Playlist for a Broken Heart

by Cathy Hopkins

  I wanted Mystery Boy to be real. I wanted to meet him and find out once and for all if it was fate that I found the CD that day in the charity shop and all that had happened had been leading me to him. I wanted to find out if there could be anything between us or not.

  I switched off my laptop, sat back in my chair and had to laugh. I’d found him but my mystery boy was more of a mystery than ever. Not for much longer though, I told myself.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I got to Society Café at five past midday on Monday. I was on my own because Allegra’s mum had booked Allegra a massage at their hotel and she never could resist the chance to be pampered. She’d texted that she’d see me later.

  When I entered the café, I noticed that there was a family upstairs on one table and a girl in the corner reading a book. There was no sign of any boys so I made my way across the floor and down the stairs to the basement area.

  Halfway down, I could see that two of the tables were occupied. one by a couple. At the other was a boy. He had his back to me but I knew without him turning around that it was FB and a wave of disappointment flooded through me. I hesitated on the stairs. I hoped he wouldn’t hear me so that I could turn and go. It felt cowardly but what would I say to him? Hi FB, so you are the mystery boy, but too bad because I don’t fancy you? I turned to go back up when I heard the café door open and footsteps head across the floor and towards the stairs. A moment later, Alex appeared.

  ‘Paige,’ he said, then grinned. ‘I thought I might bump into you again today.’

  ‘You did?’ I said. I felt surprised because I had almost eliminated the possibility that he could be Mystery Boy. ‘And why would that be?’ If he was my mystery boy then I wanted him to say it.

  On hearing the sounds of our voices, FB turned around. He looked surprised to see Alex and I. ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘You’re both here.’

  I went down the steps and over to him. ‘What are you doing here?’

  FB laughed then pointed at his cappuccino. ‘Coffee. This is a coffee shop.’

  ‘I meant, are you meeting anyone here?’

  ‘Yeah. You two,’ he replied as Alex sat next to him on the bench and I sat opposite.

  ‘Hey,’ said Alex to FB.

  ‘I mean had you planned to meet anyone here?’ I asked FB.

  He looked perplexed. ‘It’s pretty loose but I usually always see someone in here. So an unplanned plan.’

  Grrr, I thought. Why can’t anyone just say what they mean? If he’s Mystery Boy, why doesn’t he say in plain English? Or is he holding back because Alex is here?

  Just at that moment there were more footsteps on the floor above us. Someone else was crossing the café then clattering down the steps. We all looked up to see who it was. This time it was Niall. He glanced over at the three of us then rolled his eyes.

  ‘Can I join you?’ he asked. ‘Or is this a private party?’

  Alex shifted over on the bench he was sitting on to make room for him. ‘Not at all, come and sit with us.’

  Niall squeezed in then glanced over at me. I looked from his face to Alex’s to FB’s. All three were staring at me, grinning. I didn’t grin back. A niggling thought had entered the back of my mind and was bothering me.

  ‘Is this a coincidence or did the three of you plan this?’ I asked.

  The three of them looked at each other as if they had no idea what I was talking about. If they were acting, they were doing a good job.

  ‘Plan what?’ asked FB.

  ‘This meeting,’ I replied.

  ‘I hadn’t planned to see anyone in particular,’ said Alex.

  ‘But then you always bump into someone you know in here, don’t you?’ said Niall.

  FB nodded. ‘Just what I said,’ said FB. ‘Sort of casual plan.’

  I wasn’t totally sure, but I felt that they were having a laugh at my expense. If they were, I wasn’t finding it funny. ‘OK. Which one of you calls himself Will.i.am on Facebook and made the CD Songs for Sarah?’

  ‘Ah . . . You thought you were meeting him here, didn’t you?’ asked FB.

  ‘I did and now I don’t know what to think. Which one of you is it?’

  ‘Me,’ said FB.

  ‘No. It’s me,’ said Alex.

  Niall sighed. ‘No, it’s me.’

  I let out a long breath. ‘I don’t believe it. Why are you doing this?’

  Alex shrugged. ‘It’s a CD, Paige. No big deal. If I made it, so what? I’ve made loads of CD compilations.’

  ‘Me too,’ said FB.

  ‘Me too,’ said Niall.

  ‘But this was special,’ I said.

  ‘Why?’ chorused the three of them.

  ‘I’ve told you all. Don’t you get it? It’s because, whoever made it, I have a lot in common with him. We’d get on. I know we would.’

  ‘Then it was definitely me,’ said Alex with a nod to the other boys. ‘I’m Will.i.am.’

  ‘You mean me,’ said FB.

  ‘It was me,’ said Niall. ‘I’m Will.i.am.’

  It wasn’t my imagination. They were having a laugh, egging each other on in the way that boys do when there are few of them.

  ‘So funny,’ I said. ‘Go on then, wind me up, have a laugh, but I think it’s mean of you.’ I got up and ran back upstairs and out of the café. I stepped out and took a deep breath of fresh air. I am going to forget all about this, I thought as I crossed the square. It’s doing my head in.

  ‘Paige,’ I heard someone call behind me.

  I turned to see that Niall had followed me out of the café. I stopped and he came over. ‘You OK?’

  ‘No. You were all laughing at me.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He shrugged. ‘I don’t think any of us meant to upset you. I certainly didn’t. But does it matter so much? Does it matter who made your CD? Surely what matters is who you want to be with, spend time with. You. What do you want?’

  ‘I want to know who put the tracks together.’

  Niall nodded. ‘OK. It was me and FB—’

  ‘No, don’t start that again.’

  ‘No, it’s true. It was both of us. It was my idea but I asked FB to help. He knows so much about music. I told him what I wanted to express so he put some tracks together for me to listen to, but I chose them and did the artwork.’

  I stared at him and he stared back. No laughter this time. He appeared to be telling the truth.

  ‘So does that mean you have to choose between us?’ he asked.

  I ignored his question. ‘What about Alex? Did he have anything to do with it?’

  Niall shook his head. ‘He was just messing about in there. Having a laugh. Not to wind you up – just it was kind of a Spartacus moment.’

  ‘Spartacus moment?’

  ‘Yeah. The film. Spartacus, played by Kirk Douglas. He led the slave uprising against the Romans in the movie. There’s a moment when the slaves are captured and the Roman general demands that Spartacus is handed over or all the slaves will be executed. He comes forward and says, ‘‘I’m Spartacus’’. Behind him another man steps forward and says, ‘‘No, I’m Spartacus’’, then another, then another, until there are thousands of them all saying, ‘‘I’m Spartacus.’’ It’s actually quite a moving moment.’

  I considered his explanation. ‘Hmm. I see what you mean then. I hope I don’t get thousands of boys all claiming to be Mystery Boy, three of you are enough.’

  Niall laughed. ‘Yeah. I guess that could be confusing but I doubt that’s going to happen.’

  ‘So were you hoping that Sarah would fall in love with you or was it FB who was in love with her?

  ‘No, it was me. FB said his contribution to the CD was to a sort of fantasy girl that he hoped to meet some day. He took finding the right tracks as a project. For me, the girl was real, or sort of real.’

  I nodded. So FB had been telling the truth or half of it. I remembered that he had said that whoever made the CD had good taste in music. I hadn’t suspected for a moment that
he’d helped choose the tracks!

  ‘What do you mean, sort of real? What happened with the real Sarah?’ I asked.

  ‘It didn’t work out. She wasn’t who I thought she was. What I mean is, she was real but I projected a lot on to her. It was all in my head. The perfect girl. So it wasn’t real. Do you know what I mean? Do I sound mad?’

  I thought of Alex and shook my head. ‘I do know what you mean, exactly,’ I said.

  ‘She couldn’t possibly live up to my expectations,’ Niall continued. ‘No girl could so Sarah was a kind of fantasy girl. I didn’t know the real her until we spoke to each other and then it became clear very fast that she wasn’t who I’d imagined she was. Big lesson for me not to project on to people until you’ve got to know them. So, as I say, it didn’t work out and she’s ancient history.’

  When he said that, I knew he was the boy I’d been chatting to on Facebook last night. He’d said Sarah was ancient history too.

  ‘She’s not even in Bath any more. She went off to college somewhere.’

  ‘So why didn’t you say it was you earlier?’ I asked. ‘You must have known that I was looking for you.’

  Niall nodded. ‘I did. Right from the first day at the music festival on Walcot Street. FB texted straight away about it, though to begin with we weren’t totally sure whether it was you or Tasmin who was looking for me. I hoped it was you. I didn’t say anything because I wanted you to get to know me first, for me. Then that went AWOL because it appeared that you hated me.’

  ‘And you hated me.’

  Niall smiled. ‘Not exactly. I really liked that you loved the music and the idea behind it. And it was intriguing seeing what you did. The T-shirts etc. I planted a clue too by opening the Will.i.am Facebook page weeks ago. I had copies of the CD cover on my computer so it was easy. And you found me on there in the end but it got me thinking. Why is this girl looking for me with such determination? Is she looking for some fantasy boy or a real one? A bit like I did with Sarah. It worried me. You’ve thought about this mystery boy for so long, the one who made your perfect CD. What if he’s not all you hope for?’ For a brief moment, Niall looked vulnerable.

  I looked into his eyes. ‘Only one way to find out,’ I said. ‘Spend time with the main contender.’

  Niall smiled, a lovely warm smile that lit up his face. I could see why he had a queue of girls after him. ‘Sounds good to me,’ he said as I spotted Allegra appear on the other side of the square. She waved when she saw us. My heart sank. Allegra. My best friend. She liked Niall and I had said I didn’t mind if she pursued him. Why oh why is love so complicated? I asked myself as she crossed the square to come and join us.

  Little Miss Gooseberry. That’s me. I have totally blown it, I thought as I trailed around town after Allegra and Niall. They seem to have hit it off perfectly, laughing at each other’s jokes, enthusing over shared interests. ‘Oh me too!’ Allegra exclaimed when Niall said he liked action movies. ‘Me too,’ Niall said when Allegra said she liked acoustic music. ‘I love that band,’ he said when she mentioned one of her favourites.

  I tried to make an exit at one point and leave them to it. I didn’t want to appear insensitive to the fact that love was blossoming in front of my eyes and I might be in the way, but neither of them would hear of it. Plus I needed time alone to work out what was happening to me. I felt a strong attraction to Niall and I was pretty sure that he’d felt it too when we’d looked into each other’s eyes outside the café. Was he just being charming to Allegra? Or was he, as I’d first thought, a player and stringing us both along? When FB had said he was one of the good guys, it might have just been FB defending his mate.

  ‘Allegra is only down for such a short time,’ said Niall when I offered to give them some space. ‘I wouldn’t dream of encroaching on your time together. It should be me who goes.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Allegra. ‘Don’t go, Paige. I didn’t see much of you yesterday and I have to be back at the hotel at four because Mum wants to head back to London. Please don’t go.’

  ‘But Tasmin’s home now,’ I said. ‘I thought I’d visit and check she’s OK.’

  Niall waved his hand. ‘I saw her mum this morning. She said she’s doing fine and will be home this afternoon. I’ll check in on her later. One thing I can be sure of though and that is that Tasmin won’t be that bothered if she has visitors or not. She’s probably nursing a very sore head in a darkened room.’

  ‘I guess. And having to put up with the wrath of both her parents,’ I added.

  ‘Yes,’ said Allegra. ‘She ruined enough of yesterday. Let’s not let her spoil today as well.’

  We decided to head down to Southgate where there was an afternoon of dance performances from local schools scheduled on the fake lawn area in the middle of the shops. Loads of people hang out there on deck chairs when the weather’s good. On the way over, my phone bleeped that I had a message. It was from FB.

  Sry about b4 and hope we didn’t upset U. Just wanted 2 say that I may not be The One but I’d like to be one of the people in ur life. XXX

  It was a sweet message and I did hope that we could be friends and that he wouldn’t want anything more. Only time would tell that.

  In the meantime, Niall proved to be good company and interesting to talk to as we walked down through town. And he laughed easily. I liked that. I couldn’t cope with a moody boy. But he clearly fancies Allegra, I told myself when we found some empty deck chairs in the open paved area outside Debenhams and flopped down into them. Niall was in the middle between Allegra and I, and my chair was positioned slightly behind so, when the first dance act started, I was able to observe Niall without him seeing. Great profile, straight nose, long eyelashes.

  I got the CD out of my bag, studied the cover and then his profile. It was him. Definitely. His face was blurred on the photo underneath the strips of paper which were stuck down like prison bars but yes, it was him. Why hadn’t I seen it before? I asked myself. I wanted to ask him so much about why he’d chosen the images he’d used? Did he feel like he was in a prison when it came to love? I certainly did. Today anyway. Trapped with feelings inside that I can’t express. I turned the CD over and looked at the black-and-white photo. Yes. Now Niall was in front of me, I could see the shape of the boy silhouetted against the window was exactly his stature and shape. FB was chunkier and Alex had wider shoulders. I wanted to ask where the photo was taken when he suddenly turned around. ‘I can feel you staring at me,’ he said.

  I immediately blushed bright red. ‘I wasn’t.’

  ‘You were. I could feel it,’ he replied. The way he spoke to me was urgent, as if he was feeling a lot more than me just staring at him. I felt a bolt of electricity pass between us.

  Allegra glanced round, first at me, then at Niall, then back at me. She doesn’t miss anything and her eyes narrowed. Niall took a deep breath, held my gaze for another few seconds then turned back to watch the dancers. Woah. That was intense, I thought as I felt my inside melt in response to Niall’s look. Allegra was still watching me, her expression questioning. A few moments later, she got out her phone and began to text. My phone bleeped that I had a message. What’s going on? she’d typed.

  No idea, I typed back. Never been so confused in my life.

  Want me to butt out? she typed. I can see he’s into you.

  No way. He’s into you.

  Wake up and smell the hormones, Paige. Niall fancies you. Mind you, so do Alex and FB. Gd job I am going back to London. My confidence couldn’t take much more of this. Then she did a smiley face to show she wasn’t upset.

  Niall glanced around and down at my phone then at Allegra and her phone. He didn’t miss anything either.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Mystery Boy

  I knew straight away that this girl was special, though we got off on the wrong foot. I saw her in town and there was something about her. Dark glossy hair, eyes bright with curiosity, taking it all in. She took an instant dislike to me. Hah. Appa
rently some girls do. They either love me or hate me. Like Marmite. But things are getting better. I’m drawn to her. She occupies my thoughts and I think of things I’d like to tell her. Places I’d like to show her. Does she know how I feel? Does she care or feel the same way? I need to get to know her better. Not like before when I was so wrong about Sarah. I didn’t know her at all. This girl is different. There’s more to her and I want to get to know everything about her. But what to do? I need to make a gesture to let her know that she’s got to me. But what?

  Chapter Thirty

  Alex sent me an email after he’d gone back to London.

  Dear Paige

  I felt that there was something between us from that first day when I turned and saw you were to be Juliet. I was sad when I heard you were leaving but then given hope when I discovered you were moving to my old stomping ground, Bath. I visit often to see my cousin. But I saw that I have competition. The path of love never did run smooth. I’m sorry if I messed with your head that day in the café and at the Zoom festival by saying I made the CD. I didn’t, but you were so fixated on finding whoever did that I thought I needed to create a diversion. Get in there and fight for you. All is fair in love and war etc . . . All I can say is, you know where I am. CD or no CD, you have to choose who you want to be with. I’ll be down your way again at the end of June for the Regency Parade. I hope things are clearer for you then.

  Yours, Alex

  I called Allegra to ask what she thought.

  ‘Only a few weeks ago, I’d have felt flattered, over the moon, but when I read his email, all I felt was pressure. I like Alex, course I do, or did. As you know, I’ve had a crush on him forever.’ Niall’s and FB’s words of wisdom about projecting on to someone seem to apply more to Alex than either of them, I thought. In my head, I’d made Alex into the perfect boy and then felt let down when I found out he was a stoner and he wasn’t there for me when Tasmin was taken to hospital. ‘But I realise now I don’t know him at all.’