So I was a bit of an idiot, because I’d been mildly obsessed with a guy who I thought was probably straight. And who could very well end up walking away because he was straight and curious. But I wasn’t so lost that I would become someone else for him.
****
Kiss on the cheek…hug…handshake. Even as I got out of the car and started walking toward the building, I couldn’t decide the best way to greet Wilder.
I was clearly overthinking it.
Part of me was hoping he would be late so I’d have a few minutes to compose myself. But of course, he was right on time. As I made my way to the door, I saw Wilder walking from the other side of the parking lot to the front of the building. He hadn’t noticed me yet, so I took a minute to just watch him.
Yeah, I was a stalker.
He was dressed very similarly to me. Jeans and a button-down shirt, but were mine were tight and fitted to show off a leaner frame, his were tight because of his muscles. The cuffs on his sleeves were rolled up, showing off his forearms.
Part of me wished he’d worn another T-shirt so I could see his biceps and the tattoos that wrapped around them. Had he dressed up for the date, or had he made a deliberate choice to cover them? I wasn’t sure. There was a good chance we were both trying to downplay anything different about ourselves to make the other person more comfortable.
He seemed to be talking to himself as he made his way through the parked cars. A last-minute pep talk? Maybe talking out last-minute nerves about going on a date with a man? No matter what, it made me feel less worried.
When Wilder finally saw me, he smiled and started walking faster. “Hey, how was the photo shoot?”
I relaxed at the easy question. “Great, not much drama and I think the pictures will turn out good.”
Wilder laughed as he closed the last few yards. “So does that mean drama is a usual occurrence?”
I nodded, chuckling. “Absolutely. When you get that many artistic types together in one room, it can go badly.”
Especially with Eli and Roman in the same space.
Wilder stepped closer and his arms widened, clearly going for a hug. Relief flooded through me to have the decision out of my hands, and I gave him a quick hug in return. It wasn’t as awkward as I’d been fearing, and as he pulled away, I wanted to curl back against him.
His arms felt solid around me and the warm strength of his body was perfect. As he stepped back, he grinned and gave me a teasing smile. “Was I the only one overthinking that?”
Laughing, I shook my head. “No, I didn’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable.”
“I get that, but I don’t want you to worry about how I’ll respond. If something makes me uncomfortable, I’ll let you know. But really, I don’t think it’s going to be as…different as I thought it might.”
Chuckling, I couldn’t resist teasing him. “I’m not sure different was what you meant to say. How about weird, or strange, or freaky? I think those were probably closer to what was going through your head.”
His rueful smile made me more comfortable, and I continued. “If I’m not supposed to worry about overthinking things, I want you not to worry about censoring yourself. I’m not easily offended, so don’t worry. Even if something comes out wrong, I’m not going to blow it out of proportion.”
He nodded, looking more at ease. “So you’re not a dramatic hothead who’s going to end up throwing dinner at me?”
The response came out so quickly, I knew it wasn’t just something random. “Why does it sound like you’ve already lived through that date?”
“Because you’re smart.” He stepped a little bit closer, and I wasn’t even sure he’d realized he’d done it. Smiling, he kept talking. “As long as you don’t dump a plate of spaghetti on my lap and scream at me, this will not go down as one of my most interesting dates. Even if this is my first date with a guy.”
First date didn’t mean first everything, but it was nice to get some information. “I can promise not to throw food at you. I’m not sure I want our date to be classified as boring, though.”
He shook his head, and something heated flashed in his eyes for just a moment. “No, I don’t think you could ever be classified as boring.”
A shiver went down my spine.
He’d flirted with me.
“Well, hopefully by the end of the night you'll have other ways of describing me.” Sexy, intriguing…Hell, I’d take funny.
“I don’t think that will be a problem.” He reached out and started tracing a path from my shoulder down my arm. It wasn’t overwhelming or invading my personal space, but it was very deliberate on his part.
I wasn’t sure what was going through his mind, but the look on his face was heated and curious. As his fingers explored my hand, another shiver went through me. He smiled and looked up from where our fingers had touched to give me a smile. “I’d been a little worried that the chemistry I felt in the coffee shop had been just my imagination. I’m relieved to find that it’s even better than I remembered.”
If he was trying to make me melt into a puddle of goo on the sidewalk, it was working.
My brain wasn’t functioning well enough to respond with something witty at that point. “Me too.”
That made him chuckle. “Are you relieved that you still feel the chemistry, or that I do?”
“Both.” I shrugged, not trying to look cool at all. “But mostly you; I’ve had a lot longer to realize that I found you interesting.”
“Because you’re my stalker.” That just seemed to give him endless delight, and I was relieved that he’d never found it creepy.
That’d never been my intention, but it could’ve come across badly.
His hand finally pulled away from mine, and he looked toward the restaurant. “Are you ready to go in? They don’t take reservations, but I don’t think we’ll have to wait too long.”
I nodded. “If we have to wait, that’s fine. We can just go sit at the bar and have a drink until our table’s ready.” As long as I got to hang out with him and get to know him, I didn’t care about where we ended up.
Wilder had been right, we hadn’t needed to wait very long. Before we knew it, we’d been seated with menus and the promise that our waitress would bring our drinks out in just a moment. Looking around, I enjoyed the feel of the restaurant. “I like all the stuff on the walls. When you first look at it, they seem like serious pictures and antiques, but then when you study it—”
“It looks weird.” Wilder chuckled and turned in his seat to study a picture on the wall. “Hey, that’s…”
“Yeah, but the faces are on the wrong bodies. Some of this stuff looks like actual artwork. They must’ve paid a fortune for it.” The picture that Wilder had noticed first was of several celebrities, but the faces were all on the wrong bodies. When someone first looked at it, something felt off, but it took a few minutes to actually see it.
“Okay, I can’t decide if this was a good place for a first date or not. On one hand, there are lots of things to talk about in here, but on the other, it’s distracting as hell.” Wilder’s eyes moved around the room, and I wanted to laugh. He looked a little bit like a kid in a candy store. All the artwork and endless hidden illusions in the pictures kept pulling at him.
He was so cute.
Smiling, I reached over and wiggled his menu. “Pick out dinner, then you can have fun dissecting all the art on the walls.”
He chuckled, turning his focus back to me. “Would it be weirdly inappropriate if I said I have the urge to say “Yes, Daddy” to that command?”
I could feel the heat running up to my face, and I had to fight the urge to look away. “No, just slightly inappropriate. And, um, that’s not really a lifestyle that intrigues me.”
He nodded, still smiling. “Good, because I think I’d have a hard time giving up control.”
I had to fight the urge to melt again.
The way he’d said control had my cock twitching in my jeans. “I, um, d
on’t need you to give up control. I, um, don’t mind you…taking charge.” I lost the battle with the blush and finally looked away. “Okay, now I’m the one who’s wildly inappropriate.”
His hand reached out again to start tracing his fingertips over my hands. “No, not wildly inappropriate…just interesting. I like not having to guess things. Especially when there are already so many new things about this for me.”
Feeling a little bit relieved, but still mildly embarrassed, I looked back at him. “Good, I don’t mind being open and honest about things. You just have to let me know if I cross a line you’re uncomfortable with. I like flirting, but I don’t want to make you nervous.”
His fingers started exploring my hands in the most distracting way, and I had to fight not to close my eyes. It was so easy to imagine how his touch would feel other places. Wilder grinned. “I don’t think chemistry will be a problem.”
I wanted to groan.
No, a lack of chemistry was not going to be an issue for us. I just hoped he was okay with that once everything had a chance to sink in.
Chapter 7
Wilder
As I watched Lane laugh, I couldn’t remember why I’d been so worried about the evening. I’d woken up excited and curious, but as the day had gone on, it’d started to feel more serious. I was going on a date with a man.
I didn’t have any bad memories from college about the few times I’d fooled around with Gray. So I wasn’t sure why the date with Lane felt so much different. Maybe it was because Gray had never been anything more than a friend. A drunk friend who could talk me into things when I was relaxed as well. With Lane, though, everything felt different.
When I looked at him, I didn’t see a possible new friend. I didn’t see a stranger on the street who eyed my tattoos longingly. He was more than that. I just wasn’t sure why.
“I’m serious. He just dropped his pants, bent over and said he wanted me to tattoo kiss my on his ass. He was pissed off but sober. So I couldn’t even blame it on alcohol.” We’d been trading stories as we ate. It had been a fun way to get to know him, and I liked the way his eyes sparkled when he found something funny.
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “What did you do?”
“I was still new enough in the business that I wasn’t sure if I should talk someone out of a tattoo. Luckily, my mentor took it as a teachable moment and showed me the best way to handle the situation.”
Lane gave me a skeptical look. “Teachable moment, huh?”
I grinned. “Yes, he pointed out the fact that there were always going to be people who wanted something stupid. Like a tattoo on their ass that said kiss my. He then went on to point out that even when people are sober, sometimes they’re too stupid to know right from wrong.”
Lane’s eyes widened, and he started shaking his head with a smile.
“After that, he explained that part of my job was to prevent people from doing something stupid, because, in the long run, it would harm my reputation. By that time, the guy had pulled his pants up and stormed out. I’d known that people would ask for tattoos in interesting places, but I’d never expected something so angry and spiteful.”
“That’s just terrible. Hopefully, he couldn’t find anyone else to do it. That would be just awful to calm down after an argument and end up with something permanent like that.” Lane was still smiling, but I could see he was worried about the man.
“I love tattoos, but yes, people need to remember that they’re permanent.” Well, with laser treatments they weren’t always permanent, but people needed to go in with the expectation that the tattoo would be there forever.
“They’re artwork, but it’s not the kind you can sell or give away when your tastes change.” Lane nodded, but his eyes moved down to my arms, and I knew he was picturing the tattoos. “They should be something meaningful and important.”
“Have you thought about getting one?” The way he looked at mine and the way he talked about them, in general, said that he was more than curious.
His eyes came back up to my face. “Yes, but with my job, I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I guess it would depend on what it was and where it went. I wouldn’t want to have something that clashed with the clothing enough that the pictures couldn’t be used online.”
He’d clearly put a lot of thought into it, and I was glad to hear it. Partly because it said that he thought through things clearly. But also, because he gave me an opening to ask more questions. “When I realized where you work, I went online and looked at the website. I hope that was all right? I hadn’t realized it might be intrusive until afterward.”
Lane shrugged like it was to be expected, not upset at all. In fact, he blushed a little bit and grinned. “No, that’s fine. I’m glad…I’m glad you got a chance to see that part of my life.” His gaze moved down to his plate, and he started pushing around the last of his steak. “What did you think of it?”
The words came out quieter than before, and I could hear worry in his voice. We’d been laughing and talking for so long that it was a stark contrast. I thought back to the pictures I’d seen online and while they were easy to imagine, I wasn’t sure how to explain everything that had gone through my mind.
“I love artwork. I actually went to school for an art degree, so part of me sees it in that light. I can see the skill of the photographer, your skill and artistic side as you moved.” Looking at it from that angle was easier to explain. But leaving the rest out wouldn’t be fair to him or honest. “When it comes to the actual lingerie, I’ve always appreciated that stuff. But I’ll have to admit it was surprising.”
Lane just listened, and I knew I had his complete attention. But we’d reached the part I wasn’t sure of, and saying something that would ruin the evening, even by accident, was the last thing I wanted. “I’ve never pictured guys wearing that kind of stuff. I thought you looked beautiful, but sometimes there’s a difference between the way artwork looks online and seeing it in person. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think it’s interesting and intriguing, but I’m not sure of anything beyond that.”
He was quiet for so long I started to worry. Had I not answered his question? Was he disappointed in my answer? Was it an answer that he couldn’t deal with? The options were endless.
When he finally began to nod slowly, the first trickle of relief started to flow through me. There was no anger in his expression, and I couldn’t even see lines of worry or frustration. “I can understand. The first time I found anything like it online, I wasn’t sure how I felt either. It was something that caught my eye and that I kept going back to, but I wasn’t sure if it was because I appreciated the beauty of it or if it was something I wanted in my life.”
It was my turn to just sit and listen, but I found that easier than trying to explain my thoughts. As he continued, I wanted to reach across the table and take his hands, but I wasn’t sure if that would make it easier or harder for him to share.
Lane seemed a little lost in thought as he started to speak. “There wasn’t much of a question in my mind if I was gay or not. I have an uncle who’s gay, and growing up, it wasn’t treated as anything interesting or special. So as I got older and people started to ask questions about crushes and if I liked anyone at school, it wasn’t difficult to explain it was some of my male classmates that I’d noticed.”
He stared off like he was seeing the past, but he continued without much of a pause. “But the lingerie was different. My only exposure to other people who were gay was my uncle, who was typically masculine, and the way gay men were sometimes portrayed on television. The campy stereotypical men that I couldn’t relate to. So I didn’t understand where the lingerie would fall. It took me a long time to work up the nerve to order something online.”
Lane paused and made eye contact before he quickly turned his focus back to his plate. He was clearly expecting a response, but I wasn’t sure what. “Understanding how something new makes you feel is always difficul
t. I can definitely understand.” Oh yes, I could. “I take it that when what you ordered came in, it was something that you…enjoyed?”
I hadn’t felt that awkward in years, and I hated how it made me feel. Stumbling over words and hesitating wasn’t me.
Lane straightened, and his eyes came up somewhat, but he still wasn’t completely relaxed. “Yes, they made me feel attractive in a way I hadn’t experienced before.”
Wanting to clear the air, I set my fork down and reached across the table to take his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m tiptoeing around things even though I promised not to. Let me try this again.”
A smile broke out on Lane’s face and he looked up at me. “Okay.”
I tried to think of what I wanted to say and what I wanted to know. He’d said that he wasn’t easily offended. I would have to take him at his word. “So it’s something you enjoy in your personal life, not just for work, correct?”
His cheeks turned slightly pink, but he nodded.
Feeling a little more comfortable, I continued. “And if our interest continues into a relationship, I would find that most of the time the things you wore under your clothes would be more feminine? I hope that’s a good way to describe it, because I don’t have a better word.”
I was an English major. I had a prolific and wide-ranging vocabulary. I didn’t use it very often because most people thought that someone who looked like a biker shouldn’t talk like a college professor, but still, I should’ve been able to find another way to describe the lace and silk that he’d worn on the website.
Lane laughed. “That’s fine. The way we explain things hasn’t quite caught up to who we are as a people yet. Language evolves, and by the time I’m old, we’ll probably have lots of words that would describe it differently. But really, it’s as good a way as any to say it.” Grinning, he cocked his head teasingly. “See, told you, not easily offended.”
I appreciated that about him, but I wasn’t sure if he realized that he hadn’t answered the other question. “I’m glad, but don’t think I didn’t notice that you ignored the other question. Too personal?”
Lane Page 6
