Rock Star

by Stacey Kennedy

  She glanced sideways, finding Travis only a foot away. The softness in his eyes stole her breath. She’d seen those eyes before. It’s how he looked when he said goodbye. There were a hundred things to say, but, “We’re right back where we were ten years ago, huh?” was what eventually came out.

  Travis nodded and then took a seat next to her, hanging his head and resting his arms on his legs. “But it’s different. We’re different.”

  “How are we so different?” she asked, wrapping her arms around herself, fighting off the chill.

  “We’re older. Wiser.” He turned his head, revealing emotion-packed eyes. “More settled, maybe. Less driven…I don’t know.”

  She gave him a soft smile in agreement. They’d both changed and gained life experience, that couldn’t be questioned. They’d both chased down their dreams and caught them. Yet, right now, it seemed as if that was the wrong thing to do. At least, her heart saw it that way. “It’s funny, isn’t it?”

  He glanced sideways at her. “What’s funny?”

  “Life,” she explained with a little shrug. “How so much time can pass, and yet, sometimes, it feels like none has passed at all.” She paused, trying to collect her thoughts. “I can’t help but wonder why this is happening to us again.” His brows furrowed, eyes intent on hers, but he stayed silent as she added, “You know that I’m not a huge believer in fate.”

  “You believe you create your own destiny.”

  She gave a soft smile. “Exactly. That’s what I’ve always believed.”

  “But you don’t believe that now?”

  She heaved a long sigh and glanced out at the road as a car went by. “I just don’t know anymore. It’s like, why are you here…” His lips parted, and she waved him off. “I know. I know. For the reunion. But it just seems too perfect.” She saw his eyes warm when she said, “Too planned, almost.”

  “Like maybe fate had a hand in bringing us back together?”

  She smiled. “Maybe, but my logical brain has a hard time believing that.”

  His soft chuckle slid across her as she looked out at the road again and watched the bustle of the city she knew and loved. Everything had made sense ten years ago. When she’d said goodbye to Travis, she reconciled his leaving in her mind. He needed to go to make something of himself, and she needed to stay to do the same.

  “I don’t want you to go,” she said, finally looking at him.

  His eyes were locked onto hers. “I can come back,” he said gently. “I’ll come back if you want me to.”

  How easy would it be for her to open her mouth and say, yes, please come back, but then how fair would that be? His band was in New York. She couldn’t do a long-distance relationship. She needed her man with her, all the time, not only a handful of days out of the month.

  She’d known the complications of this going into the weekend. She’d made a deal with herself. This weekend…just sex, then he would go. “We both know that making a promise to each other to make this work would complicate everything, and we also know that we won’t do complicated.”

  “It would complicate things,” he eventually said, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not the life either of us wants.”

  “We don’t do drama. We don’t do difficult.”

  He chuckled. “We like life easy.”

  It was something they’d always said to each other. She searched his eyes, and it didn’t take long for her to see what he was thinking—and feeling. Regret. “You don’t have to feel bad, you know.” His brows furrowed, and she hastily glanced away from all the emotion in his eyes, unable to stand it. “We both knew what this was,” she added. “We also knew you’d eventually leave.”

  He tucked his finger under her chin, garnering her attention. “Yeah, we did, but it’s still shit, Rae. I wasn’t expecting to leave tonight. I thought we’d have more time.” He paused, dragged his fingers across her jawline, igniting that burn within that he drew out so easily. “I have a show that I forgot about, and it’s for a children’s charity.”

  “You don’t need to explain, Travis,” she said, telling herself she needed to be okay with this. His life was in New York. Hers was in Catfish Creek. Her friends lived here, and her family, too. Her life was here. That wouldn’t change.

  “Actually, I think I do need to explain.” He hesitated, and she noted the strain between his brows when he continued. “The music…that’s all I am, Rae. Without it, I’m nothing.”

  “I know,” she reminded him, taking up his hand and holding it in both of hers. “Again, you don’t need to explain. I understand.”

  “I do need to explain,” he said again, voice thick. “Because, this…you…” He pulled his hand back and cupped her face. “Believe me, it’s everything, too. It always has been. You’re the only one that I want, Rae. I never said it enough before, and I hope you truly hear me now. All I want is you.”

  She gave him the smile she knew he needed to see and placed her hands around his, fighting against the sudden tears welling in her eyes. “I know that, too. I’ve always known that.” And she did, truly. Because him loving her had never been a question in her mind. Or even her loving him. Life seemed to get in the way. “But it won’t change the fact that your life isn’t here with me and it won’t ever be. You outgrew Catfish a long time ago.”

  “I’m not always on the road,” he told her, and she saw the pleading in his eyes. “Sometimes, yes. But other times, I’m at home in New York.”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  He stared at her hard, as if he wanted her to fix all this. “Then what do we do?”

  She shut her eyes, willing strength. “There’s nothing we can do,” she admitted, unable to deal with the problems they faced. “We can’t change the obstacles in our way. They’re there, plain as day. And maybe this was all we got, one more moment in time to remember how lucky we were to have had each other.”

  She saw him flinch and swore she could see the coldness rip through him. He dropped his hands from her face, lowering them back onto his knees, and stared out at the street, silently lost in his thoughts. The minutes passed, the quiet becoming more and more awkward as the seconds drew on.

  “Besides,” she added, attempting to ease the tension. “It’s easier this time, don’t you think?”

  His eyes narrowed on her. “You think leaving you…again…is easy for me?”

  “A little,” she said with a slight shrug. “We knew we had this weekend, a little taste of what we had before, and that’s what we got. I don’t regret it, do you?”

  “Do I regret you being in my arms again?” He snorted, then had his hands around her face again, staring at her intently, stripping her bare. “No, Rae, that I could never regret. But I do regret that somehow, no matter how much time passes between us, we can’t seem to get this right.”

  “Or maybe we do get it right,” she offered. “Maybe this is all we can be, all that we’re meant to be.”

  “Still so fucking practical,” he growled, brushing his thumb across her cheek. “Is that your final conclusion?”

  She nodded. “It’s what makes sense, and as you well know, I do like logic.”

  He paused and then slowly shook his head. “Why does this make sense to you?”

  “Because if something doesn’t ever seem to work out, it’s because it’s not meant to.”

  She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth because of the way he cringed, clearly hurt by them.

  He didn’t back away, though, and it’d be so easy to get lost in the way he watched her. The way he loved her. “So, that’s it?” he asked softly. “I love you like this, and yet I still leave you.”

  She stopped herself from flinching. This was punishing them both, and she didn’t want him to hurt, that was the last thing she wanted. She leaned forward and kissed his mouth gently, then added, “That’s reality. That’s life. That’s what we knew would happen after this weekend ended.” When she leaned away, she stared into his eyes, showi
ng him she was okay. “You’ll keep in touch?”

  “I can’t stay away,” he said, never taking his eyes off hers.

  Before she lost her nerve and allowed herself to feel what she knew he was feeling, she rose, emotion squeezing her throat. “Bye, Travis.”

  He rose then, standing in front of her. She fought the emotion as he stared at her hard, then it threatened to escape her as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her in the way only he could. Strong. Warm. Like home. “Goodbye, Rae.”

  Then she did what she knew he couldn’t do.

  With tears in her eyes, she walked away.

  CHAPTER 8

  Minutes later, the place that had always been home to Rae didn’t even look the same anymore as she passed store after store on Main Street. It was like the world had been turned upside down, redesigned, and then reassembled again after this weekend with Travis.

  Despite the hot and dry air, a chill ran through her when she strode beneath the street light, passing over the lines in the cement sidewalk. Before the reunion, she had felt restless. Now, she felt utterly and hopelessly lost.

  The rules had been clear. Hell, she’d set them. They got each other for a little while, and then he’d go home. Life would go on as it had for the last ten years. Though, she hadn’t taken into account how much these past days with him would change her. It kind of snuck up on her.

  She wasn’t the same woman who’d walked through the reunion doors; she knew that for a fact. Something had changed. Something drastic in those tender spaces of her soul. No matter what she did, or how long she walked, she couldn’t quite get her mind to settle back into that comfortable peace she’d become accustomed to.

  The sidewalk came to an end, forcing her to look up. She waited for the light to turn green before she continued, walking toward her home instead of catching a cab. Air and exercise had to clear her head, right?

  Lights glowed up ahead on the right side of the street, and in just a few steps, she passed the Hamburger Shack. In the corner of the restaurant, she spotted the booth that she and Travis used to sit in, now occupied by another teenage couple. With a small step forward, the past enveloped her.

  Meat stacked upon meat stacked upon meat. Rae held back her chuckle, watching Travis bite into his giant-sized burger. “You know,” she said from her side of the booth, “people have died from choking. It’s a real threat that you should be worried about.”

  He swallowed his bite. “I sincerely doubt I’m going to die eating…”

  “Inhaling,” she corrected.

  “Fine, inhaling a cheeseburger.” He winked, took an even bigger bite, and said with a full mouth, “Besides, it’s a damn good way to go.”

  She laughed loudly, and it felt good. The past days had been stressful and tense, and this break, doing something that they used to do all the time, was exactly what they needed. She glanced down, staring at her chicken wings, feeling her throat growing tighter and tighter. The clock was ticking, and the weakness inside her was growing bigger than her strength.

  When she looked at him again, she found Travis focused on his burger. She couldn’t stop the hurt from sounding in her voice. “Three days to go, huh?”

  He glanced up through his lashes and studied her, and then darkness filled his warm eyes. He placed his burger down and wiped his hands on his napkin, then took one of hers in both of his. “Don’t go there yet. Let’s not think about it until we have to.”

  How could she not think about it? He was leaving her, and there was nothing she could to do stop him. Sure, she wanted him to chase his dreams. She just didn’t want him moving to New York City to do it. She wanted him here. With her. Forever.

  “Rae,” he said firmly in response to what obviously showed in her expression. “Not yet, okay.”

  That’s when she saw what he kept hidden very well. He was struggling to hang on, too. She forced a smile, knowing he needed that from her. “Okay, not yet. Promise.”

  Reality hit her as a body slammed into her side. “Sorry,” she gasped. “I’m sorry.”

  “Watch where you’re going,” the man sneered.

  Ice-cold now, she wrapped her arms around herself and kept walking toward home. Each step forward felt like she was going somewhere, but not moving at all. The world was all but still around her. This pain cutting through her was all too familiar, and as she passed the dress store, the last time she’d felt like this became vividly real again.

  Rae stepped into the navy-blue lace dress that she didn’t want. Hell, she hadn’t even wanted to leave the house, but Mom had forced her. She pulled the straps onto her arms and then opened the curtain. Mom’s bright smile should’ve warmed her, but it did nothing to stop the coldness that seemed to enter her the day Travis left—a feeling that had only gotten worse as the weeks went on.

  “It won’t always hurt like this, honey,” Mom said, obviously sensing what was on Rae’s mind. She entered the changing room, and in the mirror behind Rae, her gentle, green eyes warmed. “I promise. Each day, it will get better.”

  “But it’s been a month now,” Rae said, tears welling and spilling out. Dammit, this was why she didn’t like to go out. She’d break into tears when she least expected it.

  Mom settled the dress perfectly into place on Rae’s shoulders. “The heart doesn’t care how long it’s been. It just takes time, my darling.” She grabbed the zipper and began pulling it up. “I think this is the one.”

  Rae looked as the dress tightened around her, forming to her body and giving her good shape. But when she glanced up, all she saw were her eyes. Eyes that she didn’t even recognize anymore. She’d always been happy, confident, and content.

  This past month, all she felt was shattered and broken.

  “See how pretty you look,” Mom said, dragging her hands down Rae’s arms. “It’s a perfect dress for the cruise.”

  Rae smiled, giving her what she knew her mom needed. But she stopped listening to all the things her mom said, unable to feel, oddly numb to it all, until she said, “Trust me, my darling, one day you’ll look back on this and realize Travis was a young love that truly mattered at the time, but a young love was all he was.”

  Standing on the street, staring at one of the dresses in the window, she knew her mom had been dead wrong. She never looked back and thought of Travis as a young love. He was her one and only. Her heart began to race, her palms growing sweaty as she glanced from left to right, realizing Travis was everywhere even though, soon, he’d be back in New York. Every square inch of Catfish Creek had a memory with Travis in it. And that’s what had been the hardest part about moving on. He was etched into her soul, and without him here, the town felt…darker…lone­lier…empty.

  Instead of taking the long way, she turned left and entered the park. Maybe all she needed was to have a good, long cry, then she could center herself again. She strode beneath the lights guiding her way along the tree-lined path, finding the park busy as usual. The walkway was full of people, some on bikes, some taking a stroll, hand in hand with their loves. She felt like she was floating, heading somewhere but going nowhere, taking steps forward and yet somehow moving backward.

  Up ahead, she spotted a tree, and her pace picked up naturally. There was a tingle in the back of her brain, a memory just on the surface, and when she reached the tree, tilting her head up to stare at the branches from underneath, she knew why.

  The tree branches danced in the light wind, the moonlight casting a stunning glow over the park. She glanced back to Travis in front of her, and he smiled. “What are you up to?” she asked.

  “Wooing you, as always,” he said, twirling her out and then pulling her in close.

  With people walking by, and him not caring, as usual, he placed a hand low on her body, holding her close as he began to dance with her.

  “You truly don’t care what people think of you, do you?” she asked, staring into the warmth of his eyes.

  He leaned down close, bringing his mouth near hers. “I care
what you think of me.”

  “Well, you know I love you, so that doesn’t count.”

  He chuckled and pressed a little tighter on her back. “Come here, baby. Be close.”

  Somehow, he always made an awkward situation be okay. And right now, the world around her didn’t matter. Only Travis did. She placed her head against his chest, shutting her eyes, losing herself in him.

  Round and round they went in a circle, right there under the stars, as he sang her favorite song softly in her ear. She knew some girls wanted the quarterback or the coolest guy in school, but after meeting Travis in chemistry class, she’d only had eyes for him. And she was only too happy that he saw her, too. She’d always heard that love took work, but loving him was all too easy.

  Maybe that was him. His passion. His truth.

  He knew how to love someone.

  When he sang the last note, she looked up, and he smiled down at her. Did everyone feel this way? So madly in love, their heart might burst wide open.

  They stopped dancing, and his hands slid up her arms to cup her face. “I wanna kiss you under the moonlight,” he said, bowing his head, bringing his mouth close to hers. “And love you ’til the sun comes up.”

  “Always the romantic.” She smiled. “Forever the songwriter.”

  “I can’t help it.” He brushed his nose against hers, weakening her knees. “You inspire me.”

  She grinned, maybe stupidly by some standards, but she didn’t care. Her heart was so full, so warm. “I love you.”

  He grinned and dipped her back, and just before he kissed her, he said, “I love you, too, baby.”

  “Miss.”

  Rae startled and gasped, trying to force herself back into the present, but she felt as if she were tumbling. She sucked in a harsh breath as her throat tightened, and she clawed at her chest, trying to get air. She remembered the pain when he left, but there had been such happiness, so much love. Yes, he was passionate, but he loved her more than she ever thought she deserved to be loved.

  How had she forgotten what it felt like to be loved by him?