“I...” Taunting look by Holden. “But…” He’s rolling his eyes now! “You…” The girls are now rolling their eyes with him! “Oh all right, I give up. Girls, let’s go get you ready for school.”
“I’ve got that covered. Jess laid out Sophie’s clothes and Ellie’s uniform is all ironed. She’ll come grab the girls and drop them off at school while we talk about some things. I have to head into the office today, but only to go to a lunch meeting, then I will grab the girls and we will all be back for dinner. Jess is staying with you today while I’m gone. All I want you to do is rest up and get better. I got you covered, babe.” It appears you have it all figured out. I should like it, but I don’t.
The girls are off in seconds and in to their new room without a word from me. Holden is grabbing lunches out of the refrigerator and cleaning up breakfast. What the hell is going on? Am I in the Twilight Zone?
“Ok, thanks, but I don’t need a babysitter today, and I have a lot of work to get caught up on after being out for so long. I have an article due in five days, and if Jess is here, I will get nothing done but watch crap on TV.” I stand up, trying to hide the shooting pain that tears through my chest at the sudden movement. “I can take care of myself.”
Holden ignores my plea and is at my side, helping me to the couch. “Of course you can, Mrs. Pouty Pants, but just think of it like you’re doing a favor for me. Can you do that, babe?” Holden bats his impossibly dark, long eyelashes dramatically, which should make me mad, because he’s patronizing me, but it doesn’t. I can’t help but smile and slump onto the couch, defeated.
Within minutes, the girls are off to school with Jess, and Holden is back in his room, getting ready to leave. I have been virtually cut off from the outside world since my accident and am going to go crazy if I don’t get online and find out what the hell is going on in the world. My head begins to spin thinking of all the messages I must have in my inbox. Ugh, I’m sure it’s well over a thousand. I frantically begin looking around the room for a laptop or iPad—hell, I’d even settle for an iPhone right now, anything that will tell me what I’ve missed in the world during my recovery. What’s been happening in the Middle East? What’s the latest problem in Washington DC? Who was kicked off Survivor?
I scan the distressed oak table against the gray walls at the back of the den, knowing that is where Holden always likes to work. He says listening to the waves and the sounds of the bay helps to keep him centered when he is preparing for a trial. Holden is a very tough and smart lawyer. It is always sexy watching the way he passionately defends his ideologies and innate need to fight injustices. His hefty trust fund allows Holden to have the freedom to take on many more pro bono cases than most.
My heart skips a beat when I see a picture of Holden holding the girls on his desk. Not me, but the girls. Motherfucker! It is as if he has found a way directly to my heart. He made sure the girls were cared for when I was in the hospital and has been doing every single thing possible to make sure I know how much he loves me and the girls with each breath.
I have to stop my Holden lovefest and find a computer before I explode. Just the thought of all those emails gives me anxiety. I could possibly have an issue with control—so I’ve heard—and one of the things that drives me crazy is having unanswered emails. I make lists, so that I can have the satisfaction of checking things off them. It’s like a drug for me.
Hobbling like a freaking ninety-year-old, I make my way over to Holden’s desk and start rummaging around for any form of technology that can give me my fix. I pause to get a closer look at the picture of him with Ellie and Sophie, and my heart melts a little more. Ellie and Sophie are both wrapped in Holden’s arms, their hair flying freely in the wind, Holden’s smoldering green eyes sparkling with joy. It was taken the day we told the girls that we were a couple. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, and by the looks of this picture, the same could be said for the three of them.
“I love that picture,” Holden whispers over my shoulder as he wraps me up in his arms.
“Me too.” I put the frame back on his desk and turn around to snuggle in for a hug. Holy hell! His eyes somehow seem greener when they meet mine. My breath catches at the sexiness that is Holden. His dark brown hair is perfectly tousled as usual, and his huge smile makes his dimples cover his entire cheeks. The blue button-down he is wearing is unbuttoned enough to make me want to run my fingers over his lickable chest. I have got to stop acting like a teenager. It must be the meds.
Holden laughs. “What is going on in that beautiful mind of yours?” He kisses my head and swoops me up into his arms.
“I can walk, Holden. I got over here just fine.”
“I know,” he says simply, and gently puts me down on the couch, sliding in next to me. “I wish I didn’t have to go into the city today. Are you sure you don’t mind me leaving you alone?” He absentmindedly begins stroking my arm.
“Of course I don’t mind. I already feel like I’ve imposed enough. You’ve taken me and my girls into your home, and pampered me every day I was in the hospital. I’ll be surprised if you come back tonight.” I laugh, thinking how he must secretly be wondering what the hell he’s gotten himself into.
Holden apparently doesn’t see the humor in my comment. He stops scratching my arm and makes a loud, dramatic sigh, glaring at me through his hopelessly long eyelashes. “Why do you always do that, Cam? It pisses me off when you say that I’m going to leave you. I’ve been trying to get you and the girls to move in with me for the past six months. I have you here because I want you here, not out of obligation. So stop saying things like that.”
Jeez, don’t get your panties in a ruffle. “Sorry, I was just joking around. But you know this can’t be permanent, right, Holden? It’s too soon, and probably not the best for the girls.”
Holden sits back against the cushions and puts his hands up behind his head, looking blankly up at the ceiling. He doesn’t say anything at first and I know what that means. My mind searches for a way to diffuse the anger that I am sure he is trying to suppress.
“Holden,” I begin quietly, afraid to upset him further.
“No, Cam. You don’t have to say any more. I don’t want you to feel trapped, but you need to be protected. It is too dangerous for you and the girls to be alone, and Marcus and I both agreed that one of us should be with you and the girls at all times. We still don’t know who Jake got to mess with your brakes, and fuck knows what the hell else that crazy bastard is capable of.” He takes a long, deep breath, pain and frustration seeping from his pores.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that last night, hearing the girls giggling in their room before bed, having you in my arms, thinking about our future, was the happiest I’ve ever been. I will sleep in the guest room for as long as it takes, if you just stay. You make this empty house a home. You and the girls make being here happy again.”
“Holden, I don’t know what to say.” I can barely get the words out. My heart is racing with anxiety. I can’t live with him. Especially without being married, and there is no way we are anywhere close to getting married. Just the thought makes me feel like I’m going to hurl.
I decide I have to change the subject rather than talk about living together. Living here will be fine for a week or two. “Holden, I need to know everything about my accident. Everyone has kept the details of the investigation from me, and you guys haven’t let me near a computer in weeks. What is going on?”
“Nice change of subject, Cam,” Holden says sarcastically as he sits up and gets his best lawyer face on. “Listen, there is still a lot we don’t know about your accident. The papers and Internet have been blazing with conspiracy theories. The New Yorker even ran a spot on their website featuring you and the consequences you have faced because of your article.”
The papers and Internet are talking about my accident. Oh God, no! I can feel my face begin to burn with anger. How could I have been so stupid! I should have never included my story in
the article. What have I done?
I think back to that day when I was at my computer before sending my piece to my editor, staring blankly at the screen, ready to delete the section that tells of Jake’s attack on me. In the back of my mind was worry that Jake would retaliate, but I didn’t care at that moment. I had a false sense of invincibility at that time. I thought that no one would have known the monster I was describing is Jake Waters, and a small part of me believed Jake when he told me he was trying to be a better person. All of Holden’s spying had supported that. I never expected my article to get the public notoriety and attention it received its first weeks out. Now, after my accident, I am sure it has only inflated any anger Jake is feeling towards me. He wants me quiet. He always has. Jake’s words echoed in my mind. If you tell anyone, I will kill Holden, your family, then you.
“I want to know everything. I want to know everything you learned about Jake and what he’s been up to these past fifteen years. Show me all the evidence you and Dave have,” I say, determined to know what I’m up against. One thing is for sure: I have to talk to Jake. I have to get to him and explain that it was a misjudgment by me, and assure him I won’t ever tell that he was my attacker. If I can just get him alone, and convince him that I am not out to hurt him, just heal myself, then maybe, just maybe he will leave me and my family alone. I am going to have to do everything in my power to make sure Holden doesn’t know what I’m up to, though, because if he knows, he’d never leave my side, and then, I may never be able to get to Jake.
“You got it, babe. But we’ll do it when I get home tonight, when there’s more time. Just hang with Jess today, get caught up on your shows, and stay off your feet. I’ve got all the crap you love on the DVR. Even Vampire Diaries,” Holden orders me with a sexy smile on his face. He leans in and rubs his nose against mine before placing a delicate kiss on my lips. He’s so damn sexy.
“Please at least leave me a computer. I need to know what’s going on in the world.” I pout, giving my best puppy dog eyes.
“Fine, you can use my Mac.” He glances suspiciously at me. “Just please, don’t do anything stupid. I’ll be home early with the girls, and we’ll go to Cutter Lane for dinner, okay? We’ll get to the bottom of this mess, but I want us to do it together. Do you understand me, Camryn Lynn Hamilton?” Oh shit, he threw out my whole name.
I lean into him and put on the most innocent look I can muster while crossing my fingers under the blanket. “Of course, Holden. Give me some credit.” I’m going to Hell. “I will wait for you. It’s not like I can do anything anyway, all broken like this.” I motion to the cast on my foot.
He smiles hesitantly. He knows me too well.
“I mean it, Camryn. We are in this together.” He glares at me and I feel guilt stir within.
With perfect timing as usual, Jess comes bursting through the door. “She’s all mine now, Holden. Get your sexy ass to work, and leave me and my bestie alone to pig out and watch crap on TV.”
“Good morning to you, too, Jessica,” Holden says, rolling his eyes, and leans in to plant a deep kiss on me before grabbing his briefcase and heading to the door. He pauses before shutting the door behind him. “I mean it, Camryn. Don’t get into trouble. Just sit that pretty ass of yours on my couch and relax.” He looks to Jess with a stern expression that tells her he means business, and it’s sexy as hell. “She’s your responsibility, Jess. Do not leave this house today. Either of you.”
“No worries, Holden. I’ve got it covered,” Jess says confidently, having no idea what I have planned for us.
Chapter Eleven
To say Jess isn’t on board with my plan is an understatement. Her reaction was, well, it was pure Jess.
“No motherfucking way in burning Hell am I driving you anywhere near that rapist, attempted murderer. No. Fucking. Way! Not only will I have to listen to Holden’s whining and condescending reprimands for years to come, but Dave will never trust me near you again. Nope. You’re not getting me into this one, Camryn. You are bat shit crazy for even thinking of doing something like this!”
I remain calm, knowing all too well how to get Jess to go with my plan. I’ve had years of practice of talking this girl into seeing things my way. Guilt. She hates to feel guilty, and I have plenty in my artillery to use against her. “Jessica, how many times have I put my neck on the line for you? My God, I can’t even think of the number of times that I’ve taken the heat for you. I would have an actual police record if your husband wasn’t the sheriff!”
I have to get Jess to take me to see Jake today. I’ve been obsessing over the reasons of it all. Why would he try to convince me that he’s changed, and try to get forgiveness if he was going to be sending threatening letters and try to kill me? If I can catch him at work, when he least expects it, maybe I can get a straight answer. Maybe I can get him to trust me and to leave me alone. I’ve been around enough narcissistic, crazy people in my life to know how to manipulate them.
“Cam, do you actually think you can get him to admit to anything? And if he sees me there, he will know right then and there that I know. And I’m telling you, that will not help your case. If you are trying to convince him that you haven’t told anyone, even after your article, me being there is not going to work.” Jess is pacing nervously in front of me. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as her face contorts. She goes on for the next fifteen minutes, detailing all of the possible scenarios an encounter like the one I’m proposing with Jake could conjure.
“Jess, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for me to stop in his office. Holden worked there; my dad is always there when John is in town. I can make it seem like I stopped in to see John to get his statement about his meeting with Governor Christie next week. I am supposed to cover the visit for the New Yorker anyway.” I plead my case, already knowing I’m not going to take no for an answer.
“There is no way in hell that Holden would agree with you going back to work so soon, for starters! And I’m sure no one would bat an eye seeing you hobble in to John Waters’s office with a fucking broken foot and two black eyes. That is the perfect condition for an afternoon stroll,” she spouts back sarcastically.
“I’m not stupid, Jess, and I would never do anything if I thought I’d be in danger. I am doing this because I am already in danger, and so are my girls. I need to do what I can to get him to trust me. Please Jess, help me. I can’t do this without you.”
I am laying it on hard now. I can tell Jess is starting to lean my way, so I go on about how scared I’ve been, and how this is the only way I can see that can keep my family safe.
She finally succumbs. “Fine. But I swear to God, when Holden finds out—and he will find out—I’m not taking the fall for you. Dave will never forgive me if he knows I am letting you do this. Especially in your condition. Oh crap, Cam, can’t you at least wait until you don’t look like shit?”
I instantly begin adjusting my hair, pushing the loose strands behind my ears. It took me almost an hour to just put on the necessary make-up needed to make me not look like one of the Walking Dead. “Just help me with my hair and we can go and get it over with. I promise that if anything gets weird, or scary, I will leave. Cross my heart,” I say in my most innocent voice as I crisscross my heart with my finger and hold out my pinkie to Jess. “I promise. It will be fine. This could all be over after today.”
Jess rolls her eyes, sighing as she wraps her tiny finger around mine. “You are going to be the fucking death of me, Cam. You better buy me a drink after this.” She slaps my butt when I stand to go back to Holden’s room. “Now get your broken ass back there and get me the straightening iron, stat. Your hair looks like shit.” That’s my girl!
An hour later, I am sitting in Jess’s car outside of John Waters’s office, shaking like a leaf. I stare at the two-story, New England style building that looks more like a home than a place of business. But that is always how John wanted to be portrayed, as the perfect family man. Someone you could feel at ho
me with, someone who was just like the average Joe. For so long I actually believed that about him. But after Jake attacked me, their perfect family façade began to melt away. I could see the fractures in their family, and wasn’t sure how I could have ever missed the signs before. Or how anyone else can, for that matter. It is true that John is a gregarious, intelligent man, who looks you straight in the eye when he speaks. He is also generous beyond what is necessary. That is in public. But when he and his wife were at my parents’ house after Jake moved away, I could see the coldness between them. The venomous glares that I would see Mary giving John when he was telling one of his college stories for the fiftieth time were hard to miss. The night often ended in an argument, and John apologizing for ruining their night. My mom always said it was because of the stress of Jake being away and never visiting. But now I wondered what really went on in that home. What kind of life must Jake have had to make him do such a horrible thing? Was his dad really the bad guy? I remember Jake told me he had no choice, that it was his family’s fault.
“You don’t have to go in there. We can just turn around, go to Doulins, and grab a couple of drinks and some fish and chips. My treat.” Jess’s face is bright red and her eyes are full of tears.
Guilt flushes over me. “Jess, it’s going to be okay. Don’t worry about me. This will only take a minute, and I’ll be back out here safe and sound.” I smile, trying to muster the courage to open the door.
“You’re a hot mess, Cam. You’re shaking like a leaf; you’re bruised from head to toe…”
“Enough with the compliments. I’m shaking because of all the meds I’m hopped up on right now, and no one can see most of my bruises. Now hand me your iPad so I can look like I really am here on business.” I push the fear down and swallow hard, pulling myself out of the car.
Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale Page 16
