1929 Book 2 - Elizabeth's Heart

by ML Gardner

  I swallowed against the hard lump in my throat and turned around, closing my eyes. I couldn’t watch them carry her out. When they were gone, I pushed my tray, hard; it slid off the other end of the table with a crash. I didn’t ask to go to bed or wait for an orderly to walk me. Half the staff was dead. They would be working on a skeleton crew, so I would have been waiting for a while. To hell with them, I thought of the living and the dead. Except David, to hell with you all, because she’s right. It’s not a crime.

  I was irritable the next morning from fitful sleep. I had lost track of the days, and I prayed I didn’t have an appointment with the doctor. Even though I hadn’t foreseen a treatment, that didn’t mean I couldn’t bring one on. I was foul and everyone avoided me. I sat alone at breakfast with a frown. David told me Elizabeth hadn’t woken up yet.

  “Maybe by lunch,” he said with a hand on my shoulder as he passed by.

  She didn’t wake up by lunch, but did before dinner. She was still groggy when she sat down carefully.

  “I’m sorry,” was the first thing she said to her plate.

  “It’s not your fault,” I said.

  “It is. If I had looked down, like you said. If I hadn’t raised my voice.” She looked around with tired, swollen eyes. “They know now,” she whispered.

  “It’ll be all right,” I told her. She shook her head with tears in her eyes. “No, really, it will be all right. David talked to them. He straightened it out. They don’t suspect anything.”

  “Really?” She looked up with a little hope.

  “Really.” I smiled at her. “Just don’t do that again. I know it’s hard,” I said before she could interrupt. “But don’t do it again.” I smiled.

  “I won’t,” she whispered and lowered her eyes to her plate.

  I scanned the room as David came in to relieve the nurse on duty. He settled into a chair to supervise and gave me a small nod. The room was relaxed as the biggest troublemakers were locked in their rooms for meals due to the sudden staff shortage. I slid my hand across the table and held it open. She looked up and then around in a panic.

  “It’s fine. David’s watching out for us,” I told her.

  “He knows?”

  “And he’s on our side.”

  She pulled her hand from her lap and slowly laid it in mine. I relaxed instantly at her touch, and we were free to look at each other and ate dinner single-handedly, not willing to let go or look away, for anything.

  I had just rubbed out my chalk picture of her when I heard the lock on my door turn. David stood in the doorway and waved me out with a hand. I stepped into the dim light of the hallway.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I have something for you,” he said and pointed to the commons area.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  He smiled wide and toothy. “Some time with your girl.” I looked at him, confused. “Go in there.” He nodded toward the commons area. “If she’s not already in there, she’ll be along shortly.”

  “How?” I asked. I was suddenly paranoid. “How can we do something like this, David?”

  “I’m the only one on this wing tonight. Loretta is taking care of everything on her end.”

  “How did you manage that without giving us away?” I asked.

  “I just did. Now go enjoy some time with your girl,” he said, pointing.

  It was too good to be true.

  “No, David. You’ll get in trouble. They’ll fire you, or worse, they’ll take me for a treatment. God knows what they would do to Elizabeth.” I stood, shaking my head. “I can’t risk it. Me, you, her. No.” I turned into my room, but he grabbed my arm.

  “I’m keeping your secret. Can you keep mine?” he asked in a hushed voice. I nodded, looking him up and down. What secrets could he possibly have? He touched the ring on his left hand. “Loretta is my wife,” he said. “No one in this building knows that, but you.”

  I was failing to see how this helped me until I remembered what Loretta looked like. She was tall with long blond hair and skin fairer than mine. He saw my eyes flash as I made the connection. He put his hand on my shoulder and leaned close.

  “I know a little something about having to hide your love,” he said. I understood then, why he did, and why he helped us. “I’ve talked to her about you.”

  My eyes flew open and I stepped back in a panic. “No, Simon. Not about that.” He tightened the grip on my arm. “Just about Elizabeth. She sees it, too. How Elizabeth is better with you. Because of you. She thinks that she might be able to get out of here if she keeps getting better. The other one hasn’t come out in days. Even when you were away from her, recovering.”

  “She will get out of here someday. I’ve seen it,” I said. I looked down the hall at the dim lights of the commons area.

  “It’s all right, I promise. I would never do anything that would risk another treatment for you, Simon.”

  I took a deep breath while deciding. I thought about being with her, not worried about watchful eyes, really truly free for a few moments. And then my mind touched on the consequences.

  “It would be worth it,” I said before turning down the hallway.

  She wasn’t there yet, so I sat on the sofa that faced the radio. The room had been cleaned for the night, and there were only two lights on, one in each corner of the room. There was a dull glow from the radio in front of me. I smiled at all of David’s preparations.

  All of the tables were against the wall except one. There were two chairs, close together on one side of it, and I squinted to see what was on the table. There was a small plate of cookies. I got up and walked over, noticing a small note next to it.

  Thank you, David had written. I smiled and ate one. Saving a person’s life had its benefits, I decided. I turned to see her standing in the doorway. She looked nervous to come in.

  “It’s all right,” I said, taking a step toward her. “There’s no one here tonight that can ruin this for us.” I prayed I spoke the truth. She took a few tentative steps and I stopped. She wore a dress. A normal dress, not a hospital gown, with normal shoes. Her hair was shining, falling in perfect curls around her face. I tried to commit every inch of her to my memory.

  “Loretta loaned me this,” she said, touching the skirt of the dress.

  “It’s beautiful. No,” I corrected myself. “You’re beautiful.” She looked down with a shy smile.

  “Come sit with me,” I said, holding my hand out. She took a few steps and took it, walking with me to the couch. I sat close to her, but not quite touching. I turned a little so I could watch her. After weeks of stealing peeks and glances, I was going to enjoy every minute of watching her freely.

  “Why did they do this for us?” she asked. Obviously, Loretta hadn’t explained much.

  “They understand,” I said. “And David sort of owes me a favor.” I smiled. She eased back on the couch, letting herself relax a little. I scrambled for something to say. “David says you’re doing better,” I said, for lack of anything more intelligent.

  “That’s what they told me. The other one hasn’t come out in awhile. Even when I was so upset over you,” she said, looking over at me. She started to turn away and I touched her chin.

  “Don’t. Keep looking at me,” I said.

  Her face flushed, but she kept her eyes on mine. “I started feeling hopeful that I might get out of here soon.”

  “You will. I’ve seen it,” I said softly.

  “You have?” Her eyes flew open.

  “I’ve seen you out there. Happy.”

  “Are you with me?” she asked.

  “Yes. We’re near a lake, walking along the edge and trying not to get eaten alive by mosquitoes,” I said and laughed.

  She thought about that for a moment and smiled. “That would be nice. Bites and all. I know just the place. I wonder?”

  “You wonder what?”

  “The place I know of, where you saw us walking together. I wonder if it will be there?”

>   I shrugged and she went back to her wondering. “They think they know why the other one comes out,” she said suddenly. “And why it doesn’t come out.”

  “Why?”

  She took a deep breath, straightened in her seat, and looked away. “They say I’m weak–”

  “You’re not weak,” I countered. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

  “Just listen,” she said. I crossed my arms and sat back, growing angry at the things they were feeding to her, trying to make this her fault. I had no patience for that. “A fragile mind, they said. Like glass, even.” I made a disagreeable snort. “I told you my father operates a tannery. When he was away fighting in the war, I was a small girl, and my mother had to take over the business. I tried to help her, even though I was just a kid. She hated it, but she was strong and carried the business until daddy got home. When he finally returned home, everything was wonderful for a while, but then my parents started fighting a lot, always over his medicine. I thought we couldn’t afford it, but that was ridiculous, the tannery made plenty of money. It made my head hurt when they yelled at each other. I would hide in this small cove in the back of my closet until they stopped. A few years passed and they stopped fighting about his medicine. Things seemed normal again. Then my daddy said it was time I learn the business, so I could take it over one day, since he was obviously never going to have a son. I didn’t want to–” She paused and looked away.

  “Go on,” I whispered. I couldn’t stand it any longer and moved my arm to rest my fingertips on her shoulder.

  “There are parts of this business that are scary. Disgusting and messy,” she said, looking back with tears in her eyes.

  “What parts?”

  “Killing the cows,” she said quietly. “Skinning them, butchering them up. Scraping their stretched skins. The smell is…” She closed her eyes and huffed out her nose as if trying to blow away the smell that haunted her. “It’s horrible,” she said, opening her eyes again. “They say that the stronger one comes out when something upsets me. When I can’t stand it, the other one takes over to do what needs to be done.”

  “Interesting,” I said and almost slapped my own face. The doctor said that, often, bobbing his fuzzy white head. I never knew what he meant. I didn’t mean it like that with Elizabeth. It truly was interesting. “What do you think of all of this?” I asked her.

  “It makes sense, I guess. When I got too big to hide in the cove, and when I got scared, I guess I created another me in my own mind.”

  “But you’re still in there. You’re just not talking or having to see and smell.”

  “I’m in there, hiding. When whatever I’m hiding from goes away, I come back.” She crossed her arms and sat back with a sigh. “That’s what they tell me anyway. I don’t realize it.”

  “You don’t see it? Or feel it?”

  “No, and I don’t have a choice. It just takes over.”

  “What if you do have a choice?” I suggested. “You’ve never done that in front of me. It’s never interrupted us. Maybe that’s you, choosing to stay in control.”

  She sat quietly for a moment and then a smile spread across her face. “I’ve thought about that.”

  “And what did you decide?” My heart pounded lightly in my ears, hoping she’d say it was me. Or us.

  “I feel safe with you,” she said, meeting my eyes again. My heart did a hard thump and then beat fast and thin, making me dizzy.

  “I’m glad,” was all I managed to say.

  “I wish I could do the same thing for you,” she said with disappointment.

  “You do. I don’t have visions when I’m near you.”

  “But they aren’t gone for good.”

  “They never will be,” I whispered from habit. “They’re part of me. They always have been.” I lifted her chin up. “It’s okay, Elizabeth. I don’t mind them so much. Especially when I get to see you in them, and how happy we’ll be when we get out of here.”

  “Soon, Simon? Will we get to leave soon?”

  “I think so,” I said as I took her hand. I thought back through the last few visions I had seen.

  “This is nice. It’s so quiet,” she said, leaning her head back.

  “I can turn the radio up if you’d like,” I said.

  “No, it’s fine. I like the quiet. Usually this room is so loud.”

  “Between Ronnie’s screaming, Tamera’s seizures, and Susan’s crying, I’m amazed we’ve been able to hear anything we’ve had to whisper to each other.”

  She laughed beautifully. “I like this much better,” she said, squeezing my hand. It was odd to enjoy the quiet, since that’s all we had between us during the day, but I did. I listened to her breathing and memorized the different look of her face in the glow of the radio. “How long will they let us be here?” she asked, sitting up to look at me.

  “Not nearly long enough,” I whispered. I got an idea and smiled. “We really are going to have to hire less intrusive staff,” I said. She looked at me with raised eyebrows, confused. “House staff,” I said with a grin. I stretched my arm around her shoulders and leaned back with her on the couch.

  “See, this room is our grand parlor,” I said, looking all around. “And that doorway, that leads to the staircase. The workers will be here tomorrow to knock out these small windows,” I said, turning to the small panes behind bars on the opposite wall. “I’m having them put in a massive one for you, so you can see for miles.” Her eyes followed my finger as it pointed. “Do me a favor and pick out light curtains, not those heavy ones that block out all the light.” I grinned as I watched her eyes make the shift, and she began to see the world around us reconstruct itself. “This couch,” I said, running my fingers along the faded fabric, “was my grandmother’s. It’s very old and expensive.” I saw the fabric change from tattered brown to red velvet, and the mahogany framework rose up out of the arms and along the back. “That glow in front of us.” I nodded to the steel caged standing radio. “That’s a fireplace.” She smiled and I saw her imagining a brick fireplace with a matching mahogany mantle drop down into place in front of us. “It’s a small fire tonight. Usually it’s bright and warm.” I looked around again. “There are beautiful pictures all around, expensive art and sculptures. See that marble pedestal in the corner?” I pointed to the corner, its gray walls empty. “I had that bust made special.”

  She grinned, straining to see what wasn’t there. “A bust? Who of?” she asked.

  “You,” I whispered, leaning my forehead on the side of hers, trying to see what she saw. “We sit here every night after putting the kids to bed,” I continued and felt her stiffen. Her face lost the magic of what she saw. I turned her face to mine before she could lose it all. “We’ll adopt,” I said, her eyes so close they were a blur.

  “Are you sure you don’t want someone who can have kids?” She looked down, and I prayed I hadn’t ruined our evening.

  “You’re not the only one, Elizabeth,” I said. It was true. They did it to almost all the women here.

  She was shocked, and her eyes flickered from my eyes to my lap and back. She blushed slightly. “You mean, you, too?” I couldn’t say yes and lie. But I could let her believe it, if it helped her.

  “We’ll adopt,” I repeated, letting her believe what she would. Her face softened. I felt our time was growing short. I closed the space between us with one slow, careful tilt of my head and kissed her. My eyes closed, storing the feel of her lips and the taste of her tongue to my memory. That was now my most prized possession. My lips twitched into a smile, mid-kiss, and I almost laughed. I thought of the treatments, odd as that timing might be in this moment of earthly bliss. The voltage they shot through my head was nothing compared to the surge of energy that made my every hair stand on end, my mind fill with a deep hum and every fiber of my body tingle. It was all of the sensation with none of the pain. I wish this were my treatment, I thought and did laugh this time, a short amused grunt that broke the kiss.
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  “What?” she whispered breathlessly. She looked worried.

  I moved my hands to the sides of her head, not letting her move more than an inch away from me.

  “Nothing,” I whispered and kissed her again.

  Our imaginary world moved fluidly around us, and we were the center of it, holding each other as tightly as we held on to the illusion. It popped to life with vivid detail, and I saw every inch of it behind my closed eyes. I would have given my soul to stay there forever.

  A soft knock on the door shattered our world. The brick fireplace crumbled in upon itself. The window with the sheer curtains shriveled up and disappeared as it shrunk and the black bars grew back. The paintings bled, faded into the gray walls and the coldness returned.

  I sighed at the perfection and the frustration of it all and glanced back at the door. David was there and gave a small wave, signaling our time was over. Glancing at the clock, I saw it had been an hour.

  I looked back, still holding her, and she laughed this time.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I was just thinking about this.” She looked around and back at me.

  “What about it?”

  “We’re talking about our house and our furniture, adopting children…that doesn’t seem normal for a first date.” She laughed.

  “Well, we’re not normal people, now, are we?” I smiled.

  She shook her head with a smile, and I took one more kiss; short, deep and thorough.

  I carried it to my room and slept as it remained on my lips.

  The next morning, there was a new orderly at breakfast. He looked nervous as I walked up to introduce myself. I always thought it was better to get off on the right foot and make a good impression.

  “Hi, I’m Simon,” I said, holding out my hand. He looked at it warily. “Don’t worry.” I leaned closer. “I’m not crazy,” I added with a smile.