting to catch my breath. Angry tears fell down my face as I continued to repeat the word “No” more to myself than to Alan.
He had no idea what was going on or why I was going into hysterics. “What is wrong? Why are you repeating no to me?” he demanded. Alan rose to his feet and tried to take me into his arms but I backed away from him.
“Don’t touch me! Please, don’t touch me!” I cried out.
“Emily, tell me what I did,” he shouted at me. “What did I do to turn you off so fast?”
I turned my back to him pulling my shirt tightly around my chest as if I were trying to hide. He stood behind me placing his hands on my shoulders and begged, “Talk to me, baby. Please, talk to me. I can’t fix what I don’t know is wrong.”
“Oh Alan, you can’t fix this. No one can fix this! You would do better if you just decided to forget this entire attraction thing,” I told him.
“I don’t accept that, Emily. Tell me what is wrong and at least give me a chance to try,” he pleaded.
Alan stayed on his feet looking at me for an explanation while I sat down on the rock he had previously sat on. I cleared my throat and began, “Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went through surgery and all treatments only to have it come back a year and a half later in the other breast. I elected to have a double mastectomy without reconstructive surgery. I have no breasts, Alan, only scars across my chest. Only one man in my life has ever seen or felt my scars. And you are asking for us to have an intimate relationship while I open myself up to ridicule and painful humiliation.”
Alan started to reach for me but I thrust my arm out to stop him. “No, Alan, you can talk to me from over there.”
“Okay,” he added as he stepped back. “I am sorry you went through all of that but I am extremely grateful you are alive to tell the tale. I am also hurt and angry that you think so little of me to think I would ridicule you or cause you any humiliation. You are a survivor and a damn sexy one. You are a Warrior, Emily. You fought and you won. That only adds to how much I want you right now. I cannot imagine being turned off by your scars. Hell, I’ve got scars from my time in the Marines. My body is not young and buff anymore but I’m sure as hell not going to hide it away from others.”
I looked down at my hands as he spoke to me when suddenly he was on his knees in front of me.
“Look at me, little girl. Now!” he demanded. “You are sexy. The way you flirt, carry yourself, and damn, your eyes are so huge a man could get lost in them. You are beautiful. God Emily, you. are. so. fucking. beautiful. So what if you have scars instead of breasts. They don’t define you. They represent the strength that is inside that determined spirit of yours. And quite frankly, I find that incredibly arousing.”
Once again I looked at my hands as if to hide. Alan had had enough!
“Stop!” he shouted. “Hold your eyes and head up! Never look down or away for anyone. There is no shame in being proud of who you are and what you have been through. The only shame comes if we allow others who belittle, lie, or gossip about us to win. Karma is a lady who is always aware of the injustices of life and her payback is a Bitch, Emily. Don’t ever bow down to anyone because you think you are less than what you truly are. Don’t bow down to anyone who thinks they are better than you.”
I allowed him to take me into his arms and hold me. His arms felt so secure and warm; I didn’t want to let him go. I let him hold me for several minutes and then sat back to ask, “Where do we go from here?”
“You have to decide that. I can’t do it for you. I know what I want but this is your decision. I think instead of that picnic this evening, I should let you have the rest of the day to think about what you want and come to terms with it. Then tonight after dinner we’ll talk. Whatever you want is how things will be. I won’t fight you on it.”
“I think that sounds like a good idea,” I answered. “I need some time alone to think it all through. Can we skip dinner and just meet at eight?”
“That would be fine with me only let’s make it seven thirty. Do you want to meet in your cabin or in mine?” he asked.
“Let’s meet in your room. I’ll come over and we can talk,” I suggested.
We rode back to the cabins where he dropped me off at my door. We both agreed to meet again at seven thirty. I shuffled into my cabin and fell down on the bed. My emotions were being dragged in every direction. Tears began falling from my eyes. I cried tears for the memory of Doug and how much I missed his guidance and support. I cried for the man staying in the last cabin. How had he become so important to me in such a short amount of time?
“God, am I a whore?” I shouted at the ceiling and then began to sob out of control. Alan had brought me back to the edge of living again. He had made me feel and want once again. At sixty-two years old I should be through with all the romance and sexual shit. However, he brought them out in me by simply being in the same room with me. His touch ignited fires in me that I thought were long dead. His lips, dear God, his lips made me melt into a small puddle at his feet. That voice could launch ships and made me want to do whatever he asked. I rolled over, buried my face in the comforter and sobbed uncontrollably.
Finally, I cried because I was indecisive and insecure about what I wanted. When had I let myself become such a whining woman? I was stronger than this. My mind was strong and I knew what I wanted out of life.
