by Storm, A J
Sitting up, I wiped the tears from my face determined to shake off my confusion. One by one, I went back over everything that Alan had recited to me today. He made perfect sense to me when he made me see the truth behind his attraction to me. In my mind, I weighed the pros and cons of continuing to see him. One side far outweighed the other but how was I going to handle the information? Deep inside my heart I knew what I had to do and it would be one of the hardest things I had ever done.
I looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was three-thirty giving me four hours before I met with him. All my sappy crying had worn me out; I needed a nap. Setting the alarm for two hours would give me another two hours to shower and dress. Hopefully, I would be clear headed and ready to give him my decision. As my head hit the pillow, I wondered how Alan would react to my choice. Before I could even form an opinion, I fell asleep.
Chapter Eight
It didn’t take any time at all for me to fall into a deep sleep. I began to dream I was walking along the beach on the edge of the ocean. It was a beautiful sunny day and I felt happy for the first time in a very long time. Off in the distance a figure was walking towards me. I couldn’t make out who it was but I felt no fear as I hurried towards the person. The closer I got I could tell it was a man. My heart raced and tears filled my eyes when I realized it was Doug. Running as fast as I could in the sand, I threw myself into his arms laughing and sobbing at the same time.
Doug grabbed me in his arms and spun me around in the air holding me tight against his body.
“Oh Douglas, you feel so good. Please stay here with me and don’t go back,” I begged.
Doug set me on my feet in the sand with a huge radiant smile on his face. He brushed my cheek with his fingers as if to comfort me. “My love, you know I can’t do that. I have to go but I came to talk to you seriously about your future. I want you to listen to me and do as I say, Emily,” he demanded. “You are stubborn and refuse to do what is best for you. You are holding on to the past and if you don’t let go, it will make you a miserable old woman.”
I looked into his eyes and saw how at peace he was now. His face showed such love but it was different somehow. Yes, he still loved me dearly, I thought, but there was a love for something so much greater than what we originally had. Part of me was hurt and scared but another part knew it was what should be.
Taking his fingers from my face, he placed his hands on my shoulders looking me in the eyes and pleaded, “Emily, it is time to let go of me. You have an opportunity facing you that will enable you to grow stronger and love deeper. But you can’t do it, baby, if you are still clinging to my memories. I don’t want you to wall your heart up away from everyone. That is not the kind of love we had. You will realize which choice is the right choice to make. I won’t be with you anymore and I want to know that you are not alone.”
I felt my eyes stinging with tears as I watched his face and body dissolve into thin air pleading for him not to go. The next thing I was aware of was a deep voice behind me saying, “Well, little girl, what’s it going to be?” I turned around to find myself staring up into amazing blue-gray eyes while Alan was stroking my arms. Looking down at me, he sternly voiced his concern, “I won’t be a rebound, Emily!”
“Rebound?” I questioned. “I’m too old to start playing games now, Sir!”
He drew me against his chest and whispered into my ear, “Then know this! What we start tonight won’t be a onetime affair. You’re in it until I decide differently!” A shudder ran through my body as his lips caressed my neck.
A loud buzzing woke me from my dream. My heart was pounding and sweat was pouring down my neck onto my chest as I slapped the alarm off. I immediately sat up, trying desperately to catch my breath. It was so real; I could still feel Alan’s lips and breath against my neck. I felt as if I had been running a marathon.
I wobbled into the bathroom and threw cold water onto my face. The dream had totally knocked me to my knees since I had finally stopped having dreams of Doug a few months ago. And Alan, oh my God, I could still feel his lips on me. His voice was commanding in that dream and I wanted to hear more of it. I wanted him to take control of me emotionally and physically. There, I admitted it to myself finally! Doug had given his blessing even if it was just a dream. I knew it wasn’t real but in my mind I had finally let go of my memories of him. Never would I stop loving him but now it would no longer prevent me from loving again or feel guilty about desiring someone else.
I showered, dried my hair, and went to my closet to decide what to wear. Tonight would be strictly casual so my attire should match. I chose my jeans, a tank top with my chambray shirt over it, and flip flops. My reflection looked sloppy as I stationed myself in front of the mirror. At least I was comfortable. As nervous as I was, I could use every little bit of help available. My key was laying on the table so I grabbed it as I trotted out the door. It was seven-thirty; time to face my fears. The door closed behind me as I turned to walk to his cabin. My heart was in my throat as I lifted each step of my feet one by one pounding harder with each footfall I landed. When I reached the front door, I almost turned around to go back. Defeat wasn’t the answer! Only facing my fears would quiet my lack of emotional control.
I knocked on the door and waited breathless. I didn’t have to wait long because Alan was right there smiling down at me. He was wearing tight jeans with a black Sturgis t-shirt tucked into the waist. For once, he wasn’t wearing his biker boots but was barefooted. He winked at me as he caught me staring at his body and I blushed. When I strolled into his cabin the first thing I noticed was the many bouquets of flowers scattered around the room. Realizing they were roses with daisies, my eyes began to tear up as I beamed at him with a big smile.
“You remembered how much I love daisies,” I remarked.
Alan shrugged his shoulders and declared, “I wanted to make things as romantic as possible in this old cabin. I did a lot of thinking this afternoon after I dropped you off. I tried so hard to be gentle with you while encouraging you but when you kept lowering your eyes in defeat, it flew all over me. That is not the fighter I know you are. I also know I drove you too much but I just wanted you to open up to me.”
I went over and breathed in the fragrance of the roses. They smelled so good. “They are beautiful, Alan. Thank you for going to so much trouble. It’s really very sweet,” I grinned thanking him. My eyes moved to the table by the back door which remained open allowing a gentle breeze to blow into the room. The table was set with a table cloth, candles, a dinner for two, and a bottle of wine. Alan stood with his hands in his pockets as I crossed over to look closer at the table.
“You arranged all of this today?” I asked.
“Yes, after I left you at your cabin, I decided to make the evening special regardless of what your decision was. I called the restaurant, talked with the maître d’, and arranged for a quiet dinner. I ordered the house special for the evening which was pot roast brazed in a burgundy wine sauce, with new potatoes, baby carrots, and a small loaf of homemade bread. Dessert would be apple pie with ice cream and caramel sauce. They set up the table for me when they brought the food and wine. I hoped we would have a calm discussion but there is the sparkling wine to loosen the tension if it is needed. I had no idea how the evening would turn out but I prepared for the worst. And even if I ended up losing you tonight that didn’t mean I couldn’t make it special for you. I am afraid of losing you from my life but I will keep my word. I will not fight whatever your decision is,” he told me.
I stroked my hand up his arm to reassure him of my feelings.
“Are you hungry? Here, sit,” he pointed to the chair as he dragged it out for me. “I thought we might as well enjoy a good meal and wine while we have our discussion.”
I sat and looked at the roast with the potatoes, carrots, and bread thinking I was going to end up throwing it all up with my nerves. There was so much food I would never be able to get it all down. He poured a glass of wine handing it t
o me and I quickly had the glass almost empty. Alan refilled it for me as I was gloriously already feeling that welcome buzz!
We were both picking at our food, not really tasting anything but the wine, which was flowing freely. I finally leaned back against my chair and put my fork down.
“Well, I guess there is no ignoring why we are really here even though the atmosphere is amazing and beautiful,” I smiled at him. “I had a dream about Doug this afternoon.”
Alan’s face fell and he closed his eyes for a brief moment trying to catch his breath. “Here it comes,” he whispered.
Even though I heard him, I continued, “I was on a beach and he was walking towards me. He was different; at peace with himself and the world.”
“Fuck! This isn’t how I planned tonight. Maybe we should stop, say good night, and leave it at that,” he offered.
Alan’s face was upset and disappointment clouded his eyes. I wondered why my dream would cause this reaction in him but I just continued to tell him the details. “He came to talk to me about letting go of the past and old memories. He told me he didn’t want me being alone for the rest of my life,” I told him as I got out of my chair. I sidled over to the door looking out at the night sky. “He gave me his blessing, Alan, to move on with my life.”
Alan listened to me intently at the same time his mouth curved into a smile.
“His face slowly faded in front of me and the next thing I heard was your voice behind me saying, “Well, little girl, what’s it going to be?” I narrated.
Alan got up from the table walking behind me placing his hands on my shoulders. “What is your decision? I can’t deal with being a rebound, baby.”
I slowly turned around and asked him, “What did you just say?”
Alan repeated, “I won’t be your rebound,” and then added, “If we start this tonight it won’t be just a one night thing, Emily. It will be until we both decide it’s over and not before.”
I stood there blinking into his eyes shocked. “Oh Alan, I can’t believe this! You conveyed almost those exact same words to me in my dream!”
He arched an eyebrow and rubbed his thumb softly over my bottom lip. His eyes twinkled with mischief as he turned my body back to face the open door. Bending his head down close to my ear he whispered “Close your eyes, little girl!”
“Alan, I thought you wanted my answer?” I argued.
“I already have your answer, baby. Now, close your eyes and give me control for a little while,” he demanded.
I closed my eyes as he ran his hands up and down my arms. His light touch thrilled my senses. I listened as his voice calmed me and his breathing became faster. “My eyes are closed as well, little girl. I am going to use my fingers to touch and see your face, your body, and peer into your soul,” he teased. “You just tensed up on me, Emily! You need to trust me and let go of everything that is holding you back from me. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I won’t go anywhere you don’t want me to go.”
A shiver ran through my upper body and Alan chuckled. “That’s right; feel me seeing into your soul. Let my voice take you where you need to go and let my lips caress and taste you.”
A small moan escaped my throat as I fought to hold it back. I heard a deeper, gruffer moan reply to mine as he traced his lips over the nape of my neck while he brushed my hair to the side.
“Have I told you how much I love your hair? It’s long and feels like silk. The silver catches the light just right as if giving you a glow. I can’t wait to see it splayed across my chest.”
As he continued to lick and kiss the back of my neck, his hands and arms slowly came around to the front of my shirt slipping the shoulders down my arms. “Mmm, let me do this, baby. Let me see your beautiful face and body. You know by now I would never hurt you. You’ve got to know you have me totally wrapped up in you!”
He slid my shirt off my arms past my hands and let it fall to the floor. His fingers trailed over my bare shoulders and arms all the while his lips nibbled my ear lobes.
I was leaning back against him breathing heavily as he ravaged my neck and shoulders. My moaning became more frequent and louder encouraging him to go further. He drew his fingers tracing over my forehead down to my eyes, nose, cheeks, and mouth.
“Your face is beautiful when I touch you…more so than when I just look at you. You shiver and moan when I touch every beautiful part of you. And my God, Emily, I can smell your desire for me. Fuck, you smell so good! I bet you are wet, baby. I can’t wait to taste you,” he teased.
My knees almost gave out on me as Alan held me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Have I made you hot?” he whispered by my ear. “Just so you know, I am burning for you right now. Can you feel how hard I am for you?” pressing his rigid cock into my ass and grinding against it.
He placed his hands and slowly started to lift the hem of my tank top up my chest preparing to take it over my head. Once again I could tell he felt my body stiffen when he stopped pulling on my top.
“If you tell me no, Emily, I will stop. I have to tell you though, I want to trace those sexy scars with my fingers and then with my tongue. I want all of you! I want to feel and taste your courage and what makes you the strong beautiful woman that you are.”
My body eased as he continued to kiss and rub his lips over my shoulders. “It’s okay, Alan, go ahead. Just please, go slow and let me breathe through it,” I begged.
“I’ll let you breathe, baby. We will breathe together as one while we move in tandem to our bodies’ rhythm. Here we go…” pulling the tank top over my head letting it fall on top of the chambray shirt.
I closed my eyes tighter; I was afraid Alan was going to be disgusted with my body. Tears pooled in my eyes as I fought hard not to let them fall. I was so damn hot under his lips and hands but I was scared he would stop when he saw my body. He sucked on my shoulders while his fingers gently grazed my collar bone and moved down to where my scars were. He brushed his fingers lightly over the scarred ridges where my breasts had been. I held my breath!
“Emily, breathe! Breathe with me and let me feel you,” he pleaded. Suddenly, he turned me around to face him and commanded me to open my eyes.
I squeezed them tighter wishing I could hide from his eyes.
“Emily, open your eyes and look at me! Now. . .little girl,” he demanded.
When he used that voice on me, I could do nothing but obey. I opened my eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks. He softly thumbed the tears from my face. “Now, tell me what you are afraid of,” he asked.
I looked down and he immediately tucked his fingers under my chin lifting my head up to those incredible blue-gray eyes. “Answer me,” he insisted.
I looked into his twinkling eyes and replied, “I am afraid you will think I am disgusting and will feel sorry for me.”
“Take your hand and unzip my jeans,” he instructed me.
I blinked back at him wide eyed and he continued, “Now, little girl. Unzip my jeans!” I did as I was told while he still caressed my body with his hands. “Take your hands and help me pull down my jeans. . .carefully,” never taking his eyes from mine.
My eyes became as big as Frisbees but I did as he ordered. Of course he was commando and of course, he was as hard as steel standing at full attention. My eyes were glued to his cock.
“Now Emily, I want you to tell me. Does it look like I am disgusted? Does it look like I feel sorry for you? Hell no, little girl, I want to throw you down on this floor right now and fuck you senseless! You make me hard as a rock and horny as hell,” he blurted out. He moved his eyes down to stare at my chest running the tips of his fingers across both scars. Without taking his eyes off of my scars he asked, “Has my erection gone down, Emily?”
I was shocked at his question feeling completely vulnerable but continued to stare at his cock. It was just as erect as it was before. “No,” I replied quietly. Then he looked back to my face reverently stroking my cheek.
“No more
talk of disgust. You are beautiful. Do I love breasts? Yes! Am I disappointed you don’t have them? Yes and no. I don’t want anyone to go through what you went through. Am I attracted to you and do I want to spend time getting to know you? Hell yes! Now, my sweet beautiful little girl, can we please get on with the kissing and the stroking and the tasting before I become a much older man than I am already?”
My eyes filled with tears again as I looked into his eyes grateful for this man’s honesty. If I was truthful with myself I’d admit I missed my breasts more than any man ever could. The pleasure I was given when a man would cup and squeeze them in his strong hands always fueled my desire. When my nipples were pinched or rolled, my back would immediately arch below his skilled fingers. But what I missed most of all was his glorious mouth on my breasts. The tongue circling around the nipple until he would finally suck it into his mouth almost to the point of pain shot heat straight to my clit. Yes, I mourned the loss of my breasts often but I loved life more.
He held my face in his hands as he brought our lips together in a heated, hard kiss. He slowly unzipped my jeans as I melted into his arms. His fingers slid down into my panties and my strong desire to have him probe further into my pussy had me spreading my legs wider. I moved against his hand trying to guide him inside me as he teased, tugged and pinched my pussy lips. A drop of precum leaked from the slit of his cock. I ran my finger through it teasing the head with soft touches and strokes along the underside of the rim. He rocked against my warm hand demanding me to give him more.
