The Mammoth Book of Weird News (Mammoth Books)

by Geoff Tibballs

  A man in Switzerland who used a sink plunger as a temporary bath plug impaled himself in the butt in 2007 after slipping on a bar of soap. Dieter Bayer, 79, used the plunger to keep the water in the bath because he couldn’t find the plug, but as he stood up he slipped on the soap and fell heavily on the plunger, wedging its wooden handle deep inside his rectum. His wife Frieda rushed to the bathroom when she heard him screaming in pain but was unable to pull him free and had to call the emergency services. After surgeons operated for eight hours to repair the damage, a hospital spokesman remarked: “There was a lot of blood, he could have died.”

  HOME BURNS TO GROUND IN IRONIC CIRCUMSTANCES

  An abandoned cigarette burned a California mobile home to the ground in 2009, causing $200,000 worth of damage . . . while its occupants were attending a meeting to help them quit smoking.

  ROGUE STAIRLIFT ACTS AS HUMAN CATAPULT

  A disabled woman was awarded the equivalent of $15,000 after a faulty stairlift catapulted her down the stairs at her home in Pontypridd, Wales. The incident proved so traumatic that she decided to move to a bungalow.

  WOMAN SWALLOWED BY FRIDGE

  A woman in Roseville, California, spent four days trapped under her fridge in 2006 after the top-heavy appliance fell on her when she tried to open the door. Inga Walen finally managed to attract someone’s attention by banging a wooden spoon on the lid of a pressure cooker and calling for help. The fridge ordeal left her with injured legs and a broken collarbone.

  MAN HOPED BULLET WOULD FALL OUT OF HEAD

  A man in Miskolc, Hungary, accidentally shot himself in the head while trying to fix a high-powered air gun in 2001, but didn’t go to the doctor for two weeks because he was sure the bullet would fall out of its own accord.

  TOPPLING CRANE CUTS HOUSE IN HALF

  Kevin and Michelle McCarthy received a nasty shock in 2009 when they returned home to find that a 90-foot crane had sliced their house in two. The crane had been trying to move a 150-year-old oak tree from the property in Santa Rosa, California, but the tree was too heavy and the 100,000-pound crane toppled backwards, its boom crashing through the roof of the house. Earlier in the day Mrs McCarthy had been involved in a car accident and the couple were dealing with that incident when one of their neighbours called to tell them that their house had been destroyed. She said: “I kept saying to my husband, ‘Tell me I’m having a really bad, vivid dream.’” The McCarthys had moved into the house three months previously and had been strongly advised by an arborist to have the ageing and sick tree removed for safety reasons. A neighbour said: “They were told that if they didn’t have the tree taken down, it could fall onto their house.”

  CLIMBER SCALES MOUNTAIN BUT FALLS DOWN HOLE AT HOME

  Shortly after making the first successful solo ascent of the treacherous south face of the world’s seventh highest mountain – the 26,795-foot Himalayan peak Dhaulagiri – Slovenia’s top climber, Tomaz Humar, broke both legs after falling into a hole at his home.

  MOTHER’S EXTRA-LARGE UNDERWEAR DOUSES PAN FIRE

  When a frying pan fire broke out in the kitchen of a house in Hartlepool, England, in 2008, Jenny Marsey’s nephew extinguished it with a pair of her extra-large knickers. Darren Lines grabbed the blue underpants from a pile of washing, doused them in water and threw them over the pan. Mother-of-four Mrs Marsey said: “I’m just relieved that my parachute knickers have come in handy for something. I think if they had been my daughter’s skimpy knickers they wouldn’t have done any good.”

  MAN HIT BY TRAIN AND CAR ON SAME DAY

  Just six hours after being knocked down by a car, unlucky cyclist Robert Evans ended up in the same Boulder, Colorado, hospital after being hit by a train. A doctor at the hospital said: “You know it’s not your day when you manage to get run over by two different modes of transport.”

  RESIDENT BURNS DOWN CARE HOME DURING FIRE DRILL

  A careless resident of a nursing home in Hamburg, Germany, panicked as she rushed out during a 1995 fire drill, dropped her cigarette and burned the home to the ground.

  FLEEING ROBBER FALLS INTO CESSPIT

  After robbing a teenage girl in 2007, a Romanian thief hid from police in an old lady’s toilet. However his hopes of lying low for the night were dashed when the elderly householder needed to use the toilet in the small hours. Startled, he tried to run away, but the toilet floor collapsed and he fell through the hole into the cesspit below. A police spokesman said: “It was a really smelly business. We had to clean the robber and give him new clothes before even talking to him.”

  MAN SURVIVES LIFT PLUNGE BY LANDING ON WOMAN

  A man survived a 25-foot plunge down an apartment block lift shaft in 2008 by landing on a woman who had fallen down it the previous day. Jens Wilhelms slipped while inspecting the open shaft in Frankfurt am Main, Germany, but his fall was broken by the woman who was already lying at the bottom. She was treated for injuries both from her original fall and from when Wilhelms landed on her.

  SPIRITUAL HEALER SETS FIRE TO PATIENT

  A self-styled spiritual healer in Puerto Rico accidentally knocked a candle into a bath where a client was bathing in alcohol, leaving her with burns over half of her body. The woman had sought the treatment as a result of marital and financial problems.

  VICAR LEAVES MICROPHONE ON WHILE GOING TO TOILET

  A Scottish minister who took a wee toilet break during his church service had his congregation squirming with embarrassment after he forgot to switch off his clip-on radio microphone. Stand-in vicar the Rev. John Hawdon went for a natural break during proceedings at Longforgan Parish Church, Perthshire, in 2006, unaware that he still had his microphone on. One parishioner said: “It was mortifying. Every sound boomed and echoed around the church. We all sat there looking at each other, totally embarrassed. Mr Hawdon is a very nice man and well-respected, and he certainly made a splash on this occasion.”

  GUNMAN SHOOTS OWN TESTICLE

  After shooting at a teenager in a dispute over stereo speakers in Wichita, Kansas, in 2006, a 23-year-old gunman jammed the pistol back in the waistband of his pants – and it went off, hitting him in the left testicle. His reaction to the wound then caused the gun to fire again, this time hitting him in the left calf. He was arrested shortly afterwards when he limped into a medical centre seeking help.

  TERMITES EAT TRADER’S MONEY

  A trader in the Indian state of Bihar lost his life savings – around $20,000 – after termites infesting his bank’s safe deposit boxes chewed the currency bills. Dwarika Prasad had started using the box in 2005 but when he opened it three years later, all he found was termite dust. The bank said it put up a notice warning customers about the termites but Mr Prasad did not see it in time.

  MAN LOSES SAME LEG TWICE

  A man from Poughkeepsie, New York, lost the same leg twice in the space of seven months. Scott Listemann lost his left leg below the knee in an accident with a dump truck in November 2007, and then in June 2008 his prosthetic leg, with a foot clad in a running shoe, flew off moments after he jumped out of an airplane while skydiving. The false leg literally vanished into thin air. “I looked down and it was gone,” he said. “More than likely it’s in the woods somewhere. When I told my instructor what had happened, he thought I was pulling his leg at first.”

  BIG CAT HUNTER TRAPS HIMSELF IN HIS OWN CAGE

  For years the Beast of Exmoor – a mysterious big cat resembling a black panther – is said to have roamed the West of England, slaughtering farm animals. One man eager to put an end to the Beast’s reign of terror was farmer Peter Bailey, of Tiverton, Devon, who had lost chickens, ducks and the family cat to an unknown predator. So in 1995 he set out to trap the Beast in a specially built wire cage on a remote stretch of moorland. Alas, while setting the bait, he accidentally triggered the cage door and spent the next three days trapped inside. He survived by eating the bait – which was pheasant – before eventually being freed by a passing shepherd.

  BIKER’S PEN
IS HIT BY LIGHTNING

  Motorcyclist Ante Djindjic from Zagreb, Croatia, was knocked unconscious in 2007 when lightning struck his penis while he was taking a roadside toilet break. His life was saved by the rubber boots he was wearing, which forced the lightning to seek an alternative exit from his body. Having been assured by doctors that his penis would eventually function normally, he said: “I just hope it is true that lightning doesn’t strike twice.”

  GERMAN BLOWS UP APARTMENT WHILE FIXING AIRBED

  A man from Dusseldorf, Germany, who tried to repair his leaking air mattress blew up his apartment instead. He had used tyre repair solvent to plug the hole but when he went to inflate it the next day, a spark from the electric air pump caused an explosion that wrecked his home and resulted in the entire apartment block being evacuated.

  DOCTORS FIND DENTURES CLAMPED TO MAN’S BUTT

  An elderly man from Nizhny Novgorod, Russia, turned up at a local hospital in 2002 to have his dentures removed from his butt. He had slipped in the bathroom and landed on his false teeth, causing them to clamp down tight on his left butt cheek.

  PASSENGER GETS ARM STUCK IN TRAIN TOILET

  A French train passenger had to be rescued in 2008 after having his arm sucked down the on-board toilet. The 26-year-old was travelling between La Rochelle and Paris when he accidentally dropped his mobile phone down the toilet. He tried to fish it out, but fell foul of the toilet’s powerful suction system. The high-speed TGV train had to stop for two hours while fire crews cut through the train’s pipework. One witness said: “He came out on a stretcher, with his hand still jammed in the toilet bowl.”

  ACCIDENT-PRONE SHEPHERD LEADS FLOCK INTO MINEFIELD

  A shepherd who has become famous throughout Croatia for a history of mishaps made the headlines again in 2009 when he had to be rescued after following his flock into a live minefield. Mozambique-born Philimon Zandamela was led to safety by rescue workers in Sibenik after he had phoned for help from the middle of the field. He said: “I was walking along and I saw lots of strange bumps in the ground and suddenly realized where I was.” In the past Zandamela has survived shooting himself twice, accidentally drinking sulphuric acid and falling down a hole after crashing his moped.

  LEG HAIR RECORD WRECKED BY FOOLHARDY TUG

  A Taiwanese student’s hopes of setting a record for having the world’s longest leg hair were shattered in 2008 when he accidentally pulled it out. The tragedy occurred shortly after Lin Kuan-wei, from Pingting City, had displayed the impressive 13.4-centimetre-long hair to reporters. The hair, which he had been nurturing for a year, was one centimetre longer than the existing Guinness record holder.

  WORKMAN FIRES NAILS IN HEAD TO EASE PAIN

  After 25-year-old William A. Bartron accidentally cut off his left hand at the wrist while working on a house in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, in 2001, he used a pneumatic nail gun to fire 15 one-inch nails into his skull. He explained that he shot the nails into his head to take his mind off the excruciating pain of the amputation.

  STRIP CLUB CUSTOMER INJURED BY DANCER’S FLYING SHOE

  A customer on his first visit to a strip club announced in 2009 that he was suing the management of the Akron, Ohio, venue after being struck in the face by an erotic dancer’s flying shoe. Yusuf Evans needed surgery to his nose after being whacked by the 1970s-style platform heel as the result of a high kick by a dancer named Tiara. He said afterwards: “I probably have to live with this for the rest of my life.”

  MAN FALLS DOWN SAME CLIFF TWICE

  While out for a country walk near Barnard Castle, County Durham, in 2009, 66-year-old George Stastny tripped on a narrow footpath and fell down a 20-foot cliff, breaking his nose and injuring his back. His wife Mary managed to drag him semi-conscious back to the top of the cliff before running to fetch help. No sooner had she turned to leave than her husband stood up, fainted, and fell back down the same cliff.

  MIAMI ACCOUNTANT IS DESCENDED FROM GENGHIS KHAN

  A mild-mannered Miami accountant was revealed in 2006 to be a descendant of the infamous thirteenth-century Mongolian warlord Genghis Khan. Genetic testing showed that 48-year-old Tom Robinson was related to the man who rampaged across Asia, killing thousands. Mr Robinson commented: “Obviously I’ve done nothing as big as Genghis Khan. I haven’t conquered any countries, although I have headed up accounting groups.”

  SPEED-DATING EVENT ATTRACTS ONE PERSON

  A village speed-dating event designed to appeal to young single men was cancelled in 2008 after attracting just one person – a 73-year-old. The event was organized following complaints about the lack of female company in Wolsingham, County Durham, but pensioner Jack Herdman was the only one prepared to say he was looking for love.

  MEN ARGUE OVER CUSTODY OF SEVERED LEG

  When Shannon Whisnant of Maiden, North Carolina, bought a barbecue smoker at auction in 2007, he got more than he bargained for – a severed leg. The leg had been kept there by the smoker’s previous owner, John Wood from Greenville, South Carolina, who had lost the limb in a 2004 airplane crash and had then stored it with the intention of having it cremated with him when he died. “I want to be cremated whole,” he stated. However Whisnant had other ideas and insisted that the leg was now his property. “It’s a hell of a conversation piece,” he argued. “I bought it. It’s mine.” As the feud over custody of the leg intensified, Whisnant saw the opportunity to make money out of it and reportedly planned to charge adults $3 and children $1 a time to view it. Eventually the police intervened and returned the limb to Wood, with Captain Tracy Ledford entering into the spirit by declaring: “The guy (Whisnant) don’t have a leg to stand on.” Wood later confirmed that he was now keeping the celebrated leg in his golf bag.

  WOMAN BOASTS OF 100,000 COCKROACHES IN HER HOUSE

  Rosemary Mitchell, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, won a 1994 contest run by an insecticide manufacturer to find the most cockroach-infested house in the US. She estimated that her small home harboured up to 100,000 roaches although she insisted: “I keep a pretty clean house.” Her prize was a visit from entomologist Austin Frishman, also known as TV’s Dr Cockroach.

  MAN SELLS LIFE ON EBAY

  A man from Perth, Australia, sold his life on the Internet auction site eBay for $380,000 in 2008. Forty-four-year-old Ian Usher was so distraught following the breakdown of his marriage that he put all the trappings of his life up for sale – his three-bedroom house, car, motorcycle, jet ski, a two-week trial in his job as sales assistant in a rug store, details of his favourite bars and restaurants, and even introductions to his friends. He had been hoping to raise at least $100,000 more but conceded sadly: “I have received what people think my life is worth and that’s that.”

  GRANDFATHER COLLECTS WRONG CHILD

  A 77-year-old man agreed to pick up his four-year-old grandson from school in Jacksonville, Florida, in 2007, only to arrive back home with the wrong child. The frantic mother of the collected child said the two boys “don’t even look alike”.

  MAN FINDS SMALL SNAG WITH NEW HOME

  When first-time buyer Ashley Parsons snapped up an old water tower for $60,000 with the intention of converting it into a house, he thought he had landed a bargain. It was only afterwards that he discovered that his new home at Weston-super-Mare, Somerset, could be reached only by air because the firm that owned the surrounding land refused to give him access rights. He moaned: “As things stand, the only way I can access my home legally would be by jumping from a helicopter onto the roof.”

  HOMELESS PEOPLE SLEPT ON A FORTUNE

  A group of homeless drug addicts in New York slept on an abandoned sofa for a month without knowing that it was stuffed with over $10 million worth of cocaine. The discovery only came to light when garbage men disposed of the sofa.

  FATHER POSES AS SON TO TAKE EXAM

  A 54-year-old Japanese man was caught impersonating his 20-year-old son in an exam. The father, who ran a medical distribution company, sat a 2009 test for a licence to handle over-t
he-counter drugs so that his son could work with him. He even took off his glasses and had his hair permed to make himself look younger.

  “DRIVER STAGED CRASHES TO FIND TRUE LOVE”

  An unemployed Italian man from Turin was charged with fraud, harassment and damage to property after allegedly orchestrating at least 500 car crashes in a doomed effort to meet young women. Police said Andrea Cabiale had been seeking out vulnerable women drivers for at least a decade and when they searched his apartment they found 2,159 photographs of damaged vehicles and their female owners, all taken by Cabiale following his accidents. An address book was also found, containing hundreds of names and phone numbers, all belonging to women aged between 20 and 40. In one of Cabiale’s cars, investigators found a mechanism that temporarily disabled the vehicle’s brake lights. When the police contacted the women concerned, all told a similar story of running their car into the back of Cabiale’s vehicle at traffic lights or a junction. He would then suggest an informal settlement. Happy not to lose their no-claims bonus, most women agreed and handed over contact details. But there then followed months of telephone calls and invitations to dinner as Cabiale was said to have turned the apparent accident into a dating game. Patrizia Calero, 28, who crashed into one of Cabiale’s cars in 2001, said he “got out giving the impression that he was going to be really decent about it. He said he didn’t want to make a formal claim . . . It became a nightmare. He was ringing me six or seven times a day”. Although Cabiale, a shy-looking bearded man of 40, had amassed the largest number of accidents in Italian motoring history, he protested his innocence. The number of accidents, he insisted, was simply a result of bad Italian driving habits.