“I’ll bet you’re the one having the fun now,” his grandfather chuckled a little.
“I am,” Erik smiled. “So… is it okay if all three of us come for a visit? We can be there around lunchtime.”
“I’ll tell your grandmother. We’ll be ready for you. I can’t guarantee she won’t cry a little when she sees this baby, though.”
“Well… tell her to pretend it’s because he looks like me,” Erik smiled, and his grandfather laughed.
“I’ll tell her. We’ll see you soon, son. And thank you.”
“You bet, Grampa. See you soon.”
Erik ended their call just in time for his phone to ring. Rob’s picture appeared on the screen, and he quickly answered.
“Rob! How are you?”
“Awful,” Rob replied, struggling to steady his voice.
“What’s wrong?” Erik asked, as concern filled him.
“I’ve—I’ve ruined everything, Erik. Samantha—I’ve hurt her. So much. I can’t believe what I’ve done.”
Rob started to sob, and Erik was filled with alarm.
“Rob, what happened?” he snapped. “Is she alright?”
“No thanks to me,” his brother sobbed. “I insisted we walk to the cabins. She wasn’t dressed for it. She told me—and I said I was going, whether she came or not. The power was out at the model homes. I told her she’d freeze if she stayed. She would have, but—there’s a lot I could’ve done to make it easier on her. I set a pace she couldn’t follow, and didn’t even care that she couldn’t keep up. She was afraid, and—I didn’t even care. I blamed her for everything, Erik, I hated being guilty, so I blamed her. I got to the cabin and realized she wasn’t behind me anymore.”
Rob began sobbing again, and Erik pressed his hand to his forehead and prayed.
“Rob, tell me right now. Is she safe? You said she was safe with you! I told her parents that!”
“She’s here,” Rob choked. “I found her. The blizzard picked up again, I couldn’t see at all. I realized what a monster I’d become, I was so afraid I killed her. I prayed for help, and—God got us back to the cabin.”
“Okay. So she’s alright? Is she alright?”
“She will be, but no thanks to me. I’ve hurt her so bad. I don’t deserve for her to forgive me, and I don’t think she can. I need help, Erik. I want to take care of her. I don’t want to be selfish anymore. When I thought it was too late for her, and I knew it was my fault, I thought I was done with lies forever. But now I’m having the same kind of thoughts again.”
“Like what?” Erik asked.
“Like she ought to forgive me. That she’s the one who left. That I’m the one who was hurt, that I have the right to be angry. I know none of that’s true, but I knew it before, and I let it control me anyway! I was willing to believe anything to keep from feeling guilty, and to avoid pain. I’ve never been in this much pain, and I’ve never been so guilty. I don’t know how much longer I can stand this, before I start thinking crazy again just so it’ll stop.”
“Okay, Rob, listen to me. Remember what I insisted we put in the nightstands?”
Rob turned and opened the drawer beside the bed where he sat.
“Yes, I have it. Erik, I begged God to save her. I asked Him to save me too, but I don’t know what to do now. I wish you were here.”
“I kind of am, so hold on. Get the pen and paper from the nightstand.”
“Okay,” Rob said, wiping away tears so he could see.
“Write down these verses. I want you to look them up, and read them. Then I want you to start reading the book of John. Alright?”
“Alright, go ahead,” Rob replied. He felt a sense of relief at having a plan of action.
“Galatians five, verses nineteen through twenty-one. You already know you’re guilty, but read it anyway. Then read Romans ten, verses nine and ten. That’s what’ll save you, Rob. Read Colossians chapter one, nineteen through twenty-three. Also Galatians five, verses sixteen and seventeen, they kind of describe what you just told me. So read that. And Ephesians two, eight through ten—and chapter three, sixteen through nineteen. You got all that?”
“Yeah… I got it,” Rob replied.
“Okay. I’ll text you more verses later. But read those, and read the book of John.”
“I will.”
“Good. Now tell me how Samantha is.”
“Weak, exhausted, and sore. She almost froze to death. It’s a miracle she didn’t get frostbite. That, and she’s smart and creative. I didn’t help her, but she used duct tape and blankets, even pillow stuffing, to try and insulate herself against the weather.”
“Well… good,” Erik said, sick at the thought of what almost happened. “Don’t try to avoid pain and guilt, Rob. You do need forgiveness from God. You need His help. But those feelings you’ve tried to protect yourself from, are what protects you from piling up more guilt, so quit running. It won’t kill you, even if it feels like it.”
“It does feel like it,” Rob replied, pressing his hand to his heart. “I can’t bear it, all the things I’ve done.”
“Then you’ll be even more grateful to the Son of God for taking that guilt off your shoulders and paying the penalty of death Himself,” Erik replied. “If you believe Jesus is the Son of God, and that He did that for you, it’ll change your life. All the sin that haunts you—the consequences won’t disappear, I’m not saying Samantha will forgive you. But the sin will be gone. The eternal consequence of that sin will be gone. The price has been paid. You won’t be left on your own to fight those lies anymore, either. Read those verses.”
“I will,” Rob said, clutching the Bible in his hand.
“Have you and Samantha talked?”
“I tried. She doesn’t want to hear that I’m sorry. She said I can’t fix this,” Rob replied, his voice shaking.
“Can you understand why?”
“Yes,” Rob closed his eyes tightly and gripped his forehead. “I was an arrogant, selfish jerk. I didn’t protect our marriage, I poured accelerant all over it. I didn’t have an affair, but if our roles were reversed, that’s not how I’d see it. She asked why I hate her. I don’t, but everything I’ve done… I couldn’t treat her worse, if I did.”
“Okay, well, you’re being honest. That’s good. Keep on being honest, and take care of her while you have the chance. She needs someone, and you’re all she’s got. Put her first, no matter how it hurts you, and no matter what she says. Okay? Show sacrificial love.”
“I will,” Rob nodded. “No matter what she says.”
“Call me if you need me. Or call Grampa. He can help you just as well as I can. I’m about to head out to see him about the attempts to sabotage our project. I’d like his insight. But Rob, Samantha’s little sister is coming with me. So I may not be able to talk again until tonight.”
“What? Why?” Rob asked in surprise.
“I ran into her at the grocery store. Or, she ran into me. With her cart. Anyway, you called, she heard, she had a ton of questions. We talked, she insists on helping. She says she has a gut feeling that something bad will happen if I do this without her. Her parents convinced me I better believe her, because her gut feelings are always right. I know, it sounds crazy. But they believe it, and… they convinced me.”
“Huh,” Rob replied.
“Yeah. That about sums it up.”
“Well… good luck with that.”
“Thanks,” Erik laughed a little. “Visiting Gramma and Grampa won’t be so bad. Investigating, however… I’ve got to go, Rob. Amber’s on her way out. I’ll be praying for you, alright? And read those verses.”
“And John, I’ve got it,” Rob replied. “Thank you, Erik. I’m sorry for not listening to you before. I know how many times you tried to help me.”
“You didn’t wait until it was too late,” Erik replied, shifting his vehicle into gear.
“I’m afraid I have,” Rob said, his voice wobbling again.
“Maybe with Samantha. I don�
��t know about that. But you’re still alive. You didn’t wait too late. You get reading, and I’ve got to get going.”
They ended their call, and Erik put his phone back in the pocket of his coat. He noticed his hands were shaking, and tried to relax.
What he really needed, was to be alone and pray. He had so much to process, and his brother was in desperate need of intercession. He ran his hands through his hair, then pulled into the driveway and parked. He got out of the vehicle and reached for the car seat Amber held.
“Everything alright?” she asked, her eyebrows knitting in concern at the look in his eyes.
“Yeah, you know, I think it will be,” he tried to assure her. “I don’t guess you’ve got any experience driving in snow, have you?”
“I didn’t get here by walking,” she replied.
“Okay, and that’s not exactly what I meant. As soon as we’re past the snow, I need you to drive.”
“Why?” she frowned. Erik was starting to really worry her.
“I need to pray. That’s all. So… is there any chance you can do some of the driving? And not talk?”
“Is your grandfather alright?” she asked in concern.
“Grampa’s great. He and Gramma are expecting us. It’s something else, and it’s kind of private.”
Amber sighed.
“Okay, fine. Yes, I can drive. I can be quiet too, for a while. I may die of curiosity, but… I can also respect your privacy.”
“Thank you,” Erik said in relief. “Then let’s get this car seat installed, and get going.”
ROB flipped through the Bible’s pages, until finally he found the first verse written on the notepad beside him.
Galatians five, nineteen through twenty-one… “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I told you before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”
None of that helped his feelings at all, but he knew it wasn’t supposed to. What it did, was drive home how guilty he was. About the only thing he didn’t do, was sorcery. Rob sighed, and found the next verse.
First Timothy ten, fifteen and sixteen, “This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: ‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of His great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in Him and receive eternal life.”
For the first time in years, Rob felt hope. He read it over again, then went to the verse that Erik said would save him.
Romans ten, nine and ten, “If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.”
That’s what the other one said. Believe in Him. How could it be that simple?
Colossians one, nineteen through twenty-three, “For God in all His fullness was pleased to live in Christ, and through Him, God reconciled everything to Himself. He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ’s blood on the cross. This includes you who were once far away from God. You were His enemies, separated from Him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now He has reconciled you to Himself through the death of Christ in His physical body. As a result, He has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News.”
It wasn’t easy after all, but it was Jesus who paid the price. He remembered Erik saying that, and that’s what this said.
Rob longed to be holy and blameless. There was nothing he could do to undo all that he’d done, but that was the whole point. He couldn’t, so Jesus did.
When he asked God to save Samantha from certain death, he also begged God to save him from himself. So… believe that Jesus is God’s son, and that through Him, he would be made right with God. Believe it, and keep believing it. Rob read over the verses again, then moved on to the next on the list.
Galatians five, verses sixteen and seventeen, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”
Rob sat up abruptly and read it over again. And again. That was exactly what it was like! So… let the Holy Spirit guide his life. But how? He glanced at his watch, and wished the day would hurry up and end so he could call Erik.
Ephesians two, eight through ten, “God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”
If it wasn’t a gift, Rob would have no chance. At the moment, he couldn’t think of a single good thing he’d done. But it was a gift, and if he believed, he would be saved from the guilt that crushed him.
He wanted to be made new again. The thought that God planned good things for him to do, though… Erik, sure. Rob had no doubt about his brother. But himself…
But, it wasn’t about himself. Thank God, it wasn’t about himself! It was about believing that Jesus, the Son of God, made him right with God.
That flame of hope grew stronger, and he eagerly moved on to the next verse on the list.
Ephesians chapter three, sixteen through nineteen, “I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”
Rob was filled with such intense longing, tears stung his eyes. The thought of being loved by God, having Jesus to trust in, and His Spirit to make him strong, and able to do what he wanted to do, instead of what he didn’t… He read it over several times, then read over all the verses again.
Then he turned to the book of John.
ERIK leaned back in the passenger seat, and Amber glanced at him. There was peace in his eyes.
“I can take over now,” he said.
“Does that also mean I can talk?” she queried.
“Yes,” he smiled. “And… Amber, thank you for being understanding.”
“You’re welcome. Do you feel better?” she asked, as she kept an eye out for a safe place to pull over and switch places.
“I do. A lot better.”
“I’ve never seen anyone pray for so long,” she commented. Erik glanced at the clock on the dash, and smiled a little.
“I’m not too surprised. If we were anywhere but in a moving vehicle, I can’t imagine you waiting around long enough to see it.”
“I suppose that’s true,” Amber considered. “What do you find to talk about? Even if I was trying to prevent a national disaster, I can’t imagine praying like that.”
“You really want to know?” Erik asked. He would only talk about something this serious, if she was serious about it, herself.
“Yes. I really would,” she replied, glancing at him.
“I start by
thanking God for the blessings He’s given me. I thank Him for all that He is. It’s praise, and it also reminds me of the truth, and that I can trust Him with what concerns me. Then I pray about that. I ask for the outcome I believe would be best. Then I ask that He bring about the outcome He knows is best, which may differ from what I’m hoping for. When something is especially dear to my heart, I pray He’ll help me accept it if His will isn’t mine.”
Erik watched Amber as she thought that over. Her blue eyes were serious.
“I think I’ll try that,” she decided. “Sometimes I feel like my prayers are hitting the ceiling, and other times I don’t know what to say at all.”
“Starting out with thanksgiving and praise is one way to change that. Relationship isn’t all about asking. If it is, it’s not a relationship. So yes. I can see why it would feel as though prayers were hitting the ceiling, if that’s all they consist of.”
“That makes sense. Thanks, Erik,” she said. She sounded relieved, and he was glad.
“You’re welcome,” he smiled.
“Like if I called you all the time, and every time I did, I had a list of things I wanted from you… that wouldn’t be a relationship.”
“Exactly. I wouldn’t feel close to you, and you wouldn’t feel close to me,” Erik agreed.
Amber glanced at him, and her eyes were teasing.
“Then when I call, I’ll be sure and have lots to talk about before I give you my list.”
Erik laughed, and glanced back at her.
“That should be easy. I can’t imagine you running out of things to say.”
“And now, you see what a valuable character trait that is after all,” she smiled triumphantly, and he laughed again and shook his head a little.
“There’s a gas station up ahead. I’ll fill up there, and we’ll switch places.”
“How much further is it to your grandparents’ house?” she wondered.
Disengaged (Terms of Engagement Book 3) Page 9
