All That Lies Within

by Lynn Ames

  “I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “I missed you.” Dara’s body was warm from the bed and her nipples tightened against Rebecca’s back.

  Rebecca turned in the circle of Dara’s arms and kissed her full on the mouth, reveling in the taste of her.

  “You know we’re going to have to make love again if you keep that up, right?”

  “Mmm.” Rebecca reluctantly relinquished Dara’s mouth and instead ran her fingertips over her lips, her cheekbones, and her jaw line. “I want to tell you how beautiful you are, but I’m afraid you’ll misconstrue my meaning.”

  Dara’s eyes crinkled as she smiled and she shook her head. “Not coming from you. From you, it’s heartfelt. I can see that in your eyes, and I can feel it here.” Dara put a hand on Rebecca’s heart.

  “Yes, it is.” Rebecca tucked a strand of hair behind Dara’s ear. “I love you, Dara. I know I said it while we were making love, but I want you to know that I didn’t just say that in the heat of the moment. I truly feel it and mean it from the bottom of my heart. Maybe it’s too soon and you’re not ready—”

  Dara’s mouth covered hers in a kiss that nearly stopped Rebecca’s heart. Dara pulled back and gazed deep into Rebecca’s eyes. “I love you, Rebecca. It’s not too soon. It’s about time. I feel like I’ve been waiting for you my entire life.”

  “I know I have.” Rebecca felt the tears welling in her eyes and willed them not to spill over.

  Dara caught one on her fingertip. “Why are you crying?”

  “If anyone had ever told me I’d grow up to be loved by the most remarkable woman in the universe, I never would have believed it.”

  “You deserve every good thing. Why wouldn’t you think you’d have it?”

  “Do you remember at dinner the other night when Carolyn asked me why I wanted to become a professor? I said I had a hard time as a kid. That was a bit of an understatement. At school, I spent most of my time being pushed into walls, having my books knocked out of my hands, or cleaning graffiti off my locker.”

  “Oh, honey.”

  Rebecca held up a hand. “It’s okay.”

  “No. It’s not.”

  “You’re right, it’s not. What I mean to say is—that was a long time ago. Going to school frightened me. Every day brought more emotional and verbal abuse. There were days when I didn’t think I wanted to go on anymore.”

  Dara gasped and pulled Rebecca closer, resting her head on her shoulder. “I’m so glad you chose to stay.”

  Rebecca swallowed hard. “Me too.”

  “Where were your parents in all this?”

  “My dad died in a small plane crash when I was five. My mother’s way of grieving was to lose herself in a bottle of booze.”

  “You were on your own all those years?”

  “More or less. Yes.”

  “Oh, God. I’m sorry.” Dara’s voice caught on a sob. “I know exactly what that feels like.”

  “You do?”

  “Mm-hmm. My parents had me late in life and let’s just say they weren’t too happy to have me around. I was meant to be seen and not heard.”

  Dara tensed in Rebecca’s arms and Rebecca rubbed circles on her back. “I’m sorry.” She knew there must be more to the story, but she didn’t get the sense that Dara was ready to talk about it. Tread carefully. She thought about the story she’d read in the gossip rag at the airport terminal. “Your mom died pretty recently, right?”

  “She did. I was her only child and my father already was dead, so it fell to me to be there. That’s why I was in New York and why I was available to do the Letterman show.”

  “So, what you’re saying is, I was a gift from your mother.”

  Dara straightened up. “What?”

  “Your mother drew you to New York, otherwise you never would have come, right?”

  “True.”

  “And if you hadn’t come, you wouldn’t have been on Letterman when I was in the audience.”

  “True.”

  “And if none of that had happened, I wouldn’t have known who you were. Well, not the Constance part, anyway.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “And you wouldn’t have lobbied for the part on national television. Not that you wouldn’t have gotten the part anyway, but who knows? Maybe if you didn’t do that, the movie wouldn’t have gotten made and I wouldn’t be here now, standing in your arms, the only place I ever want to be from this moment to the end of time.”

  “Huh. Neatly done, Professor.”

  “In summary, then, your mother did you one last positive turn. Maybe bringing us together was her way of making amends for the way she treated you when she was alive. At least, that’s how Celeste would look at it.”

  Dara seemed distracted for a moment, looking over Rebecca’s shoulder.

  Rebecca turned her head to look. “Something out there I should see?”

  “Huh? Oh, no. Just the ghost of my mother agreeing with you.” She winked.

  Rebecca narrowed her eyes. “Why is it I believe you?”

  Dara kissed her lightly. “Another story for another day. Right now,” she took Rebecca’s hand, “we have about half an hour to run lines and get me ready for today.”

  “You know I need to get dropped back at the condo so that I can shower and change clothes before you go to the set, right? Or I could take a cab there after you go to the set, since I don’t have to be there until eight thirty this morning. I’ll be okay to get to the studio on my own once I get to the condo. Apparently, I finally have my own car. I’m told it’s in my driveway.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ve got it all covered”—she stopped and pulled Rebecca in tight so that almost every part of them was touching— “except for you. Right now, all I want to do is cover you with my body.”

  Rebecca felt the stirrings deep in her belly. Every day for the rest of our lives, if I have anything to say about it.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  “Rebecca, this the fourth time you’ve asked me since we boarded the plane. We’re cruising at 33,000 feet, halfway across the country. Don’t you think it’s a little late for me to rethink whether or not I want to come to Vermont with you?” All Dara wanted to do was to reach over and smooth the worry lines away from Rebecca’s forehead. “I’m the one who had to talk you into letting me come along to pack up your things, remember?”

  “I do, but you were in a weakened state at the time.”

  Rebecca smiled warmly and Dara knew exactly what she was thinking about. Following an early morning run on the beach, they’d just finished making love in the shower, when Rebecca reminded her that she would be heading to Middlebury on Friday to get the clothes and other items she would need for the three-month shoot.

  Dara corralled her in the corner of the shower, boxing her in with her arms. “You’re not going anywhere without me.”

  “It’s only two nights.”

  “I don’t care if it’s two minutes. No can do.” Since their first night of lovemaking, they hadn’t spent a night apart all week.

  “I need my clothes.”

  “Then I’m coming with you.”

  “What? You’re crazy. The weekend is your only time off. I’ll be back Sunday night.”

  “Not happening.”

  “You’re not being reasonable.”

  “And you’re not going anywhere without me.” Dara had kissed her hard, setting off another round of lovemaking before they finally got clean and out of the shower.

  Dara turned to stare out the window at the inky darkness. If she kept looking at Rebecca, she’d want to kiss her right here. She could just imagine the tabloid furor over that. Instead, she curled up with her head on the airplane pillow and closed her eyes.

  “Hey. Hey, we’re about to land.” Dara was dimly aware of Rebecca shaking her. “Sleepy head. Time to get up.”

  “What?” She cracked an eye open. “We’re here already?”

  “Already? You’ve been asleep for hours.”<
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  Dara straightened up and put her seat back up. “It’s a red-eye. You’re supposed to sleep. What were you doing while I was doing the sensible thing?”

  “I was script-doctoring. I figured it would be a good time to get ahead of next week’s schedule.”

  “You did, did you?” Dara reached for Rebecca’s laptop. “Are you going to let me see the pages?”

  “Ah, ah.” Rebecca playfully held the laptop out of reach. “All electronic devices must be turned off and stowed.”

  Dara loved that Rebecca couldn’t stop staring at her lips as she pouted. She felt the first twinges of arousal and crossed her legs. How was it possible that she still couldn’t get enough of Rebecca? They’d made love more times in a week than Dara had in a lifetime. With each successive round of lovemaking, Dara felt the pain of past betrayals fade into nothingness. In those precious moments of physical connection with Rebecca, she found emotional healing…a solace and a freedom she’d never known. Until now.

  Dara thought about what her mother said about opening her heart to love. I hope you’re enjoying this, Mother. And she knew her mother was. Not only had Dara seen her over Rebecca’s shoulder the night she and Rebecca made love for the first time, she’d seen her two times in dreams since.

  The re-emergence of her mediumship abilities was profoundly uncomfortable. How critical was it for her to share that piece of herself with Rebecca? Dara felt a wave of nausea at the mere thought of telling her. What would Rebecca make of her psychic gifts? What if it sent her running for the hills? Dara swallowed hard. She didn’t have to tell her. At least not yet.

  She poked Rebecca. “What’s your friend’s name again? The one who’s picking us up?”

  “Natalie. She’s a history professor with a specialty in the Nixon years.”

  “And what does she know about us?”

  “She knows that I’m working on the movie and she’s a fan of your movies. She also knows all about my correspondence with Constance and that I was completely crushed out on the author.”

  Dara grinned. “Oh, you told her that, did you?”

  “I didn’t have to tell her. It was written all over my face.”

  “Does she know about the Letterman thing?”

  There was a hitch in Rebecca’s stride as they walked toward the airport exit. “No.”

  She said it so quietly, Dara had to strain to hear her.

  “Dara, I meant what I said back then. I never told a soul. Not even my best friend. And I never would. Even if we don’t end up working out, I would never say a word. I hope you know that by now and trust it.”

  Dara smoothed her hand down Rebecca’s arm. “I do. I’m sorry. That was a stupid, thoughtless question.”

  “It’s fine.”

  But Dara could tell that it wasn’t. “I’m just nervous.”

  “Don’t be,” Rebecca said. “Natalie is good people and I haven’t said a word about our status. We haven’t discussed how you want to handle people knowing about your sexuality, or us, and I would never presume to speak for you or violate your privacy. As far as Natalie knows, we’ve just bonded and you volunteered to come help out a friend.”

  “Hey.” Dara pulled them to a stop. “I’m really sorry. I trust you with my life and with my heart. If I could, I’d shout I love you from the rooftops for everyone to hear.” Dara was cognizant of people pulling out their cell phones to snap pictures of her. She dropped her hand and lowered her voice. “Right now, that’s not in either of our best interests.”

  “I’m okay with it, Dara.” Rebecca started walking again and Dara followed. “I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.”

  “Are you out at school?”

  “Yes. I was very upfront about my sexuality before the college hired me. I wanted them to know what they were getting.”

  “You’re far braver than I am.”

  “I’m in a far lower profile position than you are. And yes, I see that people are gawking at you and taking your picture. Do you want me to move farther away?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Well, here we go.” Rebecca waved to someone as they emerged outside of security. “Hey.”

  “Hey, yourself, big shot.”

  “As if.” Rebecca turned to Dara. “Dara Thomas, this is my BFF, Natalie. Natalie, meet my new West Coast BFF, Dara.”

  Natalie mimed being shot in the heart. “I’m so easily replaced. That totally sucks. On the other hand, it’s incredibly cool.” She shook Dara’s hand. “Thank you for taking good care of my friend. Rebecca’s special.”

  “I know that.” Dara tried to keep any hint of intimacy and love out of her voice.

  “And besides,” Natalie said as she clapped Rebecca on the arm, “it’s only for a few months, right?”

  Dara’s knees wobbled momentarily and she very nearly stumbled. Oh, God, please let this be forever. I don’t know how I could go back to living without Rebecca.

  “What happened at the faculty meeting this morning?” Rebecca asked. Dara was heartened that she changed the topic, deliberately ignoring Natalie’s comment.

  “Your distance learning experiment was the talk of the town. Everybody’s buzzing about what a breakthrough it is for the college. Of course, Alistar is taking full credit for it.”

  “Of course.”

  “Seriously, this is big. And your sitting in on the class the other morning blew up all over social media on campus,” Natalie said to Dara. “That was major.”

  “The kids were cute and asked intelligent questions,” Dara said.

  They spent the rest of the nearly hour-long drive from Burlington to Middlebury chatting amiably about nothing of consequence. It was obvious to Dara that Rebecca had warned Natalie not to pester her with a lot of questions about Hollywood or her personal life. Remind me to kiss you later. As if I wasn’t going to do that anyway.

  “Here we are,” Natalie said, as she pulled into a driveway.

  “Wow. This is gorgeous.” And Dara meant it. The shrubbery and flowers were vibrant and lush, the rolling lawn was perfectly cut, and a wrap-around porch surrounded the house. A couple of Adirondack chairs situated side by side near the front door rounded out the perfection.

  “Thanks. It’s home.” Rebecca leaned over and kissed Natalie on the cheek. “Thanks for coming to get us.”

  “You’re welcome. Miss you. Don’t be a stranger and think about my invitation to dinner tonight.”

  “We’ll consider it. Honestly, there’s so little time and so much to pack. I’ll let you know.”

  “It was very nice to meet you, Natalie. Thanks for the ride,” Dara said as she got out of the car.

  “Are you kidding? The pleasure was all mine. If I don’t see you again, good luck with the movie, though I know you won’t need it.”

  “And that’s as close to a fan girl as you’re allowed to get, my friend,” Rebecca said, as she tugged on Dara’s arm, closed the car door, and stepped back.

  “C’mon,” Rebecca said, as Natalie drove away. “If we stay out here, the neighbors are going to get a helluva show.” She unlocked the front door and let them inside.

  “Okay. I’ll let you have your way this once,” Dara teased. “But after that we’re getting to work. The faster we get you packed up, the more time we have to…explore.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

  “Exactly.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Rebecca rolled over and gently pulled Dara to her, kissing her shoulder.

  Dara stirred. “What time is it?”

  “Shh. Go back to sleep. It’s the middle of the night.” She stroked Dara’s silky hair. How is it possible that three months could fly by so quickly? I’m not ready.

  Dara leaned up on one elbow and ran her fingers along Rebecca’s collarbone. “Why are you up?”

  “No reason.” Rebecca’s voice broke.

  “Sweetheart? What is it?” Dara turned to face her fully.
“What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. Really.”

  “This doesn’t feel like nothing.” Dara put a hand over Rebecca’s heart. “Talk to me.”

  Rebecca kissed her softly. “After today…” She cleared her throat. “After today, everything changes. When the movie wraps at the end of the day, my work here is done. They’re sending me home.” She could barely say the last word.

  Dara sat up against the headboard and fluffed a pillow behind her back. She beckoned for Rebecca to join her and Rebecca settled into the crook of her arm. “If you want this as badly as I do, we’ll make it work.”

  “I want this,” Rebecca indicated their entwined bodies, “and you, more than anything in the world.”

  “Then we’ll be fine.” Dara ran a palm up and down Rebecca’s arm.

  Rebecca wanted to muster up the same confidence Dara had, but old insecurities crept in. “You’ll be here finishing up the voice-overs on the picture and I’ll be back in Vermont teaching the next batch of students all about Constance Darrow.”

  “We have Skype and there’s this nifty little invention called the airplane. Maybe you’ve heard of it?” Dara kissed her on the forehead.

  “I’ve heard vague rumbles about a piece of metal that could fly like a bird.”

  “I’m here to tell you it can. And I’ll be testing out the technology as often as I can.”

  “Will you now?”

  “You know I will.” Dara nibbled on Rebecca’s lower lip and pulled it into her mouth.

  As always happened, Rebecca was instantly wet and ready. “You unravel me.”

  “I love you, Rebecca.”

  Rebecca’s heart soared. “I love you, Dara.”

  The lovemaking was slow and sweet. The poignancy of it filled Rebecca to overflowing.

  “I’ve got a five-thirty makeup call.” Dara said eventually, her thigh still pressed against Rebecca’s center.

  “I know.”

  “Why don’t you go back to sleep, babe? You don’t have to be on set until eight thirty and there’s no class today.”

  “Nah-ah. The bed’s not the same without you in it.” Rebecca slid down and ran her tongue around Dara’s swollen clit.