by J. L. Wilder
“I’ve been doing it willingly,” I say. “Pretending. I don’t want him to know.” I take another step closer. “I don’t know why the tattoo didn’t work,” I say. “But if he figures out that it didn’t, he might do something about that. Try to fix the mistake. And maybe he’d be successful.”
Caleb’s eyes are wide. “He doesn’t have you.”
“He doesn’t,” I say.
And before I’m aware of him having moved, he’s closed the space between us. His lips are on mine, his tongue exploring my mouth, his hands clutching at my shoulders, at my ass, and he’s so hard. He’s a parched man in the desert, drinking me up. I lose all sense of myself, awash in the relief of being near him after so long and the pure pleasure of his body on mine.
“God, Caleb,” I gasp. “How did I make it through all those dinners without fucking riding you at the table?”
He chuckles, low and throaty. “If you could have seen the pictures in my mind, I don’t know if either of us would have managed to keep our clothes on.”
“I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life.” I press my face against his torso and breathe in his scent. It’s warm and musky and I want to bury my face in him and never come out.
I don’t know how long we spend making love, our teeth gripping each other’s shoulders to prevent us from crying out at how good it feels. I lose track of time. I lose track of everything except Caleb, the powerful thrusts of his body and the slow lines his hands trace over my back, the sharp pain in my shoulder that heightens every other sensation.
Finally, the sun peeks in through my little window. Caleb is lying on his back, idly tracing his fingers up and down my arm. One of my legs is hooked over his at the ankle. We are wonderfully, lazily, luxuriously naked. In the night, it felt as if nothing Dan could do could hurt us.
But the sun is breaking that spell. I can feel Caleb’s nerves. “He can still give me commands,” he says, and there’s no need to specify who. “I’m glad he can’t do it to you. But he can to me. He can still stop us.”
“Alex told me he took over power from Joe,” I say. “That Joe used to be alpha, but Dan did something to overthrow him.”
“It was a while ago,” Caleb says. “Alex and I were young. We weren’t really involved in the power dynamics of the pack.”
“But if it happened before,” I say, “couldn’t someone do it again? Couldn’t someone overthrow Dan?”
Caleb tenses. “Don’t let anyone hear you saying that, Jacie. You may not be subject to his orders, but other people are, and some of those people are a lot bigger than you.”
“Are you saying Dan would hurt me?”
“Do you doubt it? He’s already planning to breed with you against your will for the sake of the pack’s strength. If it came to eliminating a threat to his leadership—”
“But you don’t think he’s a good leader, do you?” I ask. “If we could just get power back to Joe, somehow—”
Caleb is shaking his head. “We can’t. Once an alpha has been overpowered, there’s no going back. Joe’s power is broken forever. He’ll never be alpha again.”
I feel a stab of pity for Joe. What a terrible thing to have happen, particularly if you were a benevolent leader. “There must be something we can do,” I say.
Caleb sits up and rests his forehead on his knees. “If someone of alpha lineage rose up against Dan, they might have a fighting chance. There’s a possibility. And then that person would become alpha if they won the battle.”
“Bill?” I ask.
Caleb shakes his head. “Beta parentage.”
“Joe didn’t have any sons?”
“None.”
I rest a hand on his arm. He still isn’t looking at me. “What about you, Caleb?”
He shakes his head, but not like he’s saying no. It’s more like something irksome has landed on his ear and he’s trying to shake it away. “I don’t know who my father was,” he says.
“So, he could have been an alpha.”
“Or not.”
“Your mother was an omega, wasn’t she? You and Alex were part of a litter.”
“So?”
“So, if the last few months have taught me anything, it’s that alphas use their power to claim omegas. If your mother was an omega, I’d say the odds are good an alpha found her.”
Caleb shudders. “I don’t think I can fight him.”
“Why?” I ask gently.
“It would be like...like jumping off a building hoping to be able to fly. It goes against everything my gut and experience and nature tell me, and it would probably just get me killed. And I would risk that for you,” he says, looking into my eyes, “but if I were dead, that would leave you alone with him. How could I let that happen? I can’t.”
“We could stop him,” I say. “It might be the only way, Caleb.”
“No,” Caleb says. “I’ll think of something else.”
He grabs me, pulls me to him, and kisses me so fiercely it feels like it might bruise, and then he’s on his feet and out the door before I can say another word. I lie on my back and watch what little I can see of the sunrise.
Chapter Seventeen
At breakfast, I feel like my nighttime rendezvous with Caleb is written all over me. I take my seat next to him at the table, avoiding all contact as I always do, but the tension between us is so high that it seems impossible that no one else can see it. They must know. They must all know.
But if they do, no one says anything. Mary puts two pancakes on my plate without comment. At the end of the table, Miles is pouring syrup over everything on his plate and laughing sycophantically at something Dan said that I didn’t catch. It’s just another day. An ordinary day. Except that it isn’t ordinary at all.
“Jacie, pass the juice,” Dan orders.
I’m not nearest the juice—Bill is closer—but I stand and reach for it so I can pass it to him anyway. I have to stay on my guard. I have to pay attention to every order Dan sends my way so I can make sure to follow it without hesitation. If I slip up, he’ll catch on to the fact that his authority isn’t binding me the way it is the others.
Is there anything he can do about it if he does figure that out? I’m not sure. He seems completely confident in the power of the tattoo. It’s as if it never occurred to him that that might not make any difference. The Hell’s Bears must have brought people into their pack this way in the past, mustn’t they? The tattoo must be the reason everyone else is forced to obey. After all, Caleb and Alex aren’t related by blood to anyone else here, and they feel the full force of Dan’s orders. Why is it different with me?
That’s the mystery I need to solve, and I know it. If I can figure out the answer to that question, I’ll understand Dan’s weakness, and I might stand a chance at escaping his rule for good. But until I figure it out, I can’t let him know what I’m thinking. I can’t let him know I’m on the trail of an answer.
After breakfast, Dan sends me to clean up the dishes alone, but I’ve barely started when Bill edges his way into the room. I can tell by the shifty way he’s moving that he’s not really supposed to be in here. He’s not defying a direct order, of course, but he knows Dan would order him away if he saw him. “How are you doing?” he asks me.
“Okay.” Does he know about me and Caleb?
“Tattoo still hurting?”
He doesn’t know. He’s just being friendly. “It’s healing up all right.”
Bill stands there quietly for a few moments. He doesn’t reach out to help with the dishes. It seems like he wants to say something, but he’s hesitating. I almost ask him what’s on his mind. I want to. But Bill and I have never had a direct conversation. I don’t know if we can trust each other.
I finish scraping the pan clean and drop it into the soapy water to soak for a few minutes. I rip off a paper towel from the roll and dry my hands.
Then Bill bends down and unlaces his boot, loosening it at the top just enough that he can reach in and pull out something
small. Something that fits inside his closed hand. He reaches out and takes one of my newly dried hands in his and presses the item into my palm, closing my fingers around it.
“Just in case,” he says.
I feel my mouth open, a dozen questions yearning to tumble their way out, but Bill is already turning and leaving the kitchen. I know, without asking, that he’s said all he came to say, that our business here is finished.
I open my hand to reveal a switchblade.
I STOW THE KNIFE IN my own boot. I don’t know what else to do. I’m afraid to leave it in my room, because the others could be going in there at any time, and I don’t know what might happen to me—or to Bill—if it was discovered. But it’s terrifying, carrying a weapon all the time. I feel both empowered and afraid. I long to pull it out and fight my way out of the house, but could I really bring myself to use a knife on somebody?
It doesn’t matter. I know I could never leave Caleb.
We’re all in the den, grouped around the TV, which is on mute. Only Miles is really watching. Dan’s eyes flick from face to face, as if he’s reading our minds, and for a horrifying second, I wonder if it’s possible he can. What if he knows everything I’m keeping secret?
Caleb, who has been gazing into the fire for the past half-hour without blinking, suddenly breaks the silence. “Dan?”
Dan’s gaze turns to Caleb. He doesn’t answer.
“I wonder if I could talk to everyone here about something?”
Still, Dan is quiet. He makes a little go-ahead gesture with one hand.
Caleb takes a deep breath, clearly steeling himself. “I’ve imprinted on Jacie.”
It’s impossible to say who’s most surprised. Alex whips around so fast she almost unseats herself from her chair. I have to bite my tongue to stifle a gasp. Luce’s eyebrows shoot way up into her hairline, and Miles chokes on his beer.
Dan chuckles.
Caleb watches him edgily. Dan seems entirely composed, not at all taken aback by the news, and it’s disconcerting. What does that mean? Does he know about the two of us? Has he known the whole time? And if he has, why has he been allowing it to happen?
“When do you imagine you imprinted?” Dan asks.
“I didn’t imagine it,” Caleb says stoutly. “It happened after our last ride, when we were putting our bikes up.”
“Right after you’d just ridden together, in other words,” Dan says. “When your adrenaline was up and the two of you had just shared something.”
“I know what I felt,” Caleb insists. “It happened.”
“And, so what?” Dan asks. “You want me to give her to you? You think you have a claim on her because you think you’ve imprinted? How would you even know what it feels like to imprint, Caleb? You’re a child.”
“Dan,” Mary says, “It can happen at his age. It’s common at his age. Bill and I—”
Dan cuts her off as if he doesn’t hear her. “I don’t need to indulge this,” he says. “Your wild imagination. Your flights of fancy. Why would I give our only omega to you, Caleb? You have no alpha genes. You can’t breed a new alpha for our pack. No, by rights, she belongs to me.”
“She doesn’t belong to anybody,” Caleb snaps, and I see Alex move subtly closer to him. She’s bracing for a fight; I can see it in the set of her shoulders. “She’s a person. We should ask her what she wants. Who she wants. Her choice should matter.”
Dan’s eyes flash to me. There’s anger there, I can see it. “What about it, Jacie? Do you want Caleb?”
I feel like my bones have turned to water. I am so afraid. What will Dan do to us now that he knows the truth? But I can’t let the fear overtake me. Caleb is standing up for us. Caleb is being brave. Surely, I can do the same.
“Yes,” I say, my voice thunderous in my own ears. “I do. I want him. Yes.”
The smile finally fades from Dan’s face. These, I realize, were the words he wasn’t prepared to hear. A challenge from a man he considers inferior is something he’s prepared to deal with, but the news that I don’t want him has cut at him, shamed him. But how can he have imagined I did? He’s never once asked me.
“You’re traitors to the well-being of the pack,” he says. “Both of you. The only thing that makes sense is for an alpha and an omega to mate, for the new generation to be both many in number and contain a new leader. But all the two of you care about is your selfish desire. You’ve turned your backs on your pack.” He shakes his head as if he can’t believe it. “Stay away from each other from now on,” he says, and it has the timbre of an order. “You cannot be in the same room together unless someone else is there too. You cannot sit together at dinner. You cannot go out on rides together. Is that understood? Say yes if you understand.”
“Yes.” Caleb’s voice is laced with resentment, but his answer is prompt.
Maybe this is the time to defy orders?
No. Not right now. There’s nothing to be gained by throwing my freedom in Dan’s face now except a momentary thrill of satisfaction. I need to save it for when it will really matter.
“Yes,” I answer.
Chapter Eighteen
Everything changes after the confrontation between Caleb and Dan. Everything that made my life livable with the Hell’s Bears begins to disappear.
The worst part is, there are no more nighttime visits from Caleb. I knew they would stop, of course, and yet that first night I lie awake for hours, hoping against hope that he’ll somehow find a way to defy Dan and come to me. Even as I press my hand between my legs, hoping to forestall the pain of his absence, I ache for his big, thick fingers. My own don’t feel the same. Even when I manage to come, it feels unsatisfying.
I spend more time in my room now. At first, I’m afraid Dan will order me out, but he doesn’t—he probably feels more secure with me separated from everyone else. He can laugh it off, but there was anger in the way he reacted to what Caleb told him. He was furious at the thought that Caleb had imprinted on me and that I wanted Caleb back. He felt threatened by it.
Still, I feel like Dan’s reaction is completely over the top. None of the men are allowed near me anymore. I eat meals seated between Alex and Mary. Sometimes, I’m not invited to the table at all. Sometimes, I’m left in my room to go hungry, although on those occasions, someone usually manages to sneak something up to me. I’m so thankful that the others don’t seem to want me to go hungry.
I play more with the knife Bill gave me now. At first, I was hesitant. I was afraid of its power to hurt someone, and afraid of being discovered with it. But everything feels too dire now to worry about a stupid little pocket knife. Any day, Dan is going to come up here and haul me out to his ceremonial circle, whatever that is, and he’s going to force me to mate with him, and that will be that. I’m going to bear a litter of little Dan cubs, and then I’m probably going to be made responsible for raising a bunch of little Dans, and how will I ever look into their eyes and not hate them for everything their father is?
The door to my room nudges open. My head darts up, as it always does when someone comes in now. Dan?
No. It’s only Alex, carrying a bowl in each hand. She sinks to the floor gracefully and places them in front of her. “Chili and Caesar salad,” she says, handing me a spoon and a fork. “I made the salad myself. It’s been a while since you had any vegetables.”
Has it? I’ve lost track of what I’m eating. “Thanks,” I say quietly, taking the utensils from her. Then I fall upon the chili like a starving man. Nobody brought me any dinner last night, and Dan locked me in early. I guess he didn’t want to see me. Or maybe he just didn’t want Caleb to see me.
“How are you holding up?” Alex asks, concern etched on her face.
“I’d be better if I just knew,” I say, “what his plan was. What he’s going to do. The waiting, the wondering—it’s killing me. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
She nods. “I think Caleb is losing his too. If that makes you feel any better.”
“Why
on Earth would that make me feel better?” I ache for Caleb. I want to run to him. And what kills me is that I could. The door isn’t locked right now, not with Alex in here. I could push past her. She wouldn’t try to stop me. I’m not bound by Dan’s command the way he thinks I am. I could go to Caleb and throw my arms around him and tell him I love him.
But I can’t reveal the freedom I still possess. Not even to Alex. I don’t dare. Now isn’t the time.
“Tell me about Caleb,” I say instead. I haven’t spoken to him in days, and it’s painful not to know how he’s doing.
Alex frowns. “I’m not really supposed to do that.”
“Were you ordered not to?”
“We were ordered to keep you and Caleb apart.”
“This isn’t bringing us any closer together,” I point out. “I just want to hear about him. Besides, you already told me something. You said he was losing his mind.”
She nods slowly.
“I’m not trying to get you into trouble with Dan,” I say. “But you liked me and Caleb together, Alex. I know you did.”
“I do,” she says softly. “It’s not getting into trouble I’m worried about.”
“Then what?”
“I just don’t see any way out of this,” she says. “Not for you. Not for him. And I blame myself for encouraging it when I did. You’re both hurting so much now. Maybe it’s for the best if you just try to forget the feelings you have for each other and move on. Dan has all the power, Jacie. It can never be.”
“Has anyone ever imprinted on you?” I ask her. “Have you ever felt it?”
She shakes her head, eyes on mine.
“I could never just forget it,” I tell her. “It’s changed everything for me. The world moves differently now. The laws of nature and physics are different. I couldn’t forget about Caleb any more than the Earth could forget about the sun.
She watches me, fascinated, hungry. “Is it really that powerful?”
