Risky Rules of a Passionate Governess

by Henrietta Harding

  “To believe that opening one’s heart is some sort of curse. Why, I see you open your heart to your niece and nephew every day.”

  “That’s a different kind of love,” Lord Garret said.

  “Love is love,” Katherine replied.

  “Filial love and romantic love could not be more opposed. I’m not talking of the natural love that one has for their children, I’m talking about romantic love, which is a choice.”

  “Romantic love is no more a choice than choosing the colour of one’s own eyes!” Katherine said with great passion.

  “Oh, do explain,” Lord Garret replied with a doubtful laugh.

  “When one falls in love, there is no choice in the matter. Nature takes hold and one simply falls in. No one decides that they’re going to fall in love with another. It merely happens.” Silence followed, and Katherine was trying to decipher the look in Lord Garret’s eyes. Despite her trepidation, Katherine allowed the words to continue to flow through her. “Those that are closed to experiencing the greatest thrill that life has to offer, which is love, are merely cowards who will never truly taste life in all its richness. A cowardly heart does not make for a dynamic soul.”

  “You’re calling me a coward,” Lord Garret said quickly.

  “I’m not calling you a coward, I’m merely saying —”

  “I would bet that you’ve never been in love,” Lord Garret said, cutting her off.

  “What makes you say that?”

  “You speak so eloquently of it. I’m sure that you know nothing about it. That’s why you read your bloody romance novels.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “You’ve already called me a coward, so how is it not fair to accuse you of something that is true? You’ve never tasted love and you don’t know what you’re speaking of.”

  “I . . . I,” Katherine tried to conjure the right words but nothing came to mind. So many conflicting thoughts were running through her head. “I have been in love,” Katherine finally said.

  “Do tell,” Lord Garret replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

  I fear, with the man that is standing before me now.

  Chapter 10

  “At a loss for words?” Lord Garret asked, thinking that Katherine was bluffing after all.

  “I don’t need to reveal all of my secrets to you,” Katherine finally said.

  “You’re lying.”

  “I am not.”

  “This is childish,” Lord Garret said, taking another turn around the library. “If you had ever fallen in love, then you wouldn’t be here now. You’d be off somewhere, married, starting a family. The very fact that you are here proves that you’ve never been in love.” Lord Garret turned to Katherine and saw that she had been struck dumb by his words. Then a horrible thought came into his mind; what if the duke was the one that she loved? Yes, what if Katherine met the duke in the garden that day and instantly felt enamored, causing her to come to Bonhomie begging for a job? Did she plan on marrying his brother? And if so, what kind of an assault would that be on Lord Garret’s heart?

  “I don’t wish to discuss this any further,” Katherine said, taking her book and walking towards the window.

  Yes, Lord Garret’s suspicions were growing by the minute. From what he could tell in ‘Love Everlasting,’ it was the story of a poor girl falling in love with a titled man. Utter nonsense. She was filling her head with fairytales whilst she waited for Lord Roland to ask for her hand. Everything was becoming abundantly clear and Lord Garret was filled with fury.

  “I have offended you,” Lord Garret said, seeing her standing there with a forlorn look upon her face.

  “Not in the slightest,” Katherine replied, seemingly keeping her chin up. She didn’t need to pretend with Lord Garret, because he could see right through her. He had offended her, and Lord Garret wasn’t entirely sorry that he had done so.

  But what if he was wrong? What if Katherine truly didn’t love his brother? Oh, his mind was teeming with so many conflicting thoughts that Lord Garret didn’t know what to do next.

  “Describe the man that you loved,” Lord Garret said, unwilling to back down. He watched as Katherine sighed, giving into his request.

  “Very well,” she replied. “He was a man of honor. Considerably tall, robust, and wonderfully handsome.”

  “It seems as though you’re describing me,” Lord Garret said humorously, and watched as a flush came to Katherine’s cheek. What could that possibly mean? “Was he honorable?”

  “Exceedingly so.”

  “Because a man without honor is no man at all.”

  “I agree.”

  “Intelligent?” Lord Garret asked, still circling around the library and turning back towards Katherine to watch her replies.

  “Immensely intelligent. Was trained in university.”

  “Very good,” Lord Garret replied, then wondered why the devil it was that he needed to approve of this phantom man that Katherine was once in love with. For all he knew, she was merely describing the character in her bloody romance novel. “Did he ask for your hand?” Lord Garret asked.

  “He did not,” Katherine replied.

  “And so he broke your heart?”

  Katherine turned her face towards him with that same forlorn expression as before, then she turned back towards the window. “He did not.”

  “But he did not ask for your hand in marriage and you were in love with him. That had to hurt a little.”

  “There’s still time for him to ask for my hand,” Katherine said.

  Further confirmation! Yes, Katherine was in love with the Duke of Easterly and was merely waiting for the proposal. Lord Garret was all at once entirely filled with fury that he could not compass. He walked up to Katherine forcefully and there was fear in her eyes. He didn’t know what he was doing, but Lord Garret wished to look deep into her eyes so that he might surmise the truth. He got close to Katherine, much closer than ever before, and then it dawned on him that he was prepared to kiss her. What bloody nonsense was this? It was as though his body took over and inclined him to do something that had serious repercussions. He held his stance for some time, warring with his body and his desires, before quickly pulling away and walking off again. All was madness in his mind. His heart was pounding in his chest.

  “Your lessons are childish,” Lord Garret finally said, changing the subject and attacking Katherine directly. For the life of him, he had no idea why he did so.

  “You didn’t seem to think so the other day,” Katherine replied.

  “Come again?”

  “The other day,” Katherine went on, and he could see that she was just as out of breath as he was. “When you sat in on our stargazing lesson. You seemed quite pleased.”

  “I was pleased to see my niece and nephew happy, but I was not pleased with the lesson.”

  “Then I guess I was a fool to think so.”

  “Yes, you were,” Lord Garret said.

  Come on, man. Must you be such a brute? The woman has done nothing to offend you other than falling in love with your brother.

  Silence followed as the tension in the room refused to dissipate. Katherine continued to look out of the window and Lord Garret inspected the spines of books. He knew full well that he should just leave, but something inside of him would not allow him to do so. Katherine didn’t seem to be leaving either, and so they remained in silence for a while.

  “The duke is pleased with my teaching,” Katherine finally said faintly.

  “Why must everything be about the duke!” Lord Garret said, in an outburst that turned his cheeks red. “I mean . . .” he added, not wishing to give so much away. “My brother has some curious opinions about things. I don’t know that his perspective alone is enough to hang one’s hat upon. In fact, I would strongly advise against it.”

  “He is a good man,” Katherine said, and Lord Garret turned to her and saw the tenderness in her eyes.

  Bloody hell, this is further confirmation
of what I fear most.

  ***

  Katherine was at a loss. She really had thought that she was beginning to win Lord Garret over, but she was wrong. Had she not seen with her own eyes that day that he was smiling and happy as she taught the children? Was he not also cheerful that night at the dinner table, chatting and carrying on? Katherine was now convinced that when it came to Lord Garret, she would never be on solid ground.

  And why had Lord Garret come up so perilously close to her yet again? Her heart was still pounding in her chest from the encounter. She was convinced that he was going to kiss her, and deep in her heart, she longed for it.

  But then Lord Garret abruptly pulled away and began to hurl insults at her, asking after the supposed love that she once had. All the while when he was asking for a description of the man, Katherine was describing Lord Garret himself. Such utter foolishness on her part, but she didn’t know who else to describe.

  “You’re very forward with me,” Lord Garret finally said.

  “Sir, I feel as though you give me no choice. You ask me questions and expect answers, and these answers are sometimes forward, yes,” Katherine replied.

  “Are you as forward with my brother?” Lord Garret asked, continuing his interrogation.

  “I am, yes,” Katherine replied, and saw disappointment on Lord Garret’s face. Why was it that every time she mentioned Lord Roland, the duke’s brother had such a sour expression? She knew that the two brothers were contentious at times, but that had nothing to do with her, did it?

  “A girl of low birth, forward with a duke!” Lord Garret uttered.

  “I’m not of low birth,” Katherine replied, still standing up for herself. “I am the daughter of a baron.”

  “Aha! Daughter of a baron, working in the home of a duke. The situation gets more and more curious.”

  “There’s nothing curious about it. A girl can choose marriage, or she can choose to work.”

  “Or perhaps she can choose both at the same time.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Katherine asked, and Lord Garret gave no reply, abruptly changing the subject.

  “This forward nature of yours, I fear that it will infect young Constance.”

  “Infect her?” Katherine replied, thinking the phrase vile.

  “Indeed. Constance doesn’t have the luxury of having a big mouth. She must marry a man of great standing, and to do so she must hold her tongue.”

  “And what if a man of great standing wants a wife that speaks at leisure? Such men do exist,” Katherine said, feeling offended in Lord Garret’s presence yet again.

  “I have never met one.”

  “You would want a wife that remains silent for the rest of her days?”

  “I want a wife that speaks when spoken to.”

  That was it. Katherine couldn’t take it any longer. She could sense that Lord Garret was only saying such things to get under her skin; that aim had been accomplished. She felt so furious with the man that she could stamp on his foot. But Katherine tried to remain calm, knowing that what Lord Garret was saying was merely for effect and was not his true feelings.

  “That would make you feel a lot better about yourself,” Katherine said humorously, not wanting to let on that she was so upset.

  “In what way?” Lord Garret asked.

  “A man that wants a mute wife who follows his command can’t have much internal strength, no? A man that is afraid of a woman’s thoughts is mostly afraid of his own.”

  “I do not fear my thoughts because I know that my thoughts are right.”

  “Ha!” Katherine said, unable to conceal her laughter. “Yes, you’re always right. It must make life considerably easier when you carry around that perspective.”

  The argument had gone too far. Katherine could sense that both of them had lost their composure and so it was time for it to come to an end. She had stood there too long in that library, receiving the barrage of insults, and Katherine was finally ready to be done with it. She clutched her copy of ‘Love Everlasting’ to her chest and walked towards the doors.

  “Oh, come on,” she heard Lord Garret say to her back. “I know that you have more fight in you.”

  “I suppose that you would like to hear that you’ve hurt my feelings this afternoon,” Katherine said, turning back towards him. “Fortunately, you haven’t. I shall retire to my room now, with high hopes for the future.”

  Exiting the library, Katherine wished to hit herself. High hopes for the future? What the devil was she thinking? And although she told Lord Garret just then that her feelings weren’t hurt, in truth, they deeply were. His critique of her teaching had cut her to the quick, and then to accuse her of being too forward, having too big of a mouth; it was all too much to bear. Katherine promised herself that she would not cry. Or if she did so, she’d wait until she was in the safety of her own room first.

  Once inside her chambers, Katherine sat on her bed, still clutching the book to her chest. If she had not misplaced the book in the first place, then she wouldn’t have had that shocking encounter with Lord Garret.

  So why was her mind still fixated on the moment when he almost kissed her? What could he have been thinking when he did that? Surely, it was merely a show of dominance. Lord Garret must have been asserting himself as a man in her presence so that she knew who was in charge. Oh, these men and their gorilla-like ways. Katherine was quite sure that she hadn’t seen the last of it.

  Still, despite everything that had happened, Katherine was proud that she had left the library with her head held high and her dignity intact. That was all that she could really hope for when in the presence of Lord Garret.

  Suddenly and unexpectedly, Katherine was flooded with homesickness. She had still not asked the duke to return home for a Sunday roast, and Katherine knew that her parents were worried that she had not returned to their home. But Katherine found that there was far too much to do at Bonhomie, and it was difficult to get away. Katherine was also afraid of what going home might do to Lord Garret’s opinion of her. Not that there was any salvaging of his opinion, which seemed to be broken at best.

  Katherine handled her homesickness in the only way she knew how. She sat down at her desk and began to compose a letter to her mother.

  Mum,

  It has been over a month now that I’ve been at Bonhomie and only today has my happiness dwindled. As I mentioned before, the duke’s brother seems to have a frightful temper and doesn’t care for my presence one jot. I thought that I had improved his estimation towards me, but it seems that I was wrong. We encountered one another today, and some frightful things were said.

  Nonetheless, I plan to hold my head up high and prove to Lord Garret that I am a sound governess and that there’s no one else that is suitable for the position. I know that the children are improving and that the duke is quite pleased with my work. I’m not sure why it is that I feel the need to prove myself to the brother, but as long as we’re under the same roof and he doesn’t care for me, then I know I’ll be a fit of nerves.

  I have neglected to ask Lord Roland about returning home for the Sunday roast, but I do promise that I will do so soon. Please understand that there is so much for me to do in my new life, and for that reason, it will take some time.

  Send my love to dad,

  Katherine