Flawed (Triple Canopy Book 2)

by Riley Edwards

  Afraid.

  Afraid I’d live the rest of my life lonely in a room full of people because I was the biggest liar on the planet.

  Just afraid of everything.

  “In life, you have three choices; you let the obstacles you face define, destroy, or strengthen you. That’s it, my sweet girl, those are your choices. Your father’s been fighting a losing battle for about three decades now, and I figure he’ll be fighting it for three more. He cannot shield you from these obstacles and I cannot fight them for you. That’s not our job. My job is to listen, watch, and guide you. Sometimes, sweets, a mother has to stand back and watch her children claw their way out. Sometimes she must watch them struggle and cry and be afraid. And one day you’ll get this—it cuts to the quick having to watch that knowing you can’t step in, all you can do is wait while at the same time wanting so bad to heal the hurts. Waiting for your daughter to reach out and needing her to desperately. I can’t right a wrong when that wrong is being kept from me.”

  My spine snapped straight and my stomach roiled and the grilled cheese I had for lunch threatened to make a reappearance.

  “So, here’s your chance, Adalynn. Define, destroy, or strengthen. This is the moment you decide if you’re gonna let what happened to you define you. If you’re going to keep looking back and continue to be afraid, or if you’re gonna move forward.”

  “Momma,” I muttered then stopped.

  It was right there on the tip of my tongue to tell her, give her what she wanted, spill my secrets, and let her guide me. I was so close, I could taste it—the ugly, bitter taste that I’d swallowed so many times.

  In the end, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell her. I had to beat it back. Telling her wouldn’t strengthen me, it would destroy me.

  “It’s right in front of you,” she whispered. “Do you hear me? In. Front. Not behind. Reach out and take it, Adalynn. None of us can get through this life alone. Trey is standing right in front of you, his hand is out, his shoulders are broad, his heart true—give him your pain. He’s ready for it. You took his, he’ll—”

  “I didn’t take his,” I denied.

  “Sweets, open your eyes and pay attention. A man like him, like your dad, so strong they think they can take on the world, and when they’re reminded they’re flesh and bone, they’re not keen on the reminder. What happened to Trey, horrible. But it was never the external scars that burdened his soul. It’s not my business to know what was tearing him up on the inside. I’m just proud it was my daughter that soothed that ache. Proud that you gave that to him so now he’s ready for you. Let him.”

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  My mom smiled. It was shaky, it was sad, it didn’t light her eyes, but she gave it nonetheless.

  “That’s the beauty of it, sweets, you didn’t have to do anything to give him everything. That’s what love’s all about.”

  What do you need from me?

  Just this.

  That was all Trey needed. Just me.

  “Thank you, Momma.”

  “I love you, my sweet Adalynn.” She gave me another wobbly smile, then to cut the heavy and bring me back to the light, she joked. “Now, if your dad doesn’t hurry up so we can pull out the RV, air it out, and fix the kitchen sink, I’m gonna do it my damn self.”

  “Not a good idea,” I reminded her.

  “One time.” She waved her hand in front of her, this time her smile bright and cheery. “And there was barely any damage.”

  “Barely?” I sputtered a laugh. “Maybe not to the RV but you took out a cinderblock wall.”

  “Whatever.” My mom’s lips twitched and I knew she was holding back her laugh. “Who put a wall up in an RV park anyway?”

  “Um. Maybe because behind that wall was the national forest’s welcome center. And someone had the good sense to put up a wall so some crazy woman didn’t mow it down.”

  “I’m not a crazy woman!”

  “Ma. Seriously, Dad said he’d be back, he told you not to move the RV.”

  “Learn this, too, daughter—when they get bossy, you have to push back. Don’t ever stop pushing back. That was where I went wrong in the beginning. Your dad and his green eyes dazzled me, and I gave in too much. Now he thinks he’s the boss. The RV was my idea. I’m the boss of the RV and I’ll move it if I want to.”

  “Right.”

  I tamped down my amusement until my mom finally admitted, “Next time, maybe I’ll check the mirrors first.” Then I lost it and busted out laughing. “Or maybe do a walk-around.”

  There it was—my momma giving me something good to make me laugh.

  I had the best mom in the whole world.

  Which in turn, made me the crappiest daughter for holding out on her.

  26

  I heard it before I opened the door. I froze, then I looked at my feet.

  Thank fuck.

  Addy laughing.

  Our day had started good, then slid straight to beautiful when her pretty eyes had locked with mine as I moved inside of her. We’d showered together, I’d made coffee, she’d made breakfast, and after that everything went down the toilet. She’d been nursing a snit and I’d been weaving through mines I didn’t want to blow up in my face.

  Now she was laughing.

  I felt a bone-jarring clap on my shoulder and looked up to find Nick. There was a second thud, then he wordlessly continued down the hall. His silent support hit me square in the chest, reminding me I’d need him, too, in the days to come. I was going to need everybody. I figured while I had Addy sequestered at my house, I was going to use it to my advantage and push. I wasn’t going to give her an option, neither was I going to allow her to run.

  I heard another burst of laughter then I moved down the hall to the back door thinking about how much I loved that sound. I stepped into the Georgia sunshine, stopped, tipped my head back, and prayed when this was over Addy didn’t hate me.

  “Where’d you learn to cook?” Addy asked.

  It was after dinner and we were in the hot tub. Addy was in a sports bra and panties since we’d yet to go by her place to pick up her yellow bikini. I scratched that on my mental to-do list for tomorrow and smiled. To cover up the turn my thoughts had taken, I answered.

  “When I was in the Navy.” Her brows scrunched so I went on to explain, “There’s only so much fast food a man can take, and eating out’s a pain in the ass so I learned to cook.”

  “You’re good at it.”

  “Glad you think so.”

  “Do you miss the Navy?”

  I waited for the unease to twist my gut—the ugly ball of regret to knot before the familiar guilt burned my chest. But it never came. Not even a twinge of bitter that I’d been discharged and cast aside. The burden no longer weighted until I couldn’t breathe.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “If you would’ve asked me that two weeks ago, the very mention of the Navy would’ve set me on edge. Likely I wouldn’t have answered, or I would’ve given some bullshit answer.”

  “Like what?” she asked.

  “Like what bullshit answer would I have given?” She nodded and I searched my thoughts. “Likely I would’ve said no.” I grinned.

  “Right.” She shook her head in amusement and dropped her gaze to the water. “But it’s not bullshit now?”

  I watched her hands as they skimmed the bubbling water in front of her, and having no other way to explain why I no longer missed being in the Navy, I went with the obvious.

  “If I was still in, I wouldn’t be here with you.”

  “Trey—”

  “I wouldn’t have met your dad and your uncles. I wouldn’t have been given the opportunity to watch how a nosy, healthy family interacts. I wouldn’t have a job I enjoy.”

  “You didn’t enjoy being a SEAL?”

  “Enjoy is not a word I would use to describe being shot at.” I smiled. “Proud of, hell yes. But enjoyed? Not even a little bit. Two weeks ago, I would’ve given a bul
lshit answer because I was hung up on my mistake. I couldn’t see past it even though everyone, including you, called me out on it. A week ago, Luke was waiting for me in my office and laid into me. He’s got a way with words. Being as such, he’s effective when he cuts you down to size.”

  Addy’s eyes flared before they narrowed.

  “What did he say?”

  One more reminder of Addy’s protection. I figured my answer would be the difference between her being pissed at Luke if she didn’t like what he had to say, or seriously pissed if she felt he was out of line.

  “Nothing I didn’t need to hear. But mostly he reminded me he was my brother, and as such, he’d never blame me for what happened. He called me a few names, got in my face about my attitude, and when he felt his message had been received and I harbored no guilt, he left.”

  “Called you names?”

  Admittedly, I’d thrown that part in there, testing my theory, and I’d been proven correct. Addy’s brand of protection—when that burned down my chest it felt a fuckuva lot better than guilt, so I let it settle before I smiled and hopefully got Luke off the hook.

  “It’s a guy thing,” I told her. Then she needed to know one last thing so I told her that, too, “That wasn’t the first time one of the guys had cornered me to give me a dressing down. Though it was the first time Luke had come straight out and tackled the issue. But if he would’ve come at me two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been ready to hear it. I would’ve listened but nothing he said would’ve penetrated.”

  “What changed?”

  My smile grew at her question.

  “You’ve asked me that before and my answer hasn’t changed. You. I needed you. I have good friends. My brothers, they have my back. But other than that, I had no one. You’ve met my family so it won’t come as a surprise none of them have ever taken care of me. Even after I was hurt. Dad used that opportunity to remind me I wasn’t good enough, and me laid up in a hospital bed facing a medical discharge was proof. CJ was all too happy to take jabs at the military and joke about their shitty training when the doctor had told me I might lose my leg. My mom was crying, carrying on about my face and how her beautiful boy was ruined.

  “Before I met you, never thought I’d find a woman to marry. Didn’t believe I’d find one that wasn’t a shallow, manipulating bitch. That’s all I’d known.

  “Then you walked into my life when I was at my lowest, when I felt like my world had ended. I lost the Navy. I lost the opportunity to do work I was proud of. Beautiful, sweet, shy Adalynn Walker.”

  I took her beauty in as she listened. “But I soon found out she’s not shy, not when she’s trying to break through and not when something means something to her. And the sweet I thought you were only gets sweeter when that fierce loyalty comes out. So it started the day I met you, it grew when you came into my office and got in my face about missing PT, it was near-consuming when you called me a quitter and told me to find a new therapist. But it was undeniable after the first time we made love and I asked you what you felt. You were so confused it tore away all the ugly that had been filling my head. When all you felt was me—not my scars—just me. That was all I needed to start letting go. And every day since then, it’s just drifted away without me knowing it was going.”

  Addy was staring at me but she wasn’t seeing me, and wherever she’d gone in her head wasn’t a good place to be. Before I could ask what was wrong, she was blinking, seemingly coming back to the conversation. But what she said next made no sense.

  “Define, destroy, or strengthen,” she whispered.

  “What, baby?”

  “You didn’t like the reminder of it.”

  “Reminder of what?”

  “Flesh and bone. A man like you wouldn’t like the reminder.”

  What the fuck?

  “That’s what Mom says,” she finished, and I still didn’t have the first clue what she was talking about.

  But I didn’t get a chance to ask because she kept going.

  “I didn’t have to do anything. You gave it to me and I didn’t have to ask.”

  “What—”

  “That’s what love is. Not having to ask. Not knowing you’re doing it, just giving because that’s what feels good. And giving means everything.”

  I shifted to turn down the bubbles so I could hear her better, then stood to move but halted when Addy’s hands came out in front of her.

  “Don’t move.”

  “Baby?”

  “Please don’t move.” Her pain-filled voice hit my ears right before they hit my heart and I froze.

  I’d stand statue-still for the rest of my life if I never had to hear Addy sound like that again.

  “I made you ask,” she declared.

  “Ask what?”

  “About Keith,” she spat and my lungs seized.

  Oh, fuck.

  “Addy, baby, let me come over there.”

  “No. No. I made you ask. You didn’t make me ask, you gave it. I can’t stop looking back. If I stop, then I won’t be strong enough to keep it inside. If I go forward, it will come out and everyone will know how stupid I am. Weak and stupid.”

  “There’s not a damn thing weak or stupid about you.”

  “You don’t know,” she fumed.

  I’d wanted my opportunity to push and there it was right in front of me. She’d opened the door, but seeing her ravaged face and wild eyes, I was having second thoughts.

  “I do know, Addy.”

  “You don’t.”

  Christ.

  Toughen up, Durum.

  “I know he hit you. I know he left bruises. I know—”

  Addy’s swift inhale left me without oxygen. But when her face paled, my heart constricted.

  “So then you know I’m stupid.”

  The heat pressing in had nothing to do with the hot tub. Thick caustic air surrounded us—a warning for me to stay calm and see her through. Her grief-stricken face should’ve been enough for me to check my temper, but it wasn’t.

  “Goddamn it, Addy, stop saying that!”

  “Why? It’s true. He hit me and I stayed after the first time. I stayed and he did it again and again and I still stayed because I was weak and scared. That’s stupid.”

  Jesus fuck.

  I’d known what that motherfucker did—she’d given enough signs—but hearing her finally admit it hollowed me out. Fury and fear mixed together. So much anger, I was afraid of it. And when her sobs came, hearing the hideous sound, cut straight through my fear. And in its wake, I was left with the putrid knowledge my sweet, shy, beautiful Adalynn had been physically assaulted by a man she trusted.

  I’d had enough.

  I surged forward, scooped her up, and hoped to God my bad leg didn’t give out as I climbed out of the Jacuzzi with Addy in my arms. She shoved her face in my neck, her body shook, and pain radiated from my thigh to my groin. So much fucking pain I had to bite back my groan as I walked to the back door.

  By the time I made it to the stairs, I had to stop to breathe through the agony.

  “Trey.”

  “Shh, baby.”

  Addy. This was about Addy. Not the garbage in my head, not my leg. I shoved the feeling of inadequacy down and ascended the stairs, and on shaky legs, I walked to my bed. There was no hiding my limp, and I wondered why in the fuck I’d tried to hide it from her in the first place.

  Once I had us settled—me on my back, Addy tucked to my side, her head on my shoulder, my arm wrapped around her tight, I said, “Tell me.”

  “We’re soaking—”

  “You cold?”

  “No.”

  “Then I don’t give a fuck. Tell me.”

  The silence stretched a good long while. And finally, she whimpered, “He hit me.”

  My arm tightened and I waited for more.

  “At first he didn’t. He’d just grab me to get my attention.”

  I gritted my teeth in an effort not to tell her there is no “just” when a man grabs a w
oman with the intention of causing harm.

  “That bruise Quinn saw, I lied to her. I lied to everyone.”

  Again I waited for her to give me more, needing her to get it all out, yet dreading hearing any more.

  “We were arguing. I was meeting my friends. He didn’t want me to go. I decided I didn’t like being told I couldn’t have dinner with friends so I walked away and he grabbed my arm, then twisted it behind my back. I missed dinner. Later that night, he explained it, how he’d lost his temper, how it would never happen again. With tears in his eyes, he kissed the mark on my arm and told me how sorry he was. Begged me to forgive him. So stupid,” she mumbled and I fought the need to remind not to fucking call herself that. “He didn’t do that again for a while, grab me, that is. But he found other ways to control me, ways that I didn’t understand he was doing. At the time I thought they were sweet, him wanting me to spend all my time with him. It was slow, so slow, I missed it. I was calling my friends less and less, not seeing my family because he was always taking me somewhere or had plans for us. Then one day it dawned on me my phone hardly ever rang anymore. I figured my friends got tired of me blowing them off. But that wasn’t it.”

  The bastard was textbook—alienating Addy from her friends and family. Taking away her support system. Keeping her from the very people who would see the change and make moves to end it.

  “After class one day I ran into my friend Jackie. She was cool about it but I could see her feelings were hurt I hadn’t answered her calls or returned her text messages. The thing was, I hadn’t missed any calls from her and I hadn’t seen any text messages, but I lied and apologized, blaming it on school and my busy schedule. So stupid. She would’ve helped me, Jackie was a good friend. Instead, I went to my car, checked my phone, and saw that all my friends’ numbers were blocked. He was smart enough not to block my family, but none of my friends could call me.”

  Jesus.

  “Then I did something really stupid and I went to Keith’s place to confront him. I was so pissed, I didn’t think.”

  The bile in my throat turned sour, swelling, threatening to choke me, yet I laid there perfectly still, giving her the only thing I could—making it safe for her to give me her hurt.