The Mammoth Book of Weird News (Mammoth Books)

by Geoff Tibballs

  A pair of forgotten bifocals helped a Roanoke, Indiana, man to a $3 million win in the Hoosier Lotto in 2008. Bobby Guffey usually plays the same combination of numbers representing the birthdays of his five children, but when he went to buy his ticket at a local service station, he realized he had left his glasses at home. Unable to see properly, he accidentally entered the last number as 48 instead of 46 – but it turned out to be the winning ticket. “My wife says it pays to be blind,” smiled Guffey as he celebrated his win.

  COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG CONFUSES OPERATOR

  When a 19-year-old London girl phoned directory inquiries in 2008 asking for a taxi to take her to Bristol airport, she made the mistake of using the Cockney rhyming slang for “taxi”, Joe Baksi. The operator said she couldn’t find anyone by that name, whereupon the girl made her second mistake by replying: “It ain’t a person, it’s a cab, innit.” At this, the operator found the nearest cabinet shop and put the girl through. The saleswoman at the shop sounded bemused until the girl demanded impatiently: “Look love, how hard is it? All I want is your cheapest cab, innit. I need it for 10 a.m. How much is it?” The girl duly paid $360 by credit card but was none too pleased when an office cabinet instead of a taxi arrived at her South London home the following morning. The cabinet firm’s marketing manager said: “We thought it was a joke at first but the girl was absolutely livid. We have suggested that maybe she should speak a bit clearer on the phone.”

  FAMILY SUES MALEVOLENT GENIE

  A family in Saudi Arabia took a genie to court in 2009 for throwing stones at them and stealing their cell phones. They said the genie’s aggressive nature, which included strange sounds, verbal threats and stone throwing, forced them to move out of the Medina home where they had lived for 15 years. In Islamic theology, genies can harass or possess humans and are often said to be motivated by revenge or jealousy.

  MAN WRITES 3,700 LETTERS IN SEARCH FOR LOVE

  A Canadian man wrote to 3,700 Belgian women called Sabine following a romantic holiday encounter. Marc Lachance from Quebec fell for a Belgian Sabine while on vacation in Cuba but realized afterwards that he didn’t get her full name and address. So he set about writing to every Belgian woman with that name and his quest paid dividends when the girl’s brother heard about his mission on the radio and brought the two together.

  WOMAN LIVES UNDETECTED IN MAN’S CLOSET FOR A YEAR

  A homeless woman lived undetected in the closet of a Japanese man’s house for a year before finally being discovered in 2008. Puzzled when food started disappearing from the kitchen of his home in Kasuya, the owner had installed security cameras that transmitted images to his mobile phone. When one of the cameras captured an image of a person moving, he notified the police who, after searching the house from top to bottom, eventually found a 58-year-old woman curled up in the top compartment of his closet. She had moved a mattress into the space and regularly took showers while the occupant was out, having first moved in 12 months earlier when he left the house unlocked.

  MAN POSTS HIMSELF HOME

  A homesick American shipping clerk packed himself in a crate and posted himself back home. Charles McKinley shipped himself from New York to Dallas by airplane in 2003 after a friend told him he could save money on the 15-hour flight by travelling in the cargo hold. He was even delivered to the door of his parents’ house before emerging from the crate on their front lawn. His surprised father asked: “What are you doing in this crate?”

  PAGAN COUPLE TAKE STONE CIRCLE TO SUBURBIA

  A Dorset pagan couple who were downsizing from a Weymouth mansion to a suburban home in Dorchester alarmed their new neighbours by bringing an ancient stone circle with them. People watched in bewilderment as druid John Burton and his wife, hereditary witch Suky, used a crane and a huge truck to deposit the six-foot-high stones in the garden of their new house. Mrs Burton then invited 20 witches from her coven to dedicate the stone circle during a night-time ritual. She said: “We had a blessing of the stones and we brought the energy back. You could feel it circling the stones. We feel they are a place between worlds. It’s hard to describe the feeling you get when you are near these stones, but it is something extremely powerful. You can feel the energy pulsing around you, moving inside you – you feel at one with nature and get a real high.” She added: “Although I think a few of the neighbours were a little surprised, on the whole I think it’s been well received.”

  MAN LEAVES 3,000 WATERING CANS TO NIECE

  When truck driver Ken Stickland died in 2010, he left his prized collection of 3,000 watering cans to his niece, Hilary Taylor. Mr Stickland – known unsurprisingly as “Watering Can Man” – had filled his shed, greenhouse, garden and even an entire floor of his house with his collection. Mrs Taylor, from Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, said: “He kept a meticulous record of every watering can he owned. He did not have a favourite, he just loved them all. He was such a fascinating person.”

  NEW ZEALANDER SELLS SOUL TO HELL

  In 2008, a New Zealand man proudly sold his soul to hell – Hell Pizza, to be precise. Walter Scott, 24, had originally tried selling his soul on an online auction site, saying of the sale item: “I can’t see it, touch it or feel it, but I can sell it, so I’m going to palm it off to the highest bidder.” But the site withdrew it, considering the sale to be in bad taste, whereupon the New Zealand pizza chain snapped it up for $3,800. “The soul belongs to Hell, there is simply no better place for it,” declared the firm’s head of marketing.

  MAN TRADES PAPERCLIP FOR HOUSE

  In the space of a year, a Canadian man managed to turn a red paperclip into a house – just by trading on the Internet. In July 2005, 26-year-old Kyle MacDonald from Montreal posted the red paperclip on the barter section of an advertising website and was quickly offered a fish-shaped pen in exchange. He traded that for a ceramic doorknob, which he then swapped for a camping stove. Next came an electric generator, which he exchanged for a neon Budweiser beer sign. That was traded for a snowmobile, which in turn led to a ski vacation, a truck, and a recording contract. An aspiring singer snapped up the record deal, offering in exchange a year’s rent in an apartment in Phoenix, Arizona, but the resourceful MacDonald managed to swap that for an afternoon with rock star Alice Cooper. Surprisingly he traded that for a Kiss snowglobe, but Kyle knew that Hollywood director Corbin Bernsen was an avid collector of snowglobes and sure enough he was able to trade the globe for a role in Bernsen’s next movie. Finally in July 2006, the town of Kipling, Saskatchewan, offered to exchange a three-bedroom house in the town for the movie role. It had taken Kyle just 14 trades to move from a stationery item to a stationary home.

  CAUTIOUS CASHPOINT USER IS ARRESTED

  A wary German who had always avoided using cashpoint machines because of fears of identity fraud finally plucked up the courage to use one and was promptly arrested – on suspicion of identity fraud. Forty-year-old Hans Mauer spent so long checking the ATM at Muenster that other users became suspicious of his behaviour and called the police. He had begun by studiously inspecting the machine for hidden CCTV cameras, fingerprint powder on the keyboard, and any signs that the screen might have been tampered with. But the final straw was when he pulled on a pair of surgical gloves so that he wouldn’t leave fingerprints as he entered his PIN number. On arrival, the police soon cleared the matter up after Mauer had explained his aversion to ATMs. “Unfortunately,” said a police spokesman, “it is unlikely he will ever use a cash machine again.”

  COUPLE RAISE CABBAGE PATCH DOLL AS THEIR SON

  Pat and Joe Posey raised a Cabbage Patch doll as their only son, for 20 years. The doll, christened Kevin, had his own playroom at the Poseys’ Maryland home, a full wardrobe, and over $3,000 in savings. He even went off on regular fishing expeditions with “Dad” Joe. Admitting that some people found the relationship strange – especially in view of Joe’s habit of conversing with Kevin in public – Pat Posey explained: “With every kid that you adopt, you promise to love them and be a good
parent. And that’s what we did with Kevin”, whom she described as “easy-going, quiet and well-behaved”.

  MAN IDENTIFIES TOILET PAPER BRANDS – BY THEIR TASTE

  Appearing on German television in 2001, Roger Weisskopf demonstrated his remarkable ability to distinguish between different brands of toilet paper by their taste. The blindfolded Swiss licked, sucked and chewed unused paper to identify the brand, name and country of origin. He had practised his art for a year, asking friends to bring back toilet paper rather than the usual souvenirs from their trips abroad. He said afterwards: “We Swiss have the best quality and best tasting toilet paper anywhere. We can be proud of it.” However he was less complimentary about Japanese toilet paper which he described as tasting like moth balls. “It nearly turned my stomach when I was practising.” Weisskopf’s reward for his TV feat? A lifetime’s supply of toilet paper.

  WOMAN FINED FOR SNORING TOO LOUDLY

  When a neighbour complained that her snoring was keeping him awake, Sari Zayed was roused in her Davis, California, home at 1.30 a.m. by a municipal noise-abatement officer who gave her a $50 citation for violating the city’s anti-noise ordinance, which prohibits any wilful sound that disturbs the peace. Following the incident it was Mrs Zayed who could not get any sleep because she said she never knew when the police would knock on her door again to deliver another snoring summons. Eventually the city decided not to pursue the case because the snoring was not a “wilful act”, whereupon Mrs Zayed sued them and was awarded $13,500 for lost wages, medical expenses and emotional distress.

  GARDEN GNOME GOES ON WORLD TOUR

  An ornamental garden gnome was returned to the house of a Gloucester, England, woman after seven months – together with a photo album showing all the places he had visited in the meantime. Eve Stuart-Kelso found the missing leprechaun, named Murphy, next to a carrier bag containing the album of 48 photos, which showed the gnome abseiling down a mountain, standing in a shark’s mouth, swimming in the sea, and riding a motorbike. There were also stamped immigration permits to the countries he had visited on his world tour – South Africa, Swaziland, Mozambique, New Zealand, Australia, Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, China, Hong Kong and Laos. An accompanying letter explained his absence. It read: “A gnome’s life is full of time for reflection, and whilst surveying your garden one summer morning, I began to get itchy feet. I came to the conclusion that the world is a big place and there is more to life than watching the daily commuter traffic and allowing passing cats to urinate on you. So I decided to free myself from the doldrums of the Shire and seek adventure. My travels have taken me across three continents, 12 countries and more time zones than I can possibly remember. There have been high points, low points, and positively terrifying points. But I have survived – small thanks to the companion with whom I have shared all these moments.” Mrs Stuart-Kelso had no idea of the gnomenabber’s identity but was simply pleased to have Murphy back in just about one piece. “His feet were missing,” she laughed, “but that’s no real surprise given that he was sent abseiling down a mountain.”

  POLICE CALLED TO GET RID OF CHATTY FRIEND

  When housewife Ingrid Schuettler invited her friend round to her home in Speyer, Germany, for a cup of tea and a chat in July 2008, she envisaged maybe an hour or two. But 30 hours later – all through the night and the next day – the friend was still babbling away and ignoring all of Ingrid’s pleas to leave. Eventually the weary Ingrid became so desperate that she called the police who managed to persuade her friend to go.

  COUPLE CLAIM THEIR SOFA IS HAUNTED

  A family from Bristol claimed in 2009 that their sofa was haunted. Receptionist Christine Strange said her couch had started making weird squeaking noises which were getting so loud that her husband Nigel refused to sit on it and their Yorkshire terrier, Poppy, kept running away scared. “It could be an alien for all we know,” said Mrs Strange. “I’m scared it’s going to come bursting out one evening while we’re watching TV.”

  WELSH POLICE SOLVE UFO MYSTERY

  In 2008, a caller from South Wales rang the emergency services in a state of high anxiety. He said: “I need to inform you that across the mountain there’s a bright stationary object in the air. It’s been there at least half an hour and it’s still there. If you’ve got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is?” The operator duly notified the local police who sent an officer to investigate. A few minutes later, the operator relayed the findings to the caller. “The bright object in the sky, we’ve ascertained what it is. It’s the moon, sir.”

  TREE SWALLOWS BICYCLE

  A bicycle has been eaten by a sycamore tree in Loch Lomond, Scotland. When a local boy, who had left his bicycle resting against the tree, failed to return from the First World War, the tree grew around it, devouring it so that only a few parts remain visible sticking out of the trunk. The iron-eating tree, which is located in an old blacksmith’s yard, has swallowed hundreds of other metal items, including a ship’s anchor and chain and a horse bridle bit.

  Table of Contents

  INTRODUCTION

  1 ANIMAL CRACKERS

  2 SEX MATTERS

  3 ARTISTIC PURSUITS

  4 FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE

  5 IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

  6 TILL DEATH US DO PART

  7 SPORTS CRAZY

  8 BAFFLED BY TECHNOLOGY

  9 LAW AND DISORDER

  10 THE WORLD OF POLITICS

  11 FLASHES OF INSPIRATION

  12 AT WORK AND PLAY

  13 ROCKY RELATIONSHIPS

  14 EAT, DRINK AND BE WEIRD

  15 UNFORGETTABLE JOURNEYS

  16 ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN

  17 THAT’S LIFE