The Mammoth Book of Weird News (Mammoth Books)

by Geoff Tibballs

  BREAST IMPLANTS SAVE WOMAN IN CAR SMASH

  A woman survived a serious car crash in Bulgaria in 2006 thanks to her silicone breasts which acted as airbags. Consequently the accident produced only two serious casualties – the breast implants themselves, which burst with the force of the impact leaving the woman deflated but relieved to be alive.

  MAN CAUGHT IN COMPROMISING POSITION WITH CHICKENS

  Patrolling San Francisco’s Aquatic Park in 2003, police officers knocked on a car window. Inside they found a man with two chickens – one on his lap, the other in the passenger seat. “What’s with the chickens?” asked one of the officers. “I’m going to take them home and eat them,” came the reply. Then the officer ordered the man to “lift up the chicken.” When the man did so, he was immediately taken into custody and the hens were examined for signs of sexual interference. Among the items of evidence was a 15-ounce jar of Vaseline with three feathers in it.

  PASSIONATE LOVERS BOUNCE CAR OVER CLIFF EDGE

  Two young lovers got so carried away while having sex in their car on a hill near Sarajevo in 2007 that the vehicle bounced over the edge of the cliff and plunged 30 feet into the Miljacka River below. Risto Bocic and Sonja Pasic, both 22, were pulled naked from the crumpled heap by passers-by who saw the accident. This latest incident at the popular courting spot prompted police to set up a permanent patrol on the hill.

  BOGUS COP DEMANDS FREE SEX FROM BOGUS HOOKER

  In an unlucky twist of fate, a Canadian man pretending to be a police officer demanded free sex from an undercover police officer pretending to be a prostitute. Flashing police ID, Trevor Blair Roszell approached the woman in Edmonton, Alberta, in 2001 and asked her for free sex – or at the very least a reduced rate. When she revealed her true identity, he rather went off the idea and ended up more than $500 out of pocket, courtesy of a fine for impersonating a police officer.

  CANNIBAL FULFILS FANTASY OF EATING A FRIEND

  A German computer technician confessed to killing and eating a man who apparently volunteered for his fate by replying to an Internet advert. A court heard in 2003 how horror films had fuelled Armin Meiwes’ childhood fantasies of eating school friends. He began his plan in adulthood by advertising on the Internet for a well-built male who was prepared to be slaughtered and then eaten. After the victim, 43-year-old Bernd Jurgen Brandes, answered the advert in 2001, Meiwes took him back to his home in Rotenburg, where Brandes agreed to have his penis cut off. Meiwes then flambéed the member, but finding it lacking in flavour, decided to fry it instead. After both men had tasted it, Meiwes stabbed his victim repeatedly in the neck and dissected the corpse, capturing the moment on a camcorder. When police later searched his house, they found remnants of Brandes in a freezer. “I had the fantasy,” said Meiwes, “and in the end I fulfilled it.”

  MAN FEELS A PRICK AFTER SEX WITH HEDGEHOG

  Serbian Zoran Nikolovic was rushed to hospital in 2006 with severe lacerations to his penis after trying to have sex with a hedgehog. He had gone to a witchdoctor seeking a cure for premature ejaculation and the witchdoctor had apparently recommended having sex with a hedgehog. Happily the hedgehog was none the worse for its ordeal.

  COUPLE ROBBED WHILE HAVING SEX IN BIN

  A couple’s romantic plan to have sex inside a large garbage bin was spoiled somewhat when they where robbed at knifepoint. The couple from Wichita, Kansas, had crawled inside the dumpster to have what police described as an “intimate moment” when they were rudely interrupted by two men, one armed with a pocket knife. The robbers made off with jewellery, the man’s wallet and the couple’s shoes.

  LOVER’S HEART PIERCED IN SEX GAME

  A 24-year-old Canadian man who asked his lover to carve a heart-shaped symbol on his chest during a rough sex game in 2007 nearly died when she accidentally pressed too hard and punctured his heart. Both had been drinking heavily before the sex session.

  HYPNOTIST FINED FOR KISSING WOMAN “IN TRANCE”

  A South Korean hypnotist was fined over $2,000 for stealing a kiss on a blind date with a woman he thought he had put in a trance. The 32-year-old man persuaded his 27-year-old date to let him hypnotize her during their first meeting arranged by a matchmaking agency. He told her: “You will plunge deep into a trance. You will feel thrilled all over your body, and if my hand touches your body, you will feel intense pleasure.” Convinced that he had put her in a trance, he then went to kiss her, but the woman turned out to be very much alert and pushed him away. She did not feel intense pleasure, more a sensation of sexual harassment.

  SEX BY THE METER PROVES COSTLY

  A drunken Australian footballer was fined $150 in 2009 after loudly simulating sex with a parking meter. Police had been called to a disturbance on a street corner in Cairns, Queensland, where they found Adam Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and shouting out: “Yeah, baby, you know you want it.” Prosecutor Michelle Long said Kelly was making expansive pelvic thrust actions at the meter to the disgust of passers-by. Kelly’s lawyer said his client had been drinking with teammates to celebrate the end of the football season and that he did not remember much of the incident.

  WOMAN BOOBS BY FLASHING BREASTS

  As her husband dropped her off for work, a woman from Maine gave him a kiss followed by a quick flash of her breasts. Unfortunately she was seen by a passing cab driver who was so mesmerized that he drove into a nearby building, sending a lump of masonry crashing down onto the woman. “I’m not sure why I did it,” said the woman when she had recovered from the ordeal. “I was really close to the car, so I didn’t think anyone would see it.”

  TOURISTS CONTINUE ORGY IN BACK OF POLICE VAN

  Five tourists who were arrested for filming their orgy on a Spanish beach continued their romp in the back of a police van. The quintet – a British couple, a Frenchman and two Swiss, all aged between 22 and 40 – were arrested for exhibitionism and transported in a van to the local police station in Benidorm. On arrival, officers opened the doors to discover one of the Swiss men having sex in the van with the British woman. After being told in no uncertain terms that carnal relations were strictly forbidden in the back of a police custody vehicle, the five were released.

  ARSONIST BECOMES AROUSED BY SIREN

  Arrested in 2002 for setting fire to cars, a Thai man claimed he did it because the sound of fire truck sirens gave him an orgasm. He admitted the truth only because nobody believed his first story – that he started the fires to relieve stress and get rid of a headache.

  MAN RIDES LOCAL BIKE

  A man in Ayr, Scotland, was found guilty of a sexual breach of the peace in 2007 after two cleaners at the hostel where he was staying caught him trying to have sex with a bicycle in his room. After receiving no reply when they knocked on 51-year-old Robert Stewart’s door, they used a master key to unlock it and discovered him naked from the waist down holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex. Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: “In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a cycle-sexualist.” Stewart had claimed the incident was a misunderstanding after he had drunk too much.

  SEX HAS ITS OWN REWARD

  Police officers in Juneau, Alaska, raided the hotel room of an Oregon man in 1995 and discovered cocaine plus $10,000 in cash. When questioned about the money, the man claimed that it had been given to him by a woman – whose name escaped him – as a reward for outstanding sex.

  MAN SELLS GIRLFRIEND’S FAVOURS TO PAY FOR LIVER TRANSPLANT

  German singer Christian Anders announced in 2001 that he was allowing 20-year-old girlfriend Jenna Kartes to sleep with another man for a year – to raise money for a liver transplant. Anders agreed the deal, which carried an option for a 12-month extension, with millionaire Michael Leicher in return for the sum of 500,000 marks ($231,000). Anders explained: “I thought this ‘indecent proposal’ was a joke when we first spoke about it. But now Michae
l has produced a cheque and a contract. And to be honest I could use the money.” Kartes said: “I will sleep with Michael because I love Christian. Perhaps he can then afford a new liver. Why should I feel like a prostitute about it?”

  COUPLE CAUGHT HAVING SEX IN THE BRITISH LIBRARY

  A passionate couple were thrown out of the British Library in 2001 after being caught having sex. Suspicions were aroused when an attractive young woman was seen heading into the gents’ toilet near the rare books section. Library users then raised the alarm after the couple’s loud moaning began to disturb their reading. A library spokesman said: “A couple were caught in what could be described as a high state of excitation. By the time staff were scrambled, they were already in the throes of an exchange about philosophy, judging by their cries. There is a lot of sex in the British Library – but usually just in the books.”

  FATHER TRIED TO KILL SON OVER SEX WITH FAMILY DOG

  A 71-year-old man pleaded guilty to trying to kill his son after finding that he had been having sex with the family dog. Frank Buble, from Parkman, Maine, struck his 44-year-old son Philip several times with a crowbar before turning himself in to police. At his father’s 2001 trial, Philip asked the judge if he could have his “significant other” – his dog Lady – with him in court while his father was being sentenced. Despite the begging letter, which carried Philip’s signature and a hand-drawn paw print, the judge declined. Confirming that he preferred sex with animals to humans, Philip said that although he didn’t want him to go to jail, he did feel his father “needs serious therapy”.

  BROTHEL CLOSES AFTER SAILORS EXHAUST HOOKERS

  A brothel in Perth, Australia, was forced to shut its doors temporarily in 2002 because the arrival of the American fleet had left the hookers exhausted. The brothel owner said her establishment had taken 580 bookings in the three days since three US warships docked in the port and the sailors had tired out her girls so much that she decided to close rather than risk the brothel’s reputation. “I have always offered a quality service,” she stated. “I would not sell a man a hamburger if I thought my buns were stale.”

  MAN SUES OVER TEN-YEAR ERECTION

  A former Rhode Island handyman was awarded more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a ten-year erection. Charles Lennon received the steel–plastic implant in 1996, some two years before Viagra became readily available. The implant was designed to allow impotent men to position the penis upward for sex and then lower it. However Lennon was unable to move his organ to the down position – and because of the resultant discomfort and embarrassment he could no longer hug people, swim, wear bathing trunks or ride a bike.

  COUPLE HAD SEX ON POLICE CAR

  A couple in Groningen, the Netherlands, were arrested in 2005 for having sex on the hood of a police patrol car. The pair were in such a state of arousal that they failed to notice that two officers were sitting in the car at the time.

  MAN JAILED OVER SMELLY FOOT FETISH

  David Donathon, of Medina, Ohio, was sentenced to one year in prison on telephone harassment charges – more specifically calling people and asking them whether their feet stank. Donathon’s fetish for posing bizarre questions about foot odour led Judge Judith Cross to recommend that he be placed in a facility that deals with sex offenders. His lawyer said: “He realizes what he does is wrong, but he is unable to stop himself.”

  FLASHER IN A GAS MASK

  A man exposed himself to women horse riders near Middlesbrough in 1986 while wearing a full-length wet suit, a gas mask and with two hot-water bottles hanging on a piece of string around his neck. The man, thought to have a rubber fetish, was fined for indecency and had his gas mask confiscated.

  COUPLE DIED AFTER SEX IN HEARSE

  A young Mexican couple were found dead in the back of a hearse in 1999. Jose Agustin Noh worked for a funeral home in Campeche and decided to have sex with his girlfriend, Ana Maria Camara Suarez, in his hearse, meanwhile leaving the engine running to provide air conditioning. But they died from carbon monoxide poisoning while sleeping off their tryst.

  GUNMAN SNATCHES INFLATABLE DOLL

  A 19-year-old man armed with an air pistol made off with an inflatable doll from a sex shop in Katowice, Poland, in 1998 after threatening to kill the saleswoman if she tried to stop him. At first the customer asked the shopkeeper to wrap up the brown-haired doll, which, equipped with a built-in vibrator, was priced at $80, but instead of paying he suddenly produced a gun. The culprit, who had visited the shop several times over the previous few days, was quickly arrested. Police said they were keeping the doll as evidence.

  TEEN CAUGHT IN FLAGRANTE WITH MANNEQUIN

  A teenager was caught in a compromising position with a female mannequin on display at an arts centre in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Security guards found Michael Plentyhorse sprawled with the naked dummy on the floor with his pants and underpants down. The police said: “There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin.” Guards patrolling the centre said they had noticed several times before that the dummy’s clothes had been removed. However, Plentyhorse was found not guilty of indecent exposure as nobody else had been around when he snuggled up to the mannequin.

  WOMAN’S DOG SINKS TEETH INTO FLASHER

  Jacqui Jones was walking her German Shepherd cross Tara through a park in St Albans, Hertfordshire, in 2002 when a man suddenly appeared from behind a tree and exposed himself to her. But the flasher merely succeeded in arousing the dog, which leaped forward and bit him hard on the genitals. She said: “I could see the man was in a state of excitement but Tara wiped the smile off his face. He hobbled away doubled up in agony.”

  DIVORCE THREAT AFTER PENIS EXTENSION SNAPS DURING SEX

  Grigory Toporov, of Voronezh, Russia, has been threatened with divorce by his wife after his penis extension broke off during sex. He had the special prosthetic fitted because he did not measure up to his wife’s expectations in the bedroom but she was horrified when the extension snapped off during a sex romp. A glum Mr Toporov said: “I told her I would get a new one but she wasn’t having any of it. She said she was fed up with my failures in bed and wants a divorce.”

  MAN IN STICKY SITUATION WITH PADLOCK

  A man in his fifties turned up at a fire station in Margate, Kent, with his penis stuck in a padlock. The keyhole had been superglued, forcing firemen to use hydraulic cutters to free him in a delicate two-and-a-half-hour operation. Apparently the man’s unfortunate predicament was the result of a sex game that had gone wrong.

  CRUSH FETISHIST DIES PLAYING FAVOURITE GAME

  Bryan Loudermilk, of Okeechobee, Florida, used to become sexually aroused by allowing the family’s SUV to roll over a board on his stomach as he lay in a shallow pit underneath – that is, until the game went wrong in 1999 and he died after being pinned beneath the vehicle’s left rear wheel.

  TRANSSEXUAL TOPLESS FIRE-BREATHER CAUSES CITY BLACKOUT

  A woman who spat fire and danced topless on a high-voltage electrical tower caused chaos in parts of Seattle, blacking out homes and creating gridlock on surrounding roads. Ara Tripp, 38, from Olympia, climbed the 180-foot tower beside a freeway bridge one morning in 1999, took off her shirt and began dancing, occasionally taking swigs from a vodka bottle, spitting out the liquor and setting it on fire. Traffic on the bridge slowed to a standstill during the hour that Tripp remained up the tower and electricity was cut to 5,000 homes to prevent her being zapped by the 120,000 volts of juice flowing through power lines. She later revealed that she had planned the stunt for weeks to protest against discriminatory laws that allow men to take their shirts off in public but not women. Tripp was a man before undergoing a sex-change operation.

  DOCTOR DISCOVERS WHY COUNTRY COUPLE COULDN’T CONCEIVE

  A Romanian country couple went to see a gynaecologist in Zalau in 2001 to discover why, despite having regular sex, the woman had yet to become pregnant. When they began to explain how they were having sex, the gynaecologist immedi
ately realized the problem: they were having anal sex. He sent them away with a pile of sex education leaflets.

  MAN TELLS COURT OF SPECIAL LOVE FOR COW

  Appearing in court on a charge of having sex with a cow, a man in Zimbabwe explained that because he was afraid of contracting AIDS from a human partner, he had developed a special, monogamous relationship with the animal. He went on to express his genuine love and affection for the cow, recited marriage vows and promised to remain faithful to her while serving his nine-month jail sentence.

  LOVERS RUN OVER BY TRACTOR WHILE HAVING SEX IN FIELD

  The earth moved for a Czech couple making love in a field in 2000 – when a farmer ran them over in his tractor. The pair had chosen what they thought was the perfect spot – a secluded meadow near the village of Brnicko – but were so gripped in the throes of passion that they were oblivious to the approaching farmer who was taking a shortcut across the meadow. His tractor drove over the woman’s chest and the man’s buttocks, injuring them both.

  MAN STARTS FIRE TO AVOID HAVING SEX WITH WIFE

  Too tired for sex with his wife, Svetin Gulisija, 26, from Seget, Croatia, hit upon the idea of distracting her by starting a fire in woods behind their house. However the fire spread rapidly causing over $20,000 damage and forcing the couple to be evacuated from their home. The good news for Mr Gulisija was that he didn’t need to worry about having sex with his wife for another two years – the length of his jail sentence for arson.